![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ClearSkies on November 7, 2007, at 17:07:32
OK, please don't consign me to the Working board wasteland - this is Social talk!!
So I haven't worked a bonafide job for (mumble mumble) I think 3 years almost. Had to stop because of depression, anxiety and panic attacks. Past 6 months have been like a brand new ClearSkies - the right dx, the right meds, the anxiety magically resolving itself, the panic only resurfacing when I'm under the worst of duress. And I keep saying to myself, "get a couple of months of stability under your belt, and you can try to get back into the workforce." And it scares the living heck outta me that I'll be ready, you know, and that no one will want me, and the money won't be there, and I'll resent giving up my freedom, and my back will hurt from sitting at a desk (or standing all day)....
See, I'm really good at talking myself out of things before they ever appear.
But independently of this specter of possible reinsertion into the workforce has been this gift horse of a business that just about fell into my lap. It's hard work, it's exciting, it's taking a hobby and possibly making a living out of it - like a dream come true. And it scares me silly.
I took the first step of creating an online store (no URL to link to yet; I have a lot of "behind the scenes" work to do first), and I had my first panic attack in months. I never even had to step outside my front door to do it, either. It came right in through my computer and rubbed its own nasty self all over my brain. Paralyzed into inaction by my own fears of failure, and I haven't even started yet.
So, has anyone else done this reinventing of themselves? Taken yourselves out of the mainstream of the workforce and made yourself your own boss? Do I stop being scared? Do I try to find a mentor? Can ya recommend one to me??? It's not really working with my husband sending me multiple emails every morning saying, "we should do this!!" because he knows, well, less than I do (to be charitable). And he and I have had the discussion already about how to set pricing and how much to spend on replacing our inventory - that's my job, thank goodness. So he's stopped trying to pull those selling prices out from between his butt cheeks where he was keeping them.
But that feeling that I'm on this precipice, or maybe about to take a stroll across the Niagara River Gorge on a high wire with a piece of bamboo as my walking stick - this feeling of utter panic is with me all day long. And it's all I can think about when I go to bed. It's not a question of whether I might fail or not - I very well might, and that is a risk that I am taking. But it's this whole UNKNOWN world that I'm entering that has me scared witless.
As good as my life is, as lucky as I am, I am as scared as I have ever been.
CS
Posted by llurpsienoodle on November 7, 2007, at 18:03:53
In reply to So scared of starting something new, posted by ClearSkies on November 7, 2007, at 17:07:32
It's okay to feel scared or uncertain. Are there self-critical voices? Can you recognize what they are telling you and write them down?
Then tell those voices that llurpsie noodle is gonna come down and kick their heinies!
no seriously, taking a step towards "normalcy" is scary. Taking a BIG step is terrifying. But now that you've taken it, you'll never have to take the same step again. Glad to have THAT behind you.
Next time you feel the panic coming on, remind yourself "I've been here before, and I survived. I'm going to be here again, but I'll be wiser and stronger next time"
And if you had the soothing voice of my formerT, you could internalize it and carry it with you. Instead you'll just have to visualize it on a vanilla page as you confront the world wide web.
cheers, and good luck
-Ll
p.s. I got booted offa chat. Can't sign back in either. I posted on admin. boohoo. Now my evening is ruined! can't drive anywhere (thanks to alprazolam) can't babblechat. Time for a cookie.
Posted by TexasChic on November 7, 2007, at 20:08:42
In reply to Re: So scared of starting something new » ClearSkies, posted by llurpsienoodle on November 7, 2007, at 18:03:53
Anxiety about the unknown is the worst!!! I'm the same way, worrying about stuff that hasn't even happened yet. This is what I do to try to get a handle on these situations: I imagine the WORST that could happen. Then I think of how I could handle the situation (in a POSITIVE way). Now this sounds negative, but the key is to imagine what you would do to make yourself feel better once the worst has happened. That way, you already have a plan in place and can stop the 'what ifs'.
Another thing I would do is set goals for your business (REALISTIC), otherwise you're going to question how well you're doing constantly. Have steps planned for what you will do for different situations. I would do lots and lots of research on this particular subject.
ANOTHER thing I would do (I'm just full of ideas tonight) is find an aspect of the work that you just enjoy doing, whether the business makes it or not. Then be sure and take the time to relish that part of your job.
