![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kara lynne on November 2, 2003, at 16:11:17
Hello to anyone reading.
I'm trying to keep from spinning out on fear--suddenly faced with circumstances that are putting me into survival/ financial panic. I have always had this fear, but now it's a reality--along with finding out I've accrued a huge debt that I thought had been taken care of. I'm also dealing with the crazy making unreliability of my father, who lead me to believe one thing and ended up meaning another--a life long pattern.
I have gone through life mistrustful; always concerned that people don't mean what they say, or have a hidden agenda. I see now that that is exactly how it is in my family; on the outside everything is fine, but danger is always looming underneath the surface. I even asked my father a few weeks ago to tell me what was going on because I could sense something was up, but he continued to deny it and said everything was fine he just 'wanted to have lunch with me'. Fool that I am I believed him.
Turns out he was waiting for me to finish my last exam to tell me the truth, which may appear benevolent but ends up causing far more damage. If I am detecting something and asking about it, I much prefer to be told. Othewise I'm in a constant state of anxiety and my world is not congruent with my feeling state. The other day he wanted to 'go to lunch' again. I asked him, pleaded with him actually, to just tell me what he had to say over the phone. So he let me know he could no longer give me any financial help, and that I'll have to take over an enormous student loan that he had originally promised--happily--to pay. It was his gift to me to put me through school, he made almost a ceremonial speech about it when I began. Although that part won't be until when he dies, he is getting old--and if I'd known I was going to have to pay for it I would have planned differently. If you saw where I live you would understand that I have not been 'kept' in the lap of luxury. Just enough to keep me in a constant state of anxiety. My father has controlled and manipulated me with his 'help', and I have been working to get out from underneath that. Still the way he did it was humiliating and unfair, and took me completely by surprise. Actually, it didn't take *me* at all into consideration---if he had let me in on his machinations I might have been able to start preparing a little better for this.
I have a lot of guilt and shame around this issue, and I don't think people have a lot of sympathy for a grown woman who can't take care of herself financially. I hesitate to even post this for that reason, and that without understanding the circumstances it would be easy for people to assume I've been coddled all my life by rich parents. Nothing could be further from the truth. They are not rich, and I was not coddled. It's hard to try to articulate this without sounding like I am arguing for my collapse. My family crippled me emotionally, and then judged me horrifically for not being able to function better. I don't even want to say that, because the obvious response is that it is up to me to take responsibility for myself, probably starting 20 years ago. But we are all faced with different wounded areas, and this is mine. A big, gaping, glaring, embarassing defect: here it is for the world to see.
I am starting from a disempowered state, having never known success. Fear as a motivator seems like it can work both ways--desperation will probably repel the very help I need, but urgency might overpower decades of paralysis. I'm overwhelmed; not only do I come into this having to support myself, but knowing I have what seems like an insurmountable amount of money to pay off. I'm starting off so far in the red I want to give up before I get out of bed. And I couldn't find much reason to get out of bed before this.
My default position is 'I want to die'. It's what I go to when I wake up in the middle of the night alone, what I think first thing in the morning when I wake up. But as someone so sagely pointed out recently--I will die. And of course my immediate response to that is that I don't want to. I don't understand how those two things live together, but they do: the desire to die and the fear of death.
I went to school for four years, got licensed by my state and hopefully by the national board--I'll find out about that in a couple of weeks. It would be easy for me to let it all fade into the abyss and never claim what I learned. Like I've said before, I'm plagued with the imposter syndrome, convinced that everyone around me knows some secret that I missed along the way.
It's going to take a quantum leap: I have to market myself like I'm worth something, ask for money like I deserve it. I have to start without being perfect before I begin. I have to get supplies, make a resume from virtually nothing (Miller...are you there? I'm going to email you...). My current employer (where I work mostly for trade) says I can start to see people at her office, and I wouldn't have to worry about any overhead, at least for now.
Most of the women I run into have worked since they were they were in the womb, it seems. It's like a taboo not to be in this tribe. Doing even simple things while dealing with depression and med changes has taken Herculean effort for me. I don't see how I will possibly be able to manage the task at hand. The paradox is that of course some of this depression will be alleviated by self-reliance, and the self-confidence that comes with accomplishment. So I need what I'll get by doing something before I've done it. I guess that's where the faith issue comes in for me--how do you get faith when you don't have it? I better not use that word too much or I'll have to switch boards.
Thanks for reading this is you have. I'd be happy to hear hello if you feel like saying it, but nothing admonishing if you can help it.
