Posted by Larry Hoover on December 10, 2003, at 6:26:21
In reply to Re: gosh, I'm really sorry. » Jai Narayan, posted by Karen_kay on December 9, 2003, at 11:55:47
> Sheesh! All she did was call him honey!
No, that's not all she did. In this instance, that's correct, but it is the sequence of events that carries the significance and the feeling of offense. Context is all important.
> I call people honey all the time too... Is that a big deal? If it is, isn't it his place to point it out, if he feels that it is in fact threatening.
Two issues arise: a) I had already stated that the consequence for failing to heed the expression of my discomfort would be my unwillingness to take part in any further discourse with Jai. Present circumstances argue against silence at this time...; b) it is a big deal. It matters little that the intent was innocent. I speak of the impact, of my reaction, of my feelings. Coming so closely on the heels of my expression of my boundaries, well....at the very least, it was insensitive.
> I just think there is no point in making her feel accused if there is no reason warrenting the accusation. I say, leave it to Larry.
The posters who have raised issues here, Jade and six, are in fact in full knowledge of my feelings. In essence, there is full justification for their posts. They both knew just how uncomfortable I have become with not having my clearly expressed boundaries respected. They knew I was upset. They knew I didn't want to post. They knew it was important to offer me support. They have both talked to me at great length. They are both fully aware of how I really feel. They are both speaking from their own hearts.
> Just my two cents, hun!
> KarenWill all due respect, I would ask you to back away from the issue for the time being.
I have spent way too much time and energy on this. I wanted it to just go away, but it's not going to, apparently. I have all kinds of supporting people in my non-Babble world, and they are perhaps tired of seeing the extent of my discomfort, coming as it does at a time of my not feeling strong already. They exhibited courage in coming forward at a time when I was not so able, and I am grateful for their support. Let me assure you that they do speak with me, but not for me.
Sincerely,
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:287090
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031207/msgs/288269.html