![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 7 to 31 of 31. Go back in thread:
Posted by akc on August 18, 2001, at 21:31:56
In reply to Re: I want to leave... » akc, posted by Kingfish on August 18, 2001, at 21:03:14
> I do feel safe, thank you for your concern. We're just really not connecting right now. Thank you so much for offering to help. It really does mean a lot. This week has been odd. I feel as if no one really cares about me. We had friends up today and the whole time all I could think about was how they Really didn't care about me.
>
> Does that make sense?That makes perfect sense to me.
>
> Then tonight, I got a huge guilt trip from hubby about how negative I've been "lately" but only a week ago I had been doing really well by his standards("paying a lot of attention to him").
>
> Funny how this gets posted shortly after I post on a thread about marriage and how it's "all about communication." ;)I'm not to good to look to for advise on the marriage/communication thing -- My inclination is to take a baseball bat to his head, but that might be one of the reasons why I have never had a relationship! :)
Of course your negative -- your depressed. Geeze!
>
> Hospital thing - I've just really been depressed and wondered if logically that's where I should go next...
>
>I often wonder that when I get depressed. I haven't been in for almost two years now. For me, whether I go or not is a question of safety. At least, that is what my therapist and I have agreed upon. That is why I asked if you were safe. I don't want to go in, otherwise, because my pdoc doesn't have privileges at any of the hospitals I can go to (she is out of my ppo network). So I would be treated by another doctor -- who would want to mess with my meds. And I don't want that. So you might want to think about what would happen if you go -- what implications there would be.
Is it just a matter of getting a time-out? Is there any way you can communicate this to your family? Get one without going into the hospital? Go stay with a friend or relative who lives alone? Just an idea.
akc
Posted by Shar on August 18, 2001, at 21:46:50
In reply to I want to leave..., posted by Kingfish on August 18, 2001, at 18:47:20
I absolutely do not understand a spouse heaping guilt and other crap upon the head of a depressed spouse!
Does it go across gender lines? Are females as likely to do it as males? Any sense of an underlying theme to the guilt trips? Is it a lack of understanding depression?
It seems nasty and cruel to me.
Shar
> I've always wanted to just take off when in a manic phase but right now, when in the midst of a depressive one, I want to just leave and walk and not stop until I hit Canada. The only physical problem I have is near-sightedness. I've been ready to go into the hospital this last week for the first time since I can remember. Just got a horrible guilt trip from hubby. I don't even care. I just need to be left alone for awhile so I can get myself together...
Posted by susan C on August 18, 2001, at 22:09:21
In reply to Re: I want to leave...Guilt trips?, posted by Shar on August 18, 2001, at 21:46:50
HI,
I just got a new keyboard, ooo, is it smooth. I knew my old one was sticking but this is something. I just came in to check in and read the thread...Guys can I copy what you said? Does it help that I feel like that too? I felt like that a month ago. Husband said, when you are like this, I get worried, go take a long walk...I walked for five hours. I so desperately wanted, thought if I kept walking I would, to feel better, you know the old exercise increase your endo mormines. The only reason I came home is my feet hurt so bad. Slowly, the mood shifted, my son, the word list guy, encouraged me to soak my feet. The next day, he was in the room when I called pdoc for appt. He said, yeah she took a long walk off a short pier...then I could laugh. When I was walking, I wouldn't have. I was one of those people muttering and waving their arms and swearing. It was good I was on deserted country roads. I still get upset when we drive by the way I walked. What is it with these brains of ours anyway. Lets tell them OFFF! Brain, where do you get off switching moods on me and wrecking my confidence.
Any one there? I would chat til 9 or so.
Susan C. alias Susie Q (full of Questions)
> I absolutely do not understand a spouse heaping guilt and other crap upon the head of a depressed spouse!
>
> Does it go across gender lines? Are females as likely to do it as males? Any sense of an underlying theme to the guilt trips? Is it a lack of understanding depression?
>
> It seems nasty and cruel to me.
>
> Shar
>
>
>
> > I've always wanted to just take off when in a manic phase but right now, when in the midst of a depressive one, I want to just leave and walk and not stop until I hit Canada. The only physical problem I have is near-sightedness. I've been ready to go into the hospital this last week for the first time since I can remember. Just got a horrible guilt trip from hubby. I don't even care. I just need to be left alone for awhile so I can get myself together...
