![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 15 to 39 of 157. Go back in thread:
Posted by Noa on July 9, 2008, at 18:17:15
In reply to Re: Bullies, posted by TexasChic on July 8, 2008, at 20:39:12
so sorry you are having to deal with this bully boss! I, too have had a couple of bully bosses. One eventually got a little tamer toward me but I saw her bully other people and hated that. A few co-workers came and went (to and from our team) because they couldn't take it. I think I survived as long as I did because there was a point at which her office was moved pretty far away from mine in the building, so at least I didn't have her--literally--breathing down my neck! She is someone that I think has no clue how much of a bully she really is, though. She can be very generous with gifts, etc. which always made me cringe--she would buy me birthday gifts (I never returned the favor, btw). And I've seen her take younger workers under her wing, helping them when they first move to town, etc. And as long as they like to be doted on (read: smothered!), things can go along well for a while. But there was only one that I know of who didn't pull away--well, maybe she eventually would have but she moved away first! And besides, she was super needy and looking for a mother type. But I digress. So, the bully is super generous especially materially. And when she is feeling secure, she is good with compliments, etc. But if there is any reason for her to feel insecure, which happens frequently, because she isn't so skilled or knowledgable compared to most of the rest of us in that department, she gets mean. She easily gets into conflicts that never needed to be a conflict and then feels victimized. Ie, not so good at tact or empathy, and very egocentric. And the thing is she sees herself as someone who was bullied as a kid! I think it's cuz she comes on SO strong and overwhelms people so I could see other kids might have started to exclude her. And she probably tried to buy friends with gifts etc. But she is loud, critical, has poor boundaries--physically, she stands way too close, for example, making a person feel 'trapped', and it became apparent to some of us that she had done a lot of gossiping through informal channels, sending erroneous and not so good impressions of subordinates up the informal channels to the higher ups, and then seems totally unaware of her role in that, and doing things like yelling (literally) criticism and orders in public, which can be very humiliating, although I learned to stay calm and try not to engage, and think about the fact that it was she who was acting shamefully!
OK, I could go on but I don't want to hijack your thread with all this venting (feels good, though!).
All of this is to say that having a bully boss really stinks and I feel for you. I'm glad the company has an official process for confidential reporting of bullying, and I hope that their follow-through is equally professional and well-executed. And mostly I should say--brava! to you for filing the report.
Hang in there, and know that you don't deserve to be bullied!
Posted by TexasChic on July 9, 2008, at 18:33:27
In reply to Re: Bullies » TexasChic, posted by Noa on July 9, 2008, at 18:17:15
Thank you so much! Your experience was so similar I could have written it myself!
I actually did meet with HR today who had been forwarded my information from the complaint. She was more sympathetic than anyone I've spoken to so far, but she said it sounds more like unprofessional behavior to her than harassment. Of course, I can't remember all the crap I've experienced - I'm pretty bad about blocking that stuff out, so I don't think I did the situation justice. But she still may speak to some of my coworkers (she said she would have to evaluate the information before she decided that). If she does that, she will get an earful. And from people who are way better at expressing themselves than I am (I only express myself well when writing).
One thing I did do since I've gotten home today was return two phone calls about jobs. One was from a few weeks ago, so I don't know if its still available, I had to leave a message. The other was with a staffing agency, which I'm not real confident about, but at least its something! I've also applied to several others online, which I might still hear from. It feels good to do something proactive.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on July 9, 2008, at 18:35:31
In reply to Re: Bullies, posted by TexasChic on July 9, 2008, at 18:33:27
Posted by TexasChic on July 9, 2008, at 19:19:31
In reply to Sorry I never remember to check that add name box (nm), posted by TexasChic on July 9, 2008, at 18:35:31
God, I go from feeling pretty decent to crying my eyes out. I'm just so sick of life being so freaking hard. I'm just so tired.
