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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TherapyGirl on December 19, 2009, at 19:32:03
So, we had a relatively good session last week. I pointed out to her that the times she has been the most unconnected to me are the weeks right after she's spent a week in her "new home" with her family and that I thought she was having more trouble transitioning back to work than she realized. She actually hadn't thought of that, but said it made sense to her. She also admitted that she hasn't been at the top of her game for a long time now. We talked about her being human, about the times that I'm able to hold the connection to her in between sessions and when I'm not. I explained (again) that when she disconnects from me, my brain goes all the way down the, "You imagined this whole relationship; she doesn't really care about you; she wishes she were already retired; you're stupid, stupid, stupid." She wasn't surprised, but she gave me quite the statement to try to hang on to the next time that starts.
She also talked about the many, many times this year that I've said I didn't want to leave mad. She said she could see how hard I've worked on that, but she wants me to be prepared to be angry at her at the very end (I think after she leaves). She said that was part of the grieving process and that it would be different from me leaving mad.
She asked me again what I wanted to do the final two weeks. I've thought and thought about it. If it were warmer and not dark and we could meet in a park or something, I'd do that for the final week. But it's not and we can't and I just can't put myself in a restaurant for that final session. I have no idea what I'll do and if I guess wrong, I'm going to be humiliated. So we are going out to eat next week and the final session will be back in her office.
The photo album is ready and I have a card for her, but haven't written anything on it yet. I'm having a hard time thinking of things to say. She has my camera and is working on a video for me.
I hope I can stand it.
Posted by workinprogress on December 20, 2009, at 2:07:05
In reply to The plan -- final 2 weeks **may be Trigger**, posted by TherapyGirl on December 19, 2009, at 19:32:03
TG-
It sounds like you two are really trying to give each other some space to be human in a really hard situation. Not ignoring places where you are disappointed (bringing up the connection between disconnection and the new place), but just recognizing that there's no guidebook here and this is HARD stuff. You're both learning. And you're both experiencing a LOT of emotions. I think she was right to say that about the anger. My T reminded me the other day that you can simultaneously love someone AND be angry at them.
And it sounds like you're figuring out what you think will be best. It probably won't be perfect, but it's what feels right to you.
Given all the struggles, from this end it sounds like you two have turned it around quite a bit. I know she's let you down a lot. But I can't help but note that it seems to me that you, like Dinah, do have a lot of trust in your T too (sure she's tested it lately and fallen down and maybe it's less than it used to be- but it still exists even after all that because of the work you've done prior). I could be wrong, but I sense that in your post. And I certainly sense a lot of mutual love, struggle, and humanity.
Hang in there TG, you will get through it. It'll hurt (and does) but you'll make it.
xo
WIP
Posted by TherapyGirl on December 22, 2009, at 21:00:50
In reply to Re: The plan -- final 2 weeks **may be Trigger** » TherapyGirl, posted by workinprogress on December 20, 2009, at 2:07:05
Thank you so much, WIP. It is sometimes hard for me to respond to these threads right away because frankly I'm just in so much pain so much of the time these days. But your support helps and I appreciate it.
This quote is particularly helpful for me to hang on to: **And I certainly sense a lot of mutual love, struggle, and humanity.**
Thank you for that. You are right and I need to keep remembering.
Posted by TherapyGirl on December 22, 2009, at 21:05:56
In reply to The plan -- final 2 weeks **may be Trigger**, posted by TherapyGirl on December 19, 2009, at 19:32:03
We had dinner together tonight. She paid for dinner, I paid for my session. It was okay -- parts of it were enjoyable. I wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought I'd be. We've eaten out together before, but it was during my break, so we haven't eaten out together at the same time that I've been in therapy with her. Although I guess I'm really not anymore.
I think she would prefer to end it this way -- she commented several times on how much she enjoyed having dinner together. But I can't do that next week. I just don't have enough faith in myself to not completely lose it.
She's done the video and she wanted me to check it to make sure it was okay so she could do it over if necessary. (She recorded it on my camera.) But I can't watch it. I watched 2 seconds to make sure the sound was okay because she was worried about it. But otherwise I have to save it for when it's really bad. You know?
It's the little things that trip me up. Like tonight, in general I was fine all during the meal. But when we hugged each other goodbye, I wished her a Merry Christmas and told her I'd see her next week. And there were the tears. I managed to keep it in check, but it was like a knife through my heart as I realized that I will never be able to say that to her face again -- see you next week. Never.
Posted by Dinah on December 22, 2009, at 22:15:40
In reply to Re: The plan -- final week **may be Trigger**, posted by TherapyGirl on December 22, 2009, at 21:05:56
((((((((((Therapygirl))))))))))
I wish there was something I could do.
