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Re: Life on Meds...Approaching 40

Posted by my mother gave birth to a depressive and i'm glad on October 30, 1999, at 15:17:19

In reply to Life on Meds...Approaching 40, posted by yardena on August 18, 1999, at 23:51:27

> As 40 comes into view, I am stuck here struggling to get control of my depressive illness, and have very strong feelings about the impact this illness has had, is having, and may have in the future, on my life.
> Will I be able to have kids (if it's not already too late)? Do I WANT to have kids if I might pass on my biological predisposition to depression?

I'm in my forties, but I had my kids before I was even aware that I had a depressive illness (I'm not sure I even want to say that "I have a depressive illness" -- that's not quite right).

In any case, my oldest son has suffered from depression since he was seven. He's now 15 and he struggles. He's been on meds since he was eight. He's been in therapy that same amount of time. He's threatened and attempted suicide several times. My life with him has been difficult, and yet wonderful. He is an extremely talented artist, he has a wonderful sense of humor, he's bright and insightful, and he has a particular sensitivity to others who are emotionally troubled like he is.

My other son doesn't have any symptoms of depression. He has many talents also, though they are different talents than his brother has. This son is especially socially talented.

As soon as I say all these things I feel like they are all wrong. I don't "have" depressive illness like someone "has" a big nose or wonderful posture. The more closely I observe people, I'm aware of their hidden talents and their hidden deficiencies. No one is without flaws, disordered thinking, chemical predispositions to something or other. If I look around, I'm surrounded by a variety of alcoholics, food addicts, power-hungry corporate climbers, and depressives. These same people are also compassionate, fun to be with, insightful, and so on. Everyone has a mix of qualities and everyone faces their own unique challenges.

Saying all that, I can't have any more biological children - but if I wanted a another child, I would adopt. Adopting a child wouldn't guarantee a thing, except that I would have a child to love.

I guess there are no guarantees - and do you want a guarantee?

And what sort of guarantee would you want? That your child have a certain IQ, a certain personality, certain talents? Or just that they are not depressed or diabetic or ugly?

What sort of person would you want to bring into this world?




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