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Re: To med or not to med? fluffy

Posted by katia on August 8, 2003, at 17:11:52

In reply to Re: To med or not to med?, posted by fluffy on August 8, 2003, at 16:33:23

> Hey Katia--
>
> I live in Houston, Texas.
>
> As to the question--"To med or not to med?"--well I suppose that you're the only one who can make that choice. You've armed yourself with information about different meds and their side effects. It doesn't seem that you are questioning your diagnosis anymore. You know what's going on. With that said, I would suggest that you monitor yourself well--keep a mood chart (even when you aren't taking anything). It's a way of seeing as objectively as you can if you are still cycling or not. Write down your symptoms, thoughts and questions. Take it to your appointment and be assertive with your doctor about what you want out of a med/treatment. Trust your instincts. Do you trust your pdoc? That's really important.
>
> My other mother-bird bit of advice would be to not let yourself go too far. If you start feeling like a hefty episode is around the corner, you'll save yourself a lot of grief by starting SOME kind of med (in the mood stabilizer family). Even if it doesn't work the way you want, at least you will feel pro-active in getting help and understanding what may or may not work for you. Also--it's a bit alarmist--but apparently BP can get worse and more treatment resistant the longer it goes untreated.
>
> I remember going off of AD's and feeling a lot better. It WAS like a cloud lifted. Anything was better than how I felt on those damned things--cycling or not. But eventually, my mood went way down again, and I needed help. Also--I didn't want to put my new boyfriend through that shit. He was incredibly supportive, and comments on my progress since that time.
>
> Please take lots of care. Sorry if I lectured you too much. Just trying to speak from my experiences.
>
> Best,
> Katy
Hi Katy,
yea, that's what I'm worried about. BP getting more treatment resistant as time goes on. Since understanding more about BP and realize I'm falling into the spectrum, in retrospect I've been cycling since I was a teenager - I'm 33 now. I wonder if it's already too late? Also, in retrospect, I realize I had my first manic episode when I was 17 turning 18 - right before and after graduation from high school - spring and summer. During that late fall and winter, I fell into an awful depression. it's only in retrospect that I can see it. At the time, I thought it was something I did wrong, to have fallen out of such a good mood. I kept trying to get that back, not understanding what was wrong with me. it's one thing to be in hell and not know or understand why you're there and another altogether to have some sort of dx and understand what's going on with you. You know what I mean? And since that one eposide, I've not had such a good one since - just chronic depression and mixed and some hypomania. I lived in the dark for so long, just by opening up to the knowledge that there is a mood disorder going on, opens up so much in me - and it's healing in itself.
Everything you say sounds true. I guess my one concern is - if ADs help depression and they didn't help me - mood stabilizers help with the highs? So maybe I'm holding the unconscious assumption that if I take mood stablizers, I'll just be taking away the high? Even tho' my pdoc told me it will even out my moods, I'm somehow not convinced. and I"m exhausted with med trials and feel half way decent at the moment that I'm reluctant to give any a go. I also just found out that I WON'T be getting the XR version of depakote.
I will start a mood chart - my therapist also recommended it.
Have you found mood stabilizers take away the depression too? My main prob. is depression and not enough energy.
warmly,
Katia



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