![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 8 to 32 of 60. Go back in thread:
Posted by bonnie_ann on January 14, 2002, at 21:37:09
In reply to read at your own risk - not uplifting » spike4848, posted by bob on January 14, 2002, at 20:55:22
How do you get to this point? Did it happen as a result of a traumatic event, abuse, or was it a build up things? Where you teased as a child? Did you try therapy? Support Groups? What is it that makes it so difficult to feel better? I don't get it.
I don't much like my personality/looks and can see where I need improvement, but I don't want to kill myself. I can't imagine not getting out of bed in the morning and going to work.
Or showering or eating. How did this happen to you and how can I prevent it from happening to me?
Bonnie
Posted by Mr. Scott on January 14, 2002, at 21:49:52
In reply to How does this happen? slowly over time or some .., posted by bonnie_ann on January 14, 2002, at 21:37:09
Let me preface by saying I was a wild happy child (maybe even grandiose) and although I was always obsessive I never became depressed until 16. First came anxiety and then a Major D. Once you find some meds that hold your head above water, stop obsessing about them like I do and insead do the following.(1) Find try love and never let it go once you have it.
(2) Keep active and social even if it means doing things that your not sure your interested in doing. But mostly keep up the social network!!!
(3) Go easy on the boozae and drugs.
(4) Find a goal and priciples you believe in and spend the rest of your days living and or achieving it and them.also boredom is the devils workshop.
Scott
Posted by Mags on January 14, 2002, at 23:22:28
In reply to How does this happen? slowly over time or some .., posted by bonnie_ann on January 14, 2002, at 21:37:09
Bonnie,
I don't think anyone really knows how we get there and we sure don't want to be there. I haven't had any terrible childhood stories to tell other than BPII runs in my family...I don't have any situational reasons to be depressed and yet it happens...If I could tell you how to avoid it I would....but I don't..the first time it was a gradual feeling over years that robbed me of my sleep, my feelings, my soul, and eventually my job...I was a terrified nervous wreak at work 'cause I knew I was screwing up!! I couldn't remember anything!
You walk around like a zombie wading through water...every thing you do is utter exhaustion..just thinking about doing it is exhausting, because your concentration and memory is gone. Something as simple as brushing your teeth can wear you out!.... for me sometimes the feelings sneak up on you little by little...you don't pay the bills...you notice cobwebs and dust everywhere in the house but you don't care...you start wearing the same clothes every day....shower only if absolutely necessary(because you have to see your doc) ...the phone stays unanswered unless the kids are home and then you yell at them for saying Mom's home.....then you cry and beat yourself up for being a bad MOM....you either can't stop sleepin and eatin or the reverse, no sleep , no eat....you just want to bury yourself in a hole and never come out....you think about all those pills and how easy it would be to take them...but then you remember...MOM did that ...I won't do that to MY kids....so you carry on...sometimes you manage at home...sometimes you have to go to the hospital....
This is how I feel...and I sure wish I knew how to keep it away....then because of some new so called magic pill, you may see light at the end of the tunnel and sometimes for a few weeks or months you almost feel normal...and then it comes with a loud CRASH or it insidiously sneaks back at ya.....that is my life as a depressive...
Sorry to make this so long ;o(
Mags
> How do you get to this point? Did it happen as a result of a traumatic event, abuse, or was it a build up things? Where you teased as a child? Did you try therapy? Support Groups? What is it that makes it so difficult to feel better? I don't get it.
> I don't much like my personality/looks and can see where I need improvement, but I don't want to kill myself. I can't imagine not getting out of bed in the morning and going to work.
> Or showering or eating. How did this happen to you and how can I prevent it from happening to me?
> Bonnie
>
Posted by bob on January 14, 2002, at 23:35:35
In reply to How does this happen? slowly over time or some .., posted by bonnie_ann on January 14, 2002, at 21:37:09
Bonnie:
Mags' description sounds very much like mine would. It just came out of nowhere... built up over the years. I cannot point to one single traumatic invent in my life that might have led me to be like this. It was a long slow slide. My brain just doesn't work right. I assure you, if I knew how it happened, I wouldn't have let it... or I'd be changing it. My depression (in my opinion) comes from entirely within, i.e., it's endogenous. A "healthy" person who had all the same experiences I had would be perfectly fine, I believe.
