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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TexasChic on November 16, 2006, at 20:54:49
I've been looking at cuteboy's myspace. I know, I know! But I had to go look up the backlog of the comments section, back when all the sh*t was going down with the bitchygirls (they posted alot then). I had to see if there was anything said in reference to me, because lately, for some reason, I've been going through all these senerios in my mind where it was all a big joke about me and cuteboy was involved. But there were no comments made about me, so now I can let it rest. Which means I have no reason to go back to that page! It seems he hooked up with his current girlfriend right around the time he seemed to begin getting standoffish around me. I've got to let it go. I've got to!
Its stupid. I know I've completely idealized the whole thing. I know I've obsessed about it, which was why my exguyfriend's words hurt so much. Plus, he could have told me about the girlfriend months and months ago! It would have saved me so much anguish! Maybe a guy just doesn't get that.
But all that doesn't matter, I've got to put that whole period of my life out of my mind and focus on now. I've got to change my life. I can't stand the way it is anymore. I can't stand not living, only going through the motions. The only relationships I have are in my head. I've just got to change things. Why is it so hard!
-T
Posted by Phillipa on November 16, 2006, at 21:42:05
In reply to Sad, torturing myself, posted by TexasChic on November 16, 2006, at 20:54:49
I do it too obsess. So maybe concentrate on that new wonderful job you have. Love Phillipa
Posted by madeline on November 17, 2006, at 7:37:03
In reply to Sad, torturing myself, posted by TexasChic on November 16, 2006, at 20:54:49
Yeah, I've been known to obsess too.
It seems like what made it worse was that everyone always told me that "how can you be so upset - it's not like anything ever happened between you two".
While that was absolutely true, it seems to me that the loss of hope is just as painful as the loss of reality.
I CAN promise you that cuteboy is simply one in a million, and, sure, give yourself time to grieve, but know that you woke up this morning as Texas Chic and you will go to bed tonight as Texas Chic.
This episode has bent you, but it has not broken you.
But perhaps now you could begin to reframe your thoughts and see this as a time to focus on something that COULD be real.
There is real love to be found in the world and you deserve to find it.
Tell yourself this everyday, multiple times a day until you know this is true.
I'm so sorry all this has happened.
Take good care.
Maddie
Posted by TexasChic on November 17, 2006, at 8:18:19
In reply to Re: Sad, torturing myself » TexasChic, posted by madeline on November 17, 2006, at 7:37:03
Wow! Everything you said really hit home with me. You really DO understand! Just knowing that makes me feel so much better. This is one to hang on the refrigerator. Thank you so much!
-T
Posted by TexasChic on November 17, 2006, at 8:35:33
In reply to Re: Sad, torturing myself » TexasChic, posted by Phillipa on November 16, 2006, at 21:42:05
Good advice. If only my job were 24/7!
I feel like when I move in mid-March it will be a new beginning for me. A whole new city I'm not familiar with! Only an hour away from my current home, but still. I've lived in a few different parts of the town I'm in now and I know it all like the back of my hand. But this new place will be so much bigger and more metropolitan. Its exciting and scary at the same time. The only bad thing is, I can't seem to motivate myself to do anything in the meantime.
But I'm going to try this weekend. I've got to clean house and organize if I'm ever going to be able to feel good about myself. Its almost like the clutter I live in is some sort of subconscious punishment to myself. I'm going to try to change that. Wish me luck.
-T
Posted by Jay on November 17, 2006, at 8:52:59
In reply to Sad, torturing myself, posted by TexasChic on November 16, 2006, at 20:54:49
I'd like to give you a bit of advice, from a male point of view. First, are you infatuated with this guy? Or does he have an amazing personality? You know what road I am going down, eh? If I may ask, how did you get involved in this "office politics" crap? There are hundreds of thousands of nice guys out there (like me...aheemm.:-) Find friends *outside* of work. What I used to do at work (and still do), honestly, was stick my nose in the air, my head above the clouds, and my co-workers, except the few who REALLY knew me, thought I was some quiet, arrogant snob. They never dared f*ck with me. I also consider I deserve a bit of this respect, being my *grand old* age..hahaa. (I'm only 37...but I have the best of both worlds...old enough not to care too much, about what people think of me; young enough to remember, the way things ought to be:) Just GO OUT THERE WITH A F*CK YOU attitude...seriously! They'll never know what hit them!