Posted by muffled on December 22, 2009, at 22:43:48
In reply to Re: The plan -- final week **may be Trigger**, posted by TherapyGirl on December 22, 2009, at 21:05:56
> We had dinner together tonight. She paid for dinner, I paid for my session. It was okay -- parts of it were enjoyable. I wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought I'd be. We've eaten out together before, but it was during my break, so we haven't eaten out together at the same time that I've been in therapy with her. Although I guess I'm really not anymore.
*Just saw this. Thats cool you could have dinner and it went OK.
Yeah....guess you not really in T w/her no more....:(
BUT she still gonna be out there, just not as your T is all.
> I think she would prefer to end it this way -- she commented several times on how much she enjoyed having dinner together. But I can't do that next week. I just don't have enough faith in myself to not completely lose it.*I think this has all been hard on her too...obvo she cares about you.
Maybe try and remember she not "G O N E ' in that way. Its more of a change, and thats hard, but OK.
> She's done the video and she wanted me to check it to make sure it was okay so she could do it over if necessary. (She recorded it on my camera.) But I can't watch it. I watched 2 seconds to make sure the sound was okay because she was worried about it. But otherwise I have to save it for when it's really bad. You know?*wow, thats cool she did a video! Yeah, I'd be WAY freaked to look at it.
MJebbe watch a teeny bit, here and there. In small bits and then it be OK.
> It's the little things that trip me up. Like tonight, in general I was fine all during the meal. But when we hugged each other goodbye, I wished her a Merry Christmas and told her I'd see her next week. And there were the tears. I managed to keep it in check, but it was like a knife through my heart as I realized that I will never be able to say that to her face again -- see you next week. Never.*I thot you guys were gonna keep in touch a bit?
No, you will no longer be in therapy, and thats hard, been a long time.
Yes it is hard, hurts and makes the head crazy.
But you can ride it out and it will be OK again.
People survive stuff like this, they do.
Not easy, but better times be ahead for sure.
I hope you can try and not torture yourself too much.
I used to do that alot. Don't so much now. I try and work really hard to find some good thing in each situation.
Like, its good you can still contact T.
Its good you had her for this long.
Its good in a way that this torture of 'waiting' for T to be finished is over.
Its good to have the tape.
Its good to have the good memories of T.
In some twisted way, its even kinda good that the ending was so screwed up, cuz proly thats a sign of how much T does care(note the present tense...) cuz it obvo was real hard for her too.
Its good that you guys both were able to pull it together enuf not to part on rageful terms.
Its good you got your special kid.
Its good you got your special dog.
There is good.
CLING to the good.
The good is like a liferaft.
Sorry I ramble and lecture.
Really, I am proud of how well you are doing, you done good.
And y'know, blubbering and crying even in public is not so weird a thing to do. Lots people do that.
Mebbe you should have last official T session in airport/train lounge area, then people not even blink at you crying...
Crying is OK. You honor T w/your tears.
Tears of honor and caring.
You gots major guts girl.
I'da proly slunk off like the mangy cur I am...
Take care,
Its gonna be OK.
Muffled
Posted by rnny on December 22, 2009, at 23:25:54
In reply to Re: The plan -- final week **may be Trigger**, posted by TherapyGirl on December 22, 2009, at 21:05:56
For me saying goodbye to my T was like losing a lover.
Posted by TherapyGirl on December 27, 2009, at 19:38:52
In reply to Re: The plan -- final week **may be Trigger**, posted by rnny on December 22, 2009, at 23:25:54
Thanks to all of you who have been such a support to me over this past year especially. This has been one of my hardest years ever and I don't know what I would have done without Babble.
Dinah, Muffled and all the other "old-timers": thank you for your patience, your advice, and your "kicks in the butt" when needed. You are all truly a gift.
Rnny and the other newbies: I know you're coming into this late and it's probably hard to figure out the back story, but I so appreciate your support and your willingness to give it.
I don't know how Wednesday will go -- I'm hoping I get through it. I am taking in a new foster Beagle tomorrow afternoon, so I'll have plenty of distraction if I need it. Dogs make everything better, right?
(((((((((Babblers)))))))))))
Posted by muffled on December 27, 2009, at 21:36:54
In reply to Re: The plan -- final week **may be Trigger**, posted by TherapyGirl on December 27, 2009, at 19:38:52
(((((((((((TG)))))))))))))
Yeah, dogs DO make it LOTS better for sure.
((((((((dogs))))))))
Good luck on Wed....
But remember its not an end, it more like a change...
If you start a new thread can you post to this one so I can know?
Thx
M
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