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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rskontos on March 15, 2008, at 0:18:07
Well, due to the administration issues, this board has felt loss to me. In fact, everything has felt lost. When ClearSkies posted her thread I finally posted to something other than Administration for the last 6 days. My voice had lost its will to be heard. Dr. Bob had robbed me of my ability to feel safe here. I am struggling now at home, in therapy and all my inners are out and trying to protect me. I just can't fight it and therapy is at a stand still. And Babble seems to far away now. I feel like a Lab Rat in a Dr. Bob experiment and appeal after appeal has gone unanswered so I must leave. Where to go I have no answer so I will drift aimlessly I guess. It saddens me as Babble has meant alot to me. I spent most of my therapy session on Thurs. telling my therapist how upset i was. But no answers were found. Not one. So WTF do I do. Leave I guess. I just am triggered by Dr. Bob's silence. I have nothing to say really. I have stopped posting virtually. Except at admin. And those go unanaswered by the one person that could have made it ok. So I hope all of you do well. I hope you find answers. I doubt I will. Be safe all.
Have a good year. take care. I am tired of being good, trying to be good and finding it doesn't work, and finding safe is an illusion once again.
Later gators.
rsk
Posted by Sigismund on March 15, 2008, at 3:12:51
In reply to like CS distressed/depressed/lost/no more home, posted by rskontos on March 15, 2008, at 0:18:07
Yeah, I think safety is an illusion.
At any moment the ground may open up under our feet.
See ya later.
Posted by Phillipa on March 15, 2008, at 12:34:26
In reply to Re: like CS distressed/depressed/lost/no more home » rskontos, posted by Sigismund on March 15, 2008, at 3:12:51
I feel the same loss and it feels sad and depressing. Phillipa
Posted by rskontos on March 15, 2008, at 14:56:22
In reply to Re: like CS distressed/depressed/lost/no more home, posted by Phillipa on March 15, 2008, at 12:34:26
Thanks, ya everything just seems like a waste of time. rsk
Posted by rskontos on March 15, 2008, at 17:45:05
In reply to Re: like CS distressed/depressed/lost/no more home » rskontos, posted by Sigismund on March 15, 2008, at 3:12:51
Yes, Sigismund, the slope did open and showed just how slippery that slope was and how unstable.
I just wished I had known early and would not have invested so much.
Well here's to being an experiment. How I hate that feeling.
Distressed, disllusioned, this feels like abused by Dr. Bob's silence when he promised open communication between membership and leadership to those he submits papers and research too yet the reality feels much different here. And he is a p-doc, should he know better. And yet he still is silent. And while I hear the message to treat this like our board, in my heart it isn't mine. I am the subject, he is the boss. I mean what is he going to do with all my words and the things I told on this site that was very personal and real?
It scares me. So I feel like I can say no more about myself. I can support others but for me the journey ends. I can't share my distress or what I am going through because I don't know what is being done with my words or where they might end of.rsk
Posted by Daisym on March 15, 2008, at 21:04:36
In reply to Re: like CS distressed/depressed/lost/no more home » Sigismund, posted by rskontos on March 15, 2008, at 17:45:05
I've noticed a number of former babblers on psych central. Not as small and intimate as here but still seems to be a pretty good group of people floating around.
The real question you need to ask yourself is what you need or want from an internet board. I liked it a lot better here when more people were in chat. Sometimes it was so crazy - it felt like 20 conversations at the same time. Sometimes we'd all be focused on helping one person. But it was fun! And challenging. And heart warming. Over the past 4 years that I've been around, there have been many of these same struggles - all about the "experiment" and the "rules" etc. I guess I just firmly believe that this has never been a secret about this board - and I see it as a way to get and give help and enter into discussions. Maybe it is easier for me because I decided a long time ago that I was never going to try to fix corporate policy here. Which is a real departure for me, I am usually the Don Quixote, tilting at those wind mills.
I think like most groups, the intensity of things drives the connections and people's lives change and they drift off. And then they might come back again. Some of my favorite past posters still stop by now and again but for the most part they are gone. I was thinking about one in particular on Thursday (I miss you Tamar) because the topic in therapy was touch and she and I had many long conversations about this issue. But I haven't lost what I learned from her and boy did I need to learn it at the time. I know I post a lot less than I used to. And I don't limit myself to this board like I used to.
I feel sad too but the truth is, this board is US - if we don't post or respond, it dies away. And if we don't feel safe here, going somewhere else is always an option. I've made some really good friends here and now I'm connected to them in other ways. That feels really good.
I've said it before, staying away from admin is a really good self-protective move. Only you can figure out what you want from Babble and how to get it. Or decide that it is impossible and find a new home. But this is a cycle, it almost always gets better.
