Posted by Amelia_in_StPaul on June 26, 2009, at 20:58:26
In reply to med to prevent instability?, posted by garnet71 on June 26, 2009, at 2:18:31
From what I can tell, what you have is OCD. You are obsessed with psychosis--you've mentioned it in three recent posts--and are likely engaging in compulsions to attempt to reduce the fear that you have it. (Seeking reassurance is one form of compulsions.) You are looking up psychosis online a lot aren't you? Checking to see if you have symptoms? Those are all compulsions.
This form of OCD--obsessional fear of schizophrenia or some form of psychosis--is a lot more common than you would think. Google "schiz OCD"--don't let the term freak you out--it isn't a form of combined schizophrenia and OCD--it's a layman's term for OCD that shows up primarily as a fear of "going crazy." You will see that lots of people struggle with this.
I have this OCD. The only, and I mean the ONLY, treatments for it are SSRIs and CBT exposure/response therapy. Ask experts *in the field of OCD* and they will tell you exactly that.
I can't talk with you further about this because 1) it is triggering for me (even though avoidance is a no-no) and 2) reassurance is a very bad thing to give someone with OCD. It only calms the distress *temporarily* and, in the long run, makes the whole thing worse. So if I don't respond further, that's why. It's a boundary I have to have--but I do hope that having this information will help you. If I had this info shortly after I developed the symptoms of OCD, I'd be a lot better right now than I am.
Learning to live with OCD fears is about learning to live with uncertainty. The mantra for OCD therapy is this: whatever you push away, comes back another day--with much more ferocity.
Before a person is diagnosed with OCD, they have no idea what is going on--and they are so afraid, and it feels natural to go looking for reassurance, be that in the form of a pill, in the form of reading material, in the form of reassurance from others. Heck, I wanted ECT just so I couldn't remember what it was I was afraid of--I wanted the memories of my fear to go away, because the memories were perpetuating the fear. You have no idea how freaked out I was, how much I convinced myself that I had schizophrenia. You sound like you are headed down the same path.
The only thing I can advise you is what an OCD expert would: get on an SSRI, get CBT therapy (with someone who knows about OCD and can do exposure and response with you). You can find experts in your local area at ocfoundation.org. Read up on OCD there. You will see that the treatments I recommend are what they recommend. OCD is an anxiety disorder, and SSRIs (or, Anafranil, a tricyclic) in combination with CBT are the recommended treatments you will find there.
> I have an appt. in a couple of weeks with the psychiatrist/analyst I've been seeing, but am concerned. I'm not thinking oh i have psychosis, but am a bit concerned something will come out from stressors/pressures. Are there things prescribed that can prevent a breakdown? and if I did have an underlying psychotic disorder or something else, wouldn't it be better to just "leave it in there" considering I've been pretty functional all these years/almost 40 and that it may never emerge if I prevent it now?
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> It's just that I failed a test yesterday, i mean i got like a 20% because I couldn't even set up the problems to even be able to do all the subsequent calculations. I was having a panic attack while I was taking it, and felt anxious about getting out a bottle of meds in class to take xanax; it wouldn't have worked quick enough anyway. not that I would have done good anyway, I studied, stayed up all night, but realized I studied wrong when i saw the exam. I got a C on my last exam in another class. I'm not sure if I can pass the MS program if I fail that class, i don't know how that works in grad school. I just know that I have to have a B average to graduate and that class is a requirement.
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> Lots of other stressors, like I have $200 in parking tickets piled up in my car, and they keep coming because I have not had enough money to buy a parking pass and can't do the 4 hour a day commute on buses, a big pile of unopened bills here, medical problems I haven't yet addressed since getting health insurance back, ect. Well there's a lot of stuff....
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> But I don't feel I have depression or mood problems besides anxiety, but are mood stabilizers generally used for this sort of thing? I feel if i have a breakdown, I'll never recover/get back to normal and my whole life will fall apart.
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> I don't think i can get an appt. w/ a new pdoc sooner, I can probably get in with a new psychoanalyst soon, but am not sure if i want to do that therapy right now and do not think they would scribe meds during initial visit. I guess I could go to my school clinic, but they don't have psychiatrists for walk in; i really want someone experienced. I think I'll try that. I jsut can't go on an SSRI cause they take away my motivation and make me depressed and fatigued.
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> I guess xanax would prevent a breakdown? But i don't think it's good to keep taking it, this new doctor gave me too much and I've started to take it regularly w/the high anxiety levels. I need to switch to something else.
poster:Amelia_in_StPaul
thread:903272
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090620/msgs/903376.html