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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by All Done on December 1, 2005, at 11:11:09
I can't stop Socially posting on Psychology.
Hi, gg. Just thinking about you and wondering if everything's alright.
Hugs if you need 'em.
(((((gg)))))
Laurie
Posted by daisym on December 1, 2005, at 11:18:05
In reply to I have a problem., posted by All Done on December 1, 2005, at 11:11:09
Let's declare ourselves a tag team!!
GG -- how are things going with therapy at only 1x per week? Did anything over Thanksgiving or at the wedding need to be talked about in therapy? Did your therapists have any ideas about the Uncle who hugs inappropriately?
(See - it is all in how you ask the questions, Laurie)
Posted by annierose on December 1, 2005, at 12:13:01
In reply to Reframing and helping » All Done, posted by daisym on December 1, 2005, at 11:18:05
I'm thinking about you too GG (and the therapy aspect, of course!).
Posted by Racer on December 1, 2005, at 12:54:35
In reply to Re: Reframing and helping, posted by annierose on December 1, 2005, at 12:13:01
Let me go into my trance-state...
OK...
GG said the other day that she's got a ton on her plate right now, so she has to ration her time online. She, like so many of us, can get sucked deep down into the Web -- so she's working on rationing it, and getting her other stuff done. Although she will pop in, since this is THE place to be.
Also, I won't steal her thunder about Creepy Uncle, but she was clever and managed that part beautifully.
She might have something to say about AnnieRose, too.
And be sure you ask her what her T said about her husband and sewing needles... :-0
OK, back to your regularly scheduled programming...
(And I hope that GG will forgive me speaking for her -- I just didn't want anyone to think something was wrong if GG wasn't here for a day or two.)
Posted by gardenergirl on December 1, 2005, at 21:51:12
In reply to Channeling GG, posted by Racer on December 1, 2005, at 12:54:35
Good channeling, and all correct. I will post more later, but my hubby just got home, and I haven't seen him all day.
Still, I left therapy on Monday feeling pretty danged good. At least for a bit...then something awful happened in the family. Amazing how stuff can drag you right back down.
I'll post more tomorrow. I'm okay though. Thanks for asking. :)
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on December 2, 2005, at 10:12:43
In reply to Reframing and helping » All Done, posted by daisym on December 1, 2005, at 11:18:05
> Let's declare ourselves a tag team!!
Works for me!
>
> GG -- how are things going with therapy at only 1x per week?Well, at first I hated it. I sobbed horribly after I left the first time, knowing I would not be back for a week. I felt like I had been sent away without any supper, since it had not been a particularly good session, anyway. It was too problem-solving focused, when I was still looking for empathy and validation for what I was going through (the anniversary fiasco).
Although on Monday, I went to therapy realizing that I had not thought about therapy at all, except for one very brief moment when my cousin and I were talking about her counselor, whom she really likes. I told my T this, and also that I was starting to feel a bit like maybe just living life was a "healthier" thing for me to be doing now versus intenstive introspection and (please pardon the term) "navel-gazing". He pretty much agreed with me that perhaps I'm moving into a period where it's time to move on (eek!). Of course, my happiness that day was pretty situational, since I had just returned from some pretty amazing experiences with my family.
And then I found out that my uncle died suddenly, actually while packing up to return home after coming up for my sister's wedding. It was very tragic, traumatic for those there, and shocking. I wanted to call my T to tell him, although not so much to talk about it...just to tell him. I'm not quite sure what that means. At any rate, I'm a bit down about that, as is my family. At least we were all together and openly expressing our love before we lost him.
>Did anything over Thanksgiving or at the wedding need to be talked about in therapy?
Besides what I wrote above, I also had an amazing experience with my dad. Somewhere along the line, he grew an emotion bone. He actually cried more than once, as he was feeling the effects of seeing some people he hasn't seen in a long time, (one was my late uncle, who used to be a very good friend), and feeling his mortality, wondering if he would ever see these folks again. We spent some quality time together talking and sharing pictures and stories. At the end of the night (3:30 am.!), he thanked me for being there for him, and then told me he loved me, spontaneously and with a great deal of feeling. Wow! What a gift. He's always been very closed, which has been a source of pain for me.
> Did your therapists have any ideas about the Uncle who hugs inappropriately?
My T basically told me that I have to be "in charge" of the moment. And acutally it worked out very well. He was seated at a table when I went around kissing folks hello and taking a moment to talk to them (oh, the duties of the maid of honor). By the time I got to him, I was being called up to the head table. I kissed him on the cheek, and when he went to stand up for a hug, I just sort of pushed him back down in his chair (subtly, of course!) and said I had to run. :-D I never really saw him the rest of the night. Yea me!
