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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sleepygirl2 on December 6, 2011, at 7:59:32
are held less accountable than you are?
and they somehow can spend more time being an *ssh*l* than you can?
Posted by sleepygirl2 on December 6, 2011, at 8:27:55
In reply to Do you ever feel like other people..., posted by sleepygirl2 on December 6, 2011, at 7:59:32
God, I'm so resentful right now, tired of this endurance test called a life.
Posted by Phillipa on December 6, 2011, at 10:10:27
In reply to Re: Do you ever feel like other people..., posted by sleepygirl2 on December 6, 2011, at 8:27:55
Ahh but you young and have more endurance than me. Right now this computer is dying and no one cares get yelled at for asking questions of husband. So I got it bad. Phillipa
Posted by sigismund on December 6, 2011, at 12:43:18
In reply to Do you ever feel like other people..., posted by sleepygirl2 on December 6, 2011, at 7:59:32
>and they somehow can spend more time being an *ssh*l* than you can?
I try to make up for that obvious fact by being a smart *rs*.
By the way, there is a spelling issue between our cultures over this word.
Posted by 10derheart on December 6, 2011, at 17:47:56
In reply to Do you ever feel like other people..., posted by sleepygirl2 on December 6, 2011, at 7:59:32
"Do you ever feel like other people..."
Nope. Almost never. ;-)
(Shhh...don't tell anyone but I escaped from the Island of Misfit Toys)
Posted by sleepygirl2 on December 7, 2011, at 11:34:57
In reply to Do you ever feel like other people..., posted by sleepygirl2 on December 6, 2011, at 7:59:32
To go f*ck off
I think I will
(present company excluded)
Posted by floatingbridge on December 7, 2011, at 22:22:59
In reply to Perhaps I should tell everyone...., posted by sleepygirl2 on December 7, 2011, at 11:34:57
Do you give 110% ? Just curious. You know, to make up for feeling like your defects are more apparent than all the other *ssh*l*s you work with.
I think f*ck*ng off for a while is a great idea.
I was never very good at being a smart *ss. I made up for it by hanging around with them.
Here's something that might come in handy, say, at an upcoming staff meeting:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rUNWrseFBo&feature=youtube_gdata_player
I think they are darling :)
Posted by floatingbridge on December 7, 2011, at 22:27:08
In reply to Re: Perhaps I should tell everyone.... » sleepygirl2, posted by floatingbridge on December 7, 2011, at 22:22:59
These two. They are darling. And model a handy attitude for any meeting.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hk-qTlBhUk&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Posted by sleepygirl2 on December 10, 2011, at 19:56:21
In reply to Re: Perhaps I should tell everyone.... » sleepygirl2, posted by floatingbridge on December 7, 2011, at 22:22:59
I suppose I do, but I also think their jobs are a lot easier than mine, in a lot if ways.
Posted by floatingbridge on December 10, 2011, at 22:15:34
In reply to Re: Perhaps I should tell everyone.... » floatingbridge, posted by sleepygirl2 on December 10, 2011, at 19:56:21
I am beginning to get a sense of what you're up against.
Two Nyan cat girls cannot make a dent.
This is serious.
Sounds stinky, SG.
Posted by sleepygirl2 on December 10, 2011, at 23:26:49
In reply to Re: Perhaps I should tell everyone.... » sleepygirl2, posted by floatingbridge on December 10, 2011, at 22:15:34
Thanks fb, cat people will always make the world better
I'm just VERY easily overwhelmed, afraid, aware and vulnerable at the same time.
I really should have my own bubble.
Posted by floatingbridge on December 10, 2011, at 23:49:08
In reply to Re: Perhaps I should tell everyone.... » floatingbridge, posted by sleepygirl2 on December 10, 2011, at 23:26:49
If I could blow one for you I would.
Posted by hyperfocus on December 11, 2011, at 2:23:42
In reply to Do you ever feel like other people..., posted by sleepygirl2 on December 6, 2011, at 7:59:32
I think people like us try our best not to be an that-word-you-used-that-I-can't-think-of-an-appropriate-asteriking-or abbreviation-scheme-that-is-langauge-neutral-and-too-lazy-to-read-again, because we know how much it hurts when people are like that to us. Empathy and sensitivity are usually huge disadvantages in the modern evolved world, especially when they are coupled with a person's own vulnerability and weaknesses. It's why I feel like some part of Christianity is true in a very real practical sense: If you try your best to be empathic and compassionate and see the best in people and do no harm to no one, or at least be contentiousness about your work or anything you do in life, you're basically f---ed. Few things seem to incite more rabid hatred in people than the tiny minority of individuals who try to see past their own self-interest. But it is precisely empathy and sensitivity and conscientiousness and understanding and unselfishness that moves our world forward.