Posted by akc on August 18, 2001, at 22:18:24
In reply to Kingfish, akc, can I just copy your posts?, posted by susan C on August 18, 2001, at 22:09:21
Oh, Susie Q ...
> What is it with these brains of ours anyway. Lets tell them OFFF! Brain, where do you get off switching moods on me and wrecking my confidence.
>I've wanted to be able to switch my brain off since I was a teenager. But I've only been able to figure out one way to do that -- the permanent way! So I stick to telling it off -- doesn't work real well, but it feels good. :-)
I can't believe you walked 5 hours. I couldn't walk an hour. If I walked 5 hours, you would have to soak my whole body, not just my feet.
You may borrow any piece of my posts that you would like. That makes me feel special!
akc
Posted by susan C on August 18, 2001, at 22:34:00
In reply to Re: Kingfish, akc, can I just copy your posts? » susan C, posted by akc on August 18, 2001, at 22:18:24
> Oh, Susie Q ...
>
> > What is it with these brains of ours anyway. Lets tell them OFFF! Brain, where do you get off switching moods on me and wrecking my confidence.
> >
>
> I've wanted to be able to switch my brain off since I was a teenager. But I've only been able to figure out one way to do that -- the permanent way! So I stick to telling it off -- doesn't work real well, but it feels good. :-)
>
> I can't believe you walked 5 hours. I couldn't walk an hour. If I walked 5 hours, you would have to soak my whole body, not just my feet.
>
> You may borrow any piece of my posts that you would like. That makes me feel special!
>
> akcHello Hound dog,
Well, ahem, I didn't ask to borrow anything to make you feel special, I was just being selfish again...
I couldn't believe it either. I didn't really get sunburned. but I did go out with my waist pack that has a bottle of water my phone and ID. The only part of me uncovered were my forearms. and I had a hat and sunglassses. So I guess if i had to do it, I was 'prepared'.
I know what you mean about switching off the old noggin, but, like the other day, I have gotten to the point kind of like in a dream, when I know I am dreaming, I know I am being manic or depressed, Other times, I don't know until my partner makes a comment, or I look back and say...oh, thats why....Then I know, even tho I feel that way, I know it is not me. Does that make sense?
I love my new keyboard.
I feel so much better tonight than I did just a few hours ago. This is NO FAIR....but the County Fair has started so there is a fair...
whine whine whine, I want to come inside...
whine whine whine, I want to go outside...
bark bark bark.Susan C
Posted by kazoo on August 18, 2001, at 23:00:13
In reply to Re: I want to leave..., posted by Willow on August 18, 2001, at 19:18:06
> If you promise to pack Kazoo in your bag I'll pick you up at the border.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^I HEARD THAT!
Posted by kazoo on August 18, 2001, at 23:02:43
In reply to Re: I want to leave..., posted by Kingfish on August 18, 2001, at 20:55:40
> I'll gladly pack Kazoo if I can find him lurking around here. :)
^^^^^^^^AND I HEARD THAT, TOO!
YOU BOTH NEED A GOOD SPANKING!
AND I WON'T STOP UNTIL THOSE CHEEKS ARE RED!
Posted by AMenz on August 18, 2001, at 23:18:26
In reply to Re: I want to leave... » Willow, posted by kazoo on August 18, 2001, at 23:00:13
Are you getting an I'm fed up with this all reaction. Look at your spouse can't stand him anymore. If this is cyclical. Hitting this feeling, going away for a couple of weeks or a month or whatever is a good idea, specially if you negotiate this with your spouse so as not to create a rupture. This may be a way of coping with symtoms that neither of you can handle in the present scenario.
I've done this and if my husband weren't the sociopath he is (do you detect a note of anger here or is it just me? :0))it probably would have made a double bipolar marriage work. We both are BPII although I personally think he's an attenuated version of Ted Bundy and is really psychopath.
Boy I didn't realize I was this angry. I feel better after getting this off my chest.Let me know what's happening Kingfish.
> > If you promise to pack Kazoo in your bag I'll pick you up at the border.