Best,
Jay
Posted by TexasChic on November 17, 2006, at 11:08:07
In reply to Re: Sad..go kick some a*s! :) » TexasChic, posted by Jay on November 17, 2006, at 8:52:59
I was definitely idealizing the whole thing. Pretty much what Madeline said in her post. And I'm no longer involved in those politics because I no longer work there. Its more like this. I was sad because I've fantasized for the past 2 years about being with this guy because he initially paid me some attention, then office politics made it all go to hell. Then, I stumble across his myspace page where he's all happy with a beautiful girlfriend. So basically I'm being sad about something I never had. Realizing that doesn't seem to make a difference.
I'm trying to adapt a new attitude where I won't waste my life by fantasizing in my head. I want to actually live my life. Its about damned time too.
Thanks for the encouragement!
-T
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on November 17, 2006, at 12:58:20
In reply to Re: Sad..go kick some a*s! :) » Jay, posted by TexasChic on November 17, 2006, at 11:08:07
Hey TC!
I just read through your thead, and it seems that babblers have some good advice! I can't really say anything more, except give you general support. Yeah I obsess too, although not so much now.
Anyway, when the time comes there are plently of dating agencies type things - I used to think they were slightly strange, but one of my flatmates did some and had a great time, and meet some nice men -she ended up dating one for ages, until he found out that she was desperate for kids and was 37 and then cancelled the relationship. So perhaps that sort of thing would be good to meet people or something?
I don't really know to be honest, I'm hopeless at dating. I'm usually too nervous I end up too drunk (if I like the guy) and if I don't like the guy I'm really random and strange. Although this seems to have the opposite effect.....anyway. I'm hopeless with relationships.
Kind regards
Meri
Posted by TexasChic on November 18, 2006, at 10:02:50
In reply to Re: Sad..go kick some a*s! :), posted by Meri-Tuuli on November 17, 2006, at 12:58:20
I looked at his myspace page again. It looks as if they didn't get together until after the last time I saw him, which makes me feel strangely better. The bad thing I found out is she works in the same suburb I do!!! OMG what if I run into them! I know, I'm obsessing and its stupid, but if I can't obsess here where else can I do it?
The truth is, the more I think about it and the more I look at his myspace page, the more I realize how much of it was fantasy. Like my imagination filled in all the blanks for what I didn't know about him. From the stuff I've read we most likely weren't at all compatible! So why does it still hurt like I was in love? I guess maybe I was in love with the fantasy I had created. I just wish I could separate it my head. Maybe realizing it is a start.
And I've GOT to stop looking at his myspace page! Its just so tempting though! Its like a secret peek into someone's life! You can look and no one will ever know. Its actually a little disturbing that I want to do something like that. What I need is another guy to focus on. No, what I need is to not have to depend on these fantasys and just live in the now. But I have no idea how to do that! But I'm going to try anyway.
I know I need to start by cleaning my apartment. Getting rid of the mess and clutter will definitely help my frame of mind. Plus like I mentioned before, I think its somehow an unconscious way of punishing myself, like I don't deserve better.
I'm going to try. One step at a time.
-T
Posted by MidnightBlue on November 19, 2006, at 22:53:02
In reply to I must be sadistic, posted by TexasChic on November 18, 2006, at 10:02:50
TC,
This is so funny....I was reading your post and thinking what that girl NEEDS to do is clean up her apartment, and then at the bottom that is what you wrote! LOL
You have a great new job, you are getting in shape. Now you need to work on that apartment! You can do it, I know you can! And try to slow down on the drinking too, okay? I think that would help.
Then join a group outside work. Church? hobby? class? Make a friend. Don't worry about a guy right now.
MB
Posted by TexasChic on November 20, 2006, at 11:04:05
In reply to Re: I must be sadistic » TexasChic, posted by MidnightBlue on November 19, 2006, at 22:53:02
Thanks! I'm feeling much better today. I think I'm back to myself now. I was just having one of those intrusive thought things going on. It just didn't want to go away! But it finally did sometime yesterday.
I actually got a substantial portion done on my apartment (yea!) and the last two nights I just haven't wanted to drink. So I'm going to try to keep that up. I guess I pretty much know what I need to do, but sometimes life throws a bunch of crap at me and everything seems too hard. Eww, that came out kind of gross.
-T
Posted by finelinebob on November 23, 2006, at 18:22:04
In reply to I must be sadistic, posted by TexasChic on November 18, 2006, at 10:02:50
Sorry, TC, but that would be masochistic, not sadistic =^P
Remember, too, that people put up profiles of how they want to be seen. I'd bet ten dollars that his MySpace profile is pretty warped from the true HisSpace profile.
flb
Posted by TexasChic on November 24, 2006, at 18:33:30
In reply to Re: I must be sadistic, posted by finelinebob on November 23, 2006, at 18:22:04
> Sorry, TC, but that would be masochistic, not sadistic =^P
>
> Remember, too, that people put up profiles of how they want to be seen. I'd bet ten dollars that his MySpace profile is pretty warped from the true HisSpace profile.
