Posted by Elizabeth on August 2, 2001, at 14:21:22
In reply to Re: Give me back my hand- (just kidding), posted by Lorraine on August 2, 2001, at 11:10:25
> I suppose the only difference would be that I would actually believe that I need to take anti-convulsants. He has me on them anyway, but I've always thought that that was just his med preference as opposed to understanding the need for taking them.
Do you feel like they've helped you? A doctor's preference isn't sufficient reason to stay on a drug that isn't doing much good.
> Well, I'm glad that I met Neal and if the opportunity came up I would encourage you to meet the psychobabbler.
I had an opportunity which I missed a while back. I kind of regret that I wasn't able to meet with the group.
> There is no commitment to meeting someone one time and there is always the possibility that you will meet someone with this illness that can be a real life friend.
Yes. This is one way in which I found support groups helpful. I think if I'd had my act more together in college, I might have started a support group (for people with psych disorders -- there were a lot of us at my school).
> I have good friends and some of them are depressed, but none of them have the type of treatment resistant depression or the degree of life impairment that I have so it is nice to meet someone who "gets" it without a lot of explanation.
I know what you mean. At present, none of the people I interact with day-to-day "gets it." I think that one of my friends who I see fairly often probably has depression and/or panic attacks, but she doesn't want to get treatment (she's seeing a therapist, but only very irregularly).
> It was a first day. My second day was better, but not great (I'm still on a low dose--5 mg 2x day and Neurontin 300 mg 3x day).
The split dose of Parnate is a good idea for minimising the initial side effects. (I would even consider going down to 5 mg once a day.) How do you get those tablets to break evenly, incidentally?
> I need to take it up slowly because I don't want hyperventilation to be a major problem.
Yeah, Parnate did that to me too at first (and again when I tried adding stimulants to it). Other than beta blockers and relaxation exercises, the only thing I can suggest is patience. I can't remember: did you ever try a cardioselective beta blocker (e.g., atenolol)?
> My pdoc says I can add Adderal to the mix, but I have a hunch I won't need to once I get to a therapeutic dose. I was able to REALLY sleep soundly last night and the night before, a luxury that the Adderal had impaired significantly.
Don't expect to sleep much once you're on a therapeutic dose of Parnate! What happens, IME, is that your sleep requirements go down, so that you feel rested after just 4-5 hours. On the other hand, a lot of people get drowsy in the afternoon on MAOIs: it might be that they just fragment your sleep or disrupt your circadian rhythm.
> I also learned that I can make it through a wash out period fairly functional by taking Adderal and Neurontin during it. This is actually good news.
It sure is. I'll make note of that. Do you think there were withdrawal symptoms precipitated by discontinuing the selegiline, or just a relapse?
> The problem is that I was out of town for a few days and then responded to each posting (I should have combined them like I am doing now).
Yeah, I've been trying to do that too. The thread had gotten pretty unwieldy!
> There actually is a lesson there for people who do not have alters--namely compartmentalizing when it is appropriate to have certain reactions.
That's something that never came naturally to me. (I think that's an ADD thing, perhaps.)
> For instance, I used to have shame spirals (fortunately therapy irradicated this one).
Okay, I have to ask: what do you mean by shame spirals?
> This is such a sweet way of looking at it. Did you ever resist or resent their presence?
I think that a lot of people with DID (or subclinical DID, like Shelli has) feel an attachment to their alters, and as a result they don't necessarily *want* to integrate. I think that if somebody is co-conscious and is otherwise functioning well and feeling okay, it's probably fine to choose not to integrate (if you have the choice). Although I do wonder what sort of effect this kind of compartmentalisation has on inter- and intrapersonal relations.
On to your other post:
> I ordered it from half.com. I'm not sure it is still in print, but at half.com you can get out of print or hard to locate books
Amazon does that too. I got my hands on some vintage psychiatry textbooks (odd thing to collect, I know) and a book my dad wrote back in the '70s from Amazon. (I'm really hoping he will be able to finish the book he's writing now -- it's going to be quite a piece of work.)
> I also ordered the PDR and got it for less than half price (which is still expensive, but look how much money I Saved).
That's cool. You might be able to find stuff like that (outdated PDRs) on eBay, too. I got my copies of Schatzberg & Nemeroff (both editions) from Amazon at about 2/3 the cover price (when they were new).
> I suppose you are right. The thing about when I worked out my traumas before was that I didn't "remember" certain things and so had to "try on" various scenarios and walk around with them for a week or so to see if they "fit".
Wow. How did you construct the scenarios in the first place?
> For instance, when I set my pajamas on fire when I was eight, I don't know if there was a precipitating incident or a suicidal intent or if I was just a kid playing with matches that panicked.
You and Shelli were quite the little pyromaniacs, weren't you? :-)
> There also was some sexual abuse by my father when I was older.
God, that's awful. How old were you? It's almost unbelievable that things like that happen (not that I don't believe you, it's just so horrible that I don't *want* to believe it).
> > > > Is your depression centered in a specific area of your body?
>
> I'm not sure.I'm still wondering what she meant by this. Shelli?
> I feel a lot of heaviness in my chest.
That must be pretty common, because a lot of people seem to experience it (hence the idiom "getting something off your chest").
> And I once worked with a massage therapist when I was during a wash out period and I think I cried the entire massage. She was wonderful and worked with me on breath (I was hyperventilating pretty badly at the time). I've had this happen before with other massage therapist who were emotionally oriented.
That's really interesting to me. I went to a massage therapist a few times when my back pain started (my GP recommended her). This was just massage, not massage + psychotherapy or anything. :-) The massage did help, but only for a short time, and after doing it for a couple months I decided that it wasn't worth the expense. (It sure was nice, though.)
> Yes, I should check other's reactions.
Here's one data point for you: I found that the sympathomimetic stimulation from Parnate became much less with time.
> I very frequently get the back ache thing from meds.
This is the kind of thing that gets me thinking, "I wonder what causes that?"
> Shelli, I'm glad to see that you are moving quickly on adjusting or changing your meds. Let me know how the concerta and oxy trial goes.
I'm still impressed that someone was willing to prescribe oxycodone for depression -- and I'm generally pretty optimistic about the chances of convincing a doctor to do something unorthodox. I don't think that there are too many references in the literature to this (although opium and its derivatives have been used as antidepressants for millennia).
> The Parnate is having some positive effects--less aggitation than the selegiline and I suspect that the mood support is going to be more robust than stimulants or selegiline. We'll see.
That was my experience with Parnate vs. selegiline. There are a lot of stimulants, and they vary in their central and peripheral effects. (Methamphetamine has the most favourable ratio of central to peripheral effects, which is also why people abuse it so much.)
> Thank-you for your concern. Things are better--although yesterday was rough because my 13 year old son lost his temper and started hitting me yesterday (he's 5'8" and strong) and telling me that he was going to kill me. It was very upsetting.
I can imagine! Does he have any psychological problems that you know of?
> ... But I made it through and the family was able to talk it through last night and do some healing.
That's good; it means that the whole incident wasn't completely negative -- you did get something of value out of it.
> I have also been blessed in that I don't have suicidal thoughts generally and have never attempted to harm myself.
I think it's reasonable to have a plan in case you ever do, since people generally aren't very clearheaded when they're feeling suicidal.
-elizabeth
poster:Elizabeth
thread:67742
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20010731/msgs/73126.html