Posted by Mags on January 14, 2002, at 23:36:43
In reply to Re: How depressed are YOU? » spike4848, posted by IsoM on January 14, 2002, at 20:44:01
> I try to keep an eye on myself because while I have a strong network of friends/family that cares, I reject everybody when I get that low. So as soon as the bleaknees & irritability start, I do something about it.
Iso,
Thanks for the insight ..I really understand what you are explaining. You said when you get to the point were things are really bad "You do something about it"...If you don't mind me asking, what do you do???
Thanks!
Posted by spike4848 on January 14, 2002, at 23:41:38
In reply to Re: How depressed are YOU? » spike4848, posted by IsoM on January 14, 2002, at 20:44:01
> Spike what other ADs have you used in the past besides Nardil?
Here is the list:
Imipramine to 300 mg/day - minimal response
effexor to 350 mg/day - minimal response
Wellbutrin to 300 mg/day - anxiety
Imipramine and Lithium - worked ... used for 3 years, side effects of severe memory impairment, sexual dysfunction, tremor, sedation
Remeron and Lithium - minimal response
Nardil 60 mg/day - worked ... used for 4 years on and off .... but weight gain, sexual dysfunction, insomnia, memory problems
Zoloft to 250 mg/day - minimal response
Pamelor to 150 mg/day - minimal response
Lamictal to 400 mg/day - minimal response
Lamictal and ritalin - minimal response
Lithium to 900 mg/day - minimal response* all the above are with 0.5 mg/day klonopin for panic attacks
So really only Nardil and Imipramine/lithium have worked
With Nardil my mood is actually 100% .... but I gain 35 lbs, impotent/decreased libdo, memory loss, insomnia (need ambien or no sleep all night) ..... so recently with all the weight gain I was getting afraid of developing diabetes and was tired of all the side effects .... so I tried lithium thinking maybe I am a soft bipolar(failing multiple antidepressants, atypical depression, have one relative with bipolar disease) ..... at 900 mg/day minimal effect .... I tried to go higher but had problems with vomiting
So now I am considering
1. Back to Nardil with its side effects
2. Try Parnate
3. Try SSRI + lithium augmentation
4. Try Pamelor + zoloft
5. ProvigilDon't know which way to turn .....
Spike
Posted by Mags on January 14, 2002, at 23:55:13
In reply to Not sure what to do next ..... » IsoM, posted by spike4848 on January 14, 2002, at 23:41:38
Spike, I have tried many of what you have with similar responses. I am now wondering if we just can't take anything in large or even therapeutic doses. Do you think it makes sense to take small doses of a few differrent meds?.You have taken large doses with minimal response. I was thinking this combo for me.
25 mg lamictal
low dose Neurontin
Prozac 20mg
Effexor 75 mg
Wellbutrin low dose
Provigil
Your combo is out for me cause of the weight gain and I couldn't tolerate lithium.
Any thoughts anyone?
Mags
> > Spike what other ADs have you used in the past besides Nardil?
>
> Here is the list:
>
>
> Imipramine to 300 mg/day - minimal response
> effexor to 350 mg/day - minimal response
> Wellbutrin to 300 mg/day - anxiety
> Imipramine and Lithium - worked ... used for 3 years, side effects of severe memory impairment, sexual dysfunction, tremor, sedation
> Remeron and Lithium - minimal response
> Nardil 60 mg/day - worked ... used for 4 years on and off .... but weight gain, sexual dysfunction, insomnia, memory problems
> Zoloft to 250 mg/day - minimal response
> Pamelor to 150 mg/day - minimal response
> Lamictal to 400 mg/day - minimal response
> Lamictal and ritalin - minimal response
> Lithium to 900 mg/day - minimal response
>
> * all the above are with 0.5 mg/day klonopin for panic attacks
>
> So really only Nardil and Imipramine/lithium have worked
>
> With Nardil my mood is actually 100% .... but I gain 35 lbs, impotent/decreased libdo, memory loss, insomnia (need ambien or no sleep all night) ..... so recently with all the weight gain I was getting afraid of developing diabetes and was tired of all the side effects .... so I tried lithium thinking maybe I am a soft bipolar(failing multiple antidepressants, atypical depression, have one relative with bipolar disease) ..... at 900 mg/day minimal effect .... I tried to go higher but had problems with vomiting
>
> So now I am considering
>
> 1. Back to Nardil with its side effects
> 2. Try Parnate
> 3. Try SSRI + lithium augmentation
> 4. Try Pamelor + zoloft
> 5. Provigil
>
> Don't know which way to turn .....
