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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 11 to 35 of 35. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dee on September 29, 1999, at 12:38:25
In reply to Easier than that, dj, posted by Racer on September 27, 1999, at 4:12:19
I *wish* I was interesting enough for someone to go through al the trouble of finding out who I am and what I do. I don't think anyone ever will. By the way - anyone wants my e-mail address or my URL, it's just to ask - I can post it, no secrets here.
I do, however, like to be able to opt for privacy when I choose to. And I find the weakest link to be my PC. The P in PC stands for Personal and I like to keep it that way - NO ONE can access my computer but me. A roommate who has to type a resume will have to go to Kinko's to do it, because he won't get past the passwords. I don't want anyone to go through letters, bad writing, diaries etc. that have been accumulating since I bought my first 8088 back fifteen years ago.
The Internet for one leaves all kinds of traces everywhere, cookies, cashes, history lists, the netscape address bar that I haven't figured out how to clean... The pictures that I loaded from the net (oh yes, I admit I do go there at times.) How about the files in your root directory that scandisk recovered and put there- that could be anything.
To keep things secure, I require a password at the boot. I know this is not 100% like nothing ever is. It would be really easy to remove my hard disk, for example, and access it through another computer. But considering what possible interest anyone could have in getting to see my files related to the amount of work they'd have to put down to get there I think I am safe.
Same thing with this board. I am sure if, say, the CIA wanted to find out who I am, they could. Why would they want to? (I am sure there is some CIA clerk in some dark basement compiling a list of people with ADD for the sake of the national security laughing out loud when he reads this ;o). Good for you - I'm glad I made you laugh – A little demonstration about subtle good-natured paranoia here in the midst of my rambling)
Did I have a point when I started? I guess that would be that if you are concerned about people accessing what you do and where you go with your computer, then you should secure the weakest link which is the security in your own PC.
Dee
Posted by Janice on September 29, 1999, at 21:07:09
In reply to Re: Easier than that, dj, posted by Dee on September 29, 1999, at 12:38:25
you cracked me up dj ...
if there are any pedophiles on this board, they'd be too depressed to act on it.
Is there such a thing as a non-practising pedophile? Do pedophiles always have to act on their impulses. I have never read one posting by a pedophile...do they want to get better? A specialist on Oprah said there is one pedophile per square urban mile. Janice
Dee, don't forget about the McCarthy era and the witch hunts (half joking of course).
Posted by Dee on September 29, 1999, at 21:52:00
In reply to Pedophiles and curiosity..., posted by Janice on September 29, 1999, at 21:07:16
I don't know about that, Dj. Luckily pedofiling is not my thing, but I find that when I am approaching a deep depression, one of the sure signs is that I want to act out - all kinds of ways, including sexually. Emphasis on Want to - before I get a chance to do that, I get deeper in the pit and start having the feelings of being unlovable, even repulsive, that I don't get to act on it.
I once wrote something like:
...
this was when storms moved in
unexpectedly
and they were new every time
we watched them as
the sky grew black, and trees
were suddenly less tall
as they held the earth hard
their roots deep
so they wouldn't be blown awaylike I would hold you
years later
not knowing where I had learned to do so. (I love to quote myself)Using the storm as metaphor for the depression, and acknowledging that I would at times use other people to keep the feelings of loneliness, sadness and unlovability away, to have them confirm to me - over and over - that I am loved, and that way refusing to let the depression touch me. A strategy of denial and external dependence that helps for a night, but is not a solution. I would make a dear payment when the other person would refuse to carry my load - and I would be left with the feelings of rejection and ... and so on.
Considering this, I would imagine that a pedofile or whateverfile with ADD (NOT implying that there is a correlation) would be filing while he/she is in or getting to a low, to get away from the pain. Like I do, and I am sure there are others that can relate- only our domain of sexuality is only probably more socially and morally acceptable.
For this reason, I am not jumping into anything any more - if I get into a relationship or connect intimately with anybody, I take some time to make sure that I am doing it for the right reasons: that the person is right for me, and not just a quick fix for acute depression. That way neither one of us will get hurt.
Dee
Posted by Bob on September 29, 1999, at 23:20:02
In reply to Re: Pedophiles and curiosity..., posted by Dee on September 29, 1999, at 21:52:00
> For this reason, I am not jumping into anything any more - if I get into a relationship or connect intimately with anybody, I take some time to make sure that I am doing it for the right reasons: that the person is right for me, and not just a quick fix for acute depression. That way neither one of us will get hurt.
