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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 56. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Phil on April 17, 2007, at 19:24:15
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.
- Dorothy ParkerTwo cows are lying in a field. One of them says to the other, "So , what do you think about this mad cow disease?"
The other says, "What do I care? I'm a helicopter."Little Jonny was sitting in class one day and the teacher asks everyone, "Do your parents do anything strange or unusual?" Little Jonny raises his hand and says, "My dad does! My dad does! My dad eats light bulbs!" "Eats light bulbs?", questions the teacher. "Yes!", little Jonny replies. "My bedroom is next to my parents' and last night I heard my dad say turn off the light and I'll eat it!"
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods one day?
Two cannibals were sitting by a fire and one says, "gee, I hate my mother-in-law." And the other one says, "So try the potatos."
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the giraffe and one to put the clocks in the bathtub.
Posted by dreamboat_annie on April 17, 2007, at 21:13:02
In reply to Jokes!!! Got any?, posted by Phil on April 17, 2007, at 19:24:15
This guy is going over to his girlfriend's house to meet her father for the first time. He had been partying with friends the night before and, after copious amounts of beer, nachos, refried beans . . . , he is feeling pretty rough.
They arrive at his girlfriend's house and he is introduced to her father - a rather stern and forboding man. They all go into the living room and the old man sits in his favorite chair. The family dog, who has taken a liking to the guy, parks himself on the floor by his feet. The guy really wants to make a good impression and is a nervous wreck. All of a sudden, he gets an attack of gas. He tries desparately to hold it in, but can't and just lets one rip. The old man shouts out "Rover!!!" . Well, the guy thinks "phew!" he thinks it was the dog. Conversation goes on when all of a sudden, another gas attack and another ripper. Again, the old man yells digustedly - ROVER!!!. The guy can't believe his luck! Saved by the dog again! A little while later, he is hit with more revenge of the re-fried beans. Confidently, he lets it go. The old man looks down at the down and yells - Rover, get away from him before he sh*ts on ya!
Posted by karen_kay on April 17, 2007, at 21:23:15
In reply to Jokes!!! Got any?, posted by Phil on April 17, 2007, at 19:24:15
did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
he worked it out with a pencilwant to hear a dirty joke?
a boy fell in a mud puddlewant to hear a clean joke?
a boy took a bath with bubbles.want to hear a dirty joke?
bubbles is the neighbor girl.
and this is where the dead (almost dead, that is) kitten triggers begin.....
what's red and silver and bumps into walls?
a kitten with forks in it's eyes. (hey, i've heard it another way and that one would get a pbc for sure!)
what's easier to unload, a truck full of bowling balls or a truckfull of kittens?
kittens because you can use pitchforks.
Posted by dreamboat_annie on April 17, 2007, at 21:28:30
In reply to dead kitten triggers..., posted by karen_kay on April 17, 2007, at 21:23:15
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall? ART
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs laying on the front door step? MATT
What do you call a girl with one leg longer than the other? EILEEN
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in the water? BOB
What do you get when you have three bulls in a hottub masterbating? Beef strokinoff
Posted by Phillipa on April 17, 2007, at 22:04:26
In reply to Re: dead kitten triggers... » karen_kay, posted by dreamboat_annie on April 17, 2007, at 21:28:30
Last joke I remember was the Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater and Jill coming down the hill and oldie but goodie. Can't repeat here. Love Phillipa
Posted by Larry Hoover on April 17, 2007, at 22:08:59
In reply to Re: dead kitten triggers... » karen_kay, posted by dreamboat_annie on April 17, 2007, at 21:28:30
> What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall? ART
>
> What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs laying on the front door step? MATT
>
> What do you call a girl with one leg longer than the other? EILEEN
>
> What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in the water? BOB
>
> What do you get when you have three bulls in a hottub masterbating? Beef strokinoffWhat do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.What do you call a young guy with no arms and no legs, floating in the water?
Boy.What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter what you call him, he still isn't going to come.What's invisible and smells like carrots?
Bunny f*rts.Good night.
Lar
Posted by karen_kay on April 18, 2007, at 5:57:32
In reply to dead kitten triggers..., posted by karen_kay on April 17, 2007, at 21:23:15
what do you call a dog with no back legs and metal balls?
sparky.
Posted by Phil on April 18, 2007, at 6:25:15
In reply to and a dog...., posted by karen_kay on April 18, 2007, at 5:57:32
Just what I needed first thing in the morning.
Posted by karen_kay on April 18, 2007, at 7:39:15
In reply to lmao, posted by Phil on April 18, 2007, at 6:25:15
what do you do with a dog with no legs?
take him for a drag.
where do you find a dog with no legs?the same place you left him.
how do you make a dead dog float?add ice cream and root beer.
and yes, all dogs are male (or is it the other way around? heavens no!).
Posted by Happyflower on April 18, 2007, at 8:29:00
In reply to dogs w/ no legs.... not for the civil!, posted by karen_kay on April 18, 2007, at 7:39:15
Actually I wish I didn't read this thread. Maybe I am just too sensitive and love animals.
Posted by Toph on April 18, 2007, at 9:19:32
In reply to Jokes!!! Got any?, posted by Phil on April 17, 2007, at 19:24:15
A young farm lad from rural Wisconsin goes off to college in Madison, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him. Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy...
"Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at Wisconsin that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!"
"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again.
"So how's Ole Blue doing, son?" his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"
"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"
"Just send $1,500, I'll get him in the class."His father sends the money.
The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read. So the student shoots the dog.
When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives in town?'"
The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"Thatta boy!"
(The kid went on to be a successful lawyer.......)
