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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on February 24, 2004, at 18:27:07
Today was just one of those days. First, I forgot what time my appointment was, and I couldn't find the card. I went there before her first appointment and waited for her to show up. I was lucky...... I was her first appointment.
I've had a sort of rough week. Memories, chats with my alters... some of whom were a bit upset with me. Some sleepless nights. Some more memories.
Well, in therapy, we started discussing my week. As usual, I brought my journal, but there was one paragraph that I just couldn't read. My T asked if she could read it, and I let her. Right about then, I couldn't catch my breath, and she helped calm me down, but I still wasn't comfortable.
When the session finally ended, she made sure that I wasn't walking (I can't drive anyway), and let me go when she was satisfied.
I like living near public transportation, and took the bus home. I sat in the front so I wouldn't have to look at anyone.
Now, home, I worked on a project with my daughter, and I was completely exhausted. I'm trying to cook supper, but I think it's just too much work. Maybe I'll have cereal.
I've had sessions take alot from me, but this one surpasses all of the others. The strange thing is that I don't remember anything except that one bit of my journal that could have taken this much from me. Then again, I do dissociate, and things have happened in therapy that I didn't remember. I should ask next week.
I think it's time to take it easy. I think I'll watch some movies.
Dee.
Posted by fallsfall on February 24, 2004, at 18:54:13
In reply to Sometimes I hate therapy., posted by deirdrehbrt on February 24, 2004, at 18:27:07
You deserve to take it easy. You are living through difficult times, and your therapist makes you work hard every single week.
Have some ice cream! Cuddle with your cat. Play some music that you like.
Give your teddy bear a kiss from me.
(((((Dee)))))
Posted by Jai Narayan on February 24, 2004, at 20:47:28
In reply to Re: Sometimes I hate therapy. » deirdrehbrt, posted by fallsfall on February 24, 2004, at 18:54:13
I totally encourage you to lay back and just let life stream on by.
You are doing a lot just by being in therapy. The quiet times, the times we just are able to space out, they are quality time.
I think holding and hugging are such a gift.
I hold you in the light.....the light of healing and love.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 25, 2004, at 2:09:28
In reply to Sometimes I hate therapy., posted by deirdrehbrt on February 24, 2004, at 18:27:07
Hello. Take it easy, and take care of yourself for a bit. Therapy can be hard, finding it a bit hard myself at the moment. I hope that your week picks up and you feel better soon.
Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2004, at 9:06:31
In reply to Sometimes I hate therapy., posted by deirdrehbrt on February 24, 2004, at 18:27:07
Are you feeling better? I hate it when a whole day is shot because of therapy. But it sounds as if you have a good therapist who will be willing to help you through it.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on February 25, 2004, at 15:11:52
In reply to Re: Sometimes I hate therapy. » deirdrehbrt, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2004, at 9:06:31
Hi everyone.
Today is still a bit rough, but I have lived through worse. Therapy is incredibly hard, but I know that I have many painful things to work through. I guess that all of this work is the tough part of dissociating... Evrything got packed away long ago and I never dealt with it then. Now, time catches up and if I don't want to be sick, I need to work through them now.
It hurts.
It hurts because I can't go to mommy or daddy. It hurts because I can't go back to my church. It hurts because I can't go to two of my three brothers, and the third couldn't really help.
Some things are good though. I have very good friends. I have my cat. I have bear and some friendly dolls.
My cat guards the bed, sleeping between me and the door to my room. She's ferrocious. She's strong and has sharp claws and doesn't show mercy. She likes my friends. I trust her.
She tells me what she wants... more food, fresh water, to play, to go out, She's very smart.
I finished watching Lawrence of Arabia yesterday. It seems incredible that there were actually men like that in the world. You look at them in awe. Men who would admit that they didn't want to fight, yet fought well. Men who admit that they were scared of doing something, but would do it anyway, because it needed to be done.
I suppose that there were still those, then, who would prey on children, but somehow I think that these other men, the good ones, wouldn't hesitate to come to the rescue of the children.
I think this ends the post.... I'm feeling a bit little right now, and need to get home......
Dee.
Posted by rs on February 25, 2004, at 19:21:12
In reply to Re: Sometimes I hate therapy., posted by deirdrehbrt on February 25, 2004, at 15:11:52
So sorry and it felt like much support to read your posts. Go through the same thing. And yes therapy is so very hard. Especaillly when your there and then not and someone else takes over. Also thanks for sharing about the church. How was today for you if you do not mind if asked. Best to you and thanks for sharing.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on February 26, 2004, at 17:59:12
In reply to Re: Sometimes I hate therapy. » deirdrehbrt, posted by rs on February 25, 2004, at 19:21:12
Well, still down, but at least I'm safe. I've been dissociating for most of the day, and limited my time downtown to things I needed to do. I have my little one (daughter) here tonight. We've been working on a science project growing crystals. I had her start keeping a laboratory notebook to start getting her used to the scientific method. It will also teach her how to know what things are important when taking notes.
I've been really drifting in and out of various states of consciousness; sometimes feeling little, sometimes feeling far away, sometimes feeling completely disconnected from the world. I've come to realize that this sort of thing happens when there is something important to remember percolating up to the surface. It's scary, because it's usually something that's going to hurt. It's much better though, in the long run to just let it happen, try not to dwell on the part that hurts, and deal with that with my therapist.
I guess I'm saying that I'm still depressed, but I'm doing what I can to stay safe. I'm working on accepting things reasonably, that is I know I was hurt, but being angry, denying my past, hurting myself more, all of these things won't help. They still happen, but I can at least recognize that they aren't helpfull.
I'm so glad that you are all here, you've been a great help. It's nice to have people who have experienced some of the same things. It's nice to be able to exchange ideas with people who see where I am and not think I'm nuts. (I suppose, to some eyes, I am nuts, but that's their problem.) I can enjoy being nuts, but don't have to feel like I am.
Well, that's today's update.
Dee.
This is the end of the thread.
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