Posted by lady fever on March 17, 2003, at 0:13:19
In reply to Newbie, Majour Depression, doc woes, Celexa..., posted by lady fever on March 15, 2003, at 22:08:38
thank you for your support! I didn't expect so much response back... wow.
I definately feel less alone now.
AND the Celexa is working. It's not my imagination... this is so strange, because I literally stopped believing in antidepressants a long time ago. But today I felt so good, and I was not at all irritable. Still quite sick feeling, and now with insomnia too. But STARVING. My mind felt clearer. My concentration was good enough to read. I was able to play with my son and not worry about anything or space out, and I didn't feel irritable at all. This is after like two days.
I went out to dinner and even got dressed. This is a huge deal for me. Afterwards I stopped by my exes and he asked me why I was acting so differently. I asked him what do you mean, and he said I seemed really rational (I'd been mean and losing my temper all the time for a long while, unable to deal with even talking to anyone). So it was weird. He noticed it.
I think I'll be able to cope alright. Tomorrow I'm going to make some phone calls and get everything straightened out, or try to with my doctors. If I have to go to the ER, well the suggestion about bringing the pill bottle is probably a good one (though the Celexa is appearing to seriously reduce my desire for tranqs, I am able to skip doses like never before... only alcohol could ever do this before). And the advice that even if it was so bad that I lost my child, I'd get him back is also important to me.
Thank you so much for your support, really and truly. I might lurk around because I am still scared about my medication side effects. The jaw clinching is a little better, but I'm still tense in my muscles, and my headache is bad, but all the orthostatic stuff seems better too. I don't like the prospect of insomnia though. Last night I slept for 4 hours and then woke up WIDE AWAKE. This never happens. I ordinarily can sleep more or less all day, and sometimes do.
Also, I hope I can offer some support to new people who feel like they've failed all meds. I'm seeing how this has effected me, I don't feel like an idiot after reading the post about doctors... it feels so negligent, and moreover, mean, as well as the guy I'd called at County mental health. Maybe it's just the meds, though I'm still depressed, I haven't cleaned the house or anything, but I did take a shower, get out, and not feel irate today at all. My depression was "agitated" I'd been told, and it got to the point where it was practically like Tourette's in how quickly I'd cuss someone out, sometimes for next to nothing.
I'm very drowsy now, think I'll try to catch the sleep train before it leaves the station.