So all I can tell is get accustomed to the pain other people cause you - it's not going to get better anytime soon. Be glad that you care enough and are vulnerable enough to feel it though - the alternative is far worse.
Posted by Dinah on December 11, 2011, at 8:49:54
In reply to Re: empathy, posted by hyperfocus on December 11, 2011, at 2:23:42
> Few things seem to incite more rabid hatred in people than the tiny minority of individuals who try to see past their own self-interest. But it is precisely empathy and sensitivity and conscientiousness and understanding and unselfishness that moves our world forward.
That hasn't been my experience of the world, at least not past high school. Admittedly I do see it as an advantage that people are too busy living their own lives to spend lots of energy on hating others, so some self-interest I consider a good thing. But I don't think I've been in many groups where empathy, conscientiousness, understanding and unselfishness weren't honored. Sensitivity is something many don't really understand, but I don't think there's any ill intent involved.
Maybe a lot depends on your environments? A small workplace might lead to more interdependence and tolerance of others, while a large competitive workplace might contribute to pack or tribal behaviors, and encourage competition over cooperation.
There are also religious groups and social groups that differ a lot in group atmosphere. I have a hobby I enjoy, but I'm very reluctant to get involved in the organization because my perception is that it would not be congenial.
Posted by Dinah on December 11, 2011, at 11:07:39
In reply to Re: Perhaps I should tell everyone.... » floatingbridge, posted by sleepygirl2 on December 10, 2011, at 23:26:49
> I'm just VERY easily overwhelmed, afraid, aware and vulnerable at the same time.
> I really should have my own bubble.I'm like that as well. I'm happier when I limit involvement with the outside world. Even with supportive people I am waaay oversensitive to rejection, unless I'm relatively secure with a given person.
Is your work the sort that can only be done in an environment like the one you're in now, and the one you were in before? Is there anyway to work independently or with a small group of like minded people in your profession?
Is the reason your therapist suggested group therapy to learn the patterns of interaction you tend to repeat? My therapist has done a lot of work with me on that topic.
Posted by sleepygirl2 on December 11, 2011, at 11:30:44
In reply to Re: Perhaps I should tell everyone.... » sleepygirl2, posted by Dinah on December 11, 2011, at 11:07:39
I was curious about learning patterns of interaction intended to repeat. I think I also wanted more support, and an opportunity to relate to people more authentically. I could only go to therapy so much.
I do well with one, or a couple of people at a time, if I feel relatively secure with them too.
I'm not sure about the work questions Dinah.
Posted by sleepygirl2 on December 11, 2011, at 11:35:12
In reply to Re: empathy, posted by hyperfocus on December 11, 2011, at 2:23:42
Yeah hf, I'm not sure why that is, though I don't deny it.
I still think though, that there are some people, and some situations that can be alright.I'm working on thicker armor, or at least some blinders.
Posted by floatingbridge on December 11, 2011, at 12:15:55
In reply to Re: empathy » hyperfocus, posted by sleepygirl2 on December 11, 2011, at 11:35:12
Thicker armor.
Well, at least that's what I wish for.
Blinders just make people and horses miss stuff.
Two cents from a stay at home mom (sorry).
Posted by sleepygirl2 on December 11, 2011, at 12:25:48
In reply to Re: empathy » sleepygirl2, posted by floatingbridge on December 11, 2011, at 12:15:55
Why sorry fb?
Posted by floatingbridge on December 11, 2011, at 12:38:16
In reply to Re: empathy » floatingbridge, posted by sleepygirl2 on December 11, 2011, at 12:25:48
Because you work in the world were it is difficult. I do not need to hear about how hard moms work etc, etc. I wear my pj's more often then any working person around. The only thing I can complain about is that I can not tell my boss to ever f*ck off or he'll be on the couch when he's of age. We already pay for his play therapy.
So yes. I do apologize. I remember working and getting along (or not) with people and spending more time with them than with my family and wanting armor, blinders, a helmet, bomb defusers or dynamite strapped to my my back depending on my mood.
