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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 6 to 30 of 30. Go back in thread:
Posted by daisym on June 24, 2005, at 1:31:28
In reply to Re: Why would a T ask these questions? » daisym, posted by jammerlich on June 24, 2005, at 1:09:30
I think they are more commonly asked. My son's therapist is definately CBT oriented, which is great since he is working on anxiety issues, and he talks all the time about eating right, enough sleep, exercise, etc. It is much more solution oriented. Anything that might influence your mood should be understood and worked with.
Of course this is a small part of CBT and I'm sure these things are discussed in all types of therapy. But I doubt it would come up in psychodynamic therapy unless the client brought it up in some way.
Posted by Shortelise on June 24, 2005, at 5:00:45
In reply to Why would a T ask these questions?, posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 22:14:48
You could ask him about it. Start off as you mean to go on. When he says stuff that you wonder about, if you want things to stay really transparent, you might want to ask, mention it. Not let it just go by and wonder about it.
I think I always appear irritated when I am being irritated. I think he irratated you mightily the first time you saw him, so would it be any great surprise that it showed?
He would not be the T for me. Forgive me for saying that Jazz, but I really worry about this guy for you.
ShortE
Posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 6:43:16
In reply to Re: Why would a T ask these questions? » Jazzed, posted by daisym on June 24, 2005, at 0:30:22
> I want to (gently) tell you that you don't have to defend or prove to us, your babble family, that your therapist is mostly OK. Or keep defending your choice. Or even, hopefully not, come to a different conclusion about him in a few weeks. It is OK. This is your therapy and your choice.
Thanks Daisy, this brought tears to my eyes. With all that you're going through, and you took the time for such an incredibly thoughtful reply, means so much to me. Thank you, you are always so sweet.
>
> As far as his questions, I would have had a heart attack if I'd been asked about my weight. It is an issue with me but I've never brought it up in therapy. I think I've made remarks once or twice about myself but from behind my 10 foot wall at Fort Don't Go There.LOL, I was a bit taken aback by his question, BUT I don't think there are any questions he could ask me that would shock me, or that I wouldn't consider answering. AND, of course I snooped on the web, and tried to find anything out I could about him, which wasn't much. Just one thing really, there was an article that indicated he specialized in working with ppl with eating disorders, which I thought was interesting. I don't have one per se - I eat too much junk, but who doesn't? Also, he does evals. for gastric bypass, which I don't need, not even close. When we were talking about stress and anxiety he asked about exercise, caffeine intake, and diet. He agreed that I couldn't do too much more in the exercise dept., and didn't question my diet when I told him it was fine.
>
> I would ask him. My concern would be he has built in ideas about why women do what they do or feel what they feel. I just can't tolerate assumptions like that, even if they might partly be true.I will ask, and if this is the case, and not as I suspect, this might have a great bearing on how things go. I couldn't tolerate that, and I would tell him. My husband and I have been together over 20 years, and he has NEVER said anything about my weight, God bless him!
>In two years my therapist has never asked about menopause or anything else about my cycle. BUT, he is not a CBT therapist either.
Do you think he's CBT? I do have that on my list of Q's to ask him. I wondered when he talked about forming an attachment. Do you do that in CBT? The issue of my cycle/PMS comes up with my p-doc almost every time because my meds are influenced by it. I bring it up, and he's great about it, never asked anything about menopause. He's so kind and thoughtful.
>
> Don't ya just hate it that the answer is always, "ask, ask, ask, bring it up, ask." :)
> I'd love to know how he answers, if you want to share.Nope, it doesn't bother me at all because I have SO many questions, comments, and clarifications for him. So much that we probably won't get anything else done. I'll have to ask for another session just to get some work done.
I'll be sure to let you know how it goes. It's Mon. evening, wish it was tody, so I could quit thinking about it!
