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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by coral on November 4, 2000, at 17:56:26
In reply to Re: Request of Messiah Racer » coral, posted by Greg on November 4, 2000, at 16:59:24
Dear Greg,
Oh, you are sooooo right! Truly, I have laughed out loud as Lumptonia has come to fruition and now may be in jeopardy of losing my citizenship!
Now, a confession . . . at this moment, the feline is wrapped up in my fake-fur throw with HIS head on my sacred pillow!
But, I look to our Messiah, Racer, and think of the crysallis shakin' and shimmerin' and believe that the message of hope is is the fuel for the hearts of all Lumptonians!
Soon, we may need another Couch Person Extraordinare! But, it's a biiiiiig couch!
Coral
Posted by B Day on November 4, 2000, at 20:22:51
In reply to Re:One More Question... » B Day, posted by Greg on November 4, 2000, at 16:58:13
> If you have a super hero in Lumptonia, is the only way to harm him/her by using Lumtonite?
>The Havenmaster's intellectual curiosity gives the Ambassador headaches. It makes one wonder if the Havenmaster was the recipient of the secret message contained in the strange words sent by Emmanuella!?!!
Per chance, is the Havenmaster French???
> Thank you for making sure that I remain socially correct.
>
> The Havenmaster
>You are welcome. Cloud of suspicion aside, the Havenmaster's otherwise seemingly good intentions toward the Lumptonian people is much appreciated.
At your service,
B, Lumptonian Ambassador
Posted by S. Howard on November 4, 2000, at 20:27:27
In reply to Re: Request of Messiah Racer, posted by coral on November 4, 2000, at 17:56:26
I have a few more suggestions for Lumptonia. First, the national flag should be made of flannel. It can be plaid or have penguins, whatever, as long as it's big and soft and smells like Downey.
Second, the national mascot should be Jabba the Hut. Also, the national sport should be a)operating the remote or b)sorting our medication into those little pill organizers.
I wanted to pass along a couple of survival hints to fellow Lumptonians and maybe get hints in return. If there's no other chocolate in the house, you can eat Nestle's Quik out of the can, but don't breathe in when you do.
Finally, if it's getting near time for your SO to return from work and the house looks like hell because you haven't moved all day, just start up the dryer so it appears you are at least doing laundry. This always makes me feel better.-SGH
Posted by B Day on November 4, 2000, at 21:12:19
In reply to Re: Request of Messiah Racer, posted by coral on November 4, 2000, at 16:32:40
> Now, now, Mr. Ambassador,
>
> "So many are coming together from far and wide to jointly embrace their lumpistic heritage. As near as I can tell so far, aside from myself, they are all females. The ambassador finds this MOST agreeable!"
>
> Do I sense an impending trip to Hypomania? This supposition is based solely on your earlier stated plans for when you do visit Hypomania. < VEG > LOL
>Ahh-h! I see my excellent assistant is as perceptive as ever (which sounds better than I'm as transparent to women as usual). Coincidentally, I did think of suggesting we all fly there together sometime but decided the notion a bit bold and premature (which sounds better than I didn't figure I'd get away with it). Nevertheless, I'm sure each of you could make significant contributions to my to endeavors in Hypomania and they would be MUCH appreciated by the Ambassador.
> Greg raised an interesting question re: lumpism, does it mean to take one's lumps or just be a lump? I'm stumped by this lump question - does one have to have had a bump to be a lump or just feel like a stump to be a lump? We're all agreed (I think) that all lumps are in the slumps, and we know that a lump goes bump in the night. So, I'm sitting on my rump, looking around the dump, and shall climb back into my clump! This is one for the Messiah Racer to answer!
>Yes, my head is still throbbing from the Havenmaster's philosophical inquiries. Yet, we could use such a man provided he's lumpistic of heart and not a spy or saboteur of the French.
> Like you, I am awed by the regal citizenry of Lumptonia and proud to be a member!
>
> CPE (Couch Person Extraordinare)Indeed CPE, the face of Fortune seems to be smiling on us. The hand of Destiny seems to be clearing our path. The finger of Fate, well...it's still the middle one, but two out of three ain't bad.
B
Posted by B Day on November 4, 2000, at 21:39:19
In reply to Another citizen straggles in, posted by S. Howard on November 4, 2000, at 20:27:27
> I have a few more suggestions for Lumptonia. First, the national flag should be made of flannel. It can be plaid or have penguins, whatever, as long as it's big and soft and smells like Downey.