-T
Posted by Larry Hoover on July 9, 2008, at 21:15:39
In reply to Re: Sorry I never remember to check that add name, posted by TexasChic on July 9, 2008, at 19:19:31
Posted by TexasChic on July 9, 2008, at 22:29:53
In reply to {{{{{{{{{{TC}}}}}}}}} (nm) » TexasChic, posted by Larry Hoover on July 9, 2008, at 21:15:39
I'm feeling a lot of anger towards my friend/coworker who also works for my boss. I know its not rational, she has no obligation to do anything except what she chooses to. But I keep thinking, she is the one person who REALLY knows what our boss is like and how unbelievingly unreasonable she is. She's the one person who could tell it like it is and make a huge difference in what's happening to me (she's very well respected). But I just don't know if she is willing to jepordize (sp) her job for it.
And I'm mad because she never called me back that day, because I think my boss told her what was going on, and then she jut decided she didn't want to be involved.
Theh worst thing is, about a year ago another coworker was telling me she was going to go to the boss about RudeGirl, I told her I completely understand, but I just felt it would cause too many problems (because of my own my Supervisor) if I were to get involved. I mean, here this chick was asking for my help, and I wouldn't give it too her because I was too scared of rocking the boat. Ironically now that women is my biggest advocate. Makes me kind of feel like sh*t.
So now here I am feeling angry that my friend/coworker isn't standing up for me. I wrote her an email today saying, "Well, I told you when I'm feeling paranoid there always tends to be something to it. You laughed, but now we know differently. I saw my write up on the printer. Oh well, I talked to (my bosses boss) and feel like I at least have a fighting chance. But don't worry, its obvious you don't want to have anything to do with this, so I wont' mention it again." Now I feel like, why would I burn that bridge??? She's the only one who has witnessed it all!!! But I just felt like I had to tell her what I was feeling. I think I'm kind of plagued by this need to not beat around the bush and just say what I'm thinking. Oh well, we'll find out how it all turns out eventually I guess.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on July 9, 2008, at 22:34:28
In reply to {{{{{{{{{{TC}}}}}}}}} (nm) » TexasChic, posted by Larry Hoover on July 9, 2008, at 21:15:39
Posted by TexasChic on July 9, 2008, at 22:45:26
In reply to Oh, + thank you LarBear, your hugs are appreciated (nm), posted by TexasChic on July 9, 2008, at 22:34:28
... today on my being so nervous I was shaking? What's up with that? I'm tired of everyone always saying that! Its out of my control! I don't even know I'm shaking.Does anybody else have this problem?
-T
Posted by Midnightblue on July 10, 2008, at 0:30:03
In reply to Re: I was right, posted by TexasChic on July 9, 2008, at 17:41:19
I suspect you work for a good company and just have a crummy boss. Give the system a chance and don't give up and let her win.
MB
Posted by Dinah on July 10, 2008, at 12:06:55
In reply to Re: Bullies, posted by TexasChic on July 9, 2008, at 18:33:27
I think it's hard to figure out the motivation of bullies. Because I was bullied in middle school, childhood bullying has become something of a crusade with me. I don't know why adults continue this unproductive behavior, but they do. Probably with those they *can*, for whatever reason. Or, since this woman likes people who attach themselves to her, perhaps with this woman she can't stand to have people unattach.
If it happens to a lot of people with her, it may not be any particular qualities of yours. It may just habitually be her behavior. And certainly not in the best interests of the company.
But if you find yourself often in this situation, even putting aside the fact that bullies aren't so uncommon in large companies, maybe it would be worthwhile to consult with someone to see if there are ways to learn to avoid or discourage them? Whenever I hear that someone is having relationship problems that tend to repeat themselves, I think therapy might be helpful to head off future problems. Although in a work context, perhaps there are coaches who work in this area?
Which is not to say you've done anything wrong. I didn't do anything wrong in middle school, but if I ever see my son is being a victim of bullies, I would definitely seek out professional help to help him feel less helpless. (As well as tonguelashing the principal and handing her a stack of books on the topic. But I don't suppose that would work well with a supervisor.)
Posted by TexasChic on July 10, 2008, at 19:45:11
In reply to Re: Bullies » TexasChic, posted by Dinah on July 10, 2008, at 12:06:55
Yeah, the fact that there's a pattern hasn't been lost on me. There are probably ways I could better handle these situation and maybe keep them from getting to this point. What's even worse is I seem to choose the same people as friends! That's why I don't have any now, I just got tired of it. But the problem is I can't afford a T right now.