Posted by Klavot on April 18, 2007, at 10:11:53
In reply to Re: Lawyer joke, posted by Toph on April 18, 2007, at 9:19:32
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are riding on a train through the Scottish countryside when they see a black cow grazing in the fields. The engineer says: "Hmmm - I see Scottish cows are black." The phycisist replies: "You mean some Scottish cows are black." The mathematician interrupts them both: "All we can say for sure is that there exists at least one cow in Scotland, at least one side of which is black."
Why did the girl fall off the swing?
She had no arms.What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.What's blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding its breath.Klavot
Posted by Gee on April 18, 2007, at 10:54:47
In reply to More jokes, posted by Klavot on April 18, 2007, at 10:11:53
What's big, green, and if it falls out of a tree it'd kill you?
A pool table
Posted by scratchpad on April 18, 2007, at 13:21:18
In reply to :( sorry this stuff isn't funny to me, posted by Happyflower on April 18, 2007, at 8:29:00
That's why there are trigger warnings in the headers. We have to keep ourselves safe, HF.
sp
Posted by Happyflower on April 18, 2007, at 15:29:20
In reply to Re: :( sorry this stuff isn't funny to me » Happyflower, posted by scratchpad on April 18, 2007, at 13:21:18
I am not triggered by the jokes, I just find the jokes offensive. What if I made jokes about a child molester and put a trigger warning on it. Would that be seen in the same light as animal cruelity?
Whether or not there is a trigger warning, some jokes are just unappropiate for a site like this one in my view. Talking about abusing animals is not much different than joking about harming anyone. Just because there is a trigger warning doesn't mean that it isn't uncivil.
Posted by Happyflower on April 18, 2007, at 15:36:42
In reply to Re: :( sorry this stuff isn't funny to me » scratchpad, posted by Happyflower on April 18, 2007, at 15:29:20
Plus I wanted to add that if this is the kind of humor that people enjoy on these boards,and it is allowed, then this not a place for me to be anymore.
I am sorry I can't just stand back and allow joking about animal cruelity, it is against the law for a reason, and joking about hurting anything is not a site I want to be part of.
Posted by gardenergirl on April 18, 2007, at 15:47:16
In reply to Re: :( sorry this stuff isn't funny to me, posted by Happyflower on April 18, 2007, at 15:36:42
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#help-enforce
Please use this tool for voicing concerns about specific posts rather than post them on the boards. It is no longer within site guidelines to post questions or comments about whether a post is or is not civil.
namasté
gg, acting as deputy
Posted by scratchpad on April 18, 2007, at 15:50:28
In reply to Re: :( sorry this stuff isn't funny to me » scratchpad, posted by Happyflower on April 18, 2007, at 15:29:20
I think that we can rule out jokes of any kind on the grounds of cruelty. Blonde jokes, anyone?
A joke is "on" someone. It takes advantage of someone else; points out their deficits. A joke is inherently cruel. I don't always have a good sense of humour.I have trouble with racist jokes, so I don't read them. Luckily, they aren't socially acceptable in most places anymore so it's not an issue.
sp
Posted by Happyflower on April 18, 2007, at 15:50:46
In reply to Happily, there's an avenue for your action » Happyflower, posted by gardenergirl on April 18, 2007, at 15:47:16
Thank you for saying something about me posting something wrong.
Posted by gardenergirl on April 18, 2007, at 16:10:07
In reply to sorry I was uncivil, + rule breaker, goodbye » gardenergirl, posted by Happyflower on April 18, 2007, at 15:50:46
Pardon?
Where in my words does it say *you* did anything wrong?
Posted by kninelover on April 18, 2007, at 17:23:50
In reply to Happily, there's an avenue for your action » Happyflower, posted by gardenergirl on April 18, 2007, at 15:47:16
we need a clear and numbered list of things we can post about..
1. cup cakes
2. flannel pillow cases..
anything thing else? :)†
Posted by Phillipa on April 18, 2007, at 21:08:55
In reply to what is needed.... » gardenergirl, posted by kninelover on April 18, 2007, at 17:23:50
Animal unkindness jokes offend me too. Love Phillipa
Posted by karen_kay on April 18, 2007, at 22:20:48
In reply to :( sorry this stuff isn't funny to me, posted by Happyflower on April 18, 2007, at 8:29:00
i did marry one in fact. and i do own a baby duckie.
it's only a joke dear. it doesn't mean i'm actually doing it, encouraging anyone to do it, would think it funny if someone were to do it (of course, if i did have a dog with metal b@lls, i suppose i'd be tempted to name him sparky, but if my husband had them, i'd probably call him sparky. i wonder if that's how chevy chase got his nickname in nat'l lampoon series'?)...
anywhooo... it's all in good fun. i assure you, i've never endangered an animal. i adore animals. i've never even hit one on the road and always swerve to miss them. (and once my dog caught a squirrel and i cried for several days about it.) just making jokes doesn't really make me all that twisted now does it?
i make jokes about taking insurance policies out on my mother. that doesn't mean i want anythign to happen to her. (ok, maybe that's not so true.) see, that's another joke!
Posted by karen_kay on April 18, 2007, at 22:26:12
In reply to what is needed.... » gardenergirl, posted by kninelover on April 18, 2007, at 17:23:50
3. tell me we can still post about locking mister bob in the basement. if not, them i'm out for real this time :)
4. r j reynolds (my personal hero)
5. klonopin
6. toilet paper and underpants
those are my stipulations
and i must must must still be able to use the word HUSSY!!!!
are those all legal you think?
Posted by zenhussy on April 18, 2007, at 22:29:14
In reply to Re: what is needed.... » kninelover, posted by karen_kay on April 18, 2007, at 22:26:12
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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