>Another excellent suggestion!
> Second, the national mascot should be Jabba the Hut.
>...sort of a physical embodiment of the Lumptonian mind you mean, hmmmm? I was thinking of the Pope also. He wears nothin' but the finest quilts and nightcaps and he's got people carryin' him all over the place. The man's got style.
> Also, the national sport should be a)operating the remote or b)sorting our medication into those little pill organizers.
>I hope someone is writing all of this down!
> I wanted to pass along a couple of survival hints to fellow Lumptonians and maybe get hints in return. If there's no other chocolate in the house, you can eat Nestle's Quik out of the can, but don't breathe in when you do.
>You young little lumplings out there listen up! You could learn a thing or two from S here.
> Finally, if it's getting near time for your SO to return from work and the house looks like hell because you haven't moved all day, just start up the dryer so it appears you are at least doing laundry. This always makes me feel better.-SGH
>Now this is a shining example of just exactly the kind of practical, real-world tips all of us Lumptonians can use everyday.
Welcome to Lumptonia S. Howard and thank you for your input.
Ambassador B
Posted by Emmanuela on November 4, 2000, at 23:12:53
In reply to Re: Another citizen straggles in » S. Howard, posted by B Day on November 4, 2000, at 21:39:19
Mais oui, mais non? The shameful thoughts (a sign of a true Lumptonian) re: Spy was in fact a misnomer - the actual quote was given in response to a bleary, uninterested query, to wit: 'What's that?'. The answer was, and this is where the misinformation was slowly buzzed about, "S'pie", referring of course to something round with pecans and brown sugar throughout and on it. I mean, maintenant, does Emmanuela even sound like a French name? French toast does, as does fry and poodle, and even French kissing, but who can even be bothered with thinking about that, let alone actually engage one's tongue in any activity other than muttering, schlurping, or making unintelligible sounds while crying. And any rumour (note the British spelling?) that non-French Emmanuela was just this morning smiling and breathing deeply during a morning walk with a non-French dog, thinking happy, secure, sweet thoughts...may or may not, or as I'm fond of saying, mais non, be a True Rumour. And in response to the non-response of the thought-provoking sentence completion, here is a hint: One of the missing words is 'it'. Along with the triple creme brie studded with garlic, may I respectfully propose H.Dazs' 'Dulce con Leche'.
My chapeaux is off to the New Kingdom.
Posted by B Day on November 5, 2000, at 0:23:50
In reply to French Toast, coated, nay coded, posted by Emmanuela on November 4, 2000, at 23:12:53
Dearest Emmanuela,
Whatever the hell it was that you just said, it was spoken like a true Lumptonian!
Forgive me for ever letting so much as the thought of you being a French spy or disloyal to Lumptonia ever cross what's left of my, for lack of a better word, mind. I know you for the lump you are and a fine lump that is! How could I have ever doubted. You are one of us and will always have a place on my couch.
What's left of the Ambassador's fingers must go now. Peace be with you E.
Your friend and servant,
What's left of Ambassador B
Posted by coral on November 5, 2000, at 8:41:44
In reply to Re: French Toast, coated, nay coded » Emmanuela, posted by B Day on November 5, 2000, at 0:23:50
Here I am, lump on the couch, wrapped in my banky, sacred pillow over my head, wearing the official Lumptonian sweats, fleeing through the portal to Lumptonia! Typing is a little bit difficult in this position, but it's important that I report to all faithful Lumptonians!!!! Duty calls! (Gosh, am I in violation of our charter by answering???)
Last night, I slept without Ambien or Librium, in the world of non-Lumptonians. God, is THAT a weird place! NightMares and NightStallions invaded my sleep (NEVER would've happened in Lumptonia!) My WH (Wonderful Husband) came to bed an hour after I'd retired. I DEMANDED to know where he'd been. He CLAIMS to have been watching a late movie, but, as a true Lumptonian, I know better. I just know he unleashed the cellar demons and let them cavort while I was sleeping. And me, without my shield and armor (Ambien and Librium!) Upon arising this morning, I staggered past the many national shrines that dot the homestead, exhausted from my travails in that weird and lurid world, and dove through the portal to Lumptonia. Ahhhh, to be wrapped in the comfort and companionship of other Lumptonians! I shall sneak in quietly, so as not to disturb other Lumptonians, hold tightly to my place on the couch, and when I regain my strength, welcome in other staggering Lumptonians!Your faithful correspondent just returned from the field!