I've decided the best way to handle this is to treat it like a challenge. I know I can handle whatever she throws at me as long as I'm being judged fairly. And I've been assured that a third party from HR will be involved in every step. So all I have to do is get everything in writing, and make sure its very specific about how things will be decided, and then just do it. The thing I'm actually worried about it how to get a hold of my anger about all this. Somehow I will have to appear cordial and submissive and somehow refrain from telling her what a pathetic idiot I think she is. I guess that will be the real challenge.
She was being all nice to me today. I don't know whether she's aware that I know, even though I handed the write up to her off the printer and said, I believe this is yours. She might not have thought I actually read it (which I did before she walked in).
I know I need to just find another job, but I'm so tired of having to find another job! I wanted this one to work! I'm tired of always getting pushed out! I am one of the hardest workers you'd ever meet and just don't deserve this! The whole thing just doesn't make sense to me.
I wish I could just go live in the wilderness or something.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on July 10, 2008, at 20:09:39
In reply to Re: Bullies, posted by TexasChic on July 10, 2008, at 19:45:11
Another thing that has been weighing on me is my coworker who also works for my boss. She works out at the stores half the time while I stay in the office, boss lady goes back and forth between us. So ever since the day I found out my supervisor had a secret meeting with HR and then took my coworker out to lunch, and I called her and she never called back, I've only seen her for a couple of hours on Monday. And then I just worked and didn't talk to anybody because I was so pissed, and I know she knew something was up. So I sent her an email. It said:
You know how I told you whenever I get paranoid about something there is usually something to it? And you laughed? Well I guess now we know different. I saw my write up on the printer. Is this why you didn't call me back Tuesday? Oh well, I talked to Bob (boss lady's boss) and found out I at least have a fighting chance. But don't worry, its obvious you don't want to be involved, so I won't bother you anymore about this.
I was actually very angry when I wrote it, but I tried not to let it show. Because I know I don't really have a right to be mad at her. But I am. She's the one person who has experienced all this with me and would be able to verify everything I've said. And she's been with the company for years and is well respected. So for her to sit by and just watch this happen, after all the conversations we've had about how crazy and unreasonable our boss is, just makes me so angry! But this is my problem, not her's, and she doesn't owe me anything. So I should respect her decision to stay out of it. But the reasonable part of me seems to be entirely separate from the emotional side of me.
I think, but am not sure she will be there tomorrow. So if she is, I guess we'll see what happens.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on July 10, 2008, at 21:18:34
In reply to Re: Bullies, posted by TexasChic on July 10, 2008, at 20:09:39
When I first saw the write up on the printer, I freaked out and wrote and asked for a meeting with: HR, my boss's boss, and my boss's boss's boss. I quickly realized that last one was probably overkill and super unprofessional. He was very supportive though, here's how it went.
To: The Big Guy
From: T
Subject: Request
I would like to schedule a meeting with you to discuss some problems I'm having with C---. This is very urgent, I hope you can find time to meet with me.-T
--------------------------
To: The Big Guy
From: T
Subject: Re: RequestI just had a long talk with B--- and feel much better about things. Im sorry to have disturbed you. I was really upset at the time.
-T
--------------------------
To: T
From: The Big Guy
Subject: RequestT,
I just saw this email after being in meetings and I am glad you had the chat with B---, Ill follow up with B--- in the morning and see what he has to say.--------------------------
To: The Big Guy
From: T
Subject: Re: RequestThank you. I am going to try to do what it takes to prove my competence. I know that I can do anything C--- throws at me, its just a matter of my being clear of what she wants. So by writing me up I will have it all spelled out. Its just very frustrating to work so hard and rather than being appreciated, you are told your work is sub-par. But I know its not true, and everyone else in the department has made it clear they think I am an above average employee, so Im determined not to let it get me down.
Thank you for taking an interest.
--------------------------
To: T
From: The Big Guy
Subject: RequestThat is exactly the way to pursue this. You learn to be the best at your skill set and I am sure things will improve.
--------------------------
So I think I managed to turn around a potential mistake. I think I will be supported if I just try to work hard and prove myself.