Posted by KellyD on November 2, 2003, at 16:25:27
In reply to Fear and loneliness; long and laden., posted by kara lynne on November 2, 2003, at 16:11:17
Your heartfelt, deep, and very moving post has brought me to a very humble place. I find myself seeing a woman who can articulate her pain, her frustration, and something I think she does not realize - her strength.
I am moved and I wish for you what I know your strength will bring you, a resolution to your difficulties. Life is a challange and I'm truly sorry for the challanges that have been put before you. They are not of your making, but they are within your power to deal with.
I'm a stranger to you, but I can see greatness in you.
Kelly
Posted by judy1 on November 2, 2003, at 16:27:51
In reply to Fear and loneliness; long and laden., posted by kara lynne on November 2, 2003, at 16:11:17
It sounds like you're setting yourself up- staring at what you perceive as a 'herculean' task, and having little self-esteem to surmount it. Obviously you're an intelligent person who had the ambition and work ethic to complete your education and boards. You accomplished that, no one else did it for you. Set up small goals for yourself, it sounds like you already achieved one-a place to work provided by your employer. What's the next goal? A resume?- okay you mentioned e-mailing Miller. Just go on from there, one at a time- not so herculean after all, is it? Try not to spend so much time in the past, what our family has done 'to' us is over, our lives are under our control now. one day at a time...(and what an exciting time for you now!)
I wish you all the best- judy
Posted by kara lynne on November 2, 2003, at 17:23:36
In reply to Re: Fear and loneliness; long and laden. » kara lynne, posted by judy1 on November 2, 2003, at 16:27:51
Hi judy,
Thanks for your post. I was afraid of coming off 'victim-y'--dwelling on what was done in the past. I had hoped to make it clear that I was trying not to do that, but maybe it didn't convey. It's a hard call, trying to explain something without coming off like you're justifying it.
I do appreciate the encouragement.
Posted by kara lynne on November 2, 2003, at 17:28:09
In reply to Re: Fear and loneliness; long and laden., posted by KellyD on November 2, 2003, at 16:25:27
Dear Kelly,
What a few kind words can do never ceases to amaze me. It gives me the strength to get out the front door--after I wipe the tears away.Thank you, kind stranger.
Posted by karen_kay on November 2, 2003, at 17:53:15
In reply to Re: Fear and loneliness; long and laden/ kelly, posted by kara lynne on November 2, 2003, at 17:28:09
What a wonderful opportunity for you! This is really your chance to shine. You can finally show your family that you owe them nothing, that you can accomplish everything on your own. And the best way to start it is one small step at a time. And repaying the debt is really just making small payments at a time. I owe a large amount in student loans, but I figure the price of my education (and my mental health!!) is worth so much more to me than the money amount (and believe me it is quite large. Trust me, I have a feeling, one day you may just be thanking him for not owing him another thing ever again!! I am really happy for you! Karen
Posted by KellyD on November 2, 2003, at 18:28:49
In reply to Re: Fear and loneliness; long and laden/ kelly, posted by kara lynne on November 2, 2003, at 17:28:09
I am in your corner. You have accomplished so much. That is greatness. You will accomplish so much more - I KNOW it.
Love to you,
Kelly
Posted by Emme on November 2, 2003, at 19:09:57
In reply to Fear and loneliness; long and laden., posted by kara lynne on November 2, 2003, at 16:11:17
Hi Kara Lynne,
I just wrote you this really long message and I didn'thit the final button to enter it! So let me see if I can remember it. Here's the cliff's notes version - it'll sound disjointed.
I'm really sorry you're in such a tight spot.
Congrats on finishing your exams! Excellent! YOu functioned under very very difficult circumstances.
Your father sounds like a crazy-maker. It's rotten that he dumped a financial burden on you with no opportunity for you to plan. But...now you are not dependent on him and you can decide how much contact you want with this damaging person. In exchange for the nasty burden, you get some control in the process.
I know the imposter feeling. But you are no imposter. You are doing it!
I'm glad you have a place to work from.
DO NOT compare yourself to what you perceive to be other people's successes!!! You'll make yourself even more miserable. I know - I'm very good at it myself. Everyone is on their own path. There is *nothing* wrong with being on a timetable different than some other people's. You just haven't hit your stride yet. It's coming. We're rooting for you.
Emme
Posted by Dinah on November 2, 2003, at 23:09:55
In reply to Fear and loneliness; long and laden., posted by kara lynne on November 2, 2003, at 16:11:17
I know that it's quite a shock to you, and I don't blame you for being upset.