Posted by Phillipa on March 15, 2008, at 21:30:30
In reply to Re: like CS distressed/depressed/lost/no more home, posted by Daisym on March 15, 2008, at 21:04:36
What an uplifting post. I too have been at psych central and don't like the format but an option and new boards on different topics are all over cyberworld. Surgical ones too. But babble is home to me too. But you're right a lot of posters do stay in touch via e-mail but it's not the same. Love Phillipa
Posted by gardenergirl on March 15, 2008, at 23:39:32
In reply to Re: like CS distressed/depressed/lost/no more home » Sigismund, posted by rskontos on March 15, 2008, at 17:45:05
> when he promised open communication between membership and leadership to those he submits papers and research too yet the reality feels much different here.
I'm just checking here, because maybe you already know this, but I can't tell for sure...
But in that candidate statement of Dr. Bob's, he promises open communication between membership and leadership of the organization he's running for President-elect of. It has nothing to do with Babble. And just because he promotes open communication in one setting does not mean that he rates it as highly for whatever reason in another setting. So I guess I'm just confused as to why that keeps coming up with respect to Babble, because I see no link.
gg
Posted by I need a hug on March 16, 2008, at 4:49:37
In reply to Re: like CS distressed/depressed/lost/no more home » rskontos, posted by gardenergirl on March 15, 2008, at 23:39:32
It doesn't seem like open communication is important to him AT ALL in this setting!!!!
Posted by Daisym on March 16, 2008, at 16:20:14
In reply to Re: like CS distressed/depressed/lost/no more home, posted by I need a hug on March 16, 2008, at 4:49:37
I'm curious how Dr. Bob's not responding on admin disrupts the open communication between posters on this board. I have no feelings one way or another about what his responsibility to respond is or should be, but since he rarely supplies input here, is he missed?
I'm not being sarcastic -- I'm truly curious. I don't feel a loss of leadership here - I do feel the loss of participation. I guess my needs for him are pretty basic - I want the board to "work" - meaning literally we can post and reply. Otherwise, the rest of the oversight is kind of good but not critical in my world. We manage ourselves here very well, IMO.
I guess I'd expect more if I paid for membership here or something.
Posted by I need a hug on March 16, 2008, at 19:34:41
In reply to Re: like CS distressed/depressed/lost/no more home » rskontos, posted by gardenergirl on March 15, 2008, at 23:39:32
>
> I'm just checking here, because maybe you already know this, but I can't tell for sure...
>
> But in that candidate statement of Dr. Bob's, he promises open communication between membership and leadership of the organization he's running for President-elect of. It has nothing to do with Babble. And just because he promotes open communication in one setting does not mean that he rates it as highly for whatever reason in another setting. So I guess I'm just confused as to why that keeps coming up with respect to Babble, because I see no link.
>
> gg
>Daisy,
The above is what I was responding to. Due to his failure to respond to numerous requests for some explanation as to what has been going on recently at P-Babble, I was questioning whether open communication was a priority for him at all in this "setting." I meant to question his lack of response to questions on the admin. board but I posted it on RSK's thread on the psych board. As far as the psych board is concerned, I agree with you Daisy. It can run smoothly on its own without any interference. It just makes me really sad that we've lost so many good posters who have been around for a long time. I hope I've answered your question. I admire your courage to post what you do, your strength and your wisdom. I have a great deal of respect for you, Daisym. I'm glad you're still around. HUGSRSK,
Sorry I hijacked your thread. You know I feel the same way about you. Take care of yourself. I miss you already. HUGS
Posted by rskontos on March 17, 2008, at 11:57:20
In reply to Re: like CS distressed/depressed/lost/no more home » rskontos, posted by Sigismund on March 15, 2008, at 3:12:51
I thought I made it clear that I was referencing a lack of his response to queries made on Admin. board. With his lack of responses I have not felt like I had a voice anywhere especially hear on this board that has been home to me for so long......again I guess I was not clear.
It has upset me more than I realized what has gone on the admin. board to the point I have wasted therapy dollars on it. It derailed alot of good therapy had done me. I just wanted to explain my extended absence here and how I felt I had some things I wanted to post, recent nightmares etc but am unable, that is all. It is all related to the happenings on the admin board and try as I might I can't not go there. So I am thinking of working on breaking the whole Babble thing in therapy. If I am this distressed and now feel like I can't help myself or others what good am I? I am questioning everything. Today in therapy I questioned everything the therapist said. I feel empty again.
Maybe it is just one of those cycles. I dont know I feel lost again.
rsk
Posted by ClearSkies on March 17, 2008, at 17:00:59
In reply to Re: Sorry, all I thought in my opening post.., posted by rskontos on March 17, 2008, at 11:57:20
I speak of babble often in therapy, but not of my struggles with it. I guess it's because I would dread being given the advice of walking away from the site when it becomes filled with too much conflict, and so I don't go there.
But I guess that as with some friendships, when you start to see the strengths and weaknesses in them, what I'm coming to terms with babble is that Dr Bob just isn't, at this time, able to be there for us. For whatever reason. It's meant that I posted about my distress on the Admin board, so that my feelings would be expressed. (Something to be put into that void.) And I'm definitely of the mind that the give and take of communication that Dr Bob professes to want to take place simply isn't occurring at this time. I've had to stop asking why? Because my questions were falling on deaf ears, on blind eyes.