Dee, you're not a teacher, are you? [Boyle's Law of Education: A teacher loves best the sound of his or her own voice. -- I like to quote myself, too ;^]
One of my greatest fears right now is that I did sort of the opposite. I got into my current relationship at the height of a manic reaction to zoloft. It was the first time in my life I had ever felt *good* ... I thought I had been cured, and I wanted to start as normal a life as I could right away. I went off zoloft a month or so later, crashed thru the floor a month after that, and now I'm back in this miasma of non-feeling. We go from moment to moment, and I think that I *should* be in love with her, but I look inside and hardly see a spark.
So, is it that I really never loved her, or am I just incapable of loving that way right now?
I dunno,
Bob
Posted by Dee on September 30, 1999, at 0:19:50
In reply to Re: Not jumping, posted by Bob on September 29, 1999, at 23:20:02
I was teacher once, for a fifth grade foreign-language class in a ghetto in europe. I was at the time studying mathematics at the university, and naively thought I could make some ez currency. I lasted for a day.
I take ADD any day over twenty five twelve year olds.
On a more serious side, I think love is overrated. We are expecting these overwhelming emotions that we see in daytime television and commercials, then feel there's something wrong with us when we cannot live up to these unrealistic standards.
I settle for mutual respect, honesty and friendship in a relationship -- If a can ever find it. Been looking for a long time.I am working on a book that Imentioned up in the recommended reading post. 'My lover, myself' by David Kantor, Ph. D. I got that when the failure of my previous relationship hit me, and I just couldnt comprehend what went wrong. The love was there, mutual as far as I could tell; we both agreed that the sex was about the best we've had, and I was putting down lots of work to make things work, and not to allow any of my irrationality to start messing things up for us. We constructed this castle in spain so well that we surely thought it would last - but down it cam sooner than we could say that we'd always be together.
So I got the book. Here are some of the chapters: The birth, death and rebirth of desire; the Myth of perfect love, the imperfect love; the dark side of love...
I actually found answers tosome of the questions that I've been puzzled by for all my life, like why is it that if I love somone, at times I can only powerlessly watch myself push that person away.The damn thang is hardcover, and I had to cough up twenty five dollars to get it, but I am glad I did. should be easy to found, I got mine in Shakespeare & Co on Broadway @ Astor Place. Lost in a relationship, I'd recommend it.
I don't think you should give up just because the flame burns lower than it used to. I think this is the time you two give a little more of yourselves, have a talk and redefine your relationship. And dig in what's down there in the rectory of your lust, maybe you find something that can flare those flames up again ;o)
Good Luck
Dee
Posted by Dee on September 30, 1999, at 0:24:29
In reply to Re: Not jumping, posted by Dee on September 30, 1999, at 0:19:50
WAit a sec... What was this thread about again???
Posted by dj on September 30, 1999, at 0:52:10
In reply to Re: Not jumping, posted by Dee on September 30, 1999, at 0:19:50
So Dee, explain the rationale behind this -- self hatred?? I certainly recognize the pattern but what's the solution?
> I actually found answers tosome of the questions that I've been puzzled by for all my life, like why is it that if I love somone, at times I can only powerlessly watch myself push that person away.
>
Posted by Bob on September 30, 1999, at 10:08:47
In reply to Re: Not jumping, posted by Dee on September 30, 1999, at 0:24:29
> WAit a sec... What was this thread about again???
We ain't got no anonymity. We don't need no anonymity. I don't have to show you any stinking anonymity!
Wishing I were in the Sierra Madres,
Bob
Posted by Dee on September 30, 1999, at 11:22:08
In reply to Re: jumping with Dee, posted by dj on September 30, 1999, at 0:52:10
Tough one, huh...
The premise in the book is that *everybody* hosts a child inside. That child has experienced an ultimate rejection as in the womb and very early childhood it learned to expect that all its needs will be fulfilled without doubt, and growing up learned that this is not true.
So, in a way we are all split to a child and an adult. The adult is rational, reasonable, has mature ways to solve conflicts. But when there is a sign we interpret as a rejection, then the adult is pushed aside, and the child takes over, expressing the resentments of the original rejection and trying by any means prevent that rejection from taking place.
The adult that has no power in this situation is almost dissociably (is that a word?) watching the child act destructively, knowing that this is only making things worse, and eventually leading to the feared rejection even if in reality there was no such threat.
Well, something along these lines. What it really explained to me is something that really bothered me: if we both love each other, how come we do and say these things to one another, and kill a relationship we both wanted. Makes me ask if I could have saved something in the past if I had learned about this all before.
Dee
Posted by Dee on September 30, 1999, at 11:25:12
In reply to Anonymity?!, posted by Bob on September 30, 1999, at 10:08:47
Whuzzup, Bob... what was that??
Posted by Bob on September 30, 1999, at 12:22:49
In reply to Re: Anonymity?!, posted by Dee on September 30, 1999, at 11:25:12
> Whuzzup, Bob... what was that??