But I also have every confidence that you can rise to this challenge. You've got the schooling. You've taken the test. You're all set to do what you need to do to take your place in your profession. Don't worry about feeling like an impostor at first. I suspect all professionals do. :)
Posted by deirdrehbrt on November 2, 2003, at 23:19:52
In reply to Fear and loneliness; long and laden., posted by kara lynne on November 2, 2003, at 16:11:17
Boy do I know what you mean about the "imposter" stuff. I was talking about that with my therapist last week. I think that this is just my (and your?) impression, but really the rest of the world doesn't know any more than we do. I don't know how to convince myself that it is true. If I figure it out, I'll let you know.
Sounds like your dad is panicking a bit. Maybe if you found out a little more about why he changed his mind you would feel better.
Paying the loan yourself doesn't sound like much fun at all, but if you have to do it, I would think that you could figure out a way to make that happen.
I think part of your fear is because you aren't convinced that you will be able to use your new career. Why would you have less competence than other people who have passed the classes and the tests? Are you afraid that doing your job badly will hurt other people? Maybe you can investigate these fears (with someone who is currently doing the job, or with your teachers)?
One step at a time. You don't have to have paid the whole thing already.
It will be OK.
Posted by kara lynne on November 3, 2003, at 0:14:51
In reply to Re: Fear and loneliness; long and laden. » kara lynne, posted by deirdrehbrt on November 2, 2003, at 23:19:52
You're so sweet--all of you who have written. It sounds like you know exactly what I'm talking about dierdre, down to that I want to have the entire loan paid off yesterday. I guess I have a bit of adjusting to do.
And you must have been talking to fallsfall or something because you guys gave me almost exactly the same advice--including the same explanation about my father! I like that. And it couldn't come from better people.
I most definitely have those competence issues. My therapist says that the only way to
overcome them is to start.It really is a matter of keeping it one step at a time--and taking it.
Thank you so much.
Posted by kara lynne on November 3, 2003, at 0:22:32
In reply to Re: Fear and loneliness; long and laden. » kara lynne, posted by Emme on November 2, 2003, at 19:09:57
Yes, you captured the essence of my dear dad. And also that this is an opportunity for my freedom--I just wish it wasn't so--great an opportunity, if you know what I mean. My counselor said a similar thing to you--that I will get my life back.
Oh and can we talk about not comparing. That's a constant challenge for me--constant. If I could get that together I'd be a lot more at peace.
Thank you for reminding me, and for writing such a nice, long post even if it did disappear.
Posted by kara lynne on November 3, 2003, at 0:31:51
In reply to Re: Fear and loneliness; long and laden/ kelly, posted by karen_kay on November 2, 2003, at 17:53:15
Hi karen,
I hope you're right, and that this is a chance for me. I just wish I could have been in a better position, able go to him with the idea when I was ready, you know? But things didn't work out that way. Unfortunately I can't imagine ever getting to the point where I feel like I owe them nothing. But hopefully I will be able to channel at least some of this anxiety into the action necessary to make a life. Then maybe I can re-evaluate.Thanks for understanding.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on November 3, 2003, at 8:58:53
In reply to Re: Fear and loneliness; long and laden./dierdre, posted by kara lynne on November 3, 2003, at 0:14:51
Hello Kara,
Dee sounds like she has been talking to me because I was the one who wrote this post.
I explain all in the Oops! thread below.
Sorry, I didn't mean to mislead you!
Posted by Larry Hoover on November 3, 2003, at 9:21:53
In reply to Fear and loneliness; long and laden., posted by kara lynne on November 2, 2003, at 16:11:17
> Hello to anyone reading.
>
> I'm trying to keep from spinning out on fear--I learned an acronym for fear.....False Expectations Appearing Real. What is running through your brain is worse than reality might ever send your way.
> So he let me know he could no longer give me any financial help, and that I'll have to take over an enormous student loan that he had originally promised--happily--to pay. It was his gift to me to put me through school, he made almost a ceremonial speech about it when I began.
Maybe it was to get you to go? All events have pros and cons.
> I have a lot of guilt and shame around this issue, and I don't think people have a lot of sympathy for a grown woman who can't take care of herself financially.
It seems that you are in a place that you *can* do so. I challenge your assumption.
>I hesitate to even post this for that reason, and that without understanding the circumstances it would be easy for people to assume I've been coddled all my life by rich parents.
Your feared assumption never even occurred to me.