Have I been able to go on and put this behind me? Not yet - I feel wounded by his silence. I don't mean to detract at all from the explanations that Dinah has put out there, but they should have come from Dr Bob, and that's how I feel about it.
I'd be really interested to read how you decide to address babble in therapy, if at all.
ClearSkies
Posted by Phillipa on March 17, 2008, at 19:02:15
In reply to Re: Sorry, all I thought in my opening post.. » rskontos, posted by ClearSkies on March 17, 2008, at 17:00:59
Don't even know if going back is an option as mine is not understanding at all she thinks I'm nuts for doing this and feels I should be out more but can't do my bike or the things dis before cause the surgery never again would I do it if I knew it would restrict my life so much. And the thought of looking again is overwhelming. I do normally not go to admin. I think it's a shame that the meds board has no one to work it . Poor people posting and no answers. Try and say someone will come and no one does. So sad. Love Phillipa
Posted by rskontos on March 17, 2008, at 19:12:05
In reply to Re: Sorry, all I thought in my opening post.. » rskontos, posted by ClearSkies on March 17, 2008, at 17:00:59
Well, to start with ClearSkies, my therapist knew something about Babble because I found him through my links with Babble. He knew this. So he knew vaguely about Babble. I told him I often come him when I can't work out things he says in therapy, I told him it helps to speak to others like me, with DID, and he said it would be very helpful. He has not discouraged me. He listened, asked alot of questions. Asked questions about Dr. Bob. I told him I felted wounded too by Dr. Bob silence. He treated my feelings with respect. He validated how i felt. I said I often work things out here and then come back and talk it out with him. We discussed how this is a type of group therapy. He never has said don't go there. He let me vent my frustrations (actually I was MAD in a big way) and I felt better afterwards. He understood how I felt about not getting a response to direct questions. How I felt let down. And it was a point of I ask a question I expect an answer.
We did not talk about it today. Today he focused on me needed to so something with my life :( He thinks I need to focus on something which has been an ongoing theme. I got very angry today, some of which was frustration from here, and some from family--it just all came out. He said if I had more to focus my energies on I would not look for it elsewhere. Duh. I thought. I appreciate how highly he thinks of me. But I think he thinks more of me than I do. I sometimes wonder if we see the same person when we look in the mirror. Anyway, this off the subject. I am very direct with him these days. Although about the DID thing I am not. Funny huh. The thing he specializes in I avoid. I did not tell him of a new thing that happened as I am not sure about it myself. So I wait. And I think. He says I spend too much time in my head anyway.
I will bring up the Babble thing again I think. I am not sure. I must thank you though. In thinking about this post, I have made a discovery about my relationship with him too. This is good. I am not sure I would have thought about this if I did not think about the answer for you. hmmm.
thanks CS I hope I answered your question.rsk
Posted by Daisym on March 18, 2008, at 2:54:33
In reply to Re: Sorry, all I thought in my opening post.. » ClearSkies, posted by rskontos on March 17, 2008, at 19:12:05
I must say that it makes me feel sad that someone who is virtually a non-poster (Bob) gets so much credit for the health of this board. I think I'll beat the dead horse one more time - it is YOU rskontos, and Clearskies and everyone else who make this place work. That said, I can totally understand the frustration you are expressing about asking questions that go unanswered... I just want you all to know that I value YOU and YOUR input.
I think I would have done very well in never-never land - just us kids, no grown ups, no worries. :)
Posted by rskontos on March 18, 2008, at 13:39:51
In reply to Re: Sorry, all I thought in my opening post.., posted by Daisym on March 18, 2008, at 2:54:33
Daisym, it is not that I am giving him credit for the health, but he has changed a function of the deputies and an administration function of the boards and has yet to announce it. When asked directly by many, he has yet to answer those queries. That is what upset me so much I think. I think too that we were all frightened that something would be so earthshattering that Dinah would quit over it, now she has worked it all out with Bob yet he still has not so much as a peep to all those that has directly asked him with emails and posts on the board, the administration board which is where these types of questions should be addressed. That being said, for some reason it took alot out of me. I cannot say why, as I said I even went so far as to discuss this in therapy the why it took so much out of me. I still don't have the answer. I just know it left me feeling weird, dissociative again, all during a time I was feeling much better. It was like a rug was yanked out from under me and I haven't a clue why. I have an alter that comes out during these times and I dislike her very much. She had been hidden, I like that too. She not one I control at all. I don't like when she is the one in the driver's set. She comes out when I feel the worst and now she is back and this was the trigger. I just don't get it. I was making good progress in therapy and now feel like I am at a standstill again. Anyway, I now have to try and recover lost ground and it makes me so mad. I am glad you value me. I value your posts even if I struggle to answer them these days. I am trying to make this work. I am trying to make anything work.
I will try to remain present in everything. I will.
Thanks for your posts everyone.
rsk
This is the end of the thread.
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