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 6:45:39
In reply to Re: Why would a T ask these questions? » daisym, posted by jammerlich on June 24, 2005, at 1:09:30
I thought two things were really strange about this (in addition to the fact that she asked about it at all). First, she did it very early on in the relationship and second, I told her I don't really have problems with PMS. Thoughts?
>
>
That's weird that she mentioned taking a diuretic, esp. given that you don't have PMS. When I find out why my T is asking q's. I'll let you know, maybe it will apply to your T's questioning too.Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 6:55:23
In reply to Re: Why would a T ask these questions? » Jazzed, posted by Shortelise on June 24, 2005, at 5:00:45
> You could ask him about it. Start off as you mean to go on. When he says stuff that you wonder about, if you want things to stay really transparent, you might want to ask, mention it. Not let it just go by and wonder about it.
Thanks ShortE,
Oh, trust me, I have a list of q's an arm's length long, and I have no problem questioning him. I hate that I have to wait till Mon. to ask!>
> I think I always appear irritated when I am being irritated. I think he irratated you mightily the first time you saw him, so would it be any great surprise that it showed?Yes, he did piss me off the first time, and I wonder if, when I challenged him, he took that as being irritable. I wasn't feeling irritable. I'm going to ask about that too - if he can look inside himself to see if he's projecting onto me.
>
> He would not be the T for me. Forgive me for saying that Jazz, but I really worry about this guy for you.
>
NP ShortE, I can see where he wouldn't be the T for most ppl on here. I will take it session to session and see how it goes. If it goes well, great, if it doesn't, well then I'll quit, and wait for another T in the office to open up.Thanks again, I appreciate that you care,
Jazzy
Posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 7:50:18
In reply to Re: Why would a T ask these questions?, posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 6:55:23
Okay, Jazzy! I am sorry if this seems so blunt, I know I am, and am working at it, but anyways I am going to put it to your straight. lol okay?
Your T is totally rude and I question his ability.
First of to bring up these topics, without you bringing them up first, just floors me! I would be totally offended! I think it doesn't have anything to do with CBT ! It seems like this guy likes to confront you about every sensitive issue, child raising, menaopause, and now weight isssues all in 2 visits. Either he is totally inexpericed as a T and as a man, or he is an idiot! I am sorry, but I think your 1st impression of this jerk was right on. My T is C therapist, and doesn't bring up things unless I do.
To me it is like he is saying you are a bad parent, a b*tch from premenopause, and you are too fat! Is this helpful for anyone? It seems like to me he has women issues that need to be addressed. I would run far away from this T, he is no good. I am sorry, but you can do much better. There is a reason he is the only one available, Jazzy please don't be mad, but get away from this jerk! :)
Posted by Dinah on June 24, 2005, at 7:58:29
In reply to Re: Why would a T ask these questions?, posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 22:53:22
Jazzy, I admit to my feelings of transference about him. He really does remind me of biofeedback guy.
But that doesn't mean he's not right for you. That's why there are lots of different sorts of therapists. My therapist isn't right for everyone. Your therapist isn't right for everyone.
If he helps you, that's all that matters. If he doesn't, then he doesn't. If he helps you for a while and you're satisfied with your progress, that's great. If he helps you for a while, but then you feel like you need something different, that's great too.
Part of what therapy is about is learning what *you* need to be a healthy and well adjusted person.
If he's helping you with that, that's great.
As far as odd questions, I think that at the beginning of therapy, most therapists throw their nets wide and look for responses that might guide them in a particular direction. Especially if they are problem solving type therapists. If they find a route that doesn't lead anywhere, the good ones would let it go. But they might find a route that does lead somewhere, but that no one has thought to ask about. So I wouldn't take a wide range of seemingly odd questions as an indication that he has certain assumptions about you. I think he might just be bringing up things that he's discovered might be an issue with people in similar circumstances to yours. Some will be relevant to you, some won't.