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>
> I HEARD THAT!
Posted by sar on August 19, 2001, at 0:59:37
In reply to I want to leave..., posted by Kingfish on August 18, 2001, at 18:47:20
hey babe,
have you been to the hospital ever? when my parents called EMS on me i was taken to a really nice hospital and received lots of help (i was going to say "the help i needed" but i need too much, i'll never get that). personally i am a weirdo i like hospitals and if you feel that's where you should be...well, go.
i really like what Susan posted about taking a 5-hr walk mumbling ranting raving on country roads. do you have any sort of release? sometimes i drink vodka in the middle of the night and walk around the block, and until i wrecked my car i'd drive for hours and hours listening to music.
i'm completely biased, but i currently think that too many men are emotional retards. shred me to bits on this one, men. prove me wrong. how long have you been married? you deserve a spouse who understands. has he ever been depressed himself? are you BP I or II?
aloneness aloneness...pull a Thoureau and run off into the woods for a weekend. do you have kids? if i had kids i know they'd drive me crazy. do you have money? set yourself up at a resort or somesuch maybe...?
i hope you are feeling a bit better, kingfish.
(i like to talk about myself. shall i? the best boyfriend i ever had knew of my depression. i would ask him to roll a joint, put a certain album on the player, and not make me talk. he complied everytime.)
(love requires alot of compliance.)
love ya girl
sar
Posted by Willow on August 19, 2001, at 4:17:54
In reply to Re: I want to leave... » Kingfish, posted by sar on August 19, 2001, at 0:59:37
> (i like to talk about myself. shall i? the best boyfriend i ever had knew of my depression. i would ask him to roll a joint, put a certain album on the player, and not make me talk. he complied everytime.)
>
> (love requires alot of compliance.)Had a good chuckle! You sound like a friend of mine, well actually a few of them. I should start a commune up here for babblers. I could buy an affordable old big farm house with lots of acreage for about $40K Canadian ~ $25K american. We could grow organic food, the odd pot plant ~ but you would have to smoke it on the sly.
Hmph, it would be tax free I think? AKC could check out the legalities of forming a non-profit corporation. It would be in the interest of our well-being, a "time-out farm."
We could build a fair size sauna and when it's not in use people could go there for solitude. We would have a couch just for the pets. And with time build a few little log huts up in the bush for more private solitude.
In hopes of self-sufficiency we could keep chickens for eggs and if by chance they should expire we could always roast them and add some dumplings for a meal. Dessert would be freshly picked berries and whipped cream.
In the early evening we could have group therapy, either a game of cards or a board game. Participation would be optional. The musically inclined could play in a large gazebo. Because it is a time-out farm there would be no clocks, only a timer in the kitchen for cooking.
Sound good? or Nutty?
Willow
ps obviously i don't have a one track mind
Posted by mila on August 19, 2001, at 4:27:19
In reply to I want to leave..., posted by Kingfish on August 18, 2001, at 18:47:20
> I've always wanted to just take off when in a manic phase but right now, when in the midst of a depressive one, I want to just leave and walk and not stop until I hit Canada. The only physical problem I have is near-sightedness. I've been ready to go into the hospital this last week for the first time since I can remember. Just got a horrible guilt trip from hubby. I don't even care. I just need to be left alone for awhile so I can get myself together...
don't stop when you hit Canada, keep moving, Kingfish. you are welcome chez nous. I am in Toronto, which is a big city, but that doesn't matter. we'll provide you a pocket of peaceful life here for you to recover...
tell your husband that what he did was wrong, unappropriate, and hurt. your home is a sacred place. he should stop his nasty nag right now and get some life. emotional litter has to be cleared up, or it will suffocate you both. I am sure that what he did haven't made him feel great either.
love
mila
Posted by Willow on August 19, 2001, at 4:48:28
In reply to Re: I want to leave... » Kingfish, posted by kazoo on August 18, 2001, at 23:02:43
> > I'll gladly pack Kazoo if I can find him lurking around here. :)
> ^^^^^^^^
>
> AND I HEARD THAT, TOO!
> YOU BOTH NEED A GOOD SPANKING!
