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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Penny on June 30, 2003, at 13:58:25
Hi all.
I wanted to invite everyone to help me compile a list of the worst things someone can say to a person who is depressed. I have my favorites, and I'd like to hear yours! Feel free to include your replies to those comments as well!!!
thanks.
Penny
:-bMy favorites:
1. You need to try harder to beat this. (from grandma's letter)
2. Did you have a good therapy session? Do you feel better now? (What IS a *good* therapy session???)
3. When you're feeling down, just get up and get busy. (also from grandma's letter)
4. Remember, exercise releases endorphins... (From my gp, of course - what if you can't pull yourself out of bed??)
5. Work on that positive thinking! (Uh, okay, that might work when I'm mildly depressed, but not when I'm feeling suicidal!!!)
Posted by Brio D Chimp on June 30, 2003, at 14:38:19
In reply to Worst things to say to those who are depressed..., posted by Penny on June 30, 2003, at 13:58:25
> Hi all.
>
> I wanted to invite everyone to help me compile a list of the worst things someone can say to a person who is depressed. I have my favorites, and I'd like to hear yours! Feel free to include your replies to those comments as well!!!
>
> thanks.
> Penny
> :-b
>
> My favorites:
>
> 1. You need to try harder to beat this. (from grandma's letter)
> 2. Did you have a good therapy session? Do you feel better now? (What IS a *good* therapy session???)
> 3. When you're feeling down, just get up and get busy. (also from grandma's letter)
> 4. Remember, exercise releases endorphins... (From my gp, of course - what if you can't pull yourself out of bed??)
> 5. Work on that positive thinking! (Uh, okay, that might work when I'm mildly depressed, but not when I'm feeling suicidal!!!)
6. I know exactly how you feel.(NO you don't)7. I'm depressed too but I got up and went to work this morning. (which proves you're not as depressed as I am)
8.Think about people who are suffering from (insert any manner of hideous disease or misfortune)That's a real cheerer upper.
9. Smile God loves you (yeah but not enough to smite you for saying something so insensitive)
10. Please Be Civil
Posted by yesac on June 30, 2003, at 14:55:09
In reply to Re: Worst things to say to those who are depressed..., posted by Brio D Chimp on June 30, 2003, at 14:38:19
> 7. I'm depressed too but I got up and went to work this morning. (which proves you're not as depressed as I am)I just wanted to say that even though I'm sure that in many cases, being able to get up and go to work does mean the person isn't as depressed, not necessarily in every case. I have ALWAYS gotten up and gone to work/school/whatever. Always, except for a few days here and there. But I have been extremely suicidally depressed, even at those times. It just doesn't affect me like that. No, I didn't WANT to go, dreaded going... but my energy has never been "sapped" by depression. In fact, I often can't stand staying in bed. I'm too fidgety, agitated, etc. Most of the time I would love to because there is just nothing at all that I want to do or feel like I can handle doing. But I just must get up. For a long time I thought this meant that I wasn't as depressed as a lot of other people, but I've since realized that that simply isn't true.
Posted by whiterabbit on June 30, 2003, at 15:08:01
In reply to Re: Worst things to say to those who are depressed..., posted by Brio D Chimp on June 30, 2003, at 14:38:19
"Congratulations, not only have you managed to screw up your own life, now your son will need therapy too." - from in-patient psychiatrist at the hospital after suicide attempt (no kidding)"Your memory problems are a result of your substance abuse, you have damaged your brain. You have brain damage." - from out-patient psychiatrist (different guy, still not kidding)
"I can't take anymore, you're hopelessly crazy and will never get any better. Also I'm tired of supporting you, when you could go back to work tomorrow if you felt like it." - from soon-to-be-ex-husband who apparently doesn't mind crazy people in the work-force
Posted by Brio D Chimp on June 30, 2003, at 16:27:23
In reply to just a comment, posted by yesac on June 30, 2003, at 14:55:09
>
> > 7. I'm depressed too but I got up and went to work this morning. (which proves you're not as depressed as I am)
>
8. I just wanted to say that even though I'm sure that in many cases, being able to get up and go to work does mean the person isn't as depressed, not necessarily in every case. I have ALWAYS gotten up and gone to work/school/whatever. Always, except for a few days here and there. But I have been extremely suicidally depressed, even at those times. It just doesn't affect me like that. No, I didn't WANT to go, dreaded going... but my energy has never been "sapped" by depression. In fact, I often can't stand staying in bed. I'm too fidgety, agitated, etc. Most of the time I would love to because there is just nothing at all that I want to do or feel like I can handle doing. But I just must get up. For a long time I thought this meant that I wasn't as depressed as a lot of other people, but I've since realized that that simply isn't true.It's not a contest! but your comment made me feel really put down and bad. I'm sure lots of people who said those other things meant them too and thought they were true. You know some people who have agitated depressions get TOO agitated to go to work. I'm not depressed at all now. But I know that being unable to function is more disabling than being able to function but being depressed in some other way so maybe I should rephrase that to: which proves you're not depressed LIKE I am. Thanks for proving my point tho. I feel really bad.