Anyway, these are just things I would try, I'm sure you'll find your own way. It all sounds really exiting to me! Keep us posted!
-T
Posted by Phillipa on November 7, 2007, at 23:25:47
In reply to So scared of starting something new, posted by ClearSkies on November 7, 2007, at 17:07:32
Clear Skies me personally is doing the same thing as husband I don't agree on items to sell or pricing or I say you have to spend money to make money and it takes time trial and error and my T wants me to set up my own store too but using the store option on ebay as I like it there. But I'm into kids stuff, leather coats, and unique items and starting prices much higher than him and he is into the high dollar purses. See T tomorrow and cause will be in the house come January with the healing from surgery will gather my inventory now and sell then. I also want a camera to take pics of stuff to post at any time of day not just when the light is right like he does. I want my own time frames and have run my own business before but like you am scared you know how much. And I know I'm smarter than him. There's this little young girl who is doing it wrong according to me but she put $2000 in pocket last month. Will send you her site. Phillipa
Posted by Michael83 on November 8, 2007, at 1:50:22
In reply to So scared of starting something new, posted by ClearSkies on November 7, 2007, at 17:07:32
ClearSkies, I make my living online, if you want any advice or have questions, don't be afraid to ask.
There are a lot of people trying to scam people who want to make a living online with sleazy ebooks or ineffective online store templates. It's not easy and I was only successful after trying for many years because I had an incredible knowledge of the internet. But it's not easy and requires a lot of knowledge.
Posted by seldomseen on November 8, 2007, at 6:48:48
In reply to So scared of starting something new, posted by ClearSkies on November 7, 2007, at 17:07:32
Oh my gosh - that sounds so exciting! I know that you can do this!
I would definately try to elicit the help of a mentor - why re-create the wheel right? You could really benefit from the help and support I think.
Also, I'm no stranger to panic and how incapacitating it can be. It seems to me however, that you are way ahead of the game though. You know that this project is going to trigger all kinds of panic responses, but you can handle it. It's just a job, just an internet business (exciting). If all else fails, just fake it until you make it. Use all of your coping skills.
SOmeone said to set small realistic goals - that's a great idea. You don't have to set this up in one day. Take it one step at a time, allow yourself time to totally freak out, then get back to work.
Imagine how good it will feel when you get your first order!
Seldom.
You can do this!
Posted by ClearSkies on November 8, 2007, at 7:39:34
In reply to Re: So scared of starting something new » ClearSkies, posted by Phillipa on November 7, 2007, at 23:25:47
We have a good camera but I want to get a couple of lamps we can put 100 watt bulbs in. Don't want to be burning down the house! Found some good pointers for taking photos for selling at one site.
What I am *loving* is coming up with the descriptions (ad copy) for the items. I've read so many ads and they are so boring! Why would anyone want something the owner isn't excited about?
Thanks and good luck with your surgery - my mom had a prolapsed uterus and the procedure went well for her (long time ago).
CS
Posted by Dinah on November 8, 2007, at 7:55:27
In reply to Re: So scared of starting something new » Phillipa, posted by ClearSkies on November 8, 2007, at 7:39:34
I only sell stuff casually, but I buy too much. Presentation is enormously important. A good camera, especially one that captures colors richly and accurately is key. As is a good photo editor to do effective cropping and alignment. It's not necessarily the camera that takes the best pictures in all conditions. I use the old digital camera I gave my son, because for this purpose, it works better.
There's nothing more offputting than having to squint and twist your head. And a well presented item tends to give the impression, however mistaken, of being better made and better maintained.
That's the sum of my knowledge from the buyer's side. :)
I hate to comment on the fear part, because I usually let fear rule me, not vice versa.
Posted by rskontos on November 8, 2007, at 10:12:33
In reply to Re: So scared of starting something new » ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on November 8, 2007, at 7:55:27
ClearSkies, maybe it would help you to make a business plan on paper to help clear up an uncertainties you have about your new exciting business. A loose business plan that you can change as you go but a structured plan that will help you feel on track. Maybe that will help with the panic attacks. I do that to help ease mine. I make a plan for the day. Because mine come up with unexpected triggers so if I can plan as much as possible it helps.