Posted by sleepygirl2 on December 11, 2011, at 12:57:42
In reply to Re: empathy » sleepygirl2, posted by floatingbridge on December 11, 2011, at 12:38:16
I just hope that you have as much ownership of your life and decisions as possible.
It's what I'd like for myself, whatever the circumstances might be.
Posted by floatingbridge on December 11, 2011, at 13:30:51
In reply to Re: empathy » floatingbridge, posted by sleepygirl2 on December 11, 2011, at 12:57:42
You know, I think that's the sticking point, isn't it?
I have a hunch we have more volition than we think.
I did intend to use the royal we.
But we forget. O.K. I forget.
I do, and I am in my pj's.
I bitch too much. I forget how much volition I really have, even if it is the ability to open my mouth and say, by way of dissension, "I do not understand," a fabulously effective line I picked up from Dinah. Or the other day, when someone was going on about how stupid the OWS movement was, and she was involved in my son's educational therapy group, I actually heard her out and played a little game called 'let's pretend everyone's deserves equal respect no matter how wacko ordistasteful their opinions are'. I actually felt like a better person and less like a snarlling, rabid, flesh-eating humanoid. And she wasn't so bad once she was listened to, either.
I digress.
Posted by hyperfocus on December 11, 2011, at 20:31:15
In reply to Re: empathy » hyperfocus, posted by Dinah on December 11, 2011, at 8:49:54
When I was in uni I took the most objectionable attitude of being interested in what I was studying. I got attacked by TAs and other students and even a few lecturers for nothing more than reading a lot and asking a lot of questions and doing things I had learnt on my own. Later in my life the people I worked with seemed upset that I tried to treat every task as an opportunity to learn something new.
I'm sure I was (and still am) arrogant and dismissive, which is sort of mandatory for 21-year olds feeling their intellectual curiosity starting to blossom. But I don't think I deserved what I got from people at school and to a lesser extent at work. Yeah I sort of looked down on people for not caring about or not being interested in what they were studying or working on, and not doing anything past the minimum required. Maybe I was an that-word-sg2-used about some things. But I never had any envy of or malice towards anyone and I would never do to anybody what people did to me. One TA said to another in front of me "He thinks he knows it all, but really he knows nothing." I would never deliberately conspire with other people to hurt or shun someone or sabotage what they were doing, or gloat over someone's misfortune. The only thing I was interested in was doing what I love - and it was this attitude that was seen as the most objectionable out of all the students.
Maybe it's just the community I had to grow up in. I've always regretted not going to another school and getting as far away as I could from the small and insular place I grew up in when I had the opportunity. But it seems like everywhere the world is moving only agonizingly slowly towards the realization that our self-interest is best served by being conscientious and unselfish and understanding and compassionate towards others. I don't know how many World Wars and Stalins and Pol Pots and Rwandas and DRCs and Ivory Coasts we will have to endure along the way.
Posted by Dinah on December 11, 2011, at 21:01:46
In reply to Re: self-interest » Dinah, posted by hyperfocus on December 11, 2011, at 20:31:15
We've had different experiences.
I was bullied in middle and early high school by my peers, but not for that reason. In my later school years, I was pretty active in challenging and questioning, but I never met with more than mild annoyance. I was often met with interest or at least tolerant amusement. My teachers and professors had to earn my esteem if they were to get it, and I had a healthy amount of intellectual arrogance myself. To my regret, I remember behaving rudely towards a few teachers or professors I didn't think were qualified for their positions.
It's not that I don't know people can behave badly. I know they can. But I've been fortunate in that the situations where that's been a problem have been optional, and I've chosen to walk away.
Everyone, in my opinion, deserves to be treated with basic respect. I'm sorry you had to experience its absence.
I'm not in any way excusing any poor treatment you received but, pragmatically speaking, do you think you've learned which ways of expressing your interests led to better results? For example, treating each assignment as an opportunity for learning more is a good thing. But sometimes the work just has to be done, and further exploration has to wait for a more opportune moment.
Posted by sleepygirl2 on December 12, 2011, at 3:41:23
In reply to Re: empathy » sleepygirl2, posted by floatingbridge on December 11, 2011, at 13:30:51
:-)
smarking, rabid, flesh eating humanoid?
now that is some serious self controlyour complaints are yours, and so they are valid
I tend to think of what I could've said or could've done after the fact.
"I do not understand."
How can you go wrong with that?
This is the end of the thread.
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