Posted by Brio D Chimp on June 30, 2003, at 17:08:48
In reply to Re: just a comment » yesac, posted by Brio D Chimp on June 30, 2003, at 16:27:23
> >
> > > 7. I'm depressed too but I got up and went to work this morning. (which proves you're not as depressed as I am)
> >
> 8. I just wanted to say that even though I'm sure that in many cases, being able to get up and go to work does mean the person isn't as depressed, not necessarily in every case. I have ALWAYS gotten up and gone to work/school/whatever. Always, except for a few days here and there. But I have been extremely suicidally depressed, even at those times. It just doesn't affect me like that. No, I didn't WANT to go, dreaded going... but my energy has never been "sapped" by depression. In fact, I often can't stand staying in bed. I'm too fidgety, agitated, etc. Most of the time I would love to because there is just nothing at all that I want to do or feel like I can handle doing. But I just must get up. For a long time I thought this meant that I wasn't as depressed as a lot of other people, but I've since realized that that simply isn't true.
>
> It's not a contest! but your comment made me feel really put down and bad. I'm sure lots of people who said those other things meant them too and thought they were true. You know some people who have agitated depressions get TOO agitated to go to work. I'm not depressed at all now. But I know that being unable to function is more disabling than being able to function but being depressed in some other way so maybe I should rephrase that to: which proves you're not depressed LIKE I am. Thanks for proving my point tho. I feel really bad.
That was MY answer to comments like that not YOURS! So you rephrase your answer to it if it bothers you but my answer is the same and whether you agree with it is irrelevant for me!!!!! (although you can put my answer on YOUR list of worst things to say to you and answer it any way you want to :) Ahh a breath of freedom! I'm not responsible for other people disagreeing with me!! They're my feelings! NO EXCUSES AND NO EXPLANATIONS
Posted by Gabbix2 on June 30, 2003, at 17:20:35
In reply to Re: Worst things to say to those who are depressed..., posted by whiterabbit on June 30, 2003, at 15:08:01
What would you do if you had a real problem?
Maybe if you thought of someone besides yourself for a change?
I read about this woman who walked her depression away.Look at all I've done for you and you still mope around
This guy on t.v said you just have to set your mind to it
You need to excercise more!
or... if exercising
maybe you're exercising too muchYou should try taking more vitamins
Maybe its all those supplements you're taking
Fake it till you make it.
You just need to get out more
You're lucky some people don't have the choice to be depressed
Posted by Gabbix2 on June 30, 2003, at 17:40:00
In reply to just a comment, posted by yesac on June 30, 2003, at 14:55:09
From what I saw I don't think Brio was making a generalization about all people who go to work when they are depressed.
I think he was referring to people making a pointed remark,
towards another depressed person. As in
"Well I'm depressed, and I MANAGED to go to work"
The inference being "Why can't you, you lazy..."
Because that would be in keeping with the thread.So unless thats something you do, I don't think it was meant personally.
Of course I could be all wrong too...
