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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on November 10, 2008, at 9:26:50
Mine said: "You taught me courage."
That blew my mind.
(another nice thing he said when my church was messin' with me, was "You have a fine mind, and they are messing with it")
No one had ever said anything like that to me before in my life.
As an aside from the subject:
As a child, being abused, I thought I was stupid; married for 31 years to an abuser, I was told all kinds of lies (its okay; I knew he was crazy), LOL, LOL!!.I figured it out; abusers are full of anger and rage and project everything bad they feel about THEMSELVES, onto someone they are supposed to love.
LOL, LOL
Sassily, Sassy :) :)
Posted by Phillipa on November 10, 2008, at 12:55:16
In reply to What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You?, posted by sassyfrancesca on November 10, 2008, at 9:26:50
That's true but when as young as I was never saw it. I still yearn for the Father of my children and I to be together isn't life supposed to be a white picket fence, smiles, and happiness? Phillipa
Posted by sassyfrancesca on November 10, 2008, at 13:52:24
In reply to Re: What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You? » sassyfrancesca, posted by Phillipa on November 10, 2008, at 12:55:16
(((Phillipa))): Oh,Phillipa....I so resonate with what you said.
Where is the picket fence, and someone to love you joyously and celebrate you?
Hugs, Sassy
We've been robbed!! LOL, LOL
Posted by Geegee on November 10, 2008, at 13:56:51
In reply to What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You?, posted by sassyfrancesca on November 10, 2008, at 9:26:50
The clinic where he works is somewhere that I would have liked to work, and he would make a great supervisor. When I was lamenting how that could never be, he said something along the lines of, "The loss goes both ways." Or something like that. I was really touched.
gg
Posted by sassyfrancesca on November 10, 2008, at 14:28:13
In reply to Re: What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You? » sassyfrancesca, posted by Geegee on November 10, 2008, at 13:56:51
(((GeeGee))) That is really sweet!
Sassy
Posted by TherapyGirl on November 10, 2008, at 17:05:09
In reply to What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You?, posted by sassyfrancesca on November 10, 2008, at 9:26:50
On the occasion of our 23rd anniversary, my T said to me, "You're special to me, TG. I know I'm not supposed to say that, but you are." She has also signed a couple of cards "Love, T." It's all I can do not to frame them.
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on November 10, 2008, at 20:41:58
In reply to Re: What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You?, posted by TherapyGirl on November 10, 2008, at 17:05:09
It's such a dumb thing, but it sticks out in my mind. "You are an attractive woman." I have issues w/ my appearance and my mom has said some really hurtful things about it. So to have a mother figure say that I am attractive really was healing. She went on to say that I looked like Minnie Driver. She qualified all of this saying, "I'm not sure that this is appropriate to say, but..." That made it even more special. Like she was going to bend the rules of therapy to say something kind/helpful.
I don't see her anymore, but man do I miss her!!
Best,
EE
Posted by wishingstar on November 10, 2008, at 21:09:35
In reply to Re: What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You?, posted by Emily Elizabeth on November 10, 2008, at 20:41:58
I'll never forget the time I emailed my T after a session where I'd felt she was unnecessarily hard on me to tell her how I felt. I told her I felt like she attacked everything I said and nothing I said/did was right that week. The next time I saw her, which was several months later (this was out-of-town-T), she told me that that she'd thought a lot about what I'd said and that my emailing her how I felt that day changed the way she did therapy. That really meant a lot to me.
Posted by Dinah on November 10, 2008, at 22:18:12
In reply to What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You?, posted by sassyfrancesca on November 10, 2008, at 9:26:50
He's said so many nice things to me and about me. Some nice enough to make me anxious. Some too automatic to mean much.
He's very open about the fact that he cares for me, and that I mean something to him personally. Some of the things that he's said along those lines meant an awful lot to me. In part because I think he was reluctant to say them.
Mind you, he's also said some pretty hurtful things. Some that I think are probably true, some I think are misreadings on his part.
But I think I've always been most impressed with what I feel from him.
I gave him a promise not to try to kill myself without contacting him first because I saw him wince when I made a rather graphic mention. I tease him now that it was probably gas, and of course he doesn't remember the moment at all, but tries to hide the fact that he doesn't. I tease him, but honestly it was one of the nicest things I've ever experienced with him, and it was a turning point in our therapeutic relationship. Even if it was just gas.
There are those times when I surprise a laugh from him, or a look of appreciation at something I say. Something that tells me that in that moment he is enjoying being there with me, or that he really respects what I've said. Or even when he stretches out in his chair in obvious comfort and smiles at me in companionate silence, I feel like it's an enormous compliment.
The words can be nice, in the moment. They can even be scary and almost too nice. But the feelings are never scary. Or at least not scary in the sense of being too nice. Maybe the words come packed with expectations that I'm afraid I won't meet or assumptions that I feel I need to correct. But the feelings express something that is true in that moment, and that therefore have no expectations to frighten me.
But maybe I'm weird that way.