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on June 24, 2005, at 8:23:08
In reply to Why would a T ask these questions?, posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 22:14:48
It sounds to me like he is a man who *thinks* that he is being sensitive to women's issues. Like he read a book that said that women might be sensitive about their weight, so it is always best to address it (or some such nonsense).
Hormones can affect mood, so maybe he was trying to get at that. BUT I'm also leary about men who try to reduce women's legitimate concerns about being treated poorly, mental health, etc, to "hormones."
How long have you been seeing him? If you've been w/ him and like him, maybe it was an off day. If you haven't worked with him, you should really question him on this. Call him out on his biases and see if he can take it. If not, find someone else.
Keep us posted!
Best,
EE> Okay, I thought therapy was all about me bringing up the issues that I'm concerned with, and working through them. And, I know that what I bring up will create questions that the T then asks of me. Or, if they seem to sense an issue, then it's fodder for questioning.
>
> BUT...... at my last session, he asked about when my mom went through menopause, and I said I don't know. He said, "well, find out!" (my mom is dead) So he encouraged me to ask my sister. I'm too young (technically) to go through menopause yet, and I found out my mom went through it when she was 58, by asking my sister.
> Way off for me. And age is a sensitive issue for me (I can't bear the thought of getting older - my problem), so I was hurt that he would ask. He doesn't know that part, but he does know how old I am.
>
> He also told me that I was irritable! What?! He said I put on a good public face, but that I came off as irritable. IMO, he this might have come from the fact that I challenged him about the first session? I think the menopause issue came up because he thought I was irritable. Yes, I can be irritable, but sure didn't feel I was being irritable then. I'm comfortable calling him on issues, and maybe he's not used to that?
>
> Then he asked if weight was an issue for me. I hadn't said anything about weight, and I am a bit overweight, but not so THAT overweight. We talked about it, and he was satisfied with what I said, but now I'm offended because I exercise my *ss off everyday. Now he knows that, it came up in the discussion on weight, and in discussing what I do to relieve anxiety.
>
> This was just the negative part of our session, there was a lot of positive, but now I'm wondering, wondering, wondering WHY he would ask me these things?! It's almost like he wants to make me mad? Worked the first time, might as well do it again kind of thing? I just don't understand. Are these kinds of questions normal?
>
> Any ideas?
> Jazzy
> I intend to ask about all of this at the next session because that's not what I'm there for.
Posted by Tamar on June 24, 2005, at 8:52:25
In reply to Why would a T ask these questions?, posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 22:14:48
Hi Jazzy
Hmm... I don't think I can add much to what others have said. I suppose I'd just agree with the idea that he's probably asking as many questions as possible, perhaps to rule some things out.
If he works with people with eating disorders he's probably aware that weight can be an 'issue' no matter what a person's body shape. Many women who aren't overweight at all have 'issues' with weight. So I don't think you should worry that he thinks you're fat.
And in some ways it's a good thing to know your family history of things like menopause. He certainly has a very direct way of approaching it! I'm not sure it would be right for me, but only you can know if it's right for you.
I think it's a very good thing that you're going to ask him about it. It's important to get an idea of his theoretical orientation and his style right at the beginning.
Tamar
Posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 9:01:05
In reply to Re: Why would a T ask these questions?, posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 7:50:18
OMGosh, I wouldn't get mad at you! I understand that you have my best interest at heart, and I really appreciate that. I'm not always the best judge of character, so I could be wrong about my new T.After the first session, I wondered if maybe he was divorced, bad divorce, and had a problem with women. I also intend to ask about that at the next session! But in such a way that he'll answer, and NOT ask me if or why that's important.
I did go there initially with child discipline issues, so that was initiated by me. His advice was good, but I just didn't like the way it was delivered. Too hard*ss, and I told him that. He dropped it completely. He did say I was the queen, and I haven't let anyone in this house forget it! LOL (of course my husband keeps reminding me that he also said he - my husband - was the king, but what's that got to do w/anything?!)