> AND I WON'T STOP UNTIL THOSE CHEEKS ARE RED!Kazoo
Now why would you want to do something like that? I'm sensitive and this would make me cry, and us girls cry enough already.
Besides we're kidnapping you! So you wouldn't have much to say. If you behave we'll let you sit in the car instead of the trunk. (Oops, I drive a station wagon.)Whispering Willow
ps don't stay gone so long, we all miss you, i'm just not too shy to say it
Posted by Willow on August 19, 2001, at 6:47:02
In reply to Re: I want to leave... » Willow, posted by kazoo on August 18, 2001, at 23:00:13
the above post was meant for Kazoo
Posted by akc on August 19, 2001, at 8:02:31
In reply to The Country Fair isnt Fair, posted by susan C on August 18, 2001, at 22:34:00
>
> Hello Hound dog,
>
> Well, ahem, I didn't ask to borrow anything to make you feel special, I was just being selfish again...Be as selfish as you want. And I will feel as special as I want!!! < g >
>
> I know what you mean about switching off the old noggin, but, like the other day, I have gotten to the point kind of like in a dream, when I know I am dreaming, I know I am being manic or depressed, Other times, I don't know until my partner makes a comment, or I look back and say...oh, thats why....Then I know, even tho I feel that way, I know it is not me. Does that make sense?
>I've never experienced it like that, but I think I understand.
> I love my new keyboard.
>I just love new toys of any type.
> I feel so much better tonight than I did just a few hours ago. This is NO FAIR....but the County Fair has started so there is a fair...
>You are right -- it is no fair. But we didn't get a say in the matter, so . . .
> whine whine whine, I want to come inside...
> whine whine whine, I want to go outside...
> bark bark bark.
>It is allowed.
akc
Posted by akc on August 19, 2001, at 8:05:58
In reply to I want a love ... » sar, posted by Willow on August 19, 2001, at 4:17:54
I'll start working on that not-for-profit Canadian law!
> Had a good chuckle! You sound like a friend of mine, well actually a few of them. I should start a commune up here for babblers. I could buy an affordable old big farm house with lots of acreage for about $40K Canadian ~ $25K american. We could grow organic food, the odd pot plant ~ but you would have to smoke it on the sly.
>
> Hmph, it would be tax free I think? AKC could check out the legalities of forming a non-profit corporation. It would be in the interest of our well-being, a "time-out farm."
>
> We could build a fair size sauna and when it's not in use people could go there for solitude. We would have a couch just for the pets. And with time build a few little log huts up in the bush for more private solitude.
>
> In hopes of self-sufficiency we could keep chickens for eggs and if by chance they should expire we could always roast them and add some dumplings for a meal. Dessert would be freshly picked berries and whipped cream.
>
> In the early evening we could have group therapy, either a game of cards or a board game. Participation would be optional. The musically inclined could play in a large gazebo. Because it is a time-out farm there would be no clocks, only a timer in the kitchen for cooking.
>
> Sound good? or Nutty?
>
> Willow
>
> ps obviously i don't have a one track mind
Posted by Willow on August 19, 2001, at 9:45:48
In reply to Re: I want a love ... » Willow, posted by akc on August 19, 2001, at 8:05:58
> I'll start working on that not-for-profit Canadian law!
>
> > Had a good chuckle! You sound like a friend of mine, well actually a few of them. I should start a commune up here for babblers. I could buy an affordable old big farm house with lots of acreage for about $40K Canadian ~ $25K american. We could grow organic food, the odd pot plant ~ but you would have to smoke it on the sly.
> >
> > Hmph, it would be tax free I think? AKC could check out the legalities of forming a non-profit corporation. It would be in the interest of our well-being, a "time-out farm."
> >
> > We could build a fair size sauna and when it's not in use people could go there for solitude. We would have a couch just for the pets. And with time build a few little log huts up in the bush for more private solitude.
> >
> > In hopes of self-sufficiency we could keep chickens for eggs and if by chance they should expire we could always roast them and add some dumplings for a meal. Dessert would be freshly picked berries and whipped cream.
> >
> > In the early evening we could have group therapy, either a game of cards or a board game. Participation would be optional. The musically inclined could play in a large gazebo. Because it is a time-out farm there would be no clocks, only a timer in the kitchen for cooking.