>
>
> (See - it is all in how you ask the questions, Laurie)Yep. I spent a lot of time talking in therapy about how blessed and moved I had been feeling to be part of such a large, loving, (and loud!) family. It was lovely chaos, and I felt a bit like I needed to recover from it all. We talked about how I need to learn to modulate my emotional responses a bit in order not to feel so drained after times like this.
So...I'm doing okay. Sleep is a good restorative, right Dinah?
Thanks for asking, Lala and Daisy. Sorry I haven't been around much. I'll try to drop in when I can between now and when I get caught up with some work stuff.
gg
Posted by Dinah on December 2, 2005, at 10:58:42
In reply to Re: Reframing and helping---long, posted by gardenergirl on December 2, 2005, at 10:12:43
Wow. That sounds like an amazing and uplifting experience. What a terrific way for a family event to go!
I'm really sorry about your uncle. But I think if someone asked me what way I'd like to die, that might be my second choice. (I still vote for curled up at my master's foot so peacefully that she didn't even notice I'd gone.) He was loved in life, and knew it. And he'd just spent quality time with the family.
I'm glad you're getting along well with once a week therapy. :) When the time is right, I'm sure it's a far more positive step.
Posted by Shortelise on December 2, 2005, at 14:07:26
In reply to Re: Reframing and helping---long, posted by gardenergirl on December 2, 2005, at 10:12:43
I guess it wasn't the bad-hugs uncle who died.
GG, it's wonderful to read you. Mourning the loss of sessions is painful, yup, but you do sound well.
ShortE
Posted by daisym on December 2, 2005, at 14:19:19
In reply to Re: Reframing and helping---long, posted by gardenergirl on December 2, 2005, at 10:12:43
Thanks for taking the time to catch us up. I'm sorry about your uncle.
But I'm glad you had such a nice time at the wedding. It is special anyway but it seems to have been really great and emotional.
I think happy emotional exhaustion is an OK thing. It is draining yet feels so nice.
Posted by annierose on December 2, 2005, at 16:17:46
In reply to Re: Reframing and helping---long, posted by gardenergirl on December 2, 2005, at 10:12:43
Sounds like a wonderful fun weekend. I'm sure your sister was smiling from head to toe. Weddings can be loads of fun with a large and loud family!! And big points to your dad for opening up to you. I'm glad he shared how much you mean to him.
And of course, coffee was nice with you too!
And the transition to 1x per week, back on smoother waters. Good going!!
Posted by gardenergirl on December 2, 2005, at 16:37:05
In reply to I have a problem., posted by All Done on December 1, 2005, at 11:11:09
> I can't stop Socially posting on Psychology.
>
> Hi, gg. Just thinking about you and wondering if everything's alright.
>
> Hugs if you need 'em.
>
> (((((gg)))))
>LOL, I almost enabled your "problem" by posting my reply on the Social board. But then I figured out how I could maybe keep it psychological enough for it to stay here.
Thanks for asking about me and for the hugs. I've got your email flagged for me to reply to this weekend.
Hope you're doing well.
((((Laurie))))
gg
> Laurie
Posted by gardenergirl on December 3, 2005, at 13:20:30
In reply to Re: Reframing and helping---long » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on December 2, 2005, at 10:58:42
> Wow. That sounds like an amazing and uplifting experience. What a terrific way for a family event to go!
Yeah, it was pretty great. Still feeling awe about it.
>
> I'm really sorry about your uncle. But I think if someone asked me what way I'd like to die, that might be my second choice. (I still vote for curled up at my master's foot so peacefully that she didn't even notice I'd gone.) He was loved in life, and knew it. And he'd just spent quality time with the family.Thanks, I agree. Hmm, interesting about the curled up thing. I suspect that with some of your pets, they also felt loved and safe to go with you at their side. I suspect that would be a lovely way to go, in the arms of someone you love, but I'm not sure if I would want to be the survivor...that sounds very hard. But I don't do death well. I said that to my T once, and he sort of laughed and asked why I would *want* to do that well.
>
> I'm glad you're getting along well with once a week therapy. :) When the time is right, I'm sure it's a far more positive step.I think maybe the time was right, although it was still hard, and it was due to circumstances versus a clinical decision. But so far so good....