Anyway, it sounds excitings and I wish you luck. I sure wish I could get mine off the board or rather out of my head and into reality. Good luck you might help inspire me!!! rk
Posted by Phillipa on November 8, 2007, at 19:20:06
In reply to Re: So scared of starting something new » ClearSkies, posted by Michael83 on November 8, 2007, at 1:50:22
Michael this one is saving us tremendous money. Do you like it? Phillipa
Posted by Michael83 on November 8, 2007, at 22:48:36
In reply to Re: So scared of starting something new » Michael83, posted by Phillipa on November 8, 2007, at 19:20:06
Yeah, those are good auction templates.
I was more referring to the "turn key" online stores (that have designs that look like they're from 1996) many sleazy get rich quick scamsters are selling. I really feel bad for the people who get sucked into those.
I don't sell a product online, I mainly own a small group of websites that I use Adsense to monetize. I'm not an online store "expert" but I know a scam when I see one.
Posted by Phillipa on November 8, 2007, at 23:10:16
In reply to Re: So scared of starting something new » Phillipa, posted by Michael83 on November 8, 2007, at 22:48:36
Michael thanks we got the site for the templets from a young sweet 26 year old mother she was a computer programmer for Bank of America. Phillipa
Posted by CoutureMan on November 8, 2007, at 23:13:15
In reply to So scared of starting something new, posted by ClearSkies on November 7, 2007, at 17:07:32
ClearSkies, Eighteen years ago…1989… my chosen career of law finally came to a bitter end. After a long psychiatric hospitalization, I came to the realization that I may never regain the concentration necessary to finish the last two years of schooling that I had started seven years previously. I was forced to quit my beloved law school education in 1982 because of severe depression. I was crushed at the time.
In the two months in the hospital in 1989 I realized I could concentrate on art projects but I was completely unable to concentrate on any type of reading. Apparently one part of my brain was working but the critical reading part was severely compromised. When I left the hospital I was still so sick that I was almost sent to a long-term facility but ended up in a 3/4-way house for four months. After that I went to a 1/2-way house for two years.
In the 3/4-way house there was an old sewing machine and I started playing around with it and taught myself how to sew. I would take garments apart and figure out how to put them back together again. By the time I reached the 1/2-way house four months later I was interested in going to design school part time. Prozac had just come out and I had titrated slowly up to 20mgs a day by dumping the contents out of the capsule and taking progressively larger amounts. I was starting to feel a little better. In the hospital I could not tolerate 20mgs a day because of the anxiety it caused.
I got into design school and concentrated on men’s wear at first because I wanted to make clothes for myself. I did really well and was encouraged to concentrate more on women’s wear because everyone liked what I was doing and it was considered a more viable business opportunity. After two years of study it was clear that I was a very talented designer and women loved my clothes.
When I got my design degree it I knew that I wanted to go into business for myself with my own line of designer women’s clothes. I was well enough (not in remission) to handle the workload necessary. I had no fear of failure but only fear of my unipolar depression returning. There were people interested in backing me financially so from my perspective, I had nothing to lose.
Immediately my line took off. I had a sales representative who got my clothes into major department and specialty stores around the nation. I was nominated for the coveted Golden Shears award in San Francisco for the first two years I was in business. I was in Women’s Wear Daily magazine many times. I was the guest designer at I Magnin to promote my line for a special benefit and was the featured designer at the San Francisco fashion mart for a media event. It was unbelievable what was happening to me. I just went along for the ride. It was almost surreal that I, a straight male, was surrounded by beautiful models wanting to wear my clothes on the runway. It was also sad that I wasn’t well enough to engage in any of the dating opportunities presented with all the women I met.
The fashion business is an extremely difficult business even for the healthiest person. After four years, two partners and several employees the money was just not supporting the business. I decided that I had enough of the clothing business. I even declined an investor with serious money begging me to partner up with her in 1996. During the four years I had the business I was constantly changing meds in hope of getting more relief from my depression. The SSRI’s were starting to poop out on me and my zeal for the high workload became too much so I was forced to quit. The business was considered a financial failure but was great artistic and personal success.