> I don't even want to say that, because the obvious response is that it is up to me to take responsibility for myself, probably starting 20 years ago.
Today is a good starting point for decision making.
> I am starting from a disempowered state, having never known success.
You've completed a lengthy training program, and passed the exams. (You know you passed.)
> Fear as a motivator seems like it can work both ways--desperation will probably repel the very help I need, but urgency might overpower decades of paralysis.
Fear can be a tool, if you direct the energy towards achieving resolution of the fear.
> I'm overwhelmed; not only do I come into this having to support myself, but knowing I have what seems like an insurmountable amount of money to pay off.
Notice you use the word "seems". I'm challenging your assumptions and expectations.....that's all I'm doing.
> I'm starting off so far in the red I want to give up before I get out of bed. And I couldn't find much reason to get out of bed before this.
But, you did get out of bed. And you will get out of bed. Your behaviour belies your fear.
> I don't understand how those two things live together, but they do: the desire to die and the fear of death.
The simultaneous existence of both is what keeps
the former from occurring.> I went to school for four years, got licensed by my state and hopefully by the national board--I'll find out about that in a couple of weeks.
Looks like success to me.
> It would be easy for me to let it all fade into the abyss and never claim what I learned.
Would it, really?
> Like I've said before, I'm plagued with the imposter syndrome, convinced that everyone around me knows some secret that I missed along the way.
I know the imposter syndrome well. I grew up with what I now call "The Myth of the Perfect Person". Somewhere, out there, was a perfect person. They never got angry. They never made mistakes. What I didn't realize was that they never existed.
Here's where your description takes on a factual tone. These are the next steps on your path, one you chose quite some time ago. They were inevitable steps, whether or not your Dad is a jerk.
> It's going to take a quantum leap:
It's going to be next step....
> I have to market myself like I'm worth something,
.....because you are?
> ask for money like I deserve it.
....because you do?
> I have to start without being perfect before I begin.
Ahhhh! You've heard of the Perfect Person yourself.
> I have to get supplies,
Yes, a reasonable next step.
> make a resume from virtually nothing (Miller...are you there? I'm going to email you...).
How 'bout stopping with "make a resume"?
> My current employer (where I work mostly for trade) says I can start to see people at her office, and I wouldn't have to worry about any overhead, at least for now.
So, live for now, then. All things, in their time. You will figure things out, if you get out of your own way.
> Most of the women I run into have worked since they were they were in the womb, it seems. It's like a taboo not to be in this tribe.
Why carry that awful burder around with you?
> Doing even simple things while dealing with depression and med changes has taken Herculean effort for me.
I have no doubt of that. Please note, you are comparing yourself to Hercules, and the comparison is valid.
> I don't see how I will possibly be able to manage the task at hand.
The task at hand is manageable, if you don't try to solve all the problems that you foresee in the rest of your life, today. Pick one. Then, go on to another.
> The paradox is that of course some of this depression will be alleviated by self-reliance, and the self-confidence that comes with accomplishment.
So, feel the fear, but do it anyway.
> So I need what I'll get by doing something before I've done it.
I would argue that you're carrying around too much, and you need to do less. Put down the fear, and you'll be able to do something else instead.
> I guess that's where the faith issue comes in for me--how do you get faith when you don't have it?
There is always something you have faith in. You're seeing your life as a single task. You're lumping everything together. It's the collection that is overwhelming, while the individual tasks are quite doable. Break down bigger tasks into smaller ones, until you find your level of manageability. Until your faith in yourself is clear.
You can do it. You've done it all your life, but you've been taught to ignore your successes, and your competencies. For example, you're a gifted writer.
> I better not use that word too much or I'll have to switch boards.
That's a different kind of faith.
> Thanks for reading this is you have. I'd be happy to hear hello if you feel like saying it, but nothing admonishing if you can help it.
I hope I came across as supportive. I hope so.
Lar
Posted by Susan J on November 3, 2003, at 10:22:06
In reply to Re: Fear and loneliness; long and laden. » kara lynne, posted by Larry Hoover on November 3, 2003, at 9:21:53
>>I learned an acronym for fear.....False Expectations Appearing Real. What is running through your brain is worse than reality might ever send your way.
<<Even though you're helping out Kara Lynne, just wanted to say that's really helpful to *me* too. Great way to look at things! Thanks. I needed that right now...
Susan
Posted by Ilene on November 3, 2003, at 17:46:17
In reply to Fear and loneliness; long and laden., posted by kara lynne on November 2, 2003, at 16:11:17
> Hello to anyone reading.