Just an appropriated line from Treasure of the Sierra Madre. One great thing about films with Humphrey Bogart is that he doesn't always get the best lines. If you don't know the quote (and like Bogey), then rent the film ... its not worth explaining otherwise ;^).
Bob
Posted by Noa on September 30, 1999, at 18:01:01
In reply to Re: Anonymity?!, posted by Bob on September 30, 1999, at 12:22:49
Been eavesdropping on this diverse thread. Gotta say, Bob, you are a well rounded kind a guy.
As for me and jumping, I tend to be the kind that doesn't even get up on the diving board--too scary.
Posted by Bob on September 30, 1999, at 19:29:59
In reply to Eavesdropping, posted by Noa on September 30, 1999, at 18:01:01
> Been eavesdropping on this diverse thread. Gotta say, Bob, you are a well rounded kind a guy.
Damn! So that extra 40lbs. Zoloft gave me is showing, is it? =^P
Bob
Posted by janice on September 30, 1999, at 23:18:43
In reply to Re: Eavesdropping, posted by Bob on September 30, 1999, at 19:29:59
and from here we can begin to love other people. Self love remains my focus, or should i say learning self-love. A little companionship and sex is great on the side!
Posted by Racer on September 30, 1999, at 23:42:00
In reply to Re: jumping with Dee, posted by Dee on September 30, 1999, at 11:22:08
I don't know if I subscribe totally to the "inner child" part. There's something to it, but I don't think it's the final answer.
I know that I push people away because I'm so terrified that if I make the committment to someone, that someone will find out what a total loser I am and leave me and then I'll be crushed. I've found the best thing I can do is to keep up my own life, or even expand it at the beginning of a new relationship, so that I'm not so dependant on one person for everything.
Ask me in a month or so how it's working ;-)
Posted by Dee on October 1, 1999, at 10:04:52
In reply to Re: jumping with Dee, posted by Racer on September 30, 1999, at 23:42:00
> I don't know if I subscribe totally to the "inner child" part. There's something to it, but I don't think it's the final answer.
I hope no one does - I tried squeeze some 300 pages in one paragraph. The result being necessarily oversimplified and out of context. The inner child is just one of the premises. I took that up because it specifically fit in the situation that I had in mind.
We of all people should know tht there are no simple answers.
Dee
Posted by dj on October 2, 1999, at 23:43:34
In reply to Self love is the best love..., posted by janice on September 30, 1999, at 23:18:43
Just on the side...why not on top, Janice? ; )
>... A little companionship and sex is great on the side!
Posted by saint james on October 6, 1999, at 5:47:23
In reply to Is this board completely anonymous?, posted by Janice on September 18, 1999, at 20:24:20
> Just feeling a bit paranoid and curious. Is there anyway someone could be traced? Thanks.
>
> Neurotically yours,
> JaniceJames here....
Did someone ask me to hack ? Go Racer and James !
Since you did not use a addy on your post one would have to hack into ush.bsd.uchicago, which
would be diffucult as there is a firewall and proxy to get by. If one knew Bobs ID and pass ( or if Bob uses a short password, 7 char or less, one could sniff it out while he is on line because TCP/IP passes the whole ID and first 7 char of the pass word in the clear on the net) one could use this
to authenitcate in as Dr. Bob and get your MAC address. With your MAC it would then be ez to find you. Hacking in w/o this would be very time consuming, far more time than anyone would really want to spend on bothering a babble person, "just because" .or.....
If one were so lucky to know when and where you were on line,(perhaps a hacker with magical powers?) a packet sniffer could be used to
examine packets sent from you and strip off your MAC addy (MAC is the NIC card addy, so if you dial up it would be the server NIC, if you use a LAN it is your computer) Then with the MAC, translate this to IP addy and trace route to you or your server. If you dial up, DHCP assigns a different IP to you everytime you connect, plus opens a different port so this is another level to work thru.Get the picture ? It is a whole lot of trouble, the kind of people who can do this do it for better reasons ($$$) than "just because"
Saint James (BTW, only Racer knows my real name !)
Posted by Susan on October 6, 1999, at 10:48:52
In reply to Re: Is this board completely anonymous?, posted by saint james on October 6, 1999, at 5:47:23
> > Just feeling a bit paranoid and curious. Is there anyway someone could be traced? Thanks.
> Get the picture ? It is a whole lot of trouble, the kind of people who can do this do it for better reasons ($$$) than "just because"
>
> Saint James (BTW, only Racer knows my real name !)Racer may be the only one who knows your real name, Saint James, but she is not the only one you have kindly helped!.....So could you please explain why there is a file called "cookies" that lists my visit to "Dr. Bob?" Maybe everyone else understands cookies but I am just learning the net stuff and also get paranoid at times. Thanks.
