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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Alii on February 2, 2003, at 4:09:32
Which is worse?
Heartache eventually heals.
Depression seems to be the world on my Atlas shoulders.
A non eating, non sleeping, constantly crying Alii
Posted by shar on February 2, 2003, at 4:29:42
In reply to Heartache and depression, posted by Alii on February 2, 2003, at 4:09:32
I'm sorry to hear you are non-eating and non-sleeping and crying. I have had days of misery like that that, too. As you said, heartache ends, and that may make the depression more manageable.
In the meantime, eating would be a good thing to do, even if it's just slim fast (it's a meal, so they say...I use them pretty frequently because I have a hard time eating) or top ramen or toast.
Hope your Sunday will bring some sleep.
Shar
Posted by Dinah on February 2, 2003, at 9:39:25
In reply to Heartache and depression, posted by Alii on February 2, 2003, at 4:09:32
I'm sorry about your loss, Alii. Would it help to talk about it?
Posted by Alii on February 3, 2003, at 2:33:45
In reply to Re: I'm sorry » Alii, posted by Dinah on February 2, 2003, at 9:39:25
> I'm sorry about your loss, Alii. Would it help to talk about it?
All I can say now is six years and I get a one and a half page dear john/jane letter. Six years and that is the passive aggressive bs I get?!Plus note is that I did a 13 hr couse over Fri-Sun; it was a self defense course with full padded attackers and full force defense, some fairly intense bodily memories came up the entire weekend and to do it with a broken heart.
I must say despite the absolute dread I came home to tonight to this empty house I know I am a strong person and have confronted one demon from the past that I will no longer allow to keep me back.
Thank you to Shar as well for your kind words.
I'm in shock. Totally wiped out by this.
--Alii
Posted by jodie on February 3, 2003, at 2:44:01
In reply to Heartache and depression, posted by Alii on February 2, 2003, at 4:09:32
Sorry to hear you are feeling so bad!!! You sound like you're going through a tough time. I go through those phases. I call them my "crying spells" It seems to last for a week, I let myself go, like not eating, and staying inside, blinds shut, in my pj's all day.
You've had some good advice in the previous posts. Please try & eat. Yes, Slim Fast is a meal, or you can always try something like Ensure or Boost.
For some reason when I get in one of these moods, I find a bowl of cereal is easy for me to eat, even if I have one for all 3 meals. I'm not talking about Apple Jacks or Cocoa Puffs, but a healthy cereal.
Hope you get to feeling better!!!
Jodie
Posted by Dinah on February 3, 2003, at 2:49:49
In reply to Re: I'm sorry, posted by Alii on February 3, 2003, at 2:33:45
Wow. I really am sorry. That was a rotten thing to do. A letter. I guess it isn't all that comforting to know that you're probably better off without someone who breaks off a long term relationship with a letter.
I can't even imagine how rotten you're feeling over this, but I know you're strong enough to get through it. I have to confess to being glad this didn't happen a few months ago before you had your support system in place.
Take care of yourself, Alii, and give yourself all the comfort you can.
Dinah
Posted by horridmonster on February 5, 2003, at 20:39:58
In reply to Heartache and depression, posted by Alii on February 2, 2003, at 4:09:32
Alii - How are you? Thinking about you and hoping you're hanging in there. Writing - whether on line or in your own private noptebook, might help...damn. Heart pain sucks. It does sound like you're doing some good very good for you things like this workshop you took. Just wanted you to know this complete stranger is thinking of you and sending healthy thoughts. -horridmonster
Posted by lostsailor on February 6, 2003, at 11:35:34
In reply to Heartache and depression, posted by Alii on February 2, 2003, at 4:09:32
Do all heartaches really heal or just hidden when new Love comes along and the problems of the past can be used for selection and correction in the future.
Atlas had it tough, but sing a song of youth and imagine having the whole wide world in your/his HANDS. Now that's hard!!
Alli, I've been --still am, in a way--in the same spot and filed the letter for future reference. If you keep it around and it bothers you burn it!! It was summed up well once “that thoughts make great letters, and that letters make for great spoken words and spoken words can lead to good deeds…” Paper is a great tool for writing but should never be used to shatter matters like this. He was lame for that I know, for I hate "paper" too. Post back to us.
Good luck.
~Tony
Posted by Alii on February 7, 2003, at 2:01:56
In reply to heartache » Alii, posted by horridmonster on February 5, 2003, at 20:39:58
> Alii - How are you? Thinking about you and hoping you're hanging in there. Writing - whether on line or in your own private noptebook, might help...damn. Heart pain sucks. It does sound like you're doing some good very good for you things like this workshop you took. Just wanted you to know this complete stranger is thinking of you and sending healthy thoughts. -horridmonster
Thank you. Still too wildly up/down to make a coherent post. Made some crazy goals this week and will be sticking to them. I figure for now survival is key and fuck the rest. I'll get around to unraveling that mess later.
Why must sleep and food become such issues whenever stress smacks me around? Oh that's right ::hits forehead:: I've got a disease! Grrrrr.
