Posted by zinya on July 24, 2003, at 15:15:47
In reply to Re: personal thoughts » zinya, posted by CherC68 on July 24, 2003, at 12:31:13
and dearest Cher!
well, obviously i had no idea what i was talking about :))!! but i'm so glad you don't mind my gratuitous 20c worth :)
How totally intriguing to me your 4-yr-old memory is. And that you link it so specifically with watching Johnny Carson, and the sense of where your parents were etc. For what you say about therapy/analysis, i imagine you've explored that rather fully already, but i find it so intriguing as to what might have triggered that feeling at the time. Do you have siblings? Were you the oldest child? (I forget if you already mentioned but i sense you have talked about siblings.)
My curious mind reads your post and has a zillion questions come to mind but i don't want to overload or be intrusive. Just an example, curious as to how long the teeth-brushing that you say is OCD has happened? Is it just since you stopped seeing a dentist and therefore had a reason to 'overcompensate' perhaps? Or did you have this habit since "forever"? something you do when you're anxious? or bored? or no correlation? Those kinds of questions -- which you don't have to answer :)) but that's the kind of thing i mean.
Is it the hyper-adrenalin thing that led your md. to suggest Effexor? I'm still confused frankly about how these things work but it's starting to seem like they regulate rather than compensate. (I'm getting this impression from also learning recently that Effexor is used for bipolar as well as depression. As you know, I'm on it hoping that my adrenal system, which is totally depleted and it's like i'm high and dry with none left - after years of mostly having been go-go-go. Now nada. Yet even now i realize that it's more a question of regulation than just compensation, i think. I occasionally have something 'fire me up' (although it's been a while) and then i can find myself being impulsive, but then i just collapse back into nada. It's what i've been hoping this Eff might finally deal with. But it sounds like we're coming at this from mostly opposite ends of the spectrum as regards adrenalin.
As to BPD, i appreciate your explanation - i don't know very much about it. It reminds me most recently of an episode of the Sopranos last fall ... and it introduced info about BPD although surely in a very summary way. Is there a belief that BPD is linked to something specific in our biochemistry the way depression is deemed now to be linked (for many) to serotonin levels?
The business though of telling yourself "maybe you deserve the pain" - is that in itself a BPD thing? or is that a broader inadequacy issue like we've been talking about here the last couple of days?
I hear you when you say "you're sick and tired of analyzing" so please don't feel a need to answer anything i've asked here. I'm letting you know what i thought about (well some of what i thought about :) in reading your post, and that i care about you and am sending you deep-breathing peaceful hugs,
love,
zinya
poster:zinya
thread:13781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030723/msgs/244927.html