Couch Person Extraordinaire
Posted by noa on November 5, 2000, at 10:27:52
In reply to Re: Another citizen straggles in » S. Howard, posted by B Day on November 4, 2000, at 21:39:19
>If there's no other chocolate in the house, you can eat Nestle's Quik out of the can, but don't breathe in when you do.
Yes, this has been known to happen in my lair, only with General Foods International Coffees chocolate flavors--it serves both purposes--chocolate and coffee without leaving the house even though you are desperate for coffee.
Posted by noa on November 5, 2000, at 10:53:40
In reply to Re: Hasty Retreat to Lumptonia, posted by coral on November 5, 2000, at 8:41:44
Diversity having been mentioned by Mr. Ambassador, let me confide to my compatriots that I am, alas, only half Lump, on my father's side. But, fear not, my lineage on my mother's side is from a close ally. Yes, that's right. I am a Blob on my mother's side.
Blobs share many of our treasured traits, though, perhaps blobism is a tad more portable out into the world beyond the cave/lair/couch. I believe it is the blob in me that spaces out in front of the computer screen, playing endless hours of minesweeper, solitaire, etc. And, perhaps it is the blob that manages to get out to buy a cup of coffee, but in traditional dress, of course, which can consist of any combination of the following: reworn socks; underwear hastily washed before bed in the sink, and dried on the bathroom radiator in winter or, if the heat is off, with a hairdryer upon rising in the morning; wilted slacks and shirt, not quite "dirty" but certainly not fresh, and, preferably, rather wrinkled from being stored haphazardly on the floor in an amorphous mound of mixed clean and dirty clothing, and preferable only minimally coordinated. Hair, of course, is either wet or unwashed as there is no way that one can dry both one's underwear and one's hair, and if one does not have to dry one's underwear because the radiator is warm, one is certainly not going to make the effort to dry one's hair if one doesn't have to. Blobs also have the characteristic automobile decor: ever-present mound of stuff and trash on the passenger side floor and seat.
One of the hallmarks of blob behavior surrounds the commute home from work. First, there is the question: do I have anything to eat at home? Next comes the inner battle--I can't stop off to get something, no way, vs. but there is nothing to eat, you have to stop off to get something. This is followed by the bargaining stage, which entails desparate attempts to concoct a solution to the conflict. The result can be the decision to order pizza, combined with a plan to dip into the can of Nestle powder, or can result in one stop to the smallest, least busy food store en route, but when this happens, there must be a fair amount of "psyching up" in order to actually get out of the car. A similar process happens when there are no paper products of any kind in the home, and toilet paper must be sought out. Such scenarios become much more complicated when the "Low Fuel" light on the dashboard has been lit for more than 4 days. Often, this situation results in a stop to the gas station/mini-mart where one purchases potato chips and candy for dinner while refueling.
However, even if there is a stop on the way, there is usually the required slow-motion attempt to get oneself out of the driver's seat, accompanied by Ritual of the Sighs, of course.
But, finally, when I arrive home, I am able to express the lump side of me once again, and I am drawn like a magnet to that well-worn spot on the couch (the other spots on the couch are full of junk anyway). To arrive at this spot, I have to wind my way through the characteristic obstacle course of stuff-dropped-wherever-I-was-standing that covers most of the floor between the door and the couch.
Posted by B Day on November 5, 2000, at 10:59:34
In reply to Re: Hasty Retreat to Lumptonia, posted by coral on November 5, 2000, at 8:41:44
CPE,
I was sorry to hear of your troubling dreams. Those can be quite debilitating, especially when experienced in THAT foreign land.
You've chosen a fine day to make a lump though. Remember, it was on this day that our Lord made a Great Lump after having created us. I suspect She had nightmares as well.
You honor Her today and once again provide a sterling example for Lumptonians everywhere.
B
Posted by B Day on November 5, 2000, at 11:08:03
In reply to Re: My Diverse Heritage, posted by noa on November 5, 2000, at 10:53:40
Noa,
You once again show us there's no end to Lumptonian ingenuity!
I would also like extend Greetings to our Blob cousins out there.
Mr. B, A Of L
Posted by coral on November 5, 2000, at 11:14:41
In reply to Re: My Diverse Heritage, posted by noa on November 5, 2000, at 10:53:40
Dear Noa,
You're a truly fine example of exquisite breeding; lumpism and blobism. You've clearly drawn the best on both sides.
