Posted by Janet on May 10, 2000, at 12:16:52
In reply to Re: Rage and Cutting, posted by Cynthia M on May 10, 2000, at 10:10:28
I think Bob is right, it probably is a power thing. I've never told anyone this before, but sometimes I have to hit myself with a belt and there is a feeling of ecstacy and control.
I was not sexually abused, but I grew up in a domineering home that included a religious cult with MANY rules.
I went through a period of 3 months where I felt that if I did not kill myself, I'd explode. It was a compulsive thing like the belt. I wanted that pain of cutting out my tongue.
It was different than being suicidal out of depression. It is hard to explain. This is hard to talk about. I know now, that it is so bizzarre for me to be like that. I was in the hospital for 3 weeks and had a horrible experience that shocked me into my right enough mind to know that I had to lie, cheat and steal just to convince the doctor to release me. I then went home to bed until it passed. I was so scared of myself and of what I would do.
poster:Janet
thread:32887
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000508/msgs/33056.html