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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Pandabear on April 28, 2004, at 23:29:50
I need help. Everyone that has been following me might not believe this...I know I dont. I went to my session with my psychiatrist and she mentions how that she isnt going to give me a tranquilizer for my doctors appt until i make an appt because she is afraid that I am going to abuse the drug...I understand her reasoning...*i wouldnt abuse the drug but I know she has to be careful BUT, then,...we are sitting there talking and she says that she wants to have a family session with my dad and mom and my therapist, psychiatrist and me. I told her no. SEVERAL TIMES I MIGHT ADD..and she wouldnt take it as an answer. All she said was "I will have my receptionist call your dads office for an appt." I was furious. When I was leaving, I asked the receptionist to have my therapist call me before she left the office for the day and so I went home and got into bed bawling. My therapist calls me around six thirty and I am completey upset. I talked to her telling her how upset and angry I was and she was completely understanding. She told me she was going to talk to my psychiatrist and then call me back after work the next day. The next day after work she calls me and says that she talked to my psychiatrist and she told her that basically i was right...that I am 25 and I have every right to say if I do or do not want to include my family and that it really isnt fair to force me to include my family if I dont want it". My psychiatrist then says that for me to be able to continue in therapy with them that i have to have family therapy sessions....SO basically if I DONT have a family session from now on...I will be terminated. My therapist knows that i dont want to have a family session and she hasnt been asking me for one at all. She doesnt want me to leave and tells me that they are not trying to run me off but that My psychiatrist is extremely worried about me. She only wanted to meet with my family because she told me she doesnt understand me and she doesnt understand why I get so anxious and upset when I leave therapy. I told her the reason I do is bc i realize when I leave that I dont have my therapist to talk to anymore and it upsets me. She tells me i need to get a support group and I said that I do...the problem is that i cannot talk to my friends like i talk to my therapist and that if i talk to much it can ruin the friendship..and, i have lost many friends because I have done just that. She is very frustrated with me. I cannot stand the way im being treated by her and she is hearing me but NOT listening to me. I Can understand if I were 10 years old and she wanted to include my family ..I wouldnt have any choice if i were a minor and she could do whatever she wanted. OR if i were literally crazy and couldnt make my mind up..she could..but im not crazy and Im not ten years old and I DO have a say in what goes on with my mental status. ANYWAY...I dont know what im going to do if I get terminated. There are several therapists and docs that work in the office and Im going to see if I can switch psychiatrists so that I can still go to my therapist. But, if they come as a package..i might be out of luck. My therapist told me that my psychiatrist wants to make sure I still like her and that I still want to go to her. Well, I like her as a person but she is really irritating me by not listening to me. My therapist told me this evening that she is going to talk to my psychiatrist tomorrow and then call me if she gets a cancellation tomorrow ..even if she doesnt she is going to call me after work and tell me what my psychiatrist says. I told my therapist it will be more stressful to me if Im terminated because I will have to start over with someone new and I dont want that to happen...and she agrees that that would be too much. I think that she is going to try really hard to keep me with her...I hope. I have been with her for about 2 years... I am so emotional and its going to make me depressed if I have to be terminated FOR NOTHING. My therapist asked me if she had put me on any more medicine and I said no..I hope she wont...I could of course give in and say yeah lets have a family meeting but, I really dont want to give her the satisfaction of having a meeting...Im not trying to please her..Im trying to please myself..without disrespecting her and im not trying to upset her..but i know i am. YET, my therapist seems to think that Im doing ok. She and I seem to be on the same page. My dad is agreeing with me that the way she is treating me is wrong and that she is not treating me correctly and that it isnt fair to force me into something I dont want to do. He has NO intention of scheduling an appt with her unless I say it is ok. Which I will not because I dont think it is necessary AT THIS TIME. I dont understand why she cannot just come out and ask me the question..I can tell her anything she wants to know about me. She isnt trying to dig up the past with my parents..what she wants from them is why im acting the way i am now..and why i worry so much...EXCUSE ME BUT I HAVE WORRIED ALL MY LIFE. She also wanted to ask my parents what i was missing from them that they maybe werent giving me. I told her there was NO WAY she could ask that because they have given me EVERYTHING...she was like oh..ok..whatever. My dad was furious. I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. IF I am terminated, Im going to be severly depressed..and it stinks because work is going really well right now and the last thing I need is to be upset..too late for that I guess. Please offer some words of advice or support..Im so lost right now.
Posted by shadows721 on April 29, 2004, at 0:19:58
In reply to ALMOST TERMINATED...and scared., posted by Pandabear on April 28, 2004, at 23:29:50
At 25, yes, you are entitled to not have your parents make decisions for you provided that you are mentally competent. The person that is your go between is your t. She can really have a great input in this situation.