>
> flbYou're absolutely right! A sadist would inflict pain on other people right? God, I certainly know a few of those.
I still have to fight the urge to go look at his myspace page. I have this paranoia that he and the people from my old job are talking about me and I need to go check. I've been refraining though. I know I need to just let that part of my life go and not care whether or not they're talking about me. Paranoia doesn't always listen to common sense though.
-T
Posted by finelinebob on November 24, 2006, at 18:48:02
In reply to Re: I must be sadistic » finelinebob, posted by TexasChic on November 24, 2006, at 18:33:30
> I still have to fight the urge to go look at his myspace page. I have this paranoia that he and the people from my old job are talking about me and I need to go check. I've been refraining though. I know I need to just let that part of my life go and not care whether or not they're talking about me. Paranoia doesn't always listen to common sense though.
Well, I encourage you do to so as long as you realize that if they have nothing but ill to speak of you AND they have the time to futz about and put it up on MySpace, then they are truly warped putzes with nothing better to do with their lives than demean people in a public forum -- and you think YOU have problems? I'd have a good laugh at their expense, thinking about they have to focus on taking down one person (you) in order to build themselves up, and come back for more when I needed another good laugh.
If they don't have anything to say about you -- then point that out to your paranoia. If your paranoia keeps pushing you to visit, then everytime they don't mention you point that out to your paranoia.
Maybe giving into the urge is the best way to fight that demon. Going back again and again, probably finding nothing. And if you find something, laugh in its face. It's basic instinct -- fight or flight. Sounds like flight ain't working too well. Go in spoiling for a fight, and let laughter be your weapon of choice.
flb
Posted by Phillipa on November 24, 2006, at 20:38:47
In reply to Re: I must be sadistic, posted by finelinebob on November 24, 2006, at 18:48:02
T I'd call it more of a compusion to keep going back and reading it. Love Phillipa
Posted by TexasChic on November 25, 2006, at 12:39:34
In reply to Re: I must be sadistic, posted by finelinebob on November 24, 2006, at 18:48:02
Good advice. I went back - nothing. So paranoia, just shut the hell up!
>I'd have a good laugh at their expense, thinking about they have to focus on taking down one person (you) in order to build themselves up, and come back for more when I needed another good laugh.
They have done this in the past but in person, not on myspace (this was at my old job). I guess that feeds the paranioa. I asked someone at my old job if they were still talking about me and he said the only thing he's heard is, "How in the hell did that lazy *ss get that job?!" So it really is obvious they are just petty little pathetic people who must be truly miserable.
Its funny, the paranioa only pops up sometimes. Like right now, I could care less. I guess it could be a compulsion like Philipa said. I definitely have some OCD tendencies.
I do know what would help me stop thinking about this - getting a life! I'm trying. There's three months until I move, in which time I've got to save every penny. Once there I hope to start anew with a non-hermit-style life. Its just this inbetween period that's difficult. It gives me too much time to think. Although I have plenty to do to prepare, so I just need to get on with it.
I'm really doing alright now. I just come here to let out the crazy thoughts. I'm begining to feel self centered and whiny though, so I'm going to try to focus on the positive.
Thanks for everyone's support!
-T
Posted by finelinebob on November 25, 2006, at 22:05:32
In reply to paranoia, posted by TexasChic on November 25, 2006, at 12:39:34
> I do know what would help me stop thinking about this - getting a life!
Nah ... go back and check again. Nothing like a little (a lot? of) disconfirmation to make you realize it just ain't worth it. Unless, of course, they once again are showing how stuck they are and how moving onwards and upwards you are. If that gives you a chuckle, it's worth it ;^).
Either way -- you're getting a life, without them. Sometimes it's entertaining to look in the rear view mirror and see if anything is coming out of the cloud of dust you're leaving behind.
Posted by TexasChic on November 26, 2006, at 13:05:30
In reply to Re: paranoia, posted by finelinebob on November 25, 2006, at 22:05:32
That's a good way to think of it. I AM moving forward. Perhaps slowly, but its still way better than standing still. And infinitely better than trying to make other people miserable just so I'll feel better in comparison.
Thanks for all your advice, its been very helpful to me.
-T
This is the end of the thread.
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