![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by slugdoo on July 15, 2007, at 12:53:25
I renamed my self slugpoo, didn't think slug-sh*t would be allowed, and I couldn't think of anything worse than a slug.
My feelings are hurt, so depressed, and just tired of trying. I want to issolate myself, and babble is doing a good job of that, since very little people seem to care to even respond to my heart felt posts. I wish I could have a babble name of ( ), so everyone can just fill in the blank on what they think of me.
I always say I am leaving, but I seem to come back, but things feel different here. I dont' seem to fit in, I don't think people really like me here. So in a way I am not leaving babble, but babble is leaving me.
I am glad I have T tomorrow, but it isn't over this, but at least I know he cares, even if I pay him to. I just want to cry. I want to hide in woods because I have no where safe to go. If it wasn't for my kids, I would now be gone. I have nothing else to live for anymore. Forgiveness doesn't seem to be in everyone vocabulary. I thought only amish "shunned", I was wrong.
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 15, 2007, at 13:17:21
In reply to Can't feel any lower*trigger*, posted by slugdoo on July 15, 2007, at 12:53:25
I can't figure out what your name used to be, but I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated.
I have had moments where I feel that way as well, but ultimately decided that I get more benefit than angst from Babbleland. Often, only 1 or 2 people respond to my posts (and sometimes, no one), but I just keep posting when I need to and go with whatever response I get. Because those responses, even when there are just a couple, mean a lot to me and are almost always helpful.
I know it's hard when you feel like you're being ignored. But I think what's more true is that most, if not all, of us have a few "hot button" therapy issues at any one moment and we are more inclined to respond to those issues and ignore other issues. We're not really ignoring the people, but the specific subjects. I think the other thing that happens is that we often don't post because we can't think of anything particularly illuminating to say or we feel like someone else has already said it better (or will) than we ever could.
But I'm sorry you're feeling alone and wish I could do something to help.
(((((((((Babble friend))))))))))
Posted by Racer on July 15, 2007, at 15:05:15
In reply to Can't feel any lower*trigger*, posted by slugdoo on July 15, 2007, at 12:53:25
Well, I do think that TherapyGirl has said it better than I can, but since the topic is people not responding, I guess I'll say it my way, too...
Sometimes when I post about my issues here, I am disappointed by the (lack of) response. I have often felt as though I answer people, offer up what I interpret as support, or advice, or just acknowledgement, and then when I need something -- there's not a lot coming back to me. You know what I've come to conclude, though? When I am feeling as though I need something, I may not see what is actually offered to me. I may need more than anyone could offer, and so I don't feel satisfied by what is offered. Does that make sense?
I've also concluded, though, that often it's kinda like when Mommy cries? Sometimes, if you're someone who usually offers support and comfort, when you ask for it -- a lot of other people just don't know how to react.
I've been at Babble since the start, and there are a couple of trends about this topic -- a lot of people complain that they don't get enough of a response from others. And about an equal number of people complain that they want "helpful" responses, not just "Oh, I hear you" responses. That makes it harder for some of us to decide to answer some posts that maybe we would like to answer. Maybe I don't have anything helpful to say, but I really want to say, "you sound so hurt, I really wish I had something to say that could help." Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't -- it depends on how recently I've read the "don't just write to write, only write if you have something useful to offer" posts.
At any rate, over the past decade, I've found a lot of good at Babble. Sure, I don't always get my needs met all the time, but they're certainly met more often than not. I hope you find the same trend for yourself.
Posted by Poet on July 15, 2007, at 15:05:15
In reply to Can't feel any lower*trigger*, posted by slugdoo on July 15, 2007, at 12:53:25
Hi Slugdoo,
I don't know what your old posting name was, but I'm sorry you're feeling that no one cares about you. I post when I have time and lately my internet access has been acting up so I can't always get on line. Anyway, I don't always get a lot of responses to my posts, either, what I do get is very welcome.
I understand your wanting to isolate I do the same thing when I'm depressed. Which I am at the moment, but that's for Dr. Clueless to deal with on Tuesday.
Take Care.
Poet
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 15, 2007, at 16:15:18
In reply to Re: Can't feel any lower*trigger* » slugdoo, posted by Racer on July 15, 2007, at 15:05:15
You definitely said it better AND put your own spin on it, Racer. :-)
Posted by Dinah on July 15, 2007, at 16:15:36
In reply to Can't feel any lower*trigger*, posted by slugdoo on July 15, 2007, at 12:53:25
I hope you don't mind if I can't quite bring myself to address a poster as slug doo, even if it's their given posting name.
I'm sorry you're feeling so badly. But in part, you're technically right. Babble isn't like it used to be. There are fewer posters making fewer posts. Probably the google results change has something to do with that.
