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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 15 to 39 of 70. Go back in thread:
Posted by Karen_kay on December 8, 2003, at 11:18:33
In reply to luck or a patience of god, posted by Jai Narayan on December 7, 2003, at 13:56:10
I just got through about 3 pages and quit the dating profile. Do I lack patience? I just figured it wasn't worth my time to fidn out there may be some 25 year old frat boy in Tampa Bay florida waiting to meet me. Or better yet, no one is up to par with my standards. What I do find fascinating is the fact that so many of you intelligent people took the time out of your busy schedule to fill out a long survey to make someone else feel better! Also, think aobut most of the people who are answering the questions online. They aren't answering them truthfully! If they want to get a date anyway! That's sweet. I'd take my chances with a stranger!
Posted by Susan J on December 8, 2003, at 12:32:01
In reply to Re: I flunked too » Larry Hoover, posted by fallsfall on December 6, 2003, at 17:32:17
Posted by Larry Hoover on December 8, 2003, at 12:53:08
In reply to LOL! Larry's Way Out of My League!!!! (nm) » fallsfall, posted by Susan J on December 8, 2003, at 12:32:01
Hey!
Are you saying I'm not good enough?
Posted by Susan J on December 8, 2003, at 13:00:21
In reply to Re: LOL! Larry's Way Out of My League!!!! » Susan J, posted by Larry Hoover on December 8, 2003, at 12:53:08
Lar,
>
> Are you saying I'm not good enough?<<Oh, no! You are *too* good for me. A girl's gotta know her limitations! :-p
S.
Posted by fallsfall on December 8, 2003, at 13:10:38
In reply to Re: LOL! Larry's Way Out of My League!!!! » Larry Hoover, posted by Susan J on December 8, 2003, at 13:00:21
Larry and Susan,
My memory stinks these days, so I could be way off base, but wasn't there a time (a couple of months ago?) when the two of you were trading posts back and forth, and we (at least I) were/was teasing you about getting together?
It thought it was you two, But I could be wrong. Maybe I'll get motivated enough to look back...
Posted by Larry Hoover on December 8, 2003, at 13:15:23
In reply to Re: LOL! Larry's Way Out of My League!!!! » Larry Hoover, posted by Susan J on December 8, 2003, at 13:00:21
> Lar,
>
> >
> > Are you saying I'm not good enough?
>
> <<Oh, no! You are *too* good for me. A girl's gotta know her limitations! :-p
>
> S.You just too darn lawy...I mean literal. I be funnin' wit ya...
:-p
Posted by Susan J on December 8, 2003, at 13:28:18
In reply to Re: LOL! Larry's Way Out of My League!!!! » Susan J, posted by fallsfall on December 8, 2003, at 13:10:38
Falls --
>
> My memory stinks these days, so I could be way off base, but wasn't there a time (a couple of months ago?) when the two of you were trading posts back and forth, and we (at least I) were/was teasing you about getting together?
<<Yeah, that was YOU! :-) I can't remember the context -- mighta had something to do with my internet dating dramas... :-)Susan
Posted by Susan J on December 8, 2003, at 13:33:33
In reply to Re: LOL! Larry's Way Out of My League!!!! » Susan J, posted by Larry Hoover on December 8, 2003, at 13:15:23
Or I could write an "Ode to Larry Hoover" that's so long it'd bring this server down! :-)
Posted by Larry Hoover on December 8, 2003, at 15:11:45
In reply to Be Careful Larry » Larry Hoover, posted by Susan J on December 8, 2003, at 13:33:33
> Or I could write an "Ode to Larry Hoover" that's so long it'd bring this server down! :-)
OK, that would be lovely....
Posted by Susan J on December 8, 2003, at 15:21:46
In reply to Be Careful Larry » Larry Hoover, posted by Susan J on December 8, 2003, at 13:33:33
Posted by Jai Narayan on December 8, 2003, at 18:57:57
In reply to I Shall Entitle it *Eh?* ......... (nm) » Susan J, posted by Susan J on December 8, 2003, at 15:21:46
Posted by JadeT on December 9, 2003, at 8:18:42
In reply to luck or a patience of god, posted by Jai Narayan on December 7, 2003, at 13:56:10
> oh honey I was being silly (ps calling someone honey is new for me...I guess I can do it too.)
