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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Rzip on June 26, 2001, at 19:51:38
Hi everyone,
I have been seeing this therapist off and on for the past six months. By "off and on", I mean every week for a six week period; stop for a month; and then see him for another 5-6 weekly period. Since seeing him, I have gotton better. I feel more grounded and more positive about my current life, and my future outlook feels much more hopeful and brighter. I feel pretty competent to handle whatever life throws at me. I am thinking about terminating my therapy.
I have brought up the issue regarding my ambivalence of continuing therapy in our session. He suggests that I continue on. He does not seem too encouraging with the idea of helping me terminate our relationship. He would not help me set a date to thrive for.
What should I do?
I guess to break it down, I really do not have a good reason to quit:
1) On an equal footing, I want to terminate because I am getting too attached to him. I will be moving away in about a year. I always have an issue with separation anxieties. I really enjoy our sessions. I savor them. But good things do not last. I want to stop because I fear getting too deep or get too attached. Which are not very good reasons for termination, I know. The other reason, on a equal footing is the financial aspect. I pay, out of pocket $60/session because I do not want to use insurance. It might hinder my future employment chances. So, I do want this therapy experience to be a solely private affair.2) Since I only see my therapist once a week or once every two weeks, it is only supportive therapy. In that light, I am not sure I am in need of his support any longer. I seem to have gained the insight to help myself now.
3) What I am most in need is a good mentor. My therapist can never be the mentor that I seek for because we can not have outside contact. I think in defense, my therapist would say that he is helping me to find that mentor outside of session. It is true that I only trust therapists to lean on thus far. So, is it fair to say that I should terminate therapy when I find a good mentor outside? I don't know.
In a way this experience sucks, a big bummer because just when I feel secure and satisfied that I have found someone to lean on, to seek support, that person has to be my therapist. Big bummer! Pout :-( Why should I invest more money and energy into this if it will never bear fruit? I feel very ambivalent about this. Any suggestions?
- Rzip
Posted by JennyR on June 26, 2001, at 23:14:19
In reply to When to terminate therapy, posted by Rzip on June 26, 2001, at 19:51:38
My take on this is, you know that expression "better to have loved and lost that never loved at all"? You fear the attachment because you are leaving in a year, but what you can get out of this next year may be very valuable to you. Even if it means saying goodbye at the end. The positive gains may be long-lasting, a chance to deal with endings in a positive way can be a good thing. You might never know what you're missing.
I too wonder when the time to terminate will be right. He says I'll know it. I don't know how I'll know it, but
as long as it's helping, I'm in no hurry. But of course I don't have the time constraints. I too pay out of pocket, but consider itself the best gift I ever gave to myself.
Termination in therapy can be a good way of reworking how you experience and deal with loss, in a supportive way, a chance to re-work how you deal with it, better equipping you for the next, maybe unexpected loss. You'll know you can deal with loss, even if it hurts.
Posted by Shar on June 26, 2001, at 23:21:43
In reply to When to terminate therapy, posted by Rzip on June 26, 2001, at 19:51:38
Hi, Rzip.
IMHO it sounds like maybe you would benefit talking with your therapist about why you are IN therapy, rather than about terminating. That might be informative and helpful for you.
Also, if you have clear goals for yourself in therapy, what you want to get out of it, it lessens the sense of confusion that can occur. I still get the "is this the right path" idea, and it helps that I can look where I am in light of my own goals and see how much progress I've made (or not).
Bottom line is you pay this therapist to help you attain something, and it only makes sense that you and he have an idea of what that is. The fewer thought balloons there are in therapy, the more likely it is we will benefit and grow and learn.
Good luck,
Shar
> Hi everyone,
>
> I have been seeing this therapist off and on for the past six months. By "off and on", I mean every week for a six week period; stop for a month; and then see him for another 5-6 weekly period. Since seeing him, I have gotton better. I feel more grounded and more positive about my current life, and my future outlook feels much more hopeful and brighter. I feel pretty competent to handle whatever life throws at me. I am thinking about terminating my therapy.
>
> I have brought up the issue regarding my ambivalence of continuing therapy in our session. He suggests that I continue on. He does not seem too encouraging with the idea of helping me terminate our relationship. He would not help me set a date to thrive for.
>
> What should I do?
>
> I guess to break it down, I really do not have a good reason to quit:
> 1) On an equal footing, I want to terminate because I am getting too attached to him. I will be moving away in about a year. I always have an issue with separation anxieties. I really enjoy our sessions. I savor them. But good things do not last. I want to stop because I fear getting too deep or get too attached. Which are not very good reasons for termination, I know. The other reason, on a equal footing is the financial aspect. I pay, out of pocket $60/session because I do not want to use insurance. It might hinder my future employment chances. So, I do want this therapy experience to be a solely private affair.
>
> 2) Since I only see my therapist once a week or once every two weeks, it is only supportive therapy. In that light, I am not sure I am in need of his support any longer. I seem to have gained the insight to help myself now.
>
> 3) What I am most in need is a good mentor. My therapist can never be the mentor that I seek for because we can not have outside contact. I think in defense, my therapist would say that he is helping me to find that mentor outside of session. It is true that I only trust therapists to lean on thus far. So, is it fair to say that I should terminate therapy when I find a good mentor outside? I don't know.
>
> In a way this experience sucks, a big bummer because just when I feel secure and satisfied that I have found someone to lean on, to seek support, that person has to be my therapist. Big bummer! Pout :-( Why should I invest more money and energy into this if it will never bear fruit? I feel very ambivalent about this. Any suggestions?
>
> - Rzip
Posted by Rzip on June 27, 2001, at 7:41:31
In reply to Re: When to terminate therapy, posted by Shar on June 26, 2001, at 23:21:43
Thanks for your suggestions. I guess I am feeling ambivalent right now because the goals that I went into therapy with has been resolved. The termination/separation anxiety issue surfaced from the transference, reliving an event that occurred in my past. Since I did not specify that working through this anxiety of becoming attached and then separated a goal for me, I sort think that it is unfair to ask me to work through it. I can not exactly leave now either since that would just compound the trauma. The sensible thing to do of course is to recognize how uncomfortable this is and then live through it. I do feel like I am at a critic point and the idea of either exiting now or to keep going deeper into the forest are equally appealing to me at this point. But I think in my heart and mind, I know what is the sensible thing to do. Thanks.
- Rzip
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