>
> Spike
Posted by spike4848 on January 14, 2002, at 23:56:19
In reply to How does this happen? slowly over time or some .., posted by bonnie_ann on January 14, 2002, at 21:37:09
Hey,
I will sum it up in one word ... genetics. Both my father and mother have depression. I had a great childhood and youth. Actually many people have told me I am very attractive .... tall, dark hair, good build. I was always very athletic ..... Then I went to graduate school and at age 24 started getting my symptoms gradually.
So I was the last person in the world to think I would end up like this ..... actually up till 5 years ago things were on track to the american dream .... good job, family, house .... but the bomb of depression hit and now I have just managed to keep my job. Relationships ... although easy to get into ... its hard for the the women to accept I have depression and tolerate my sexual dysfunction from nardil.
And yes I have tried and still go to therapy/support groups .... althought my childhood was great .... so I usually just talk about my difficulties with medications and dealing with life having depression now.
Spike
Posted by bob on January 15, 2002, at 0:12:09
In reply to Re: How does this happen? slowly over time or some .. » bonnie_ann, posted by spike4848 on January 14, 2002, at 23:56:19
Yup! Genetics.
My mother and sister are both affected, although to a lesser degree than I. I too, up until the age of 23, thought I was headed towards great things. I did very well in college, and landed a good job. Even the first few years after I crashed, I figured I'd be off the meds soon enough. WRONG!
What really makes me wonder sometimes, is where this crap was is the previous generations. Although there were a few examples of dysfunctional individuals here and there, there is no record of either suicide, or institutionalization. What the heck happened???!!!
Posted by spike4848 on January 15, 2002, at 0:21:27
In reply to my depressed life and how it snuck up on me... » bonnie_ann, posted by Mags on January 14, 2002, at 23:22:28
> This is how I feel...and I sure wish I knew how to keep it away....then because of some new so called magic pill, you may see light at the end of the tunnel and sometimes for a few weeks or months you almost feel normal...and then it comes with a loud CRASH or it insidiously sneaks back at ya.....that is my life as a depressive...
> Sorry to make this so long ;o(
> Mags
Dear Mags,You summed it up perfectly .... how did this happened to US? I am dumbfounded. Other than it runs in my family as well. It really is tragic .... depression/bipolar steals the lives of innocent individuals. And the endless suffering ..... hoping a new med will come out to reduce just a little bit of the pain. The worst is depression is different than let say diabetes .... people do not send cards or flowers or call to encourage me to get well when I am down. Sometimes I wish I just had medical disease like diabetes ..... at least I would still have my mind ....
Spike
Posted by spike4848 on January 15, 2002, at 0:24:59
In reply to Re: How does this happen? slowly over time or some .. » spike4848, posted by bob on January 15, 2002, at 0:12:09
Hey Bob,
Seems we have been runing into each other alot on p-babble. How are you feeling? Decide on a med yet?
Spike
Posted by bob on January 15, 2002, at 0:32:58
In reply to Re: How does this happen? slowly over time or some .. » bob, posted by spike4848 on January 15, 2002, at 0:24:59
Not really. I'm brainstorming this week on possible contingencies in the event the latest idea from my pdoc doesn't work: coming off all meds very slowly in concert with intense psychotherapy. I am tapering off of 50mg of Luvox but keeping .5mg of Clonazepam for now. I don't even know if I'll make it off the Luvox.