It is very understandable for you to be upset. How can this psychiatrist justify this recommendation? Is it that you weren't compliant with your previous med treatments? Did you use meds to try to commit suicide? (I don't know your hx, so I am trying to see why the MD is suggesting this.) Is that you are commenting now you are suicidal? What's the justification for such a demand?
I don't think this should come down to a termination. If she is really trying to help you, how would you getting terminated help yur current condition? If anything, it would really aggravate your situation.
Posted by Pandabear on April 29, 2004, at 0:24:01
In reply to Re: ALMOST TERMINATED...and scared., posted by shadows721 on April 29, 2004, at 0:19:58
Previously,I did stop taking a medication but, after I went and got a second opinion..about wether or not I was bipolar...after my second opinion, I went back on the medication...and she was happy with me.
She is wanting the family session because she told me she doesnt understand me. That is why Im frustrated. I dont understand why she cant just ASK ME what she wants to know. I will tell her anything.
You are right it is going to make my situation more frustrating...no im not suicidal and I am mentally capable of making decisions..so I dont know what her deal is but im not too happy right now...its crazyness...
Posted by shadows721 on April 29, 2004, at 2:22:42
In reply to Re: ALMOST TERMINATED...and scared. » shadows721, posted by Pandabear on April 29, 2004, at 0:24:01
I don't see this threat as therapeutic in any sense. I think the t is this best bet. She actually may know more about you than your family. She can be the go the between for you. After all, that's what you pay her for - support.
I think this whole thing is odd. You are a competent 25 y/o. There is no reason for this demand. If she doesn't understand you, she may not understand your parents either. This is very unusual.
Here's my suggestion. Tell your t that this situation is actually hindering your therapeutic alliances and feels like a discreditation of your empowerment to make sound medical discisions. The end result, this is causing more harm than good. Have the t explain this to the MD. It will be more creditable and objective.
I hope all this works out. It really sounds very unreasonable to disrespect your wishes and right to privacy.
Posted by gardenergirl on April 29, 2004, at 8:22:36
In reply to Re: ALMOST TERMINATED...and scared., posted by shadows721 on April 29, 2004, at 2:22:42
Pandabear,
I'm sorry you are going through this, but I'm glad your T is so supportive. You are right that as an adult, you do not have to include anyone else in your treatment if you do not agree. I'm not sure why the pdoc is insisting on this approach unless that is just the way she works. Some people in the profession are very into family dynamics and the family system. But you have to agree. In fact, in my agency, you would have to sign a consent to release information before I could even talk with your Dad. If you didn't sign, I couldn't even acknowledge that I see you.I hope your T is able to get your pdoc on the same page with you soon. I can tell how upsetting this is for you. Please trust in your T to run interference for you.
Take care,
gg
Posted by fallsfall on April 29, 2004, at 8:35:39
In reply to ALMOST TERMINATED...and scared., posted by Pandabear on April 28, 2004, at 23:29:50
>My psychiatrist then says that for me to be able to continue in therapy with them that i have to have family therapy sessions....SO basically if I DONT have a family session from now on...I will be terminated. My therapist knows that i dont want to have a family session and she hasnt been asking me for one at all. She doesnt want me to leave and tells me that they are not trying to run me off but that My psychiatrist is extremely worried about me. She only wanted to meet with my family because she told me she doesnt understand me and she doesnt understand why I get so anxious and upset when I leave therapy. I told her the reason I do is bc i realize when I leave that I dont have my therapist to talk to anymore and it upsets me. She tells me i need to get a support group and I said that I do...the problem is that i cannot talk to my friends like i talk to my therapist and that if i talk to much it can ruin the friendship..and, i have lost many friends because I have done just that. She is very frustrated with me.
>I dont understand why she cannot just come out and ask me the question..I can tell her anything she wants to know about me. She isnt trying to dig up the past with my parents..what she wants from them is why im acting the way i am now..and why i worry so much...EXCUSE ME BUT I HAVE WORRIED ALL MY LIFE. She also wanted to ask my parents what i was missing from them that they maybe werent giving me. I told her there was NO WAY she could ask that because they have given me EVERYTHING...she was like oh..ok..whatever.
*** Pandabear, I'm sorry that your "supports" are feeling so unsupportive.
Psychiatrists and therapists figure out what is going on with people all the time without talking to their family. If your Psychiatrist doesn't understand you, that is HER problem, and she will need to figure out how to solve HER problem.
