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Re: 2 questions--hope thats ok!! ladybugsmom

Posted by lovelorn on January 5, 2008, at 20:07:30

In reply to Re: 2 questions--hope thats ok!! lovelorn, posted by ladybugsmom on January 5, 2008, at 18:28:49

>I think I tend to see the world in a very balck and white sort of way. I either trust someone with my life or not at all. So it takes alot of time for me to allow someone into my life at all. During a session with my T he mentionted that you can trust someone in levels. That thought had never occurred to me. That would be a grey area for me and would seem to cause some chaos.

I understand better what you are getting at. You kind have an all or nothing approach when it comes to interactions. Or, perhaps it's more a matter of control. You want all the control to keep yourself safe? There are different levels of trust to be had in interactions. And yet every new interaction opens us up to some measure of vulnerability, even if it is just online. Maybe try to approach new interactions with showing different sides of yourself. We tend to have different interests and according to those interests goes along a certain measure of both controlling ourselves and trusting the interaction. Maybe try to approach it with the idea 'what do I want give and get from this interaction' and find the balance of trust and control with that.

I read your other posts and I am sorry to read of your abuse and the losses and issues you have faced and are facing. I have some SA in my past too and can relate to the problems with trust, or more problems with letting people get close - the boundaries get messed up when you've experienced SA as a child. I think it is a question of boundaries and learning how to make them according to the interaction and relationship you are dealing with or are trying to create. Being assertive when someone tries to breach the boundary, but also permitting some trust even when it may feel uncomfortable as someone tries to get to know you. It's a matter of recognizing when someone is overstepping the boundary and a matter of recognizing when you are not allowing any room for closeness either. A give and take that can have very blurry lines sometimes.

> it tends to make your world a little more shakier which tends to make things feels a lot less secure.

Oh yes. Therapy does shake things up. You are lucky to have your husband and children to keep you grounded, though I am sure you may look at your life, including family, in different ways too as you progress and learn more about yourself in therapy.

I look forward to seeing you again on the boards.


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URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080101/msgs/804530.html