> >
> > Sound good? or Nutty?
> >
> > Willow
> >
> > ps obviously i don't have a one track mind
Posted by sar on August 19, 2001, at 10:15:25
In reply to I want a love ... » sar, posted by Willow on August 19, 2001, at 4:17:54
i'll pick the berries and whip the cream. i'll pick out the stereo and play lots of folk music, which i believe is medically sound therapy for 76% of the population. i can also make hot sweet tea for everyone and tell them if their outfit looks okay.
warning: i will probably make bathtub gin, get drunk, and solicit foot massages.
communistically yours,
sar
Posted by susan C on August 19, 2001, at 10:23:24
In reply to Thanks I knew I could count on you! (np) » akc, posted by Willow on August 19, 2001, at 9:45:48
Me hubby be a carpenter (fine finish Union) for 17 years til his body gave out, now he is a plans examiner for building codes. He knows everything about buildings, I just have to be sure he doesn't do anything himself.
We could draw the buildings and make sure they were to code.
They could be influenced by frank lloyd wright and Buckminster Fuller and face the south, so in the winter there would be heat retention and heat sinks.
We could possibly have self composting toilets and rain barrels would sit under the rainspouts.
And, even though it is far north, there would be times solar panels would generate some power.
I will pass on the animals, I know nothing. I have tried to grow plants and found my self growing berries. Nothing else seems to grow. There would be a used hybrid electric car for use or maybe a couple.I like prius from toyota
In relation to minnesota, where is ths place? I remember going fishing in N mn and as the evening fell, seeing the lake turn black from the mosquitoes.
We played card and cribbaage all eveing after eating panfried in butter sunfish.
I just got 10k us on retroactive disability
I have put together three businesses, one a cooperative corporation...though, I have sworn off starting businesses, running business. Someone else would have to be incharge and I woould send a check and come visit.
Maybe it could get set up like a condominium. a condum. A safe secure readily available little place.
Maybe it is like insurance, just knowing you have it makes you feel better.
-Mighty mouse is on the way to Canada, but first to go swimming.
> I'll start working on that not-for-profit Canadian law!
> >
> > > Had a good chuckle! You sound like a friend of mine, well actually a few of them. I should start a commune up here for babblers. I could buy an affordable old big farm house with lots of acreage for about $40K Canadian ~ $25K american. We could grow organic food, the odd pot plant ~ but you would have to smoke it on the sly.
> > >
> > > Hmph, it would be tax free I think? AKC could check out the legalities of forming a non-profit corporation. It would be in the interest of our well-being, a "time-out farm."
> > >
> > > We could build a fair size sauna and when it's not in use people could go there for solitude. We would have a couch just for the pets. And with time build a few little log huts up in the bush for more private solitude.
> > >
> > > In hopes of self-sufficiency we could keep chickens for eggs and if by chance they should expire we could always roast them and add some dumplings for a meal. Dessert would be freshly picked berries and whipped cream.
> > >
> > > In the early evening we could have group therapy, either a game of cards or a board game. Participation would be optional. The musically inclined could play in a large gazebo. Because it is a time-out farm there would be no clocks, only a timer in the kitchen for cooking.
> > >
> > > Sound good? or Nutty?
> > >
> > > Willow
> > >
> > > ps obviously i don't have a one track mind
Posted by Marie1 on August 19, 2001, at 11:49:22
In reply to I want a love ... » sar, posted by Willow on August 19, 2001, at 4:17:54
Willow,
You have no idea how good this sounds to me. Can I reserve a space?
Like Kingfish, AKC, etc. I'd have to say this week has absolutely sucked! Had a melt down Thursday and finally gave into the stressors of: having my house on the market, building a new one, coping with my brother's death, husband out of town all week (not that he's much help), daughter going to court to file a complaint against person who threatened her, still not drinking(!), and the final insult - my pdoc and I are having a "difference of opinion" about something I don't want to talk about in therapy. I left a message saying that if he could respect that, I'd show up for my next app't. He never called!! Not even to say "have a nice life..."!