Thanks,
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on December 3, 2005, at 13:23:40
In reply to Re: Reframing and helping---long » gardenergirl, posted by Shortelise on December 2, 2005, at 14:07:26
> I guess it wasn't the bad-hugs uncle who died.
No. Not one I knew all that well, either, due to where they live. But I'm devastated for my aunt and my cousin. :(
>
> GG, it's wonderful to read you. Mourning the loss of sessions is painful, yup, but you do sound well.Thanks. I think I'm doing pretty good. I'm starting to realize (I think ClearSkies is experiencing something similar), that there are still going to be down times, and I'm still going to have my "issues", but dealing with them differently or not being so affected by them is definitely progress. Now I just have to have that sink into my bones.
Nice to see you here, too, and I hope your transition is going well.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on December 3, 2005, at 13:27:16
In reply to Re: Reframing and helping---long » gardenergirl, posted by daisym on December 2, 2005, at 14:19:19
> Thanks for taking the time to catch us up. I'm sorry about your uncle.
Thanks.
>
> But I'm glad you had such a nice time at the wedding. It is special anyway but it seems to have been really great and emotional.It really was. :)
>
> I think happy emotional exhaustion is an OK thing. It is draining yet feels so nice.My T seems to think that it's not so "healthy" or "normal". He seems troubled by my need to recover after stuff like this, and wishes for me that I could tone down my emotional reactions. I'm not sure I agree with him. I'm not sure he really "gets" what it is like to feel that way. He did acknowledge that this emotional sensitivity was likely a very useful thing for a future T to have. I do agree with that.
I suppose that taking care of myself physically (icky, read better diet and exercise) would help as well. Physical strength and health goes a long way to helping emotional health. I guess that's next on my "agenda". A ways off yet. Small steps...
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on December 3, 2005, at 13:30:46
In reply to Re: Reframing and helping---long » gardenergirl, posted by annierose on December 2, 2005, at 16:17:46
> Sounds like a wonderful fun weekend. I'm sure your sister was smiling from head to toe. Weddings can be loads of fun with a large and loud family!! And big points to your dad for opening up to you. I'm glad he shared how much you mean to him.
My sis was just beaming. It was beautiful to see. And yeah, the dad thing....still sort of stunned and grateful about that.
>
> And of course, coffee was nice with you too!You betcha. Definitely worth the drive through the snow. Can you believe my sis and I went to the mall after I left your lovely establishment? Wedding details... :)
I hope Thanksgiving went well for you, and I'm sorry you were sick. :(
>
> And the transition to 1x per week, back on smoother waters. Good going!!Thanks. Sounds like your therapy is going well, too. I really like your T, from your descriptions about her.
Take care,
gg
Posted by Dinah on December 3, 2005, at 14:19:54
In reply to Re: Reframing and helping » daisym, posted by gardenergirl on December 3, 2005, at 13:27:16
> My T seems to think that it's not so "healthy" or "normal". He seems troubled by my need to recover after stuff like this, and wishes for me that I could tone down my emotional reactions. I'm not sure I agree with him. I'm not sure he really "gets" what it is like to feel that way. He did acknowledge that this emotional sensitivity was likely a very useful thing for a future T to have. I do agree with that.
Good for you! I have to think that traits like that are neither positive or negative. They just are. They have good sides and bad sides and learning to minimize the bad and maximize the good is wiser than trying to change traits. My therapist is always pointing out the positives of being emotionally sensitive, and my earliest memories of him is his talking about race horses and reactivity. :)
Posted by gardenergirl on December 3, 2005, at 22:54:45
In reply to Re: Reframing and helping » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on December 3, 2005, at 14:19:54
> Good for you! I have to think that traits like that are neither positive or negative. They just are. They have good sides and bad sides and learning to minimize the bad and maximize the good is wiser than trying to change traits. My therapist is always pointing out the positives of being emotionally sensitive, and my earliest memories of him is his talking about race horses and reactivity. :)That sounds like a good way to look at it. :)
So, I just have to ask...what's the deal about race horses and reactivity?
gg
Posted by Dinah on December 3, 2005, at 23:01:06
In reply to Re: Reframing and helping » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on December 3, 2005, at 22:54:45
Gosh, it's been so long now...
If I remember correctly, it was that a small percentage of people were like thoroughbreds. But I don't think I can put it as eloquently and positively as he could. Something about thoroughbreds being differently wired and more reactive to stimuli, but that they had offsetting strengths. Dang. I can't do it. :) He has it down to a science, because I think it's part of his standard sixteen week program for people with anxiety. But to his credit, I think he means it. He's always pointing out different and positive ways to think about not only my own traits, but other people's traits as well.