It often feels to me that I don't get responses because people disapprove of my relationship with my therapist, or because I'm in a different place in therapy than many people here.
But then I shrug it off, because really there is no way of knowing.
Overall, though, I would say that people on Babble are very forgiving. They have been in my experience. But that things change in their own time. If you just keep posting supportively and asking for support when you need it, things usually work themselves out.
Posted by Maria01 on July 15, 2007, at 16:22:56
In reply to Re: Can't feel any lower*trigger*, posted by Dinah on July 15, 2007, at 16:15:36
Very well put, Dinah =)
I'm new to Babble, and people here have been
very supportive.
Like you said, people are at different stages in their therapy, which might account for the responses and number of responses to a given post.Like you, I post and then shrug it off, because there really is no way of knowing...if there are a lot of responses, that's great, and if not, that's OK too. =)
Posted by LadyBug on July 15, 2007, at 21:30:08
In reply to Re: Can't feel any lower*trigger*, posted by Dinah on July 15, 2007, at 16:15:36
I'm not so sure what your other posting name is either but I'm sorry you feel this way.
I've been with babble for awhile now and I've found it very helpful to me even just reading the posts help me. I don't reply unless I have had a similar experience with what the poster is talking about. I do try to be supportive. Time is an issue for me and depression is an issue for me too. I isolate too. That keeps me from doing a lot of things that I normally do. So I'm sorry to everyone that doesn't get a reply from me. I do the best I can.
I find we all have issues or we wouldn't be human. I find therapy amazing. I find my T to be good and I hope to learn all I can from this experience. Obviously I'm slow because I've been seeing her for over 10 years now.
I hope you find what it is you are seeking. I usually post when I'm hurting and I never expect any replies. If I get one, that's awesome but I understand that everyone is busy and not everyone understands everyone's situation.
I love babble. I get what I give here and if I'm not willing to give a lot then I can't expect a lot.
LadyBug
Posted by JoniS on July 16, 2007, at 6:47:48
In reply to Can't feel any lower*trigger*, posted by slugdoo on July 15, 2007, at 12:53:25
Dear Fellow Babbler,
I am so sorry to read how low you are feeling. I hope that by the time you read this you are feeling much better.
I don't feel particularly capable of saying the right things to encourage you, but I'll do the best I can. I can tell you that I have definitely been there and it is an awful place to be. There is hope. My kids are the only thing that kept me from leaving this world a couple of years ago. But my T explained to me the pain, guilt, sorrow .... that I would leave for my kids and I didn't want that. T helped me a lot. Just having a connection with him, someone who knew how I was feeling and gave me an escape from everything else in the world has been a Godsend for me. I think a lot of my self esteem still comes from my relationship with him. I know that needs to change and I need to value myself from within much more than from external factors - what other people think of me. It is very hard. I have certainly not "arrived".
I think I can relate to how you feel about Babble. I have told myself I will stop coming here also, but then I usually return within a week or so. I have been helped quite a bit by reading the posts, knowing that so many others are going through the same thing as me or similar or have gone through already. It's true that we are all at different places on our jouney, but there are so many who could help if they would respond more, sometimes, to our posts. I'm glad you brought up this topic, because I have struggled with it lately too. I liken it to being in High School when you have all the cliques standing in the halls each morning, seeming to shun those who are not in their group. Sometimes (in high school) that really is what their feelings are, but sometimes it is not. I think that there is sort of a "tight" group of people here who have been here a while and are very familiar with each other's past & present. It's like they're grouped in their circle talking, and it feels so hard to "break in" But if I really stop and think about it, I believe they are not shunning us, but they just happen to know each other better, and therefore, are more comfortable posting to each other's post.I don't know if you mentioned how long you've been participating with Babble, but I'll bet that has at least some effect on what you are experiencing.
I have been here about a year, and still feel pretty new. I have been comforted sometimes by reading others posts, and sometimes disappointed. It's funny sometimes I'll "jump into" a post and try to participate, but it feels like no one noticed I came along; their circle is so tight. Other times I've received the encouragement I needed, that's why I believe it's not intentional "shunning."
Often I don't post because I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing and be more hurtful than helpful. I also don't feel like a good communicator, feel very inarticulate, so it's difficult for me to say what I want to. Often it's just "ditto, what she said" (another poster) that I end up thinking. And even often it's that feeling like you've had, that my input isn't wanted or doesn't count here, so I don't post.
I don't mean to emphasize the negative here, because I get much more positive than negative, that is for sure.
I hope and pray the same for you. Please pull out of this and know that you are loved and many people care about you and how you are feeling.