This weekend, my husband went away, my younger daughter went away, my friends went away, and I am bored to tears (literally!) Life sucks.Marie
Posted by susan C on August 19, 2001, at 12:27:48
In reply to Re: I want a love ... » Willow, posted by Marie1 on August 19, 2001, at 11:49:22
Marie one:
I am sorry to hear your week was in the coal pit. Have you taken a bubble bath? Eaten, slowly, a peice of your favorite chocolate? I have fresh corn waiting to be cooked and I am hoping Mila will share her pizza. I hope you come here for support. I do.
Mighty Mouse has a new keyboard.
> Willow,
> You have no idea how good this sounds to me. Can I reserve a space?
> Like Kingfish, AKC, etc. I'd have to say this week has absolutely sucked! Had a melt down Thursday and finally gave into the stressors of: having my house on the market, building a new one, coping with my brother's death, husband out of town all week (not that he's much help), daughter going to court to file a complaint against person who threatened her, still not drinking(!), and the final insult - my pdoc and I are having a "difference of opinion" about something I don't want to talk about in therapy. I left a message saying that if he could respect that, I'd show up for my next app't. He never called!! Not even to say "have a nice life..."!
> This weekend, my husband went away, my younger daughter went away, my friends went away, and I am bored to tears (literally!) Life sucks.
>
> Marie
>
Posted by Willow on August 19, 2001, at 16:23:04
In reply to Re: I want a love ... » Willow, posted by Marie1 on August 19, 2001, at 11:49:22
Marie
I'm so sorry to hear you lost your brother. As the years go by I'm not in as much contact with mine, but I can't even fathom one of them gone.
Of course you would be welcome. Have you tried logging on to the open chat? There's a link below. Let me know if you get stuck trying to sign in. I usually open my chat up in the evening when I read the posts and literally fold my laundry.
Hang in there! We are all here, if you need to post.
Willow
Posted by Michael K on August 19, 2001, at 23:16:44
In reply to Re: I want to leave...Guilt trips?, posted by Shar on August 18, 2001, at 21:46:50
> I absolutely do not understand a spouse heaping guilt and other crap upon the head of a depressed spouse!
>
> Does it go across gender lines? Are females as likely to do it as males? Any sense of an underlying theme to the guilt trips? Is it a lack of understanding depression?
>
> It seems nasty and cruel to me.
>
> SharShar,
No. Females are not nearly as likely to "to heap guilt and other crap upon the head of a depressed spouse" It probably is a lack of understanding of depression, but a female may have that same lack of understanding if they have not experienced it.
I have been married twice and I could not have asked for more support than I received. Neither spouse had any experience with depression, but still could recognize my pain and stood by me when I was not a lot of fun to be around. It may have been the innate nurturing and understanding traits of females, or maybe I just lucked out twice.
Both marriages are over now. My depression probably played a part in the breakup, but it was my fault, not their's. Many depressives are very self-centered and I was no exception.
My depression is still here, but my understanding of myself is improving. A great deal of that can be attributed to this board. I don't know what I would do without it.
Mike
>
>
>
> > I've always wanted to just take off when in a manic phase but right now, when in the midst of a depressive one, I want to just leave and walk and not stop until I hit Canada. The only physical problem I have is near-sightedness. I've been ready to go into the hospital this last week for the first time since I can remember. Just got a horrible guilt trip from hubby. I don't even care. I just need to be left alone for awhile so I can get myself together...
Posted by Kingfish on August 20, 2001, at 19:40:35
In reply to Re: I want to leave...Guilt trips? » Shar, posted by Michael K on August 19, 2001, at 23:16:44
for what turned into a great thread...
- K.
(I may still join the circus someday to satisfy my wander-lust, except that all those carni-folk scare me with their BIG HANDS...)
Posted by Kingfish on August 21, 2001, at 8:24:24
In reply to Re: I want a love ... » Willow, posted by Marie1 on August 19, 2001, at 11:49:22
-======
Posted by Michael K on August 21, 2001, at 21:46:37
In reply to Thanks..., posted by Kingfish on August 20, 2001, at 19:40:35
> for what turned into a great thread...
>
> - K.
>
> (I may still join the circus someday to satisfy my wander-lust, except that all those carni-folk scare me with their BIG HANDS...)Kingfish,
I hope you're hanging in there.
Mike
This is the end of the thread.
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