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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on May 27, 2006, at 21:12:53
I mean, like I saw my dad die and he was in terrible physical pain and after he died he looked so peaceful. They don't allow animals to go through that much suffering.
I told my T (my last message) that I deceide to live in this f*cked up world. Yes I was in a dark place.
Well I was thinking about how I would do it peacefully with taking my kids with me so they wouldn't have to suffer anymore either. We could just fall asleep together. Now I don't think I would ever do this but have you ever thought about how you would if you wanted to? Is this a bad sign? Is it okay to think about? I am okay right now, but what if I wasn't and I had enought living, I wonder if it would be a bad thing to put the end to my suffering.
Posted by rubenstein on May 27, 2006, at 22:20:02
In reply to Is thinking of sucide a bad thing? Trigger, posted by happyflower on May 27, 2006, at 21:12:53
> I think about it all the time too. I can't control the thoughts....I guess they aren't bad but they are ahrd to deal with sometimes. I have been thinking of you, hope you are well
rachelI mean, like I saw my dad die and he was in terrible physical pain and after he died he looked so peaceful. They don't allow animals to go through that much suffering.
>
> I told my T (my last message) that I deceide to live in this f*cked up world. Yes I was in a dark place.
> Well I was thinking about how I would do it peacefully with taking my kids with me so they wouldn't have to suffer anymore either. We could just fall asleep together. Now I don't think I would ever do this but have you ever thought about how you would if you wanted to? Is this a bad sign? Is it okay to think about? I am okay right now, but what if I wasn't and I had enought living, I wonder if it would be a bad thing to put the end to my suffering.
Posted by Daisym on May 28, 2006, at 0:08:32
In reply to Is thinking of sucide a bad thing? Trigger, posted by happyflower on May 27, 2006, at 21:12:53
There are good reasons to choose to die, I think. But most of those are medically related. I also think there are lots of other reasons we can choose to die, neither good nor bad. It is a very personal and very selfish decision.
I worry that you think about taking your kids with you. Your world is not their world. You've created a better, safer place for them. And their possibiities are endless. This kind of thinking comes from a dark desparate place and thought isn't rational. I know this place too well.
I don't think we can label it bad. Mostly it is truly just sad.
Hang in there.
Posted by Karolina on May 28, 2006, at 0:29:54
In reply to Is thinking of sucide a bad thing? Trigger, posted by happyflower on May 27, 2006, at 21:12:53
Well for me, the thought of death alone terrifies me, so thinking about suicide in some strange, strange way made me feel better. My T said it was because it made me feel in control of my own destiny. Basically that death wouldn't come and bite me in the @$$ when I least expected it.
I'm so sorry you've been thinking this way though. I think it's within the realms of being very normal to think about death, suicide, and all that kind of stuff. I think everybody does that at some point in their life. But thinking and acting are 2 very different things. Although it's ok to think about, I think talking about this with your T and about how you feel right now is very important. And I know we've all heard before about how if we were to kill ourselves it'd be like killing everyone else we know too, but you know I think it's kind of true. Your T would be devastated if you ended your life. And of course your family, and everyone else that knows you.
I've attempted suicide before and it really was a stupid thing now that I look back on it. I was put on an antidepressant that did not agree with me well at all, so the details are kind of blurry. But I think anytime we hear about people committing suicide, even if we don't personally know them, it gives us that weird, sad feeling...and we ask the question 'why did they do that'? I don't know if what I'm saying makes much sense or if it helps, but please hang in there and know that we are here for you.
-Karolina-
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 28, 2006, at 9:47:41
In reply to Is thinking of sucide a bad thing? Trigger, posted by happyflower on May 27, 2006, at 21:12:53
> I mean, like I saw my dad die and he was in terrible physical pain and after he died he looked so peaceful. They don't allow animals to go through that much suffering.
>
> I told my T (my last message) that I deceide to live in this f*cked up world. Yes I was in a dark place.
> Well I was thinking about how I would do it peacefully with taking my kids with me so they wouldn't have to suffer anymore either. We could just fall asleep together. Now I don't think I would ever do this but have you ever thought about how you would if you wanted to? Is this a bad sign? Is it okay to think about? I am okay right now, but what if I wasn't and I had enought living, I wonder if it would be a bad thing to put the end to my suffering.I think that you're just discovering healthy internal dialogue, so you are also reacting to the novelty of it.
The are no forbidden thoughts. There are forbidden acts, though. Conceptually, I mean. Forbidden is black and white thinking, but sometimes it's an appropriate thought, to use black and white concepts.
What you're describing is contextualization of your diversity of thought. You are not one stream of consciousness. You are many parallel streams of consciousness. Yet, you are one stream, in the end.
I think of it like holding a community meeting. I'm the chairperson.
There are many voices. The voice of society, of my culture. My addiction is there. My fears are there. My expectations are there. My spirit is there. My mom. Perhaps not so strangely, my dad seldom shows up. My Babblebuddies are there. And so on. Different attendance, at different meetings.
Lots of voices.
And we throw ideas around.
I always bear in mind that one voice, the one of my spirit, never speaks loudly. It only speaks during the quiet. So, I always have some quiet.
And I put myself, my life, my environment, into context.
And then I, the chairperson, have what I need to live my life, my way.
A thought itself is far removed from an act. Almost always, except in emergency.
Love,
Lar
Posted by Tamar on May 28, 2006, at 12:59:44
In reply to Is thinking of sucide a bad thing? Trigger, posted by happyflower on May 27, 2006, at 21:12:53
> I mean, like I saw my dad die and he was in terrible physical pain and after he died he looked so peaceful. They don't allow animals to go through that much suffering.
>
> I told my T (my last message) that I deceide to live in this f*cked up world. Yes I was in a dark place.
> Well I was thinking about how I would do it peacefully with taking my kids with me so they wouldn't have to suffer anymore either. We could just fall asleep together. Now I don't think I would ever do this but have you ever thought about how you would if you wanted to? Is this a bad sign? Is it okay to think about? I am okay right now, but what if I wasn't and I had enought living, I wonder if it would be a bad thing to put the end to my suffering.I don’t think it’s bad.
I do think it can be dangerous.
Yes, I have thought about how I would. And I’ve also been in a place where I’ve wanted to. The two things are different to me, but they can be connected.
I’ve thought about it when I wanted to escape from the feelings. I couldn’t find a way to switch off my feelings and I wanted a break from them. And I thought it would be nice to go to sleep and never wake up. It was hard to find other ways of taking a break from the feelings, but I found shopping helped (I didn’t need to spend money; I just needed to spend time in shops where all the colours and lights and people would distract me). I don’t know whether some kind of distraction would be helpful to you…
I’m a little curious about why you want to take your kids with you. Is it because you believe they’re suffering as much as you are? Or perhaps because you don’t want to leave them with your husband? Or something else?
It sounds as if you’re in a horrible place right now. I’m so sorry you’re feeling so awful. I know I can’t make it all better, but here are some hugs:
((((((((((((((((Happyflower))))))))))))))))
Hang in there. I don’t want to lose you. I know I’m selfish, but I can’t help it. I’d miss you too much.
Tamar
Posted by muffled on May 28, 2006, at 23:20:52
In reply to Is thinking of sucide a bad thing? Trigger, posted by happyflower on May 27, 2006, at 21:12:53
((((HF)))
Stupid f*cking emotions. I don't understand and I f*cking HATE them.
But I WILL NOT die. Then they win. F*CK them. I won't let them win.
I think of dying, but I won't do it. Hurts too many others. Messy too.
You and me are not quitters HF, we WILL survive.
Muffy
This is the end of the thread.
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