Your helpful survival hints are extremely valuable. I've always wondered exactly how many days I could continue with the glow of the "Low Fuel Light" but never got beyond three. I've heard tales that there are some people who routinely go to those very large, chaotic shopping places routinely, purchasing a week's supply of food at one time. Obviously, if such people do exist, they're Martha Stewart (the arch enemy of Lumptonia and Blobsville) clones.
Posted by coral on November 5, 2000, at 11:27:18
In reply to Re: Hasty Retreat to Lumptonia » coral, posted by B Day on November 5, 2000, at 10:59:34
Mr. Ambassador,
Be assured that I shall honor our Lordess in the finest Lumptonian fashion today!
My WH is showing promising signs of Lumpism . . . his plan today is lump in his lounge chair (not quite a couch, but it's a start) and stare at some televised sporting event involving men in well-padded uniforms intentionally crashing into one another. He claims he needs extra rest today because his sleep was disrupted by my tossing, turning, moaning and other vocalizations. Imagine that!!!!
Now, with my waning strength, I reach for the chocolate, sigh and withdraw into my banky!
CPE! Sterling, no less! :)
Posted by Greg on November 6, 2000, at 7:57:49
In reply to Re:One More Question... » Greg, posted by B Day on November 4, 2000, at 20:22:51
Ambassador B,
Please allow me to alie any suspicions and rest any fears you may have. The Havenmaster only wishes to broaden his horizons by educating himself on the culture of Lumptonia. Some of your members are also Havenites.
Haven is a safe place where people go to speak their minds without fear of recrimination, to be silly, to be serious, to be. The only requirement being mutual respect. A mystical place indeed.
While we don't lump per se, at Haven, but we have been known laze lackidaisically for hours on end...
Please accept my invitation to join us if you like. The gateway can be found at:
www.egroups.com/group/asafehaven
I will see that your membership is approved post haste.
My best wishes go out to all the people of Lumptonia as well as my hopes that you all live in peace and harmony!
With respect and admiration,
The HavenmasterEtre bien!
> The Havenmaster's intellectual curiosity gives the Ambassador headaches. It makes one wonder if the Havenmaster was the recipient of the secret message contained in the strange words sent by Emmanuella!?!!
>
> Per chance, is the Havenmaster French???> You are welcome. Cloud of suspicion aside, the Havenmaster's otherwise seemingly good intentions toward the Lumptonian people is much appreciated.
>
> At your service,
>
> B, Lumptonian Ambassador
Posted by noa on November 6, 2000, at 8:21:20
In reply to Re: Chocolate Survival Strategy, posted by noa on November 5, 2000, at 10:27:52
> >If there's no other chocolate in the house, you can eat Nestle's Quik out of the can, but don't breathe in when you do.
I also meant to say that this one made me really laugh out loud!
Posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 9:40:03
In reply to Re:Lumpites, One and All, posted by Greg on November 4, 2000, at 14:21:54
Nay, kind sir. We take not lumps, except to the extent that we take them in and become better lumpites! Join us, join us, thy place is here, among your friends.
P.S. Ambassador: Do we have to quit our jobs to become citizens. I hate to rat on Greg, but he does go to work everyday, and I don't know if he can truly be 100% lump. 8-)
Shar
> To the Lumpites,
>
> I just finished reading all the posts here and find myself with only one question...
>
> To be considered a lump, must one be willing to take their lumps or merely admit to being one?
>
> I think I'll return to my Haven and ponder this for awhile... :^)
Posted by Greg on November 6, 2000, at 9:53:27
In reply to Beware! A dissident questions our ways!, posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 9:40:03
> I hate to rat on Greg, but he does go to work everyday, and I don't know if he can truly be 100% lump.
Obviously, most lovely Shar, thou hath not seen me at my computer.....
Posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 10:12:41
In reply to Re: My Diverse Heritage, posted by noa on November 5, 2000, at 10:53:40
A ritual has been disclosed, that predates this order of Lumptonians: The Ritual of the Sighs. It is a secret and esoteric initiative rite, that occurs during one's first experience with Lumpism and it may not be remembered because the Ancients make it so during what is similar to a dream state or a trance.
It is almost like a secret handshake, a way of identifying fellow Lumps (or Blob-Lumps) in the external world. The Sighs may also be accompanied by the Law of Slow Motion, during which no Lump or Blob can move at a "normal" pace. For example, once the car door is open and the feet on the ground to get out, there is usually a pause while the Lumpite slumps slightly for a few seconds. Then the rest of the exit can take place.