From 1996 to 2003 as my health slowly declined again I concentrated on high-end custom work for individual men and women. Tailoring suits and one of a kind dresses from my apartment. From 2003 to present I’ve been too sick to do a dam thing. I’m so sick now it feels as if the above never even happened. I’ve never been afraid of success or failure in activities in life(in the game). What I am terrified of is this endogenous illness of depression and anxiety that has devastated my life.
ClearSkies, I hope my story will inspire you to take a chance on yourself while your health is good. You’re in the game. It’s a window for you to be productive on a scale that seems really manageable. You could always walk away from things if they don’t work out. Try to forget the negative thoughts that are not part of your illness and go for it! The worst that could happen is that you would fail. However as long as your health is good, from my perspective, you’d still be in the game. I would do anything to be in your position. Good luck!
Sincerely,
CM
Posted by ClearSkies on November 9, 2007, at 8:56:52
In reply to Re: So scared of starting something new » ClearSkies, posted by CoutureMan on November 8, 2007, at 23:13:15
> Try to forget the negative thoughts that are not part of your illness and go for it! The worst that could happen is that you would fail. However as long as your health is good, from my perspective, you’d still be in the game. I would do anything to be in your position. Good luck!
Wow!! CoutureMan, I think I'm going to print this out and tape it up beside my computer. Even the stuff that seems overwhelming at the moment is still enjoyable, when I can manage to tackle it. I've spent far too long doing jobs that were a poor fit because I "should be able to do this" and because that's what I thought was expected of me. Here I have a chance to take a passion and a hobby and parlay it into something more; but, at the very least, it will continue to be something fun for me.
Thanks so much for your words of inspiration and for sharing your story with me. I really appreciate it.ClearSkies (for today)
Posted by CoutureMan on November 10, 2007, at 4:07:59
In reply to Re: So scared of starting something new » CoutureMan, posted by ClearSkies on November 9, 2007, at 8:56:52
You're welcome ClearSkies. I feel honored that my words have inspired you.
Take Care,
CM> > Try to forget the negative thoughts that are not part of your illness and go for it! The worst that could happen is that you would fail. However as long as your health is good, from my perspective, you’d still be in the game. I would do anything to be in your position. Good luck!
>
> Wow!! CoutureMan, I think I'm going to print this out and tape it up beside my computer. Even the stuff that seems overwhelming at the moment is still enjoyable, when I can manage to tackle it. I've spent far too long doing jobs that were a poor fit because I "should be able to do this" and because that's what I thought was expected of me. Here I have a chance to take a passion and a hobby and parlay it into something more; but, at the very least, it will continue to be something fun for me.
>
>
> Thanks so much for your words of inspiration and for sharing your story with me. I really appreciate it.
>
> ClearSkies (for today)
>
Posted by Phillipa on November 10, 2007, at 20:59:29
In reply to Re: So scared of starting something new » CoutureMan, posted by ClearSkies on November 9, 2007, at 8:56:52
Well I have to do my own posting now amazing how that responsibility of something new is so intimidating to me. I relate with you completly. Got to pick a templet now for a gown. Phillipa
Posted by Kath on November 13, 2007, at 10:35:47
In reply to Re: So scared of starting something new » CoutureMan, posted by ClearSkies on November 9, 2007, at 8:56:52
CS - sorry I haven't time to read all this thread to find out details.
It's natural to be scared in a situation like this, I think.
I hope you're feeling calmer. After sale set-up I hope to catch up on reading posts.
In the meantime, I send you calming thoughts & bounce them back at myself also!
LOL
hugs, Kath
Posted by CoutureMan on November 24, 2007, at 3:05:56
In reply to Re: So scared of starting something new » ClearSkies, posted by Michael83 on November 8, 2007, at 1:50:22
Michael, May I babble mail you about your online business?
-CM
> ClearSkies, I make my living online, if you want any advice or have questions, don't be afraid to ask.
>
> There are a lot of people trying to scam people who want to make a living online with sleazy ebooks or ineffective online store templates. It's not easy and I was only successful after trying for many years because I had an incredible knowledge of the internet. But it's not easy and requires a lot of knowledge.
Posted by Michael83 on December 3, 2007, at 1:52:54
In reply to Re: So scared of starting something new » Michael83, posted by CoutureMan on November 24, 2007, at 3:05:56
If you want. I don't check that email often so I don't respond quickly, but you can email me all you want.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.