>
>Jai,
Lar has already spelt out to you that he has a sweetheart. Then he asked you to respect that realm of his life...
So WHY don't you just leave him alone on that point instead of keepin on and on...
Posted by Jai Narayan on December 9, 2003, at 8:54:31
In reply to Re: luck or a patience of god » Jai Narayan, posted by JadeT on December 9, 2003, at 8:18:42
Posted by Jai Narayan on December 9, 2003, at 9:10:22
In reply to Re: luck or a patience of god » Jai Narayan, posted by JadeT on December 9, 2003, at 8:18:42
> Lar has already spelt out to you that he has a sweetheart. Then he asked you to respect that realm of his life...
I thought I had been clear and I thought I had communicated my clairty to him through a post...I am not interested in any way other than friendship....
> So WHY don't you just leave him alone on that point instead of keepin on and on...
>
I am so sorry this has upset you...if I could take back my silly comment I would...but truely I am being silly...
No harm intended...please forgive me, I am still new at all of this and obviously can make mistakes...
peace?
Jai Narayan
Posted by Karen_kay on December 9, 2003, at 11:55:47
In reply to gosh, I'm really sorry., posted by Jai Narayan on December 9, 2003, at 9:10:22
Sheesh! All she did was call him honey! I call people honey all the time too... Is that a big deal? If it is, isn't it his place to point it out, if he feels that it is in fact threatening. I just think there is no point in making her feel accused if there is no reason warrenting the accusation. I say, leave it to Larry. Just my two cents, hun!
Karen
Posted by Jai Narayan on December 9, 2003, at 14:01:53
In reply to Re: gosh, I'm really sorry. » Jai Narayan, posted by Karen_kay on December 9, 2003, at 11:55:47
Dear Karen, I want to thank you for being there for me. I cried with relief and a sweet sadness. I don't very often let myself get too vulnerable. I definitely felt too vulnerable. I just like that you stood there and said what I might have said if it had been someone else. What does this psycho babble do to me? It feels so intimate and yet it's written words from people I hardly know. But I felt like I was out there hanging. Thanks.
I was never good about how to do the right thing. When there are covert rules I get real confused. I thought I was being sweet and kind. I guess I have to stumbled around a lot till I get my center.
If I step on toes…I sure don't mean to.
But one request to all who think or feel that I have said the wrong thing ( in future situations).....be honest with me but please be kind as well?
It hurts any other way.
Jai Narayan
Posted by Dinah on December 9, 2003, at 14:10:11
In reply to Karen , thanks, posted by Jai Narayan on December 9, 2003, at 14:01:53
I really admire how brave you are to be that vulnerable.
I'm sorry you felt hurt. I've been there plenty of times myself, and didn't handle it nearly as graciously as you.
Posted by Jai Narayan on December 9, 2003, at 14:37:24
In reply to Re: ((((Jai)))), posted by Dinah on December 9, 2003, at 14:10:11
This whole thing is giving my jumpy stomach a roller coaster ride. Thanks for your support.
Dinah, a while ago you helped me when I had trouble with my password and you asked me about my name. I went back to try to find that conversation. You asked me what my lovely name meant...that's how you said it. Well I was so touched that the whole experience went into my dreams.
I dreamed that you were whispering that in my ear and I was entranced. It was such an amazing dream...I have no idea how you would have said it in person but in my dreams your voice was lilting and beautiful.
Before I got my name I was in morning meditation asleep and I dreamed someone whispered it in my ear. That name came in the mail weeks later. So to make a long story short??? I love the name too and appreciate that you asked the way you did.
Jai Narayan
Posted by JadeT on December 9, 2003, at 14:55:04
In reply to gosh, I'm really sorry., posted by Jai Narayan on December 9, 2003, at 9:10:22
> > Lar has already spelt out to you that he has a sweetheart. Then he asked you to respect that realm of his life...
>
> I thought I had been clear and I thought I had communicated my clairty to him through a post...I am not interested in any way other than friendship....
> > So WHY don't you just leave him alone on that point instead of keepin on and on...