(((((((one who cant feel any lower))))))
ps- you deserve a better name than the ones you gave yourself :)
Take care,
JoniS
Posted by canadagirl on July 16, 2007, at 8:23:19
In reply to Can't feel any lower*trigger*, posted by slugdoo on July 15, 2007, at 12:53:25
Hi there, I'm sorry about your feeling no one is responding to your heartfelt post. I couldn't find it, maybe under a different name? I think of that line somewhere on this site "your mileage may vary" (for this site) - and I think it's true - sometimes this forum is slower and has fewer postings to people than other times, people leave, new ones sign on, etc. Try to not take it personally, it seems to me just the flow of this type of forum.
Posted by Dinah on July 16, 2007, at 9:50:55
In reply to Re: Can't feel any lower, (sorry long post) » slugdoo, posted by JoniS on July 16, 2007, at 6:47:48
I think that's a very healthy way to think about it. I really love to see new or seldom seen posters, and enjoy getting to know new people. But sometimes I just don't know the context well enough to feel I can be helpful. While with someone I know better, I can infer some of what's going on from past experience.
I hope I always try to help people feel welcome, but there's no denying that I just haven't had the time I used to have. I'm not entirely sure why, except that everything in my life seems to take longer than it used to, and I'm always playing catchup. :(
Posted by slugdoo on July 16, 2007, at 11:33:55
In reply to Re: Can't feel any lower, (sorry long post) » JoniS, posted by Dinah on July 16, 2007, at 9:50:55
You all know me very well, and I find it interesting that I got more responses as a stranger then when people knew me. One one answered me in that post but anyways I just got back from T.
I will write more, but I have to take my son to the eye doc in a few minutes. But anyways, it was the most gut retching session I have ever had in my life. I cried, actually sobbed for the first time in therapy and it has been over 2 years. We did EMDR for performance anxiety, but much more came up. So much from the past. The same that horrid things from my childhood. I couldn't even finish the EMDR. I couldn't even talk because I was just crying so hard. EMDR struck a nerve more than a guitar string or trumpet note. I feel so overwhelmed at the moment. He is leaving out of the country tomorrow, but I see him Tues. of next week when he comes back. He thinks it would be fruitfull to continue, things are much deeper than he thought. But I am an expert actress ya know. I have been through hell growing up, and some of those memories are surfacing now. It is scary. He did do some EMDR to calm me down, thinking of my safe place. It actally helped, but I feel so wide open, like an open wound.
I need to get it together, I have to take my son down town. I will write more, I gotta go. My wonds are hurting a lot right now.
Posted by Phillipa on July 16, 2007, at 12:04:25
In reply to To everyone, saw T today, cried for the 1st time, posted by slugdoo on July 16, 2007, at 11:33:55
Glad you had a good session I think if you babblemail me your old name I could try and see why people don't answer or didn't your old threads with old name in the archieves. And this is not to be nosey to see if there is a trend. Good luck in your day. Love Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on July 16, 2007, at 13:16:01
In reply to To everyone, saw T today, cried for the 1st time, posted by slugdoo on July 16, 2007, at 11:33:55
FWIW, you're mistaken, about me at least. I responded to you.
It sounds like a productive session. I'm glad.
Posted by LadyBug on July 16, 2007, at 14:05:30
In reply to To everyone, saw T today, cried for the 1st time, posted by slugdoo on July 16, 2007, at 11:33:55
Do you feel it's progress to cry in session? I seem to do a lot of crying lately. And I'm in a hard place right now. I'm in a lot of emotional pain, but yet I feel a need to respond to you as you feel no one responds to you.
I do care about you. I know you are a good person and you are trying the best you can right now. I wish we could all pull our lives together and things would be eaiser. I could wish my life away right now. I hope you gain some peace within yourself soon. Please know that I care and that I don't have much to give right now but whatever I give I hope you can take in.
Sincere Hugs
LadyBug
Posted by TherapyGirl on July 16, 2007, at 17:48:53
In reply to To everyone, saw T today, cried for the 1st time, posted by slugdoo on July 16, 2007, at 11:33:55
So now I get it. I'm a little slow on the uptake. :-)
I'm glad you had a productive session today (because I think it's productive for our Ts to see all of our emotions), but I know it sucks to go through it. I hope peace will come for you sooner rather than later.
I did see your post about performance anxiety and EMDR. I didn't respond because I felt like I had zero to add to the conversation. But I should have at least let you know that I had read your post and was thinking about you and I'm sorry I didn't do that.
Take care of yourself, okay?