Which I frequently am : )
Posted by judy1 on June 30, 2003, at 17:53:32
In reply to just a comment, posted by yesac on June 30, 2003, at 14:55:09
It sounds like you have an 'agitated' type of depression, which I hear is really uncomfortable. Personally I'm a slug when depressed, and the only place I'm going is further under the covers. I think atypical depressions describes people who have hypersomnia vs insomnia, eat more and have a 'leaden' quality to their physical movements. Please correct me if I'm wrong here- judy
Posted by Brio D Chimp on June 30, 2003, at 19:11:55
In reply to Re: just a comment an observation » yesac, posted by Gabbix2 on June 30, 2003, at 17:40:00
Posted by noa on June 30, 2003, at 20:08:19
In reply to Worst things to say to those who are depressed..., posted by Penny on June 30, 2003, at 13:58:25
Here's a few to add to the list:
Oh, you should go to the Forum/Lifespring/etc., then you won't be depressed.
What do you have to be depressed about?
Look at it this way--you didn't lose a limb.
Well, maybe if you lost a little weight....
C'mon, cheer up, let's go (insert activity here)
I know what you need! (insert unsolicited advice here)
Depressed?!? 1)But I thought you were in treatment for that! or 2)But I thought you had that under control!
Posted by Dinah on June 30, 2003, at 20:14:09
In reply to Worst things to say to those who are depressed..., posted by Penny on June 30, 2003, at 13:58:25
You're not depressed (anxious, whatever). (mother - who is fond of denial)
You just need to pray more. (mother)
You just need to party more. (father)
You are choosing how you feel. (therapist, cbt orientation)
Posted by Merci on June 30, 2003, at 21:32:32
In reply to Re: Worst things to say to those who are depressed..., posted by Dinah on June 30, 2003, at 20:14:09
My favorite - while being discharged from the hospital after an unsuccesful series of ECT:
"Here's a list of positive affirmations that you should say every day. They should help."
Posted by kara lynne on July 1, 2003, at 1:14:36
In reply to Re: Worst things to say to those who are depressed..., posted by Merci on June 30, 2003, at 21:32:32
...and "Please be civil" was pretty cute too.
Posted by giget on July 1, 2003, at 10:29:21
In reply to You're too SENSITIVE, posted by kara lynne on July 1, 2003, at 1:14:36
- Don't worry about it, it will go away in a few weeks....
- Stop wollying in your own sorrow....
- People deal with this stuff all the time, why can't you...
- If you don't go with us, we are staying with you... mom and dad thought it would help.
- Have you found the problem yet?
- You take 10 (or your #) medications a day and you still can not be happy....
- Smileing will solve all your problems....
Posted by giget on July 1, 2003, at 10:32:18
In reply to List, posted by giget on July 1, 2003, at 10:29:21
I forgot the best one... from my so called best friend..
- Your therapist is full of junk, there is nothing wrong with you. You only think something is wrong with you. Stop listening to them and get over it....> - Don't worry about it, it will go away in a few weeks....
>
> - Stop wollying in your own sorrow....
>
> - People deal with this stuff all the time, why can't you...
>
> - If you don't go with us, we are staying with you... mom and dad thought it would help.
>
> - Have you found the problem yet?
>
> - You take 10 (or your #) medications a day and you still can not be happy....
>
> - Smileing will solve all your problems....
>
Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2003, at 13:56:25
In reply to Re: List, posted by giget on July 1, 2003, at 10:32:18
> I forgot the best one... from my so called best friend..
> - Your therapist is full of junk, there is nothing wrong with you. You only think something is wrong with you. Stop listening to them and get over it....
>Oooh, that one is pretty close to one I heard from my mother. So I told her in graphic detail exactly what was wrong with me that my therapist helped with. She shut up and honestly hasn't bugged me too much since. Well, sometimes but not nearly as much. Bwaaahaahaahaa.
Posted by Penny on July 1, 2003, at 14:04:29
In reply to Re: List, posted by Dinah on July 1, 2003, at 13:56:25
> > I forgot the best one... from my so called best friend..
> > - Your therapist is full of junk, there is nothing wrong with you. You only think something is wrong with you. Stop listening to them and get over it....
> >
>
> Oooh, that one is pretty close to one I heard from my mother. So I told her in graphic detail exactly what was wrong with me that my therapist helped with. She shut up and honestly hasn't bugged me too much since. Well, sometimes but not nearly as much. Bwaaahaahaahaa.