> >
> I am so sorry this has upset you...if I could take back my silly comment I would...but truely I am being silly...
> No harm intended...please forgive me, I am still new at all of this and obviously can make mistakes...
> peace?
> Jai Narayan
>
>Sure, peace.
I'm sorry it came over so harsh. I should have phrased it better.I just could not work out why anyone would think of starting to call anyone "honey" if it is not something you are used to doing, not something you are comfortable with as in it doesn't come naturally, and they haven't encouraged you? Like why "honey" all of a sudden then?
Perhaps I missed something?So that line , to me, came over all wrong..like it was some game, which you didn't want to stop.
I've been reading on this forum for a couple of months and I've felt uncomfortable...as I think perhaps others may too..but perhaps it is all just me.
I'm sorry if I got it all wrong. Did I miss something?
Please accept my apologies if I've misinterpreted anything,
Jade
Posted by Jai Narayan on December 9, 2003, at 16:20:15
In reply to Re: gosh, I'm really sorry. me2 » Jai Narayan, posted by JadeT on December 9, 2003, at 14:55:04
Really people have felt uncomfortable? With what?
I guess when our friendship started up I asked lots of questions and compared notes about our lives and I was amazed at how similar our lives had been. Even Larry had said, "birds of a feather"... I guess for me it had to settle down to where we just got to defining how we could relate.
I was impressed with Larry…now honestly I don't know for a fact who he is…I am just impressed with the persona that I have interacted with. He's (if Larry is really a he) a kind, intelligent and helpful person. Who wouldn't be impressed?
A lot of his traits are among my most important.
It was an attraction that developed into friendship...I am committed to someone I dearly love and would never threaten that. Larry was clear about where he was at...why would anyone else feel uncomfortable? I am still confused.
But I want to thank you for further communicating with me.I appreciate that it must have been hard for you to have asked these questions. I support your courage in seeking the truth.
Jai Narayan
Posted by JadeT on December 9, 2003, at 19:50:12
In reply to that is so sweet. me2, posted by Jai Narayan on December 9, 2003, at 16:20:15
> Really people have felt uncomfortable? With what?
> I guess when our friendship started up I asked lots of questions and compared notes about our lives and I was amazed at how similar our lives had been. Even Larry had said, "birds of a feather"... I guess for me it had to settle down to where we just>got to defining how we could relate.
Exactly, but I think Lar tried to very succinctly but kindly define "how we could relate"
> I was impressed with Larry…now honestly I don't know for a fact who he is…I am just impressed with the persona that I have interacted with. He's (if Larry is really a he) a kind, intelligent and helpful person. Who wouldn't be impressed?
That's so sweet...
And yes he is, isn't he...and most people on this site are extremely grateful for his help and kind words. His help to some have really made a huge difference in their lives...but your reaction came across to me as being overexaggerated...especially considering all it appeared you did was have a chat about a few things like going out in a canoe with your partner to watch some birds?
Of course again, maybe I am missing something?....but that how it came across to me.Also "(if Larry is a he)"...here again, well I guess I should give you the benefit of doubt too..perhaps you react like that to females and males? no judgements being made, of course...
But again your words were exaggerated to the point where it did cause "discomfort" to me reading it, and I assume to many others ..not to mention probably Larry himself or his sweetheart.
A lot of his traits are among my most important.
> It was an attraction that developed into friendship...I am committed to someone I dearly love and would never threaten that. Larry was clear about where he was at...why would anyone else feel uncomfortable? I am still confused.That's so sweet too, but you still haven't answered my Question of why you felt you should call him honey when it wasn't a custom of yours and nothing has occurred that I can see to cause this change....
I still cannot work out why anyone would think of starting to call anyone "honey" if it is not something you are used to doing, not something you are comfortable with as in it doesn't come naturally, and they haven't encouraged you?
Like why "honey" all of a sudden then?
and what did "I guess I can do it too" mean exactly?..like why start now and then post that ..like you are doing "it" too even though you feel uncomfortable doing it?..for no reason I can work out? and what does too mean..?
Perhaps I missed something, but that line can be taken quite a no of ways?As I posted before ...That line, to me, came over all wrong..like it was some game, which you didn't want to stop.