I will be asking about the weight and menopause questions, and why he felt it was pertinent to bring it up, esp. when I didn't initiate it. If his answer isn't reasonable, I'll tell him I'm not going to get into stuff like that with him unless there's a good and valid reason.
I'll let you know how it goes. I'm not ready to give up yet. I'll ask my p-doc more about his opinion at our next appt. I'm sure he won't steer me wrong.
Thanks for caring Happy, I appreciate it.
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 9:04:31
In reply to Re: Why would a T ask these questions? » Jazzed, posted by Dinah on June 24, 2005, at 7:58:29
Thanks Dinah,
I guess it's just too early to tell if he's going to be helpful, I have a good feeling about it though, after the last session.
And when you mentioned throwing the net wide, boy you've got that right! One of the other questions I was going to ask is WHY he bounces all over the place with all sorts of questions.
I appreciate what you have to say, thanks,
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 9:14:51
In reply to Re: Why would a T ask these questions?, posted by Emily Elizabeth on June 24, 2005, at 8:23:08
Thanks EE,
This was only my 2nd session. I don't know if he got any info from my p-doc. If he did, hormones come up every appt with my p-doc because I am very much influenced by my cycle, esp. when it comes to short temper and migraines. I bring it up with my p-doc, and he only asks about what I comment on.
AND, if he has any access to my p-docs records, which I don't think they're allowed to do, but I don't know. Do they share a chart? Then he knows how much I weigh, and I can see where he might question it. My husband says that he thinks he questioned the weight because weight can influence self esteem, and the T indicated that he thinks we need to boost my self esteem so that I feel worthy of things, like taking breaks, hiring baby-sitters, and doing more for me instead of always doing for others.
I have no problem questioning him on all of this stuff, and I fully intend to. My list is so long that I'm going to sit down and write it all out. I might even take notes on what he says, depending on what he says.
I was in a very bad and harmful therapy relationship as a young teen. I don't ever intend to go through that again. The guy coddled me to death, and it took 2 years for me to fully fit the "depressed" dx he pinned on me.
I don't want that to happen again. Good thing there are controls now, like you guys, my husband - who is very keen and insightful, and my p-doc - whom I trust implicitly.Thanks,
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 9:22:49
In reply to Re: Why would a T ask these questions? » Jazzed, posted by Tamar on June 24, 2005, at 8:52:25
> If he works with people with eating disorders he's probably aware that weight can be an 'issue' no matter what a person's body shape. Many women who aren't overweight at all have 'issues' with weight. So I don't think you should worry that he thinks you're fat.
Well, I am overweight, but I'm not worried about his asking, just curious WHY he asked. I'll ask him, and see what comes of it. I don't think quickly enough on my feet to think of these things as they come up. Wish I did.
>
> And in some ways it's a good thing to know your family history of things like menopause.I agree, there's so much I don't know because my mom died unexpectedly and quickly. We really hadn't gone over a lot of this stuff, even though we should have.
> He certainly has a very direct way of approaching it! I'm not sure it would be right for me, but only you can know if it's right for you.
Direct is really good for me, unless it's intimidating, which it's not with him. When someone is direct and forthright about everything, then I feel I can be too. I want someone sensitive and understanding, but not someone who will baby me too much on normal everyday stuff. There are issues that I have, from my past that should be handled with kid gloves, we haven't gotten there yet. Will see how he does with that.
>
> I think it's a very good thing that you're going to ask him about it. It's important to get an idea of his theoretical orientation and his style right at the beginning.Yep, I have to know this, so better ask now!
Jazzy
Posted by antigua on June 24, 2005, at 15:40:08
In reply to Re: Why would a T ask these questions? » Tamar, posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 9:22:49
I haven't read through all the replies so forgive me ...
but, I once had a Pdoc for a short period of time about 8 years ago. He was a meds guy, but he liked to talk so I'd talk to him sometimes. Didn't like him particularly, whatever. He moved away so I didn't have to resolve anything w/him.
