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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Katt on May 5, 2002, at 17:15:03
I live alone in a tiny studio apartment. The walls keep moving closer and closer.
I call people and leave them messages...they don't call me back. I have someone that I thought was my closest friend. But I'm not his.
No therapist, no doctor. When I do have one, he usually becomes angry at my incessant need to pick up the phone and call him.
I have tried making friends, but something isn't working. Females, who later became friends, would say the weirdest things to me. One girl (who started to call herself my best friend) told me that when she first met me at work, she hated me. I was shocked. Why, I asked. She said it was because she was jealous that many of the guys in our office would cluster around my desk. She said it made her hate me even more because I was oblivious to their advances. So, she later decided that I was too selfish to be her friend and terminated our relationship about a year ago.
I thought I had a friend in this guy. Turned out he was super nice to me just because he wanted more. But there was nothing to him. In my eyes, he was a friend. After I told him that there couldn't be more, I got the cold shoulder. I mean, I used to work with him. I didn't really understand the attention he was giving me.
I have a family. Sometimes my mom calls to check up on me. I don't know what to do though. I have never told her about my plans, but I think she has an idea. She knows I am not doing well. But I think she ignores my nearing end.
Honestly, someone help me. I am very suicidal and I need help. I am not sure I can make it through the night. Help me, please.
Posted by Zo on May 5, 2002, at 17:20:54
In reply to Why am I so alone?, posted by Katt on May 5, 2002, at 17:15:03
Kazoo!This is Not Good! Are you up to coming to chat? Or u can email me. . .always-on connection. zozo1029 at mac dot com
Love,
Zo
Posted by Katt on May 5, 2002, at 17:35:20
In reply to Re: You ain't! » Katt, posted by Zo on May 5, 2002, at 17:20:54
dont know how to chat
Posted by Phil on May 5, 2002, at 19:00:10
In reply to Re: Re: You ain't!, posted by Katt on May 5, 2002, at 17:35:20
Go to the ER now!! At least it will be a change of scenery. Don't stare at the walls and think, go, please. Okay?
You are the one that has to save your butt, so go.
Are you in Austin?
Posted by Phil on May 5, 2002, at 19:20:50
In reply to Re: Re: You ain't!, posted by Katt on May 5, 2002, at 17:35:20
I can come see you or meet you or talk on the phone. My Yahoo address is yoyoyoyo78703@yahoo.com. Email me and I'll give you my number. Or, if you have been boarded up in the apt all day, just walk outside. When I stay home too much, all I do is dwell on,'How are things ever get better, why did god give me this little unit : - ), and who the hell is this GOD GUY AND WHERE THE HELL IS HE?
Sorry, just call or get to the ER, you can sort out your fair-weather friends later.
Posted by Manda on May 5, 2002, at 20:05:59
In reply to Why am I so alone?, posted by Katt on May 5, 2002, at 17:15:03
Katt,
I know how alone you must be feeling right now, but you have to hang on. It WILL get better. You know, people have been telling me that almost daily for the last couple of months, and I didn't believe it until a few days ago? (I got on a new AD.) So, I know how unbelievable that sounds, and I know that you hurt so much right now that you really wish that it was all over. But don't give up!
You never know what tomorrow will bring. You might wake up tomorrow morning and feel happy again. Or the next day. Again, I know that's hard to believe, but it happened to me last week. Out of the blue, the day before I got my meds, I woke up feeling better. It's a wonderful feeling, and I think that those of us on Babble can appreciate it more than most people in this world. We all know what it's like to want to die. We all know the fear of facing another tomorrow that may be worse than today. BUT we all know (on some level, at some point in time) that life really is worth living, and that eventually you will wake up one morning and be truly thankful that you are alive.
Don't destroy your future for the cares and worries of today. You only get to live once, and I promise that it will get better. I know that there is something that you can look forward to, that you won't want to miss. Think about that. Think about your mother- do you know how hard it is to lose a child? And it's even worse when it's to suicide. She would always feel guilty for not doing more, and you don't want that for her. Think about all the potential friendships and relationships that would never happen if you were to give up. I promise they will happen. Anyway, I wish you all the best. Please don't give up. I think I speak for everyone on PSB when I say that we want to wake up tomorrow morning and see a post from you. We're so dependent on each other here, and it rips us apart when someone leaves, especially due to suicide. So, if only for us, don't go.
Pax,
Manda
Posted by Phil on May 5, 2002, at 21:13:52
In reply to Re: Why am I so alone? » Katt, posted by Manda on May 5, 2002, at 20:05:59
Manda's so right. Don't let a chief feature of our disease trick you. Depression whispers to us,"You oughta just get it over with."
That's the most insideous thing about depression and the hardest to accept. You 'don't' want to die but depression is getting it's way. See it for what it is, another transient phase of the disease process. Two weeks from now, you could get a break and be so grateful you fought for yourself. You made the ultimate sacrifice, you lived.
Posted by Phil on May 5, 2002, at 21:32:04
In reply to Re: Why am I so alone?, posted by Phil on May 5, 2002, at 21:13:52
Cloquet hated reality but realized it was still the only place to get a good steak.
Woody Allen
Posted by Phil on May 6, 2002, at 6:21:23
In reply to Why am I so alone?, posted by Katt on May 5, 2002, at 17:15:03
Posted by Katt on May 6, 2002, at 12:51:50
In reply to Katt}}What's up..you okay? (nm), posted by Phil on May 6, 2002, at 6:21:23
Someone from the board was so kind as to chat with me and really, I mean REALLY help me out last night. Thanks to that person -- you know who you are.
Posted by Lou Pilder on May 6, 2002, at 13:00:34
In reply to Better today, posted by Katt on May 6, 2002, at 12:51:50
Katt;
I saw your post and I am glad that you are better today. I would like you to put me on your support list and you can email me at any time. I once was in the same situation as you and was cast down in suicidal dispair. But I was lifted up and now I want to help others overcome depression .
Lou
Posted by shar on May 6, 2002, at 14:02:28
In reply to Re: Better today » Katt, posted by Lou Pilder on May 6, 2002, at 13:00:34
Katt,
I believe that suicide should have some absolute boundaries that are never violated, no matter how badly one feels.1. No suicide if there are kids at home (you still need to raise them) or kids still getting on their feet.
2. No suicide unless you are 50.
3. No suicide in the moment of depressive despair.
IMO, the act of suicide, like revenge, is a dish best served up cold. When one is out of the black pit and more lucid, that is the time to ponder the act. It may be that pondering leads to the same conclusion, but it will be grounded in something other than despair.
If you have kids to raise, or kids that still are getting on their feet, can't do it. They need you in a special way that they need nobody else. Only you can be their mom. If your kids are settled in and doing well on their own, then I think it is ok to start pondering.
I think there should be a mark in life when one can say "enough." To me, that mark is 50 years, and I think it should be 50 for everyone. A half century. By that time, one should have a pretty good idea whether or not 50 years is enough.
So, until you meet all 3 conditions, you should agree to not commit suicide. You can always think about it all you want, talk about it here all you want. The difference is in doing vs. not doing.
This is not Pollyanna talking here. I know how horrible it feels. But, suicide should not be undertaken without serious thought and due consideration to minimize its impact on others. There are lots of decisions to be made, and careful planning involved.
Hang in there. I'm so glad you went to chat.
Shar
Posted by Phil on May 6, 2002, at 17:43:36
In reply to Boundaries---Katt, posted by shar on May 6, 2002, at 14:02:28
This is the end of the thread.
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