Posted by slugdoo on July 16, 2007, at 18:02:21
In reply to To everyone, saw T today, cried for the 1st time, posted by slugdoo on July 16, 2007, at 11:33:55
Home now, good thing I signed up for a family vision plan, because I just got glasses a few months ago and now my son, actually has almost the same percreption as me. He wanted blue glasses, okay, just so he doesn't want to resemble Elton John. Now I love Elton's music, I just don't want my son to look like him.
Then I came home a took a long nap. It was all I could do to keep it together. A banana split shake helped too.
The session started off fine, I played for him and was a little nervous by did okay. He then asked to see the guitar and he played stairway to heaven on it, he was good. Kinda a neat moment we had.
Then we talked about performing and stuff. Talked about how intellectually I knew what I was doing, but just did it anyways, my body responses and everything. Then he wanted me to think of that time I was on stage, and how I felt at the time. It was so hard to do because it is exactaly what I did't ever want to think about. But I did one session, okay not much happened because I was trying to concentrate on watching his fingers and thinking of the moment. Saw he was using his middle finger, too, made me laugh, but I guess I was having trouble concentratin.
Then the 2nd time he started, I actually could think of the moment. Well bam, my body got so tense, a memory surfaced, a scary one, and all I could do it cover my face and started to cry. I think this through my T , he wasn't expecting this. I couldn't move my hands off my face, I didn't want him to see me cry, he keep trying to talk to me and ask what was going on , and I couldn't talk. I just wanted to go away. I eventually calmed myself down enough, but I couldn't look at him. I told him some of memory and he said he should have known it went deeper than just performance anxiety. I looked at him and he had tear in his eyes, he said he was sorry he made me cry. I didn't know what to say except I guess there is always a first time.Oh, my I just have to tell you all, my DH just called and they went to a minor league baseball game tonight, and my son was something like the 4 millionith fan, and he is being interviewed by all the tv station and he gets to throw out the first pitch!!!! I can't belive it. I dont' know how he is going to see with his dialated eyes and all! I am so excited, I wish I could be there!
He will never forget this! lolWell anyways, he never physically touched me, something I was worried about from session one, if I started to cry. But he stayed with me, he used such a gentle voice, I couldn't talk, but he wanted me to know he was there. It was more comforting than I thought it would be. It was the first time my session went over because of me. He said something about that he thinks it would be "fruitfull" to keep doing this EMDR and get to the deepest issues. He ususally would ask me, if that is what I wanted to do , continue with EMDR. Now he is telling me it is what he would recommend we do. I told him how scary it was, because last time it brought up much worse memories. He remembers, usually people know their worse memories, but EMDR is bringing them to the surface to me. I think because we are concentration to the how the feelings physically feel and well sometimes bad events feel the same or make us feel simuliar. So yes performing stage and having a memories lapse is scarey, but how it feels while you are on stage can be at least for me some of the feelings I felt as a kid at certain moments.
He was concerned he is leaving to go out of the country and he won't be available at all (usually he is, even on vacations). He said if he even thought this would happen, he wouldn't have done it,so he is kinda worried. I know he cares, I saw it in his face in his eyes, and it was so sincere, I can see fake a mile away. He is an amazing T, really. I have more to say, but I will do other thread for the other topics.
Posted by slugdoo on July 16, 2007, at 18:08:35
In reply to Re: To everyone, saw T today, cried for the 1st time, posted by slugdoo on July 16, 2007, at 18:02:21
Please join me, I need to talk, please
Posted by antigua3 on July 16, 2007, at 19:11:32
In reply to Re: To everyone, saw T today, cried for the 1st time, posted by slugdoo on July 16, 2007, at 18:02:21
"He remembers, usually people know their worse memories,"
Oh how I wish this were true for me. I envy you, but not that I want you to suffer; it just means you will get over them faster.
You did great work today and should be proud. I'm sorry he's going away right now, and I hope you can find a good way to handle it.
best,
antigua
Posted by OzLand on July 16, 2007, at 23:17:00
In reply to Re: To everyone, saw T today, cried for the 1st time, posted by slugdoo on July 16, 2007, at 18:02:21
I am glad it is working well for you even if it is painful. I had a similar happening over a week ago before I had to suspend my issues for the damn work issue which now seems to be resolved.
I sort of can't wait to see my therapist on Wednesday, and then by Wednesday, I will end up probably being a jerk as it will have been a whole week, and I tend to lose a sense of him over that period of time. Take care and keep up the good work. In the short run is pain, but in the long run will be happiness and comfort.
Posted by sunnydays on July 17, 2007, at 10:14:35
In reply to Re: To everyone, saw T today, cried for the 1st time, posted by slugdoo on July 16, 2007, at 18:02:21
Oh my gosh. Your T sounds like he was wonderful. I hope you are able to hold onto his gentleness while he's gone and hold off the memories.
sunnydays
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.