Well, once, he said something about maybe the new med helping me with some of my weight. Hello? Where did that come from? It certainly wasn't appropriate. I told my T, asking if maybe I projected something or whatever, and she said, "Oh, Dr. XX was hugely overweight at one point so everything is about weight to him." Well, THAT made me feel better. Turned out it was him.
Sometimes they are human too!
antigua
Posted by Jazzed on June 24, 2005, at 16:31:52
In reply to Re: Why would a T ask these questions?, posted by antigua on June 24, 2005, at 15:40:08
> Well, once, he said something about maybe the new med helping me with some of my weight. Hello? Where did that come from?The way the meds sometimes make ppl gain weight like crazy, I'd appreciate that a p-doc would be sensitive to that. I've brought it up with mine because I don't want to gain weight, and he's sensitive to it, but he's very thin, so I'm not sure if he can fully appreciate the quandry one might be in.
I know not everybody likes their doc, but I'd love it if I had more opportunity to talk with my p-doc, he's so awesome, but he only does meds, not therapy. We do talk, but the time is too limited.
Jazzy
Posted by fallsfall on June 24, 2005, at 20:44:54
In reply to Why would a T ask these questions?, posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 22:14:48
Jazzy,
Your therapist sounds like mine in some ways. Very direct, doesn't waste any time. I know that a lot of people wouldn't like my therapist. But I do.
He also is very gentle and caring - moreso than my previous therapist who was a woman (and most people would like to have therapy with her). But my current therapist has a much deeper caring. It took a while for me to see it, for it to develop. But I wouldn't give it up for anything!
I can understand why you went back for your second session. He made you think, and thinking is a good thing.
Absolutely ask him questions when he does things that you don't like, or that confuse you, etc. I'm sure he can stand the heat!
Just wanted to post in support of your therapist.
Posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 21:45:24
In reply to Why would a T ask these questions?, posted by Jazzed on June 23, 2005, at 22:14:48
I am sorry Jazzy, I went too far, I hope I didn't make you upset about me ratting out your T. I shouldn't of been so blunt. I am worried about this guy but I could of been nicer about it! I am truely sorry.
Posted by Jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 7:07:19
In reply to I am sorry Jazzy, posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 21:45:24
> I am sorry Jazzy, I went too far, I hope I didn't make you upset about me ratting out your T. I shouldn't of been so blunt. I am worried about this guy but I could of been nicer about it! I am truely sorry.
Oh happy, happy, happy! You would never upset or offend me! I feel like my flip flop might be confusing and frustrating to some ppl, understandably, esp. considering how I felt after the 1st session. But, after the 2nd one, I didn't go away feeling he was rude at all. I think I know why both questions came up. I just have to be quicker on my feet to question him at the time, instead of wondering later. I feel pretty sure he had a good reason. He doesn't take notes during sessions, I hope he does after sessions, so he can go back to it with me. I hope that I was totally wrong about him, and that it goes really well from now on. Only time will tell.
Don't worry about hurting my feelings. Some ppl on the board might, I do have thin skin, BUT you have always been so wonderful to me, and I really feel you care about me. You can be sure I care about you too!
Jazzy
Posted by happyflower on June 25, 2005, at 7:16:40
In reply to Re: I am sorry Jazzy, posted by Jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 7:07:19
I am so relieved! wheewwww! I didn't want to upset ya!
Posted by Jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 7:30:50
In reply to Re: I am sorry Jazzy » Jazzed, posted by happyflower on June 25, 2005, at 7:16:40
> I am so relieved! wheewwww! I didn't want to upset ya!