>Woo hoo! Go Dinah, go Dinah...
I have told my family only part of my REAL issues, same goes for my best friend, and not sure I am ready to be completely honest with them.
But that statement is also quite close to what I've heard from various folks in my family...
:-b
P
Posted by yesac on July 1, 2003, at 14:49:48
In reply to Re: Worst things to say to those who are depressed..., posted by Dinah on June 30, 2003, at 20:14:09
Dinah's:
> You are choosing how you feel. (therapist, cbt orientation)Mine:
I am choosing to stay this way. I want to be depressed. (from myself)Giget's:
"stop wollowing in your own sorrow"Mine:
I am allowing myself to wollow in my own sorrow. If I wanted to snap out of it, I could. (from myself again)Nothing like negative self-talk!
Posted by Gabbix2 on July 1, 2003, at 15:22:42
In reply to That's it exactly! Thanks for making it clear! (nm) » Gabbix2, posted by Brio D Chimp on June 30, 2003, at 19:11:55
Now if I could only understand the things I say.
Posted by yesac on July 1, 2003, at 15:39:05
In reply to Re: just a comment » yesac, posted by Brio D Chimp on June 30, 2003, at 16:27:23
> It's not a contest! but your comment made me feel really put down and bad. I'm sure lots of people who said those other things meant them too and thought they were true. You know some people who have agitated depressions get TOO agitated to go to work. I'm not depressed at all now. But I know that being unable to function is more disabling than being able to function but being depressed in some other way so maybe I should rephrase that to: which proves you're not depressed LIKE I am. Thanks for proving my point tho. I feel really bad.Now I feel bad that I made you feel bad. I feel really bad. I didn't want to do that. I just wanted I guess to defend myself (even though I know you weren't even talking about me) and it was your response to the comment. I guess maybe I feel judged by people who can't get out of bed, like they're thinking "oh she's not that depressed" and you're right, it's certainly not a contest. And I certainly wouldn't want to win if it was. And I agree, being unable to function is more disabling. I don't have time to say anything else, but I just wanted to respond.
Posted by Willow on July 1, 2003, at 16:07:58
In reply to Re: Worst things to say to those who are depressed..., posted by Gabbix2 on June 30, 2003, at 17:20:35
> I read about this woman who walked her depression away.
> This guy on t.v said you just have to set your mind to it
> You need to excercise more!
> or... if exercising
> maybe you're exercising too much
> You should try taking more vitamins
> Maybe its all those supplements you're taking
> Fake it till you make it.
> You just need to get out morePhysical activity is good for us, unfortunately when I'm at my worst this is really hard to do. The first step is always the hardest; though when starting to feel a better it's difficult to guage when it's enough. Chronic stress, including the type brought on by over physical exersion, can cause all sorts of ailments. Mental illnesses aren't excluded.
Being ill for a long time had changed how I view things. Instead of saying, "yes I can!" I found myself frequently thinking "I can't." This is a really hard part of recovery for me. I've wondered as I'm getting better if it's really a way for myself to say, "I won't!!" Differentiating between things that have to be done and those that don't is helping with this.
I'm not sure were the sensitivity comes from, poor self-esteem after being ill for so long or from a chemical imbalance? Which it is doesn't really matter to me anymore. (A big part about these illnesses are the obsessions that our minds can't shake.) Living on a strict schedule, which takes a lot of strong will and changing how I think is a key part of my journey to recovery.
So in my view, some of these sarcastic comments have truth to them, but a key part is how the message is delivered and by whom and also timing.
Whispering Willow
Posted by Gabbix2 on July 1, 2003, at 17:51:49
In reply to Don't shoot the messenger!!, posted by Willow on July 1, 2003, at 16:07:58
I think you're right Willow, about who says them and how they are delivered.
It seems though many people see us as projects and when a helpful "suggestion" isn't followed people can take it very personally. I think that may be why many of us bristle at hearing them.
Posted by kid47 on July 2, 2003, at 12:46:45
In reply to Re: Don't shoot the messenger!! » Willow, posted by Gabbix2 on July 1, 2003, at 17:51:49
This is the end of the thread.
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