-T
Posted by Dinah on July 11, 2008, at 11:48:22
In reply to Re: Bullies, posted by TexasChic on July 10, 2008, at 21:18:34
Unfortunately, interpersonal self help is a hard prospect. It requires a certain amount of objectivity. I wonder if there are reasonably inexpensive coaches for that in particular? If not, it would be a growth industry. "Specialist in how to negotiate the tricky waters of office politics"
I'm afraid I've only worked at one small office where everyone knows everyone else. So office politics is more of the sort of flareups that happen in families. There is one of my bosses who has been known to scream at people, and to be difficult with them. He rarely does that with me, but mainly because he's afraid I'll break down in tears or scream back. Both of which I've been known to do. The former more frequently but if it's a topic of the right way to do things, and I'm pretty sure of my position, our conversations have been known to get pretty loud on both sides.
But clearly my way of working wouldn't work in a large office, and definitely not with a female boss. My old school male boss is terrified of tears. And I'm valuable enough to them that they put up with my shortcomings.
My dear husband gets on wonderfully at work. I suspect that it might have something to do with the fact that he is blissfully ignorant of emotional overtones. So he cheerfully works away, doing a good job and ignoring any office politics because he's probably totally oblivious to them. That may be the secret, but a difficult one to learn for people who aren't born with a deficit in emotion sensing. Which is not an insult at all. He's enormously happy in his job, and isn't torn by all the stuff I'm torn by.
Posted by TexasChic on July 12, 2008, at 10:01:11
In reply to Re: Bullies, posted by Dinah on July 11, 2008, at 11:48:22
I woke up at 4AM completely inspired. I got up, got on the computer and gathered information on what ADD symptoms are, ways to work around specific problems, and then things that people with ADD excel at. I also wrote down every thing I could figure out that my boss had a problem with me about, and wrote out plans for working on it. I went in at 6AM knowing my bosses boss would be there and went straight to him to tell him what I had come up with. I was very excited about it. He told me to calm down several times because I sometimes shake and lose my breath when I'm nervous. People always overreact to this and act like I'm having some sort of fit. Anyway, he said he thought it sounded GREAT! I told him I was a little afraid that it would sound like I was making excuses, but he said it was a legitimate medical illness and I shouldn't feel that way. He also said he would sit in on my meeting with her if I like.
So after this I was feeling really positive and thinking, if I can just explain everything to her in the right way, this could work out. I think in the back of my mind I was thinking if I explained how every problem she had with me went back to ADD, she wouldn't write me up. I now think that was a bit naive.
So anyway, she and my coworker were out at the store and I had to drive out there to
pick up a memory card of pictures. This was the fist time I had seen my coworker since I had
found my write up on the computer. I had written her an email about it but had never heard back from her. So I waited and waited for her to say something when we were alone, but she never did. So I asked her if she had checked her email and she said no. So I figured she didn't know and said, "Oh, well BossLady left my action plan on the printer for everyone to see". She casually said, "Oh yeah, she told me about that". I was stunned. Not only did I now know for sure that BossLady knew I had seen what was written on that paper, but also all this nicey nice stuff she was pouring on was complete fake crap.So my coworker and I were in the food court getting lunch and BossLady was in another line. I told her I didn't think I cared to eat with BossLady. She said something like, "Aww, don't be that way". I said "What, you think I'm not pissed about this?" She just kind of avoided answering me and all of a sudden I realized I was really mad at her. She and I have confided in each other for the last two years about how crazy and unreasonable BossLady is, and now that I'm getting written up, not only didn't she warn me about it (she had said she was going to try to find out what was going on and get back to me), but she knew that I knew about it and never bothered to contact me to ask if I was okay or anything! (Part of me knows I really have no right to be mad at her because she is probably just trying to stay out of, but another part of me feels so hurt and betrayed!) So I just turned around and walked out and was almost to my car when I realized this was very unprofessional of me & I would have to answer for it later. So I went back up there and acted like I had been looking around the mall, and then I had to sit there while they laughed and talked about going out the night before and I sat there and tried my best not to glare at them. I mostly just sat there. After I left I cried all the way back to the office.