OMGosh! You are so sweet! Please don't EVER worry about stuff like that!I feel like you and I have a connection, and we understand each other, even when sometimes we don't understand, and have to ask, but then we ask, and it's okay, and we know we were never in any REAL danger of the other one not liking the other one, and so we apologize, and like, it's okay, and we're relieved that it's okay, and then we're like all happy and stuff, and we can get back to talking about fun stuff, like you know, SEX!!!! And joking around about our T's, and then we wonder if deep down it's really joking, and we're not joking, so you're like waiting.....waiting for me to fall in love with my T, so we can joke, but we'll know neither one of us is joking, even if no one else knows, and then.....they fall in love with us!, and you have this really amazing, really good looking T, who loves you, and I have......well, you know I have this like really, really rumpled T, who wears the same shirt day after day, and won't change it, and like you feel really sorry for me because he's so rumpled, and you ask me, well, it's really hard, but you ask me if like I'm okay with his being all rumpled n stuff, and I say, oh gosh don't worry about it, I'm really okay with it. and then we just know, we just instinctively know that everything is OKAY!!! LOL
Are you okay?!
Jazzy
Posted by Jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 7:38:37
In reply to Re: I am sorry Jazzy » Jazzed, posted by happyflower on June 25, 2005, at 7:16:40
I hope no one takes offense at my posts today. I don't know what's gotten into me. I wouldn't call it slap happy, just feel like a weirdo. Maybe it's because the husband is out of town with the baby! I really need a massage while they're gone, tense back and shoulders!
Oh, and should help my weird mood emmensely that later today I'm taking my son and his friend to see Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3D! Oh goody, I just can't wait! They wanted to see Batman, but my desire to spend 3 hours in a movie theatre with two 8 year olds left something to be desired. Wonder why?!
Jazzy
happy, where are you?! Please come to the movie with me! I promise not to fall in love with sharkboy!
Posted by happyflower on June 25, 2005, at 8:02:02
In reply to Re: Puuuullleeeeeezzzzzz! You are just too cute! » happyflower, posted by Jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 7:30:50
You know it is funny that I just responded the same way, (in a lot less words) to the same thing in the several posts above! Let's just have fun here and not worry!:)
Posted by happyflower on June 25, 2005, at 8:04:01
In reply to Re: I am in SUCH a weird mood today!, posted by Jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 7:38:37
Posted by Jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 8:12:43
In reply to Re: Puuuullleeeeeezzzzzz! You are just too cute! » Jazzed, posted by happyflower on June 25, 2005, at 8:02:02
> You know it is funny that I just responded the same way, (in a lot less words) to the same thing in the several posts above! Let's just have fun here and not worry!:)
>
>
Yes, you have been too quiet! Blather on, blather on!
Jazzy
okay, I can't post anymore, or I won't make the movie, stop me!
Posted by jazzed on June 25, 2005, at 16:15:54
In reply to Re: Why would a T ask these questions? » Jazzed, posted by fallsfall on June 24, 2005, at 20:44:54
> Jazzy,
>
> Your therapist sounds like mine in some ways. Very direct, doesn't waste any time. I know that a lot of people wouldn't like my therapist. But I do.
>
> He also is very gentle and caring - moreso than my previous therapist who was a woman (and most people would like to have therapy with her). But my current therapist has a much deeper caring. It took a while for me to see it, for it to develop. But I wouldn't give it up for anything!
>
> I can understand why you went back for your second session. He made you think, and thinking is a good thing.
>
> Absolutely ask him questions when he does things that you don't like, or that confuse you, etc. I'm sure he can stand the heat!
>
> Just wanted to post in support of your therapist.
Thanks Falls, I almost missed this post! Glad I didn't. Yep, I'm like you, I need direct, but caring, someone to light a fire under my butt, even though that's VERY scary to me. I'm really looking forward to the next session, I have a million questions. He didn't do anything I didn't like this time, just didn't understand, and I'm sure there's a reason, I just have to think on my feet, and ask at the time so I don't dwell on it. Oh, I know he can stand the heat, esp. since I called him on all the stuff from the first session, and he said he appreciated the way I approached him, not in a mad way, just in an assertive way. I do like him, and I think the relationship will be good.Thanks again!
Jazzy
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