Posted by Katt on May 5, 2002, at 17:15:03
I live alone in a tiny studio apartment. The walls keep moving closer and closer.
I call people and leave them messages...they don't call me back. I have someone that I thought was my closest friend. But I'm not his.
No therapist, no doctor. When I do have one, he usually becomes angry at my incessant need to pick up the phone and call him.
I have tried making friends, but something isn't working. Females, who later became friends, would say the weirdest things to me. One girl (who started to call herself my best friend) told me that when she first met me at work, she hated me. I was shocked. Why, I asked. She said it was because she was jealous that many of the guys in our office would cluster around my desk. She said it made her hate me even more because I was oblivious to their advances. So, she later decided that I was too selfish to be her friend and terminated our relationship about a year ago.
I thought I had a friend in this guy. Turned out he was super nice to me just because he wanted more. But there was nothing to him. In my eyes, he was a friend. After I told him that there couldn't be more, I got the cold shoulder. I mean, I used to work with him. I didn't really understand the attention he was giving me.
I have a family. Sometimes my mom calls to check up on me. I don't know what to do though. I have never told her about my plans, but I think she has an idea. She knows I am not doing well. But I think she ignores my nearing end.
Honestly, someone help me. I am very suicidal and I need help. I am not sure I can make it through the night. Help me, please.
poster:Katt
thread:23139
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020430/msgs/23139.html