I guess that's how he's able to have good relationships with difficult people like the pdoc from h*ll and, of course, me. Grin.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 3, 2005, at 23:34:01
In reply to Re: Reframing and helping » daisym, posted by gardenergirl on December 3, 2005, at 13:27:16
> wishes for me that I could tone down my emotional reactions.
does he think you won't need 'recovery time' if you are able to do this?
i'm just thinking...
doesn't it take effort to tone them down?
(and then wuoldn't you need 'recovery time' from the effort involved?)
or if you make an effort then after time... do they not present as so intense in the first place?(just wondering how thats supposed to go)
?
glad things went well for you.
and well done about creepy uncle.
sorry about the other one :-(oh yeah
GLAD YOU ARE BACK :-)
Posted by gardenergirl on December 4, 2005, at 23:25:17
In reply to Re: Reframing and helping » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on December 3, 2005, at 23:01:06
> He's always pointing out different and positive ways to think about not only my own traits, but other people's traits as well.
>That sounds like a nice thing to have in a T. Thanks for explaining the thoroughbred thing.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on December 4, 2005, at 23:31:40
In reply to Re: Reframing and helping » gardenergirl, posted by alexandra_k on December 3, 2005, at 23:34:01
>> doesn't it take effort to tone them down?
> (and then wuoldn't you need 'recovery time' from the effort involved?)
> or if you make an effort then after time... do they not present as so intense in the first place?That's a good question. I did notice that when I was with my dad, and he was being so emotional, I wasn't crying much and I wasn't feeling things very intensely in the moment. I suspect it helped him, because if I just lost it and got all blubbery, I think that would have thrown him off or something. But still, it felt a little odd to me not to be so "engaged" in an emotional experience. I described it in therapy as feeling distanced or numb. Or maybe like I was a T and my dad was a client...which is weird. My T said that maybe I just was feeling things less intensely than usual and less intense than me dad.
I don't know. (shrugs)
That seemed to come with no effort on my part, but it felt weird. Still, I didn't necessarily have to sleep off or otherwise recover from that particular encounter, despite how moving it was.
(oh, and I don't really feel numb with clients, but I do manage somehow to keep from blubbering when I hear stuff that's painful or really moving. I've been known to get teary-eyed at times, and once or twice one fell...That's just what I'm made of, I guess.)
>
> glad things went well for you.
> and well done about creepy uncle.
> sorry about the other one :-(Thanks.
>
> oh yeah
>
> GLAD YOU ARE BACK :-)Hey, are you shouting that at me? ;-)
It's good to be back.
Take care,
gg
>
Posted by alexandra_k on December 5, 2005, at 16:34:57
In reply to Re: Reframing and helping » alexandra_k, posted by gardenergirl on December 4, 2005, at 23:31:40
> >> doesn't it take effort to tone them down?
> > (and then wuoldn't you need 'recovery time' from the effort involved?)
> > or if you make an effort then after time... do they not present as so intense in the first place?> I did notice that when I was with my dad, and he was being so emotional, I wasn't crying much and I wasn't feeling things very intensely in the moment. I suspect it helped him, because if I just lost it and got all blubbery, I think that would have thrown him off or something. But still, it felt a little odd to me not to be so "engaged" in an emotional experience. I described it in therapy as feeling distanced or numb. Or maybe like I was a T and my dad was a client...which is weird. My T said that maybe I just was feeling things less intensely than usual and less intense than me dad.
Ah. I don't know either. Maybe it kind of is 'therapist mode'. But then... I think we do that outside therapy too. Like when one of my friends is upset and I get to 'play therapist' for a while. Yeah, it would probably be unhelpful if I felt as upset or whatever as my friend (because then we would probably end up winding each other up).
But I guess I wasn't really thinking of that...
> > GLAD YOU ARE BACK :-)> Hey, are you shouting that at me? ;-)
Sorry. Just got all excited ;-)
I guess I was thinking more generally... Not so much in relation to that particular situation (or to the wedding in general which is OF COURSE going to be an emotional event and OF COURSE you are going to feel a bit tired in the come down from that). But I'm thinking more generally... Is that how it is supposed to go?That if you are better able to control how you express emotions (thats a general 'you')
Then they won't present as so intense in the first place?I guess... I'm thinking of me...
About whether that is how one is supposed to go about having less intense emotions...
This is the end of the thread.
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