I share your feelings about how sometimes you'd rather have one of the "other diseases" instead. Having a disease of the mind has to be the worst. I know many wouldn't agree, but I'll say it until the end. Not only does it take away your health, it takes away your ability to fight and have a positive attitude. It takes away every weapon you have. Also, like you said, we don't really get credit for our suffering, since it's always a debate as to what the is caused by the disease, and what is caused by a perceived lack of will power, or our own doing. There's no "convincing" of others that has to be done with the physical diseases.
Posted by IsoM on January 15, 2002, at 0:34:33
In reply to Re: How depressed are YOU? » IsoM, posted by Mags on January 14, 2002, at 23:36:43
Actually, I don't ever let it get to that point any more (real bad). If I begin to notice the symptoms even starting a little (not caring whether I'm showered & clean), not wanting to answer the phone, having a bright sunny day & wishing it was raining so I'd have an excuse to crawl back into bed, blah, blah) I spring into action - okay, ooze into action, is more like it.
We all have down days but if it lasts longer than a few days, I get worried. As long as a week & I know I better get working on it before I get bad & don't care. It's weird. When I get real low, I'm too apathetic to do anything. I 'know' in my mind that being depressed isn't normal, but in my 'heart' when I'm depressed, I consider feeling normal & good to be fake & phony. It feels like fluff - cotton candied moods only.
The action I take isn't always much. Sometimes it's just forcing myself out to friends when I don't want to go but they want to see me. Or checking if I've been watching too many bleak newstories or depressing bleak shows. I'll put on perky cheerful music (music makes me dance very easily) or get outside more, even in winter. Doing those things feels so very unnatural at the time, but I force myself to. Especially the music - happy music sounds mindless to me then but after listening to it for a while, it does help. And lots & lots of singing. I feel singing heals my soul.
If small changes like this don't help, I get to my doctor & tell him something needs adjusting. We go over what's working & add and/or subtract meds.
I'm glad to say that adrafinil has made things much better for me. Generally, winters are hell for me & it takes all I can to fight them. I refuse to up my dosage of ADs for winter as tapering off for spring & summer would be hell. This winter, adrafinil has tided me nicely through it so far.
It's like the first tiny bit of scratchy throat or 'punky' tired feeling you might notice before you get a cold. I keep a close eye on warning signals that show my depression to be getting worse.
Sorry for the long post - I really do have verbal diarrhea.
****************************************************************************************************
> > I try to keep an eye on myself because while I have a strong network of friends/family that cares, I reject everybody when I get that low. So as soon as the bleaknees & irritability start, I do something about it.
>
> Iso,
> Thanks for the insight ..I really understand what you are explaining. You said when you get to the point were things are really bad "You do something about it"...If you don't mind me asking, what do you do???
> Thanks!
Posted by spike4848 on January 15, 2002, at 0:47:45
In reply to Re: How does this happen? slowly over time or some .. » spike4848, posted by bob on January 15, 2002, at 0:32:58
> > Not really. I'm brainstorming this week on possible contingencies in the event the latest idea from my pdoc doesn't work: coming off all meds very slowly in concert with intense psychotherapy.
>
> Does that help ..... intense p-therapy? Hey, how about ECT .... I have strongly been considering that .... no meds, no only small memory loss if done correctly .... what do you think?
>
>
> It takes away every weapon you have. Also, like you said, we don't really get credit for our suffering, since it's always a debate as to what the is caused by the disease, and what is caused by a perceived lack of will power, or our own doing. There's no "convincing" of others that has to be done with the physical diseases.
>
> Exactly, even my mother with depression does not want to validate my depression. She was started on impramine and has done well for 20 years. She tell me to pull myself up by the boot straps.
>
> Spike
Posted by bob on January 15, 2002, at 0:59:19
In reply to Doing something, at least for me » Mags, posted by IsoM on January 15, 2002, at 0:34:33
Are you in the US? If so, how do you get Adrafanil if it's not FDA approved?