Sighs can also take the form of "whew" which is a longer exhalation of breath that may sound like "sshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhewww."
While the initiation can be found in sacred texts, the sacred texts can't be found (although the curator of the Lumptonian Hysterical Society is sure they are there somewhere).
This is an important Revelation and should be recorded in the current documentation of Lumptonia.
Posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 10:19:53
In reply to Re: Beware! A dissident questions... Nay say I! » shar, posted by Greg on November 6, 2000, at 9:53:27
Greg,
I bow to your thorough understanding of Lumpism, and how you have managed to incorporate it into every facet of your life.You are a Master Lump, and I lower my head...oh, I dozed off there for a moment...in abject apology for my hasty accusation.
Thou art a Welcome citizen to Lumptonia with much to teach us.
S
Posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 10:23:13
In reply to Re: You need not worry... » B Day, posted by Greg on November 6, 2000, at 7:57:49
I have heard both pronunciations, the latter by a person who, in a burst of energy, was funny. I believe I prefer the latter, but will use either.
Posted by coral on November 6, 2000, at 10:23:42
In reply to Revelation: Ritual of the Sighs and Whews, posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 10:12:41
Dear Shar,
On behalf of the Ambassador (who is apparently lumping at the moment), all other Lumptonians, and myself, I heartily congratulate you and thank you deeply for volunteering as our Historical Curator.
As you have so adeptly pointed out, the sacred texts are sacred and a special rapport with the Ancients which you have so marvelously exhibited is crucial to the accuracy of maintaining the sacredness of our sacred texts. So many of our new citizens wouldn't have grasped the sacred importance of the Siiiiiiiighhhhhhhhh.... without your wonderful guidance!
Lifting my head from the sacred pillow, and peeking out from the sacred banky, I salute you!
CPE (now in sterling)
Posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 10:29:45
In reply to Re: My Diverse Heritage, posted by coral on November 5, 2000, at 11:14:41
I confess. I have shopped. At the supermarket. It was an aberration, and all I bought was canned food, chocolate, Top Ramen, Milk (for coffee), and (please forgive me) soap. The canned goods are a good investment, because they last a very long time, and if you buy enough, you needn't shop for weeks and weeks. Top Ramen seems to last forever too. Oh, and peanut butter which is very versatile. I give my dogs their pills in peanut butter, plus I can eat it right out of the jar.
When I am in a cooking mood (usually very near to starvation) I can open a can of soup or do Top Ramen.
I hope I can be forgiven for this lapse.
S
S
> Dear Noa,
>
> You're a truly fine example of exquisite breeding; lumpism and blobism. You've clearly drawn the best on both sides.
>
> Your helpful survival hints are extremely valuable. I've always wondered exactly how many days I could continue with the glow of the "Low Fuel Light" but never got beyond three. I've heard tales that there are some people who routinely go to those very large, chaotic shopping places routinely, purchasing a week's supply of food at one time. Obviously, if such people do exist, they're Martha Stewart (the arch enemy of Lumptonia and Blobsville) clones.
Posted by noa on November 6, 2000, at 10:30:13
In reply to Re: Historical Curator -Shar!!!!, posted by coral on November 6, 2000, at 10:23:42
It occurred to me this morning that we are witnessing the development of a sacred national literature, and that through the process of commenting upon comments, it is taking on the characteristics of a collective text, where it is hard to tell the original sources, much like the Hebraic Bible's J, P, E, and D, or like the Talmud's commentary upon commentary. Perhaps for Lumpism it is B, C, G, N, S, SH, and E (I hope I have not left out any of the traditional text sources).
Posted by shar on November 6, 2000, at 10:43:50
In reply to Re: Historical Curator -Shar!!!!, posted by noa on November 6, 2000, at 10:30:13
>Perhaps for Lumpism it is B, C, G, N, S, SH, and E (I hope I have not left out any of the traditional text sources).
Ow. That made my head hurt. I must nap now, after my nap I will reread it. The B, C, etc. are initials of the contributors?
Shall we call the texts the Lump-Blob Scrolls (Blump Scrolls, Lumbob Scrolls)? (They must remain secret, lest a normal find one.) I believe that Noa's diverse heritage can be seen in other Lumptonians as well, and would it be OK to include both cultures in the sacred texts? It seems that one is more "at home" (Lump) and the other "external to home" (Blob) which information would be a goddess-send to many of us who haven't made it to full-fledged Blobism yet.
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