Aside from going to the appts. I must keep every week for my well being I've set two other goals that will come to fruition in late July.
Depression can zap every ounce of self esteem or sense of belief in oneself and I despise that quality more than the sleeplessness, the eating difficulty and the anxiety component.
~Alii
Posted by Alii on February 7, 2003, at 2:10:34
In reply to Re: Heartache and depression, posted by lostsailor on February 6, 2003, at 11:35:34
> Do all heartaches really heal or just hidden when new Love comes along and the problems of the past can be used for selection and correction in the future.
>
> Atlas had it tough, but sing a song of youth and imagine having the whole wide world in your/his HANDS. Now that's hard!!
>
> Alli, I've been --still am, in a way--in the same spot and filed the letter for future reference. If you keep it around and it bothers you burn it!! It was summed up well once “that thoughts make great letters, and that letters make for great spoken words and spoken words can lead to good deeds…” Paper is a great tool for writing but should never be used to shatter matters like this. He was lame for that I know, for I hate "paper" too. Post back to us.
> Good luck.
>
> ~TonyTony,
I'll probably have a pang of regret at some point in the future but for now I have all his written words from over the six years in a box and I will be placing this box within another box of his stuff he's coming by to get this weekend.
He'll then have his words to do with as he pleases. The love letters. The cards. The letters of frustration. And that final crappy poorly written piece of crud that the coward pawned off on me two weeks ago.
He can choose what he wants to do with HIS written words.
~Alii
P.S. Right now the only thing keeping me going is knowing ma will be here in five days. She's flying in to help me sort out this "snowglobe" time where I can't even see straight to figure out what's next. I've set simple goals and have enough basic shit to keep me busy through the week but I am from an area where my peers are at very different places than where I'm at. I fight hard not to compare but when I can barely even afford to purchase my medication each month I tend to wonder just how the hell I'm ever supposed to make do on this planet. I wake up each day convinced that I do not belong. Such distortion to fight all the time. It is exhausting.
Posted by bozeman on February 8, 2003, at 0:12:54
In reply to boxing it all up » lostsailor, posted by Alii on February 7, 2003, at 2:10:34
> I'll probably have a pang of regret at some point in the future but for now I have all his written words from over the six years in a box and I will be placing this box within another box of his stuff he's coming by to get this weekend.
>Alii -- Not I , but some wise person said, (Kalhil Gibran, maybe??) Time moves not backward, nor tarries with yesterday.
If giving them back to him is what you are moved to do, then it's the thing for you to do.>
> He'll then have his words to do with as he pleases. The love letters. The cards. The letters of frustration. And that final crappy poorly written piece of crud that the coward pawned off on me two weeks ago.
>
> He can choose what he wants to do with HIS written words.
>
> ~Alii
>
> P.S. Right now the only thing keeping me going is knowing ma will be here in five days. She's flying in to help me sort out this "snowglobe" time where I can't even see straight to figure out what's next. I've set simple goals and have enough basic shit to keep me busy through the week but I am from an area where my peers are at very different places than where I'm at. I fight hard not to compare but when I can barely even afford to purchase my medication each month I tend to wonder just how the hell I'm ever supposed to make do on this planet. I wake up each day convinced that I do not belong. Such distortion to fight all the time. It is exhausting.
>Alii -- Exhausting isn't even the word to describe what you're dealing with now. I am so sorry you are going through this. You are clearly such a beautiful and sensitive soul, and feel things so deeply. You are right that most people on this planet don't allow themselves to feel in that way. However -- I can't help but think that it takes people like you to add emotional dimension, to balance their shallow existence in an encompassing spiritual sense. You are special and lovely in your soul self, don't ever believe otherwise. You deserve so much more than he could ever give you from his present level of awareness.
I hope you find a peace and strength to sustain you through this difficult time, and when you are perhaps once again ready to entertain it, a love to match the depth of your ability to stretch love from the human self, to the breadth of the universe itself.
Wishing you peace in this time of turmoil --
bozeman
Posted by Alii on February 8, 2003, at 1:44:08
In reply to Re: boxing it all up » Alii, posted by bozeman on February 8, 2003, at 0:12:54
Posted by lostsailor on February 8, 2003, at 15:28:04
In reply to Namaste (nm) » bozeman, posted by Alii on February 8, 2003, at 1:44:08
Good idea there, allie. I like having mine just in case I need to brood (lol) or they run for political offices, I write a book or a combo them all.
Yeah, it's hard packing years into boxes. Most of here have had to do it at least once, though. It’s good to hear mom's coming to help sort stuff out a bit. I know mine's great for that!!
UUUmmm...btw, on meds, ever tell situation to doc? Usually they can relate and give you almost all the sample packs you need for now.
Good luck
~Tony
Posted by bozeman on February 9, 2003, at 20:26:53
In reply to Namaste (nm) » bozeman, posted by Alii on February 8, 2003, at 1:44:08
This is the end of the thread.
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