> But I want to thank you for further communicating with me.thank you too
>
> I appreciate that it must have been hard for you to have asked these questions. I support your courage in seeking the truth.
> Jai NarayanThanks again Jai.. it must be hard for you to face these questions and I appreciate your attempts to answer.
Jade
Posted by six on December 9, 2003, at 20:25:35
In reply to Re: that is so sweet. me2 » Jai Narayan, posted by JadeT on December 9, 2003, at 19:50:12
Thank-you Jade, for broaching such a delicate topic.
Yes people have been made to feel uncomfortable
I am one of them. Jai I don't know if you can see this or not, but Lar, has tried to establish clear boundaries several times and it hasn't worked, that's why it has come to this. Of course no one wanted you to feel bad.When you refer to yourself as a red-blooded woman who can't wait to hear from him, Or become upset when he doesn't answer your posts when you think he should, and advertise your upset in the subject headings for everyone to see, it puts someone in an a terrible position.
You say you want to be friends, friendships take time, and they require listening.After Lar's second reminder, this was when you called him honey.. no in itself this calling someone honey IS no big deal, however its not something you normally do, and you pointed this out to him. And you did this AFTER he asked you to tone things down.
It does appear to be a game. And yes he is being put in a very awkward position, I know this to be true.
You speak of kindness frequently
but kindness is an action, and I believe there are other people's feelings to consider here.
If this was truly not your intention, then perhaps its a kindness that Jade let you know how your actions are coming across, as hard as that might be to take.
Posted by six on December 9, 2003, at 20:28:20
In reply to Re: gosh, I'm really sorry. » Jai Narayan, posted by Karen_kay on December 9, 2003, at 11:55:47
Karen please don't assume Jade was being nasty by taking one post out of context. Its an easy thing to do, but appearances can be decieving.
Posted by JadeT on December 9, 2003, at 21:39:56
In reply to Re: that is so sweet. me2 » JadeT, posted by six on December 9, 2003, at 20:25:35
I'm sorry to hear you were made to feel uncomfortable by this.
And yes, I was hoping that,..just by taking one small example... I could let Jai know how her posts are coming across and show how they are causing discomfort, .. so that I could hopefully prevent any further discomfort.
We are all interconnected so Lar's discomfort and his sweetheart's if she reads these posts are being felt by many.
Jade
six....you express it so well
Posted by Larry Hoover on December 10, 2003, at 6:26:21
In reply to Re: gosh, I'm really sorry. » Jai Narayan, posted by Karen_kay on December 9, 2003, at 11:55:47
> Sheesh! All she did was call him honey!
No, that's not all she did. In this instance, that's correct, but it is the sequence of events that carries the significance and the feeling of offense. Context is all important.
> I call people honey all the time too... Is that a big deal? If it is, isn't it his place to point it out, if he feels that it is in fact threatening.
Two issues arise: a) I had already stated that the consequence for failing to heed the expression of my discomfort would be my unwillingness to take part in any further discourse with Jai. Present circumstances argue against silence at this time...; b) it is a big deal. It matters little that the intent was innocent. I speak of the impact, of my reaction, of my feelings. Coming so closely on the heels of my expression of my boundaries, well....at the very least, it was insensitive.
> I just think there is no point in making her feel accused if there is no reason warrenting the accusation. I say, leave it to Larry.
The posters who have raised issues here, Jade and six, are in fact in full knowledge of my feelings. In essence, there is full justification for their posts. They both knew just how uncomfortable I have become with not having my clearly expressed boundaries respected. They knew I was upset. They knew I didn't want to post. They knew it was important to offer me support. They have both talked to me at great length. They are both fully aware of how I really feel. They are both speaking from their own hearts.
> Just my two cents, hun!
> KarenWill all due respect, I would ask you to back away from the issue for the time being.
I have spent way too much time and energy on this. I wanted it to just go away, but it's not going to, apparently. I have all kinds of supporting people in my non-Babble world, and they are perhaps tired of seeing the extent of my discomfort, coming as it does at a time of my not feeling strong already. They exhibited courage in coming forward at a time when I was not so able, and I am grateful for their support. Let me assure you that they do speak with me, but not for me.
Sincerely,
Lar
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