Posted by Dinah on November 10, 2008, at 23:30:38
In reply to Re: What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You?, posted by Dinah on November 10, 2008, at 22:18:12
Although I must confess that when he used the L word, it was the nicest thing he could ever say. Not only because I knew he hadn't said it in all the many years I'd seen him so he sure didn't say it lightly, but also because he had told me it was a word he never used in therapy because it was too loaded a word. Saying it really didn't change anything in terms of the way he'd expressed his feelings towards me. But it did say a lot about the level of trust he felt in me, not to misinterpret it or to load it with more than he could offer.
I'd said it to him forever of course, in one way or another. From tearful, angry confessions to affectionate "Because I love you of course, you idiot." And he never misunderstood what I meant by it. Never mistook it as a romantic statement or as anything but what I really meant.
I don't even know if I should admit to it. Out of context it sounds improper. In context it seems most proper, in the old fashioned sense of the word. Platonic love, caritas, acceptance, acknowledgment. Something so natural and so totally benign that he could say it, or I could say it, in front of our respective spouses or in front of his licensing board. A statement of fact without expectation, or promises, or any meaning whatsoever beyond exactly what it is.
Posted by Daisym on November 11, 2008, at 0:37:15
In reply to Re: What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You?, posted by Dinah on November 10, 2008, at 23:30:38
This is hard because I agree with Dinah - it is less about the words and more about the tone or the feelings in the room. Two things come immediately to mind though - the first time we really talked about my feelings for him I said, "but you aren't mine to love" and he replied, "but in here I am." It was so sweet and sincere and very safe.
The other thing is that once I was joking that if I won the lottery I'd hire him as my personal private therapist and he said, "but I already am your personal private therapist." I loved that. :)
Posted by frida on November 11, 2008, at 8:29:46
In reply to What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You?, posted by sassyfrancesca on November 10, 2008, at 9:26:50
hi!
What a nice thread...Thank you so much for sharing...My T has told me so many precious things I treasure...
I guess one of the things I'll never forget was what she wrote to me after I disclosed for the first time ever that my father had abused me.
She wrote : I love you. Very, very much so.
That was all and it meant the world to me.She also said that I changed her as a therapist and person and that she'll be in my life forever somehow.
I agree that sometimes it's not the words..I guess for me the most valuable thing was/is that she makes me feel worthwhile and tells me I matter and that i am ok ...seeing her with tears for the little girl I was also touched my heart.
Thank you for sharing
Frida
Posted by Dinah on November 11, 2008, at 9:09:46
In reply to Re: What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You?, posted by Daisym on November 11, 2008, at 0:37:15
> The other thing is that once I was joking that if I won the lottery I'd hire him as my personal private therapist and he said, "but I already am your personal private therapist." I loved that. :)
>
>I think I'm more than half in love with your therapist. What an absolutely perfect thing to say.
My therapist would have been more likely to agree that it was a nice fantasy. Or... Since I showed him the tape of Dr. Kroger/Monk interchanges, he liked them so much he's been quoting them back to me. So he'd probably say "May the best man win".
He's almost amusingly insulting at times, without really realizing it. The other session before his vacation he obviously was only half there, and I accused him of wanting to be elsewhere. He responded that he *did* want to be there, and after regarding him for a moment I conceded that I believed that he wanted to want to be there. He endorsed that one with more genuineness. Later I complained that I'd spent the first thirty + minutes of the session doing what they train us to do in obedience class with our dogs. I'd been waving a treat in front of his face, drawing it up to my nose and holding it there saying in an encouraging but firm way "Lookit". I told him I'd been Lookiting him all session and I finally had gotten his attention when it was almost over. He told me that I could spend the time I did have his attention whining, or I could put it to good use. Quite the smooth talker there. :)
Yet oddly enough, I'd put it there with the nice things he's said to me. Maybe not the nicest, but nice. It's amazing what delivery can do.
But your therapist he isn't. I'm mildly envious.
Posted by obsidian on November 11, 2008, at 10:27:58
In reply to Re: What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You? » Daisym, posted by Dinah on November 11, 2008, at 9:09:46
so many things....
and as others have said, they are often things in the moment that come along with the more subtle ways we communicate, facial expression for ex.one thing, which out of context may seem brash is this: shaking his head, but not with impatience he said to me "that's all in your head"...."now that's therapeutic isn't it" - it was most certainly not his customary way of communicating with me
but truthfully I was struggling to grasp the concept that I was not as objectionable as I imagine myself to be, and truly in the absence of other information I could not manage it
I needed some perspective
I know it *sounds* harsh, but it most certainly was not, anything but
Posted by stellabystarlight on November 11, 2008, at 17:19:07
In reply to What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You?, posted by sassyfrancesca on November 10, 2008, at 9:26:50
We've shared many special moments, but this one stands out for me. One day, after a painful session, I tearfully asked him to promise me that he would never abandon me. And he said "Stella, I am commited to you. I will never leave you. As long as I am helpful to you, I will be by your side until you tell me you no longer need me." To which I anxiously asked, "But how do I know you won't change your mind at some point? What if I become a burden to you?" He gazed at me for awhile and said "I won't change my mind because I connect with you so deeply and I care about you. I'm not worried about you burdening me. I sometimes feel like my daughter is a burden, but I don't stop loving her."
