Posted by Mags on January 14, 2002, at 23:22:28
In reply to How does this happen? slowly over time or some .., posted by bonnie_ann on January 14, 2002, at 21:37:09
Bonnie,
I don't think anyone really knows how we get there and we sure don't want to be there. I haven't had any terrible childhood stories to tell other than BPII runs in my family...I don't have any situational reasons to be depressed and yet it happens...If I could tell you how to avoid it I would....but I don't..the first time it was a gradual feeling over years that robbed me of my sleep, my feelings, my soul, and eventually my job...I was a terrified nervous wreak at work 'cause I knew I was screwing up!! I couldn't remember anything!
You walk around like a zombie wading through water...every thing you do is utter exhaustion..just thinking about doing it is exhausting, because your concentration and memory is gone. Something as simple as brushing your teeth can wear you out!.... for me sometimes the feelings sneak up on you little by little...you don't pay the bills...you notice cobwebs and dust everywhere in the house but you don't care...you start wearing the same clothes every day....shower only if absolutely necessary(because you have to see your doc) ...the phone stays unanswered unless the kids are home and then you yell at them for saying Mom's home.....then you cry and beat yourself up for being a bad MOM....you either can't stop sleepin and eatin or the reverse, no sleep , no eat....you just want to bury yourself in a hole and never come out....you think about all those pills and how easy it would be to take them...but then you remember...MOM did that ...I won't do that to MY kids....so you carry on...sometimes you manage at home...sometimes you have to go to the hospital....
This is how I feel...and I sure wish I knew how to keep it away....then because of some new so called magic pill, you may see light at the end of the tunnel and sometimes for a few weeks or months you almost feel normal...and then it comes with a loud CRASH or it insidiously sneaks back at ya.....that is my life as a depressive...
Sorry to make this so long ;o(
Mags
> How do you get to this point? Did it happen as a result of a traumatic event, abuse, or was it a build up things? Where you teased as a child? Did you try therapy? Support Groups? What is it that makes it so difficult to feel better? I don't get it.
> I don't much like my personality/looks and can see where I need improvement, but I don't want to kill myself. I can't imagine not getting out of bed in the morning and going to work.
> Or showering or eating. How did this happen to you and how can I prevent it from happening to me?
> Bonnie
>
poster:Mags
thread:90162
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020110/msgs/90214.html