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Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40

Posted by Dysthymic Duck on October 27, 1999, at 12:23:11

In reply to Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by yardena on August 18, 1999, at 23:51:27

> As 40 comes into view, I am stuck here
> struggling to get control of my depressive
> illness, and have very strong feelings about
> the impact this illness has had, is having, and
> may have in the future, on my life.
> Will I be able to have kids (if it's not already
> too late)? Do I WANT to have kids if I might
> pass on my biological predisposition to
> depression? If pregnancy is out because of
> my dependence on medication, will I be able to
> adopt? Or, will I be ruled out as an adoptive
> parent because of my depression?
> As for marriage: It is hard not to feel
> completely defective and unsuitable with this
> illness.
> Are any of you struggling with these thoughts?


I turn 31 in about a week, and since I turned 30
a lot those thoughts have been on my mind. I see
doors starting to close, and it's scary. 31 isn't
so old, but I have other neurological probs,
which make (I think) my pool of potential partners

As far as passing on depressive genes, I don't
know. I think, on one hand, I'd be a more likely
to recognize depression in my child, and get it
treated sooner (my parents were cluless). And
there's reasions to believe that early treatment
means less severity, forever. OTOH, these AD
drugs we have now, IMO, kind of [ahem] suck.
That is, bad side effects (for me, anyway, but
then my kid would share my genes). And there's
stigma, and possibly a long hard road finding a
good doctor and the right meds. And then, how do
these meds affect a growing child? (I'm starting
to like that cabbage-patch explanation I heard
about as a kid. Is everybody sure that's really
not how it works? Dang.)

The stigma, I'm willing to face and fight (and
that would hopefully also benefit future
generations). And there are kids now on AD's,
of course. And probably people here who were
on them as kids, and turned out fine (maybe
dysthymic, like me, but ok). As for the other
issues, I don't know.

On the other other hand, I've felt that my
depression is a lot due to being a bit
"oversensitive." That word has such a negative
connotation, but during my better times, I think
it's lent me a few abilities and advantages that
other people don't generally have. I.e. to be able
to read people more deeply, and quickly. And to
just appreciate certain things more.

As for marriage... heh... hey, a flock of
pigs outside! :) I know that I can't and shouldn't
(again, only speaking for me) be in a
relationship/marriage if my depression is not
under control. It's not even possible to start,
actually, but even it were, it would never work,
and frankly wouldn't be fair to whoever I was

But you never know. There were a few years in my
early 20's when the depression lifted for a few years,
and my self-confidence and image skyrocketed (I
wasn't a jerk (I don't think, anyway...), I just
felt whole and secure). It was a bit shocking to
realize HOW badly distorted my self-image had been
(and it took very little effort to see it). So, as
far as feeling worthy, I'd wager a person has a
lot more to offer than they think if they're
depressed. It's mostly a matter of getting this
&$*# under control, IMHO.

Well this is a LOT more than I'd intended to say
so I'll stop the blathering now. :-)





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