I remember feeling almost stunned by his beautiful words, and I had to composed myself so that I could really take it in and enjoy them. It meant a lot to hear those words from someone who's so familiar with my flaws, warts and all. I felt enveloped by his warmth that day. I love that man...even if he drives me absolutely batty with all of his flaws. And they're mind-boggling flaws...
Thanks for the nice post, Sassy.
Stellabystarlight
Posted by Dinah on November 11, 2008, at 17:25:30
In reply to Re: What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You? » sassyfrancesca, posted by stellabystarlight on November 11, 2008, at 17:19:07
> I love that man...even if he drives me absolutely batty with all of his flaws. And they're mind-boggling flaws...
Boy, I seriously identify. Do you ever find yourself loving him, not despite his flaws, but including his flaws?
Posted by Dinah on November 11, 2008, at 17:27:16
In reply to Re: What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You? » stellabystarlight, posted by Dinah on November 11, 2008, at 17:25:30
Gosh, I've been ruder about my therapist lately than he deserves.
Posted by FindingMyDesire on November 11, 2008, at 19:07:09
In reply to What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You?, posted by sassyfrancesca on November 10, 2008, at 9:26:50
I really like this question and enjoyed reading what everyone has shared. I also feel some jealousy. I want to hear so much more from my T about how she feels about me. I think I have to value her actions, her care, and her consistency more than her words - or lack thereof.
She did finally tell me that she cares for me a lot. It was in reaction to me complaining about her never having said that to me. She also told me I'm not 'pathetic' or 'too much' - both in reaction to me telling her that I thought I was. These things all meant a lot to me and I often think about her saying them to me.
One of the most meaningful things she said to me of all time was when she listed several observations about me - some having to do with my sexuality and gender which I won't quote here, but I don't think I have ever felt that seen by anyone, ever.
Posted by stellabystarlight on November 11, 2008, at 19:21:20
In reply to Re: What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You? » stellabystarlight, posted by Dinah on November 11, 2008, at 17:25:30
> > I love that man...even if he drives me absolutely batty with all of his flaws. And they're mind-boggling flaws...
>
>
> Boy, I seriously identify. Do you ever find yourself loving him, not despite his flaws, but including his flaws?
Hi Dinah,You mean, do I find myself loving him because he is a dopey numscull? Wait...that's redundant, and maybe slightly rude. He's been in the dog house for the last month for causing a rupture out of sheer selfishness. I'm too embarrassed and warn out to post about it actually, but he is working hard to repair it with me. And I'm not making it easy for him this time.
Funny you ask about "loving him, including his flaws"-I've been thinking a lot about which flaws are a part of what I love about him. Lately, I've been experiencing less of "being in love" and more of just loving him for the damaged person that I now see. But this is why we're a good therapy pair. We are imperfectly perfect. His flaws are what triggers many of my original wounds, and his strengths are what allows me to work through them. I'm slowly learning to love and embrace all of him, including his flaws, and have faith that he will be there with me to repair the wounds until I'm ready to let him go. It's not easy to love him and his flaws, but in the end his words and actions have shown me that he truly cares about me...even if it's a paid relationship. The paid part is so hard to accept...
As I'm writing this I'm beginning to think that I've also been ruder about my therapist than he deserves. Thanks for asking, Dinah. Now I feel bad about calling him a dopey numscull...
Stellabystarlight
Posted by Dinah on November 11, 2008, at 21:33:57
In reply to Re: What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You? » Dinah, posted by stellabystarlight on November 11, 2008, at 19:21:20
> We are imperfectly perfect. His flaws are what triggers many of my original wounds, and his strengths are what allows me to work through them.
I really like that description.
> I'm slowly learning to love and embrace all of him, including his flaws, and have faith that he will be there with me to repair the wounds until I'm ready to let him go.
I'm finding myself quite surprised to be in this position. Not the part about being ready to let him go of course. But unless his flaws threaten the continuity of the therapeutic relationship and as long as he's real and present, I find myself responding to his flaws with a maternal affection that surprises me. Since I generally see him as the mommy to my needy child.
> As I'm writing this I'm beginning to think that I've also been ruder about my therapist than he deserves.
Whether I think I've been *too* rude probably varies from session to session. But it does occur to me that I'm so utterly comfortable with his flaws that I must be giving others the completely wrong impression of him.
Posted by maysie on November 13, 2008, at 17:58:01
In reply to Re: What is the Nicest Thing Your T Ever Said to You? » stellabystarlight, posted by Dinah on November 11, 2008, at 21:33:57
He's told me I'm strong and capable. I replied I damn well had to be to survive my childhood. His words felt inadequate, I'm much more than that. Maybe I'm just getting old and grumpy. I'm better than those words and as my T he should kiss my survivor rear. (well something like that)
Whoa Nellie, Maysie is on her soapbox
This is the end of the thread.
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