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Re: mood swings (jokes about serious stuff....)

Posted by Sean on January 20, 1999, at 11:03:25

In reply to Re: mood swings (well, a tangent thereof!), posted by Shelley in Seattle on January 19, 1999, at 18:22:23

> It's kind of funny -- I have to put up a good facade for clients (I work in a clinic, but I'm also a sort of "Jane of all trades" around there. I am a computer geek-ess as well, and since we don't have a CIS person at my clinic, I am the person who does all their tech stuff, which I do enjoy but it's hard for me to concentrate with all the interruptions). Sorry! I guess I am chatty on Celexa too! :-)
> Anyway, so I have people asking me stuff all day, and I am usually gracious about it -- I am trying to work on setting boundaries, but it's very difficult to do that where I work.
> My co-workers and the FEW friends I haven't alienated (I have been clinically depressed for over 5 years -- to give you an idea of how I've been until very recently, my other email address is It's true!) know that I have this weird preoccupation with death. My favorite place to be is in a cemetery -- not the boring, nothing-but-rows-of-flat-stones-on-the-ground ones they have here in the northwest! I am talking of those grand places in New Orleans, or the rural cemteries back East that I walked around for hours in until just a few years ago... Also, death is a major theme that presents itself in my art.
> As for therapy -- I am at a weird place with my therapist right now. I have been going to her 3 times a week for about 5 months now (I saw someone else for a long time before her), and I thought I was making progress and then I realized I was indeed still stuck. Then one day she just totally changed her tone towards me -- this is after she would laugh at my David Sedaris-type family stories with me. She became very cold and withdrawn, and said she didn't want to laugh at my horrible childhood stories anymore. I told her that laughing at it (now, as an adult) is probably the only reason I am not dead today. We are working on it, and it's hard for me to switch therapists. That's why I saw the last one for so long, even though the 'fit' was gone for a long time. Even now, after going 3 times a week for 5 months, she just barely has the whole story. I hate to have to tell it over and over again, so I am hoping we can get over this spot and learn something from it.
> Oh, I just remembered that I have some Kava in my cupboard at home -- I think I'll try that for sleep tonight. I get so wound-up on Celexa! Not that I am complaining too hard, after having spent most of the last few months in bed anytime I wasn't working.
> Well, I hope you have a good night!

Shelly, I can relate to the humor factor in terms
of dealing with the painful and crazy family stuff.
This is part of the culture of my family I guess,
because we all seem to do it. And drink...

But over all the years of therapy and pain, I have
become far less tolerant of the humorous side of
it, especially when I see the same thing passed on
to children of my siblings. When I see how unfair
it is to take impressionable, dependent children
and subject them to all manner of neglect and
abuse, it really gets to me. Slowly, over time,
I began to recognize this in myself and it really
started hurt.

There seems to be pretty good evidence that in
addition to whatever genetic vulnerability a
person inherits, the environment works very closely
with this and actually causes physical changes in
the phenotypic expressions of personality and
likelihood of developing affective disorders. When
you think about it this way, it brings a new
realism to the term "fucking with my head"!

Anyway, viva humour... but you can laugh yourself
into the grave...




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