>
> I'm trying to keep from spinning out on fear--suddenly faced with circumstances that are putting me into survival/ financial panic. I have always had this fear, but now it's a reality--along with finding out I've accrued a huge debt that I thought had been taken care of. I'm also dealing with the crazy making unreliability of my father, who lead me to believe one thing and ended up meaning another--a life long pattern.
>
>
>
So he let me know he could no longer give me any financial help, and that I'll have to take over an enormous student loan that he had originally promised--happily--to pay. It was his gift to me to put me through school, he made almost a ceremonial speech about it when I began. Although that part won't be until when he dies, he is getting old--and if I'd known I was going to have to pay for it I would have planned differently. If you saw where I live you would understand that I have not been 'kept' in the lap of luxury. Just enough to keep me in a constant state of anxiety. My father has controlled and manipulated me with his 'help', and I have been working to get out from underneath that. Still the way he did it was humiliating and unfair, and took me completely by surprise. Actually, it didn't take *me* at all into consideration---if he had let me in on his machinations I might have been able to start preparing a little better for this.
>Who signed for the loan? You alone? And your dad said he would pay it back?
Students default on their loans all the time. Not that I'm recommending you do so, but it's not unknown, esp. when the economy is down. You just have to wrap your mind around the new situation.
Which reminds me--my daughter owes me $5.
Ilene
Posted by kara lynne on November 3, 2003, at 21:07:51
In reply to Re: Fear and loneliness; long and laden. » kara lynne, posted by Larry Hoover on November 3, 2003, at 9:21:53
After I'm successful of course, so I can keep you in the manner to which you've become accustomed. I have more to say but no time to say it---so for now I'll just say
thank you.
((((lar))))
Posted by kara lynne on November 3, 2003, at 21:14:21
In reply to Re: Fear and loneliness; long and laden. » kara lynne, posted by Ilene on November 3, 2003, at 17:46:17
Yes, my father offered to make it possible for me to go to school, promising to pay the loans--down to advising me how much to take out. His exact words were that he would be 'happy to be able to do that for me', along with a ceremonial speech about how he was doing it because he had faith in me, and that was a symbol of it, and even if it was a hardship it meant that much to him, and on and on. But I guess he couldn't follow through with his promise financially.
Now go get that $5 before it accrues interest!
Posted by octopusprime on November 3, 2003, at 21:14:54
In reply to Re: Fear and loneliness; long and laden. » kara lynne, posted by Ilene on November 3, 2003, at 17:46:17
hello kara lynne!
crushing debt is bad for the old mental health. been there, stole the t-shirt.
i can empathize with your situation. it is tough tough tough to feel like you are starting with nothing, and in a place where you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
but there is that light at the end of the tunnel. one resume, one chance meeting, one opportunity, it starts the ball rolling. one small payment. one day. one hour. one minute. they build on each other and they add up.
"it's darkest just before the dawn" -- think about that. when you have nothing left to lose there is only everything to gain.
over the course of a little more than a year i've managed to pay down a chunk of debt. i thought this would be impossible, but it's not. and i do feel the sense of accomplishment when i see the numbers get smaller. the sense of accomplishment grows when i remember that i did it all myself, even if i didn't particularly feel like it, even if i didn't think i could.
we summon the strength within ourselves to rise to our challenges. make up your resume. take a chance. think of a better future, and visualize a place a year or two down the road where you are practicing your chosen profession, taking small steps to financial independence, and regaining control of your life.
it's possible. we're rooting for you.
Posted by Larry Hoover on November 4, 2003, at 9:00:02
In reply to Larry: will you marry me?, posted by kara lynne on November 3, 2003, at 21:07:51
> After I'm successful of course, so I can keep you in the manner to which you've become accustomed.
Uhhh, poverty?
> I have more to say but no time to say it---so for now I'll just say
>
> thank you.
>
> ((((lar))))Thanks, sweetheart. And you're welcome.
I wasn's sure how you'd take what I said, but I guess you liked it. :-)
Lar
Posted by kara lynne on November 4, 2003, at 14:32:41
In reply to a crossroads, posted by octopusprime on November 3, 2003, at 21:14:54
Dear octo,
Hi! How have you been? It was good to hear from you, thank you.Yesterday I went into the place I go a lot for lunch near my work. The woman asked me when I was going to start practicing--she asked me once before. Octo, I have tried every which way to dart away from this eventuality. I have tried 'just not doing it' in every conceivable manner. Alas, I fear I have run out of escape routes.