Posted by bob on January 15, 2002, at 1:11:33
In reply to Re: How does this happen? slowly over time or some .. » bob, posted by spike4848 on January 15, 2002, at 0:47:45
> > Does that help ..... intense p-therapy? Hey, how about ECT .... I have strongly been considering that .... no meds, no only small memory loss if done correctly .... what do you think?I laughed out loud when I saw your question about p-therapy! Seems you and I share a little cynicism?
ECT seems so final. I hear all kinds of different things about the outcomes. There's no guarantee on the amount of memory loss. Seems some are not even remotely happy about the amount of memory loss - and the beneficial effects don't last. Ironically, many of the negative testamonials I've read do admit that ECT brought them back from the abyss. Another thing that bothers me is that I'm seeing a well respected p-doc in my area (who is so successful he doesn't deal with insurance anymore and still has WAAAAYY too many patients who want to see him) and he hasn't suggested ECT outright to me. I've also been to two consultations at Hopkins, and they don't seem to be pushing it either. They admitted it is among the options, but it doesn't last. That tells me that most doctors are reserving it for truly desperate patients in hospitals.
> >> > Exactly, even my mother with depression does not want to validate my depression. She was started on impramine and has done well for 20 years. She tell me to pull myself up by the boot straps.
My mother and sister don't share the severity of my affliction (or maybe they don't share my treatment resistance/intolerance), although they both suffer somewhat. As a result, they often are perplexed by my behavior. I think everybody who's reasonably mentally healthy looks at the behavior of other people and an internal comparison is made to what they themselves would say or do. When someone does something that doesn't make sense to them, they think, "Gee, I wouldn't ever do that... why do they? Surely they should be able to control themselves or modify their behavior." This even goes for people who have behavioral problems in a certain area, but observe another persons problems they can't relate to.
> >
> > Spike
Posted by IsoM on January 15, 2002, at 1:13:52
In reply to Not sure what to do next ..... » IsoM, posted by spike4848 on January 14, 2002, at 23:41:38
Spike, I'm not in a position to advise anyone but you haven't given the SSRIs much of a try. Any reason? Some of them didn't work for me & some of them had side-effects too, too strong for me to tolerate, but right now Celexa is doing nicely (along with adrafinil).
For me, Celexa has been the best - lowest amount of side-effects (actually none I know of) & a pretty rapid response time. The adrafinil (for you, Provigil) is a wonderful addition to really make everything good. It seems to have over-all brain metabolism boosting power. (Sounds like some detergent commercial.)
If there isn't a reason you haven't tried more of the SSRIs, why not?
> Here is the list:>
> Imipramine to 300 mg/day - minimal response
> effexor to 350 mg/day - minimal response
> Wellbutrin to 300 mg/day - anxiety
> Imipramine and Lithium - worked ... used for 3 years, side effects of severe memory impairment, sexual dysfunction, tremor, sedation
> Remeron and Lithium - minimal response
> Nardil 60 mg/day - worked ... used for 4 years on and off .... but weight gain, sexual dysfunction, insomnia, memory problems
> Zoloft to 250 mg/day - minimal response
> Pamelor to 150 mg/day - minimal response
> Lamictal to 400 mg/day - minimal response
> Lamictal and ritalin - minimal response
> Lithium to 900 mg/day - minimal response
>
> * all the above are with 0.5 mg/day klonopin for panic attacks
>
> So really only Nardil and Imipramine/lithium have worked
>
> With Nardil my mood is actually 100% .... but I gain 35 lbs, impotent/decreased libdo, memory loss, insomnia (need ambien or no sleep all night) ..... so recently with all the weight gain I was getting afraid of developing diabetes and was tired of all the side effects .... so I tried lithium thinking maybe I am a soft bipolar(failing multiple antidepressants, atypical depression, have one relative with bipolar disease) ..... at 900 mg/day minimal effect .... I tried to go higher but had problems with vomiting
>
> So now I am considering
>
> 1. Back to Nardil with its side effects
> 2. Try Parnate
> 3. Try SSRI + lithium augmentation
> 4. Try Pamelor + zoloft
> 5. Provigil
>
> Don't know which way to turn .....
