Posted by uncouth on December 22, 2009, at 20:23:10
In reply to Re: Rejection sensitivity and I want to die again » linkadge, posted by ace on December 22, 2009, at 20:03:54
THanks all for the helpful comments.
The rejection is a combination of relationship (women), jobs ( can't get one), social, and business, and getting rejected from 2 out of the 6 business schools I applied to (and probably will get rejected from the rest too despite my objective qualifications).
I am really tired of my life. I know that might be vain, stop thinking so much about it and just LIVE your life. So many people out there are thrust into situations they ahve no control over and make the best of what they're given. But I feel like I'm supposed to do so much more, the sense of failure of squandering so much and of continuing to just 'screw it up' is so profound for me.
Yes, I know my medication stuff is complex.
Zyprexa has helped for sure, and the low dose abilify is on top to prevent weight gain, which it has done.
Wellbutrin is the primary a/d, and i'm taking 600mg. It got me out of the deepest pit so it is staying.
The tianeptine is a more recent experimental addition...going to give it a month to see if it does anything useful. I am attracted by the science and its theoretical usefulness...but whether that translates into efficacy for me remains to be seen.
In the past I have responded, but a little TOO well, to SNRIs. I am bipolar 2, and on average spend about 2 weeks out of the year in a mildly hypomanic state, but a state in which I do do things I regret and say things I regret. So I am a bit concerned about adding an SNRI, at least at a high dose.
I've tried emsam, parnate, nardil, clomipramine, nortryptiline. Emsam and Parnate for long term. Both caused significant dysphoria and anxiety...head was spinning all the time. But never tried them with zyprexa which might make the difference. Clomipramine and nortryptiline knocked me out and caused severe fatigue.
I am going to slow down on the lithium withdrawal and maintain myself at 300mg per day until I get through the worst of the smoking withdrawal and hopefully these feelings of rejection and suicidality subside.
Thank you for your wishes. IT's tough to not experience the joyfulness of the season. Bless you all.
Uncouth
poster:uncouth
thread:930381
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20091217/msgs/930407.html