I started squirming when she asked me. I should have been thrilled, right? A client! Prospective income, a possible life.... But instead I can only think, 'I can't possibly do this. She has seen someone before me for this problem and I will definitely not be as good. I have no experience, I'm a fraud. My hands will shake (that's a real problem for me when I get nervous--it usually abates once I start something but it's such an embarassing giveaway). People say 'act as if' but it's hard when your body betrays you. I talked to a surgeon the other day--no, I am nowhere near a surgeon, but in the alternative healing profession--and she takes a beta blocker before she operates. She said they teach the students to do that in med school--so I have some sitting on my table, and I'm hoping they won't cause me any problems. But I'm worried they'll make me dopey (er).
As an intern in school I never really hit a comfortable stride. I saw it in other people but I was dealing with such internal struggle that it was exhausting emotionally to get through the day. I won't say 'Herculean effort' because it's too melodramatic, but it didn't provide me the confidence I'd hoped it would. I'm not saying I didn't have successes because I did. But it felt like it took so much life force that sometimes I wondered if it was worth it.
Of course this will be different; it won't be the oppressive environment of school and I will be paid instead of paying for my efforts. I have to be willing to let it be a process--I think it was Louise Hay who said she used to not like public speaking because she knew how much punishment she would receive from herself when she finished--for everything she might have done wrong. Well I am waiting for my internal flogger at any moment, ready to pounce at every possible opportunity. That's worse almost than any real eventuality (wellll almost, but very near) or possible screw up.
So that is where I stand. I went to get business cards Friday and it was much too difficult to choose. How can anyone expect me to choose which paper to have my business cards on! At least I'm focusing on the important things, right?
Thanks for the encouragement--really.
Posted by kara lynne on November 4, 2003, at 14:39:41
In reply to Re: Larry: will you marry me? » kara lynne, posted by Larry Hoover on November 4, 2003, at 9:00:02
-I guess you liked it. :-)-
I guess so. I keep looking for the chink in your armor (my competitive streak), but you're making it really difficult for me.
Was the F.E.A.R. anacronym handed down from Bill? If so I want to ask you a few things at some point. If not I still want to marry you. But ...it looks like I'll have to stand in line ; )
Posted by octopusprime on November 5, 2003, at 0:06:58
In reply to Re: a crossroads/ octo, posted by kara lynne on November 4, 2003, at 14:32:41
hi kara lynne.
i have been well. i have been taking time to drum and read. while i have not been terribly productive or social, i am feeling quite calm.i read your reply. i see the instinctual human fear of change. oh no! change! where's that rock i can hide under while change is happening? ack!
while fear of change is only natural, all we can do is acknowledge it and play on. meditate on it. (how is the meditating going?) bring your fear out of the closet and try to minimize it. personally, while i do fear change, i am very good at ignoring the BIG PINK ELEPHANTS in the room (fear) and playing on. i think it is an acquired skill. stillness frightens me more than change.
now manifestations of fear are real, i have them too. my hands shake when i'm nervous. then again, they shake when i hold full cups of hot liquids. i blame it on the caffeine or advancing parkinsonism <grin> if anybody asks; they rarely do. our bugaboos loom larger in our minds.
now i'll quote and edit:
> As an intern in school ... I'm not saying I didn't have successes because I did.
here is the focus. of course you are learning, and you will not be as good as people who have been practicing for a long time -- that makes you a novice, not a fraud.
focus on the successes and finding them again.
i know it seems like an uphill climb and a struggle.
but the only way to find the happiness you deserve is to put one foot in front of the other and chase the hard successes. it does get easier. promise.i just got back from drum class. the spirit of big booty is watching you. :)
ps - a nice heavyweight linen is always nice for paper. be sure it scans, photocopies, and faxes well!
Posted by Larry Hoover on November 6, 2003, at 11:41:15
In reply to Re: Larry: will you marry me?, posted by kara lynne on November 4, 2003, at 14:39:41
> -I guess you liked it. :-)-
>
> I guess so. I keep looking for the chink in your armor (my competitive streak), but you're making it really difficult for me.<Spock eyebrow>
> Was the F.E.A.R. anacronym handed down from Bill?
I heard it while 12-stepping.
> If so I want to ask you a few things at some point. If not I still want to marry you.
<grin>
> But ...it looks like I'll have to stand in line ; )
Line? What line!?
Hugs,
Lar
This is the end of the thread.
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