Posted by Racer on October 6, 1999, at 11:34:21
In reply to Anonymity and Cookies, posted by Susan on October 6, 1999, at 10:48:52
Small baked goods...
NO! Cookies are small bits of code which are used to store information on your computer. They can be used to authenticate access, to 'remember' your preferences or last visit here, to identify you to other sites within the same domain, or to irritate the heck out of people like me.
Overall, cookies are no big deal. The snippet of code is tiny, it's stored in a nice, small, compact area of your machine, and for the most part they're very benign little guys. My biggest objection is that they're often the lazy man's solution to a problem. Many companies turn off cookies at the server, which means that no one within that company can get to certain sites relying on cookies. Many times, those are the sites that someone might have to go to for work, so it's a real problem. The other reason some sites use them is so that you go to one site, order a bottle of shampoo, and then go to another site and look at a dress. Now, since both sites set cookies, you go to site number three and up pops a cute little coffee table screaming, "Hey, with that nice, shiny hair and that new dress, wouldn't I look great in your living room?"
Don't worry about cookies, or go to your preferences and disable them. Preferences are usually in the Edit menu, and somewhere in there there'll be a little spot where you can choose to disable them partially or completely.
And if you really wanna scare yourself, check out what happens if you set it to warn you before accepting cookies!
Posted by saint james on October 6, 1999, at 18:27:53
In reply to Cookies are..., posted by Racer on October 6, 1999, at 11:34:21
> Small baked goods...
>
> NO! Cookies are small bits of code which are used to store information on your computer. They can be used to authenticate access, to 'remember' your preferences or last visit here, to identify you to other sites within the same domain, or to irritate the heck out of people like me.
>
James here....On Bobs site the cookies flag the "new" posts...very helpful.
j
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 6, 1999, at 23:52:14
In reply to Re: Is this board completely anonymous?, posted by saint james on October 6, 1999, at 5:47:23
> if Bob uses a short password, 7 char or less
I don't, BTW...
Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 6, 1999, at 23:59:34
In reply to Cookies are..., posted by Racer on October 6, 1999, at 11:34:21
> The other reason some sites use them is so that you go to one site, order a bottle of shampoo, and then go to another site and look at a dress. Now, since both sites set cookies, you go to site number three and up pops a cute little coffee table screaming, "Hey, with that nice, shiny hair and that new dress, wouldn't I look great in your living room?"
My understanding is that with any recent browser, sites can only access their own cookies. So the furniture site wouldn't know about your shampoo or your dress. And only this site could tell you had been here.
Bob
Posted by Racer on October 7, 1999, at 6:16:39
In reply to Re: Cookies are..., posted by Dr. Bob on October 6, 1999, at 23:59:34
> > The other reason some sites use them is so that you go to one site, order a bottle of shampoo, and then go to another site and look at a dress. Now, since both sites set cookies, you go to site number three and up pops a cute little coffee table screaming, "Hey, with that nice, shiny hair and that new dress, wouldn't I look great in your living room?"
>
> My understanding is that with any recent browser, sites can only access their own cookies. So the furniture site wouldn't know about your shampoo or your dress. And only this site could tell you had been here.
>
> BobMany of the sites that bombard one with cookies are commercial sites which include advertisements. Those ads often have several cookies, which can be accessed by any other site carrying those ads. Also, a lot of sites are now collectively feeding us cookies. Gee, what an idea...
Anyway, what I said still stands from my point of view: some cookies have useful functions, like flagging new messages, keeping track of personal preferences (like indexing by date or name, don't show pictures of cows, show a green background, show horse related subjects first, etc), or streamlining a login system. What irks me is that a lot of sites leave one no option regarding cookies. The site relies on cookies to do work which could be done better from the viewers' standpoint by thinking a little more and using a nice script or app. It's a case of asking the customer to work harder than the programmer in effect.
Besides, for all those folks who log on at work from a company that disables cookies, that means that they have no access to many sites. For example, one of my favorite stores, Nordstrom, has a site that requires many cookies in order to access anything at all within the site. What if I wanted to check the bridal registry online and order a gift for my cousin, but had to do it from work? Answer: I'd have to take a day off work to go into the store, since I wouldn't be able to order online without that damn cookie...
Anyway, Dr Bob being honorable, the cookies here are safe. Low fat, but delicious. Mmm mmm mmm, good cookies!
Posted by Bob on October 9, 1999, at 20:12:02
In reply to Re: Cookies are..., posted by Dr. Bob on October 6, 1999, at 23:59:34
http://www.zdnet.com/anchordesk/story/story_3957.html
Jesse Berst, yet another computer/internet guru, on cookies ... with a link to a related story on the evil things that some websites do.
This is the end of the thread.
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