>
> Spike
Posted by ST on January 15, 2002, at 1:41:36
In reply to How depressed are YOU?, posted by spike4848 on January 14, 2002, at 19:29:53
Hi, Spike -
I agree, maybe you should take a look at some of the SSRIs. Celexa might work well.
But your subject - how depressed do I get? You are not alone in feeling that crappy. When I'm depressed I:...Sleep 12-16 hours
...NEVER answer the phone
...Either cry constantly or feel nothing
...Feel immensely overwhelmed; as if there is no way out and no point
...Constantly think of suicide and then get even more depressed that I would never have the energy or nerve to do it
...Call in sick for work day after day
...Am irritated with people who find joy in small things, or a comedy on TV or simply at the thought that there are people out there who don't lie in bed for 6 hours contemplating whether or not they should get up to brush their hair
...Drink too muchSo that's what happens to me. Luckily my depression has been kept in check with a cocktail of sorts:
Depakote, 500 mg.,
Wellbutrin 300 mg.
and now Effexor SR 225mg.
Before Effexor I was on Celexa, which was great, except that I gained weight. That's not always so for everyone, however.
I've always wondered, as well, if I suffer more than the next depressed person out there.
Good luck,
Sarah
> Sometimes I read other posts are feel like I am cursed with depression plus. Off nardil ....
>
> I sleep 16 hours a day
> Feel like I have 100 lbs weights on my feet
> Can't taste food
> Have no sense of smell
> Can't drag myself out of my apartment
> Can't drag myself to eat
> Don't answer the phone
> Can't smile
> Never see my friends
>
> Basically sit in bed and obsess about how terrible I feel
>
> I see other's who say there depressed say things like, I cry alot (.... I wish I could feel anything, even sadness) or can't have difficulties at work or have problem with anger.
>
> Do you guy here feel more like me ... dead to the world, or like the people I described above .... sad and angry.
>
> Spike
Posted by spike4848 on January 15, 2002, at 7:41:28
In reply to Re: Not sure what to do next ..... » spike4848, posted by IsoM on January 15, 2002, at 1:13:52
> Spike, I'm not in a position to advise anyone but you haven't given the SSRIs much of a try. Any reason? Some of them didn't work for me & some of them had side-effects too, too strong for me to tolerate, but right now Celexa is doing nicely (along with adrafinil).
>
> For me, Celexa has been the best - lowest amount of side-effects (actually none I know of) & a pretty rapid response time. The adrafinil (for you, Provigil) is a wonderful addition to really make everything good. It seems to have over-all brain metabolism boosting power. (Sounds like some detergent commercial.)
>
> If there isn't a reason you haven't tried more of the SSRIs, why not?I personally thought they were somewhat of a marketing scam .... the studies are pretty aweful. I didn't mention that my first med was actually Prozac. Because I had panic attackes, my pdoc titrated me up to 20 mg over 6 weeks and at 8 weeks nothing. So, he suggested I go to 40mg or I could try imipramine which my mother with depression/panic had done superbly on. I went with the family history and thus imipramine.
I am reconsidering .... maybe paxil/celexa with augmentation.
What do you think for augmentation desipramine ... provigil .... wellbutrin ... . lithium
Thanks,
Spike
Posted by spike4848 on January 15, 2002, at 7:45:27
In reply to Re: How depressed are YOU?, posted by ST on January 15, 2002, at 1:41:36
> So that's what happens to me. Luckily my depression has been kept in check with a cocktail of sorts:
> Depakote, 500 mg.,
> Wellbutrin 300 mg.
> and now Effexor SR 225mg.
> Before Effexor I was on Celexa, which was great, except that I gained weight. That's not always so for everyone, however.
> I've always wondered, as well, if I suffer more than the next depressed person out there.
> Good luck,
> SarahHey Sarah,
Thanks for the advice ..... May I ask what the depakote is for ... bipolar ... anxiety. I was considering depakote at low dose with my history of panic attacks.
Thanks
Spike
Posted by Mags on January 15, 2002, at 8:06:59
In reply to Re: How depressed are YOU? » ST, posted by spike4848 on January 15, 2002, at 7:45:27
Thanks Spike for letting us spout about how we FEEL. Great topic!
