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Re: The plan -- final week **may be Trigger** » TherapyGirl

Posted by muffled on December 22, 2009, at 22:43:48

In reply to Re: The plan -- final week **may be Trigger**, posted by TherapyGirl on December 22, 2009, at 21:05:56

> We had dinner together tonight. She paid for dinner, I paid for my session. It was okay -- parts of it were enjoyable. I wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought I'd be. We've eaten out together before, but it was during my break, so we haven't eaten out together at the same time that I've been in therapy with her. Although I guess I'm really not anymore.

*Just saw this. Thats cool you could have dinner and it went OK.
Yeah....guess you not really in T w/her no more....:(
BUT she still gonna be out there, just not as your T is all.

> I think she would prefer to end it this way -- she commented several times on how much she enjoyed having dinner together. But I can't do that next week. I just don't have enough faith in myself to not completely lose it.

*I think this has all been hard on her too...obvo she cares about you.
Maybe try and remember she not "G O N E ' in that way. Its more of a change, and thats hard, but OK.

> She's done the video and she wanted me to check it to make sure it was okay so she could do it over if necessary. (She recorded it on my camera.) But I can't watch it. I watched 2 seconds to make sure the sound was okay because she was worried about it. But otherwise I have to save it for when it's really bad. You know?

*wow, thats cool she did a video! Yeah, I'd be WAY freaked to look at it.
MJebbe watch a teeny bit, here and there. In small bits and then it be OK.

> It's the little things that trip me up. Like tonight, in general I was fine all during the meal. But when we hugged each other goodbye, I wished her a Merry Christmas and told her I'd see her next week. And there were the tears. I managed to keep it in check, but it was like a knife through my heart as I realized that I will never be able to say that to her face again -- see you next week. Never.

*I thot you guys were gonna keep in touch a bit?
No, you will no longer be in therapy, and thats hard, been a long time.
Yes it is hard, hurts and makes the head crazy.
But you can ride it out and it will be OK again.
People survive stuff like this, they do.
Not easy, but better times be ahead for sure.
I hope you can try and not torture yourself too much.
I used to do that alot. Don't so much now. I try and work really hard to find some good thing in each situation.
Like, its good you can still contact T.
Its good you had her for this long.
Its good in a way that this torture of 'waiting' for T to be finished is over.
Its good to have the tape.
Its good to have the good memories of T.
In some twisted way, its even kinda good that the ending was so screwed up, cuz proly thats a sign of how much T does care(note the present tense...) cuz it obvo was real hard for her too.
Its good that you guys both were able to pull it together enuf not to part on rageful terms.
Its good you got your special kid.
Its good you got your special dog.
There is good.
CLING to the good.
The good is like a liferaft.
Sorry I ramble and lecture.
Really, I am proud of