So now I just don't know if I can pull off trying to work this out because I'm so angry about it. Plus, all this deceit made me realize I was being naive about thinking if I explained everything I wouldn't get written up.
When I got back, I wrote my bosses boss an email and told him that when I found my action plan on the printer I was so upset I didn't realize the fact that it was just sitting there for anyone to see! In fact, there were several copies, and one was over on the table where we put stuff that
people have left on the printer for a long time and hadn't picked up. So someone had taken it and put it on the table, probably seeing what it said.I also told him (I forgot to mention this earlier) that when I was talking to him that morning that rudegirl had come in the office beside us and acted like she was looking for something. A little while later another coworker came and told me that rudegirl had run over to her and said, "What's going on? I think T is getting written up! Do you know anything about it???" My coworker said she was so disgusted she just turned back to her computer and started working again. So I told him all of this as well as how my coworker had told me BossLady told her about it, and I told him that it looks like everyone will know before it even happens. I also said with all this going on, I have a hard time trusting that BossLady would be willing to work this out with me. So I sent that to him and another copy to HR saying how humiliated I was by the whole thing. The reason I did this was because I have been reading up on harassment and found out that one thing that qualifies is a supervisor belittling you in front of other coworkers. So I wanted it documented that I had complained about this. They were both already gone for the day, so I won't find out what they have to say about it until Monday.
Its so hard to figure out what to report so that you're covered when you complain of harassment, and what is going to just sound like whining and make me look bad. But I'm handling it the best I know how. I try to always be very careful of my emails so that I'm not sending out something that is all crazy emotional. And Hopefully I will be over being mad by Monday and can talk to BossLady with a positive attitude. I really don't want to get another job, but I can't go on like this unless something changes.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on July 12, 2008, at 15:11:42
In reply to Yesterday, posted by TexasChic on July 12, 2008, at 10:01:11
I just keep thinking about how my coworker acted when I saw her yesterday. She was so distant. I just keep thinking that my boss has no intention of trying to work things out with me. That this is just the procedure she has to go through to get rid of me. After all I have put up with from her for so long, I just don't know if I have the strength to continue to fight this. I don't know if I have the strength to find another job. I feel like I am having a nervous breakdown. I'm just so tired of everything always being so hard. I don't know what to do anymore.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on July 12, 2008, at 15:51:52
In reply to I'm not doing so good, posted by TexasChic on July 12, 2008, at 15:11:42
I also left a message to make an appointment with a T from my insurance's website. I just picked the one closest to me that dealt with anxiety and depression. I'm feeling a little calmer, for now anyway.
-T
Posted by Phillipa on July 12, 2008, at 19:32:46
In reply to Okay, I've had a good cry, posted by TexasChic on July 12, 2008, at 15:51:52
Not knowing and speculating are so hard. Love Phillipa
Posted by TexasChic on July 12, 2008, at 20:04:37
In reply to Re: Okay, I've had a good cry » TexasChic, posted by Phillipa on July 12, 2008, at 19:32:46
I've been getting a newsletter from this T named Jennifer Ryan, this is her website http://www.ichoosechange.com./home.html
The latest newsletter is about controlling negative thoughts. Here are four steps to feel and act differently:
1. Recognize the negative emotion
2. Isolate the thought that causes the emotion
3. Decide if you want to hold onto that thought (is it serving you well?)
4. Choose a new thought (something that will create the desired emotion)I haven't gotten through step four yet. But I can now recognize the thoughts that are causing my negative emotions, and they are not serving me well at all.
-T
Posted by Kath on July 12, 2008, at 20:16:19
In reply to Re: Bullies, posted by TexasChic on July 10, 2008, at 19:45:11
> I wish I could just go live in the wilderness or something.
****can I come with you? & my husband too? His department is being outsourced at the end of the year & we might have to retire before we can afford it. I SO want my son's problems to go away.
You know, my husband had (has) a bad boss also & I had told him about yours. Now he won't have to worry about the boss, but at what cost?
TC - did you give the complaint to HR BEFORE the boss-from-Hades "wrote you up"? I know you'd expected that she might write you up at some point if you applied for another job.
