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Re: Katia katia

Posted by Barbara Cat on August 15, 2003, at 20:16:52

In reply to Re: Katia Barbara Cat, posted by katia on August 15, 2003, at 16:17:22

> Welcome back Barbara! I missed you! How was your holiday?
It was good, but very do, do, do. We used to live in Marin County and have alot of friends there and my husband's family, so every hour of the day was packed. My husband can handle it all but I no longer can and had to just say no which I used to feel guilty about - a malingerer, party pooper, blah blah. But fooey on anyone who doesn't like it. But I did get to see the Oregon Vortex 'House of Mystery' on the drive back. Weird. I still feel unsettled from being in that magnetic vortex.

I'm so sorry for your Scotland sorrows. That's immense stuff, Katia. Did you know that pregnancy is often the triggering event for bipolar illnes? It was for me when I had a stillborn child many years ago. I always had depression but pregnancy after-effects brought on the mixed states stuff compounded by my own drastic life events at the time. Have you ever gotten a thorough full hormonal workup? You won't get the tests or proper attention on this from your usual medical channels. I'm a big proponent of good naturapathic healthcare, but I realize Calif doesn't license them.

Toxic body - yes, yes, yes!! I know this well. You just FEEL like there's something physically wrong and it's not just all in your psyche. There IS more to it than brain chemistry! For me, fibromyalgia is my body's response and it is HELL, but at least I know what I've got and what do work towards. It's different for everyone, but it IS in the body just as much as in the brain. I know you've been through it all, turned over every stone, but there's more stones left to uncover when you're feeling a little better. Pursue this, Katia. Not now, you've got too much to deal with, but later when your life force is a little brighter. Listen closely to your body even though you may not get many answers right away. But it's speaking to you and saying 'I'm toxic, dammit! HELP!!'. It will eventually tell you how to help.

I can't stress this enough - you will not get the answers from your pdoc, no matter how good he/she may be at tweaking your brain chemistry. But this exploration is long term and in the meantime, he's got to have some intervention up his sleeve to get you feeling better NOW. You don't have to go through this constant misery, Katia. You'll feel better eventually if Depakote is going to work, but there are other meds that will relieve this agony in the short term. I'm a big fan of benzos and don't believe they exacerbate depression one bit, in my experience. They've brought me out of the anxiety basket case many times until I could manage on my own. Keep bugging him, Katia. That's what he's being very well paid for - to help YOU.

No one knows better than you what staying up all night partying will do. You don't even have to be bipolar to feel like wrung out dog turd the next day, so crawling into a hole is probably the best thing you can do - you know, 'sleep it off'. I absolutely LOVE alcohol and give in to an orgy with it occasionally, but oh boy, do I ever pay! Talk about poison! I've recently made it quite OK with myself to stuff myself with valium, neurontin, anything that will knock me out and put me on a mental retreat. I'll do it for as long as I need, just lay in bed, read, sleep, cry, journal. With enough help from my med friends I'm able to just slip into a restful fuzz and heal my battered soul a little. I know when to take up my pallet and walk again when the worst is over. Afterwards I drink alot of water to flush things out, but in my case, I need that rest and recovery or the stress loop gets worse. And bleagh! to anyone who doesn't approve of this strategy, 'cause it works for me.

Please don't be hard on yourself for slipping. Just think of it as another colorful entry in your book of life. Drink lots of water and take lots of Vitamin C and some B vites. Tomorrow will look better. You're in my prayers, Katia. - Barbara




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