Posted by David K. on January 22, 1999, at 18:13:58
In reply to Re: Tangents, NPBR , posted by Shelley in Seattle on January 22, 1999, at 14:06:35
I felt a "loss," too when I thought my suidcidal feelings were gone. Having them seems like some sort of "out" or potential pressure release. Or something.
I think that's also what kept me from getting myself to a psychiatrist for so long. This last time, when things were insufferably bad and I just couldn't seem to decide to live or die, I still just WOULDN'T make an appointment. I finally admitted to myself one day, while lying in bed after work as usual, that the reason I wouldn't call was that I was just TOO IN LOVE with my depression.
I asked a friend to make the appointment for me, since then I'd "have" to go. Luckilly, this turned out to be the only doctor that I actually LIKE, so going every week isn't a chore. (In fact, today I was thinking, "I get to see Dr. _____ tomorrow!" I'm spending tons of money, and it's like a TREAT ... ! Wacky.
(Insurance doesn't cover much, but I figure I'll either improve and it'll be worth it, or I'll be dead and then the money won't matter anyway. So I can't really lose. Right?)
poster:David K.
thread:2503
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990501/msgs/2591.html