You are in my loving thoughts. You deserve to NOT have all this stuff to go through. Life sometimes feels so hard. It seems to sometimes deliver ONE after ANOTHER after ANOTHER after yet ANOTHER dose of awful stuff to deal with.
((((((((((you)))))))))
love, Kath
Posted by Kath on July 12, 2008, at 20:31:43
In reply to Re: Bullies, posted by TexasChic on July 10, 2008, at 21:18:34
> So I think I managed to turn around a potential mistake. I think I will be supported if I just try to work hard and prove myself.
****TC you did amazingly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also, now the BIG BIG boss knows & you've corresponded personally with that boss. I think it's great.
My concern is about you getting things in writing. Does it mean that your yuck-boss has to write down instructions for everything you do? And then there'll be a record of how you perform?
I REALLY hope so, because that'd be proof for you. It sounds like HR told you to do that, but will the HR-3rd-person ensure that that happens? I'm afraid yuck-boss will be able to be weasely. What do you think?luv, Kath
Posted by Kath on July 12, 2008, at 20:53:16
In reply to Yesterday, posted by TexasChic on July 12, 2008, at 10:01:11
> When I got back, I wrote my bosses boss an email and told him that when I found my action plan on the printer I was so upset I didn't realize the fact that it was just sitting there for anyone to see! In fact, there were several copies, and one was over on the table where we put stuff that
> people have left on the printer for a long time and hadn't picked up. So someone had taken it and put it on the table, probably seeing what it said.
>
> I also told him (I forgot to mention this earlier) that when I was talking to him that morning that rudegirl had come in the office beside us and acted like she was looking for something. A little while later another coworker came and told me that rudegirl had run over to her and said, "What's going on? I think T is getting written up! Do you know anything about it???" My coworker said she was so disgusted she just turned back to her computer and started working again. So I told him all of this as well as how my coworker had told me BossLady told her about it, and I told him that it looks like everyone will know before it even happens. I also said with all this going on, I have a hard time trusting that BossLady would be willing to work this out with me. So I sent that to him and another copy to HR saying how humiliated I was by the whole thing. The reason I did this was because I have been reading up on harassment and found out that one thing that qualifies is a supervisor belittling you in front of other coworkers. So I wanted it documented that I had complained about this. They were both already gone for the day, so I won't find out what they have to say about it until Monday.
>
> Its so hard to figure out what to report so that you're covered when you complain of harassment, and what is going to just sound like whining and make me look bad. But I'm handling it the best I know how. I try to always be very careful of my emails so that I'm not sending out something that is all crazy emotional. And Hopefully I will be over being mad by Monday and can talk to BossLady with a positive attitude. I really don't want to get another job, but I can't go on like this unless something changes.
>
> -T*****Dear TC - I think it's perfect that you wrote boss's boss what you did!!! I think it's very important that all those things are known.
I also am blown away by the WHOLE lunch thing & her knowing etc & not contacting you. I think you did well to pretend you were just looking around the mall. That was quick thinking & Huge maturity & self-control on your part.
I think you have a HUGE amount of justified anger & I strongly urge you to get some of it out in possibly various ways. Some people do well with writing; some with talking; some with physical stuff. Here are some suggestions. Hopefully some of them might work for you 'cuz I really think you need to get some of it OUTTTTTTTTTT:
- depending on how much your neighbours can hear, throw ice cubes one by one viciously into the bathtub, along with a verbal diatribe (had to look it up, but it IS the right word - "a bitter or malicious harangue; an abusive discourse"). The volume of the diatribe will depend on the soundproofness of your place! Everything you'd LOVE to say to each of them.
- I have a rubber camping mallet that I used to hit large empty plastic water, kitty litter or vinegar bottles with, while saying along with the hits, whatever I wanted to say to whoever I was angry with.
- put whoever's name you want to address - just their first name or a rude name, in the 'address' line of an email & compose whatever you'd love to say to them. Probably the more swear words or mean words the better! Be sure not to put a REAL email address in, just in case!!!!
- get felt pens & draw a picture of them, almost like a kid would, making them as ugly & outrageous as you like & also perhaps drawing what you'd like to happen to them. This can be a good thing to do with your 'non-dominant hand' - left, if you're righthanded etc. This is a way to let out inner child have a say in things! Words can also be part of the picture.