The ONLY POSSIBLE way that I could have any sympathy for your Psychiatrist's point of view would be if you were currently living with your parents AND she has a "family systems" orientation. I guess I would be really surprised to find a Psychiatrist with a Family Systems orientation. If those things were true, then I could see why she would *want* a family meeting. But even in those cases, if you say no, then the answer is no. And, I suppose, that if she is Family Systems oriented that she could say she wouldn't treat you without it. But I would then expect her to help you find a Psychiatrist who WOULD work the way you are asking.
Particularly with your therapist being on your side on this, the whole thing doesn't make sense. It almost sounds like your Psychiatrist and Therapist have an argument going on that is not related to you at all, but you are getting thrown in the mix. [Once my husband and I were each seeing therapists, and we would have meetings of the 4 of us. The therapists got too involved and started fighting between them. Their supervisory group recommended that both therapists terminate with both of us. My husband's did, but mine stayed. Being involved with therapist fights is NO FUN at all.]
Stick to your guns. Stay with your therapist and ask her to help you find a Psychiatrist who will help you.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on April 29, 2004, at 17:02:23
In reply to ALMOST TERMINATED...and scared., posted by Pandabear on April 28, 2004, at 23:29:50
This sounds to ME like a form of emotional blackmail on her part...I would keep talking to your other T until it gets straighten out...as you are an adult I find that odd and seems to me where is your confidential protection./ Best of luck and so sorry about all this please keep us posted
Posted by Pandabear on April 29, 2004, at 21:15:36
In reply to Re: ALMOST TERMINATED...and scared. » Pandabear, posted by Fallen4MyT on April 29, 2004, at 17:02:23
I had decided to go ahead with the meeting with my parents...yet when i called to tell her i would do it...she said no that she didnt want to do it anymore..of course, i protested and said that i wanted to do it...and she still said no. My therapist called me after work and was pretty upset with me and telling me that my psychiatrist had decided no because I had previously said no..and she didnt want to go back and forth. That is bad on my part...but I always act before i think. so...she is going to wait several weeks...My therapist goes on to tell me that they both feel like they cannot win with me..and that made me really sad but I went out after i got off the phone and bought some art projects..(stress relievers..) and a mandalla..which she introduced me to today at my session. I am so lost. The way i am treating my two doctors by not giving up and being persistant and everything is the same way i treated my friend...and i lost his friendship because he became frustrated with me. They have already talked of terminating me and today my therapist said that they werent YET going to terminate me...which scares me because to me it means that its coming...Im going to write them both a letter and take it to them tomorrow. I want to apologize for my behavior and inform them that this is the same thing i went through a couple of years ago..my anxiety, obsessing, worrying, persistant, behavior...No, I do not think that my therapist was fair to orig. Force me to meet..but i told my therapist today that once i had a chance to think about it...i changed my mind...this really bothered her..saying that everything they say to me or everything we talk about will produce anxiety for me and that i just need to step away for a while. She said that Im trying to control something that doesnt need to be dealt with right now..that im rushing and i dont need to ..she told me to just move on and leave everything alone for a while and that i have had a rough month and to just collect my thoughts and that eventually we would meet and talk...I do this..I frustrated the HECK out of people..but i dont mean to...but it hurts my friendships and now..its hurting my relationship with my therapists I feel like I am reliving the worst time of my life..which was about 3 years ago.......I cant win.
Posted by Aphrodite on April 30, 2004, at 12:05:26
In reply to Re: ALMOST TERMINATED...and scared., posted by Pandabear on April 29, 2004, at 21:15:36
<< My therapist goes on to tell me that they both feel like they cannot win with me..>>
The above statement is disturbing to my way of thinking. It is not for them. THEY aren't supposed to be the ones "winning," you are. It is not your responsibility to satisfy their need to be proud of themselves for a job well done. Your responsibility is to be honest, take care of yourself, and let them know what you need. I get the impression you agreed to the meeting with your parents to please your doctor not because it was in your best interest. Please don't blame yourself. It's their responsibility to deal with their own frustrations, not yours.
Hang in there. Be good to yourself.
Posted by fallsfall on April 30, 2004, at 12:32:18
In reply to Re: ALMOST TERMINATED...and scared., posted by Pandabear on April 29, 2004, at 21:15:36
Because this pattern has caused you a problem in the past I really hope that you can work on this with your therapist. It is so hard to break these old patterns. I have found that sometimes I just have to take my therapist's word for something - if I try to understand it or agree with it the same things that cause me the pattern will make me disagree or not understand. I am NOT saying that you should always agree with your therapist. I'm just suggesting that in the course of working through this with her that you might have to try some things that sound different or feel new. The familiar, comfortable way of doing things hasn't been working.
Be brave and good luck
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