Although not the most uplifting subject it is really nice to see how many of us feel similar.
I attend group therapy and they all come from abusive childhoods, bad marriages, death's etc.I always feel a little guilty when I listen to them. How could I be depressed when I have nothing situational to do it to me. Their stories are horrific and yet I FEEL the same as them.
It is nice to be validated by what I have read in these last few post.As some of you have said, others that don't understand look at you and think why doesn;t she snap out of it!!
Thanks all, you have helped mucho!
plus the med advise is great also.....
Mags> > So that's what happens to me. Luckily my depression has been kept in check with a cocktail of sorts:
> > Depakote, 500 mg.,
> > Wellbutrin 300 mg.
> > and now Effexor SR 225mg.
> > Before Effexor I was on Celexa, which was great, except that I gained weight. That's not always so for everyone, however.
> > I've always wondered, as well, if I suffer more than the next depressed person out there.
> > Good luck,
> > Sarah
>
> Hey Sarah,
>
> Thanks for the advice ..... May I ask what the depakote is for ... bipolar ... anxiety. I was considering depakote at low dose with my history of panic attacks.
>
> Thanks
>
> Spike
Posted by cmcdougall on January 15, 2002, at 10:31:28
In reply to How does this happen? slowly over time or some .., posted by bonnie_ann on January 14, 2002, at 21:37:09
There is a history of depression and bi-polar in my family going back several generations. I know because I started asking the "old folks" at a recent family reunion. They just didn't call it mental illness. They called is eccentricity, laziness, irresponsibility, or insanity. I was amazed at the stories I heard about my great-grandmother, great-uncle, etc. My mother and brother also both have depression.
My depression sneaks up on me and I don't realize it until I truly crash. This most recent crash started last year when DH sued his ex-wife over visitation issues having to do w/ his children. I became obsessed w/ family law and father's rights issues. I slowly quit taking care of my business, paying bills, etc. I hid all this from my husband because I didn't want him to think I was lazy (or whatever). For some reason, the idea that my AD (EffexorXr 150mg/2xday) was pooping out never entered my head. The fact that I tried to hide all the symptoms kept friends and family from noticing anything until it was too late. I recall my DH and friends questioning if I felt OK, and I kept assuring them I was fine.
The downhill slide progressed until I was:
* going to bed at 7:30 each night
* waking up at 3AM only to fall back asleep at 4:30AM and sleep till 10AM
* napping several hours each day
* staying home from work
* not bathing, getting dressed or putting on makeup
* eating all day
* not answering the phone
* not paying ANY bills or filing important state and federal reports
* not doing any household tasks
* ending up in psych ward after suicide threatI could go on, but most of you can fill in the blanks...
Since November I've been on a med combo of desipramine, celexa, adderal and trazodone. This seems to be doing the trick for me right now. I pray it lasts...
Carly
Posted by Denise528 on January 15, 2002, at 12:28:52
In reply to How does this happen? It sneaks up!, posted by cmcdougall on January 15, 2002, at 10:31:28
> Spike,
Have you tried Zyprexa? I've been through absolute hell since summer, I don't say that flippantly, I'm sure if there had been a cliff nearby I would have jumped off it by now. The only thing that has helped me to at least keep up a pretence of being normal is Zyprexa, it hastn't lifted the depression but at least I can sort of function at work.
It might be worth a try until you find something that does work.
Denise
Posted by IsoM on January 15, 2002, at 13:34:35
In reply to Re: Not sure what to do next ..... » IsoM, posted by spike4848 on January 15, 2002, at 7:41:28
Okay, if it was me, I'd first try out some SSRIs to find one that doesn't have intolerable side-effects. My previous experience with the short half-life SSRIs like Paxil, for example, would steer me away from those. If you're late in taking it or miss a dose, you're more likely to notice withdrawal/discontinuation feelings. It's not true for everyone. My 19 yr old son wasn't affected as strongly as I was, but for me, if I took it normally in the morning & forgot, the unpleasant feelings would start by afternoon, letting me know I forgot. I'd suggest a SSRI with a middle range half-life. For me, Celexa is good. Prozac did nothing for me either, so just because one SSRI (or two) don't work, doesn't mean they're all duds.