- write a letter to boss & to coworker, Dear Idiot Carol (or whoever) & put it in an envelope & put her initial on the front & drop it into a real mailbox. I did this once with my DAD, who'd been dead for years. I was actually afraid to put even his first name on the envelope!! even tho he'd been dead for years!! LOL So I put "B" on the envelope!!! I was amazed at how much emotion lifted out of me once I 'posted' it!
- take a pillow or cushion & with each punch, say one or two words -
Punch - I
Punch - HATE
Punch - your
Punch - Dam**d
Punch - Guts!
Punch - & I know
Punch - that you
etc etc.I am so sorry you're going through this TC. Please keep us up to date.
luv, Kath
Posted by TexasChic on July 12, 2008, at 21:03:10
In reply to Re: Bullies » TexasChic, posted by Kath on July 12, 2008, at 20:31:43
> My concern is about you getting things in writing. Does it mean that your yuck-boss has to write down instructions for everything you do? And then there'll be a record of how you perform?
That's the idea. I haven't actually talked to her yet, I haven't actually gotten the write up yet! I just talked to her boss about it, and then ran my idea by him (having everything in writing) and he said it was a great idea!
> I REALLY hope so, because that'd be proof for you. It sounds like HR told you to do that, but will the HR-3rd-person ensure that that happens? I'm afraid yuck-boss will be able to be weasely. What do you think?
No, no one has told her to do that yet. And really what has me freaking out is that she WILL try to warp the results. I try to think positive, my bosses boss said this was a chance to turn things around. He told me about an employee he wrote up once who turned things around and was later his favorite employee. I just wish I could believe that she wants to work with me. But then I think, so why hasn't she tried before now? I'm really torn between believing she wants to make things work, and that she's trying to set me up.
Funny that I told my coworker 2 months ago that I felt like she was setting me up so that she could give me a bad review and get rid of me. I'm definitely going to keep listening to those instincts. From what I've read about Highly Sensitive People http://www.hsperson.com/, which I believe I am, they pick up on things like peoples moods before anyone else. I have always known when something was up with my boss, whether it was about me or she was pissed off about something. I always email my coworker and say, "is anything going on?" And she'll say, "I don't know, let me find out". And then she comes back and says, "yeah, she's pissed because so and so said something to her". I've never been wrong so far.
And from what I understand, the 3rd party HR person is supposed to insure things are done fairly.
One other thing, and this has been really bothering me, when I was talking to my bosses boss, he said she had told him she was concerned because I don't have all my categories and sub categories memorized. And he said after two years I should know all that and if he went to the other two girls in my position he guarantees they would know them. Well I asked one of them and she said no way did she have that memorized!
-T
Posted by TexasChic on July 12, 2008, at 22:50:33
In reply to IMPORTANT - Get That Anger OUT))))))) » TexasChic, posted by Kath on July 12, 2008, at 20:53:16
> *****Dear TC - I think it's perfect that you wrote boss's boss what you did!!! I think it's very important that all those things are known.
>
> I also am blown away by the WHOLE lunch thing & her knowing etc & not contacting you. I think you did well to pretend you were just looking around the mall. That was quick thinking & Huge maturity & self-control on your part.It took all my effort to turn around and go back there. I wanted to just leave with no explanation. But I knew I was acting on emotion so I thought I better do what I thought was the right thing, rather than what would have felt better.
Thanks for saying it was justified. I know I have to figure things out for myself, but its good to know someone else thought all of it was way out of line.
I love all your anger suggestions! I like the writing what I want to say without sending it idea. That might help get it out of my head. I think I'll do that tomorrow to try to get my mind right for work on Monday. I want to go in like nothing is bothering me. I'm feeling ok now, but I seem to go through cycles of getting all upset about it, and then getting control for a while again.
Thanks so much Kath!
-T
Posted by Dinah on July 13, 2008, at 11:21:36
In reply to Okay, I've had a good cry, posted by TexasChic on July 12, 2008, at 15:51:52
I think that's a great idea. Hopefully she'll be a good match for you in terms of what you need.
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