I'd take the SSRI alone for a short while to make sure you can tolerate it & to see how well it works. Then, if necessary (& it probably will be), I'd augment it with a TCA that's worked well for you in the past.After that's stable & you find a combo that helps (it doesn't have to help 100%), I'd top it with Provigil (or adrafinil). It's used in Europe as an AD too, not just for memory & alertness. After all, the type of drugs they belong to are called eugeroics or good arousal.
For me, my doctor & I have tried topping up previous combos with lithium (nothing), tryptophan (nothing), Buspar (bad jitters), Inderal (triggered asthma, previously unknown to me), Xanax [alprazolam] (nice but didn't help my constant sleepiness). Celexa isn't enough for me, especially in winter & its darkness, but adrafinil honestly makes it 100% for me. If this isn't 100%, more would have to be hypomania.
By the way, not just women develop hypothyroidism. Have you ever had your TSH levels checked? If it's a little high perhaps a bit of thyroxine would help?
> >"I am reconsidering .... maybe paxil/celexa with augmentation.
What do you think for augmentation desipramine ... provigil .... wellbutrin ... . lithium. Spike"
Posted by IsoM on January 15, 2002, at 13:48:08
In reply to How does this happen? It sneaks up!, posted by cmcdougall on January 15, 2002, at 10:31:28
This is why I think depression has been around all the time thoughout history. We just have the luxury to call it what it really is now.
On my ex-husband's side, I found an old, old photo that was the spitting image of my ex. Everyone who saw it was blown away with the *exact* resemblance. That man died in an insane ayslum. The story was after his house burned down & he lost some family, he went insane & was locked away.
My Mom says as a child, she remembers her mother sitting in a dark corner with her head in her hands for hours at a time. My father had "something". Never could put a name to it, but he was very strange & at times, very depressed. Tried to commit suicide once. Another time, when no one was home, he tried to burn down the house that he built from scratch with his own hands. I have a strange brother who's terrified of letting people know what's inside him. He seems to be a pathological liar. If you say it's white, he'll say it's black. Time & again, he can be caught in his lies. Why? It confounds us.
A mother-in-law who had strong Asperger traits (she's passed on), a brother- and sister-in-law with depression, three sons with depression, the list could go on & on.
Sometimes I think we're unconsciously drawn to marry others similar to us with problems, accentuating it for the next generations.
> There is a history of depression and bi-polar in my family going back several generations. I know because I started asking the "old folks" at a recent family reunion. They just didn't call it mental illness. They called is eccentricity, laziness, irresponsibility, or insanity. I was amazed at the stories I heard about my great-grandmother, great-uncle, etc. My mother and brother also both have depression.
>
> My depression sneaks up on me and I don't realize it until I truly crash. This most recent crash started last year when DH sued his ex-wife over visitation issues having to do w/ his children. I became obsessed w/ family law and father's rights issues. I slowly quit taking care of my business, paying bills, etc. I hid all this from my husband because I didn't want him to think I was lazy (or whatever). For some reason, the idea that my AD (EffexorXr 150mg/2xday) was pooping out never entered my head. The fact that I tried to hide all the symptoms kept friends and family from noticing anything until it was too late. I recall my DH and friends questioning if I felt OK, and I kept assuring them I was fine.
>
> The downhill slide progressed until I was:
>
> * going to bed at 7:30 each night
> * waking up at 3AM only to fall back asleep at 4:30AM and sleep till 10AM
> * napping several hours each day
> * staying home from work
> * not bathing, getting dressed or putting on makeup
> * eating all day
> * not answering the phone
> * not paying ANY bills or filing important state and federal reports
> * not doing any household tasks
> * ending up in psych ward after suicide threat
>
> I could go on, but most of you can fill in the blanks...
>
> Since November I've been on a med combo of desipramine, celexa, adderal and trazodone. This seems to be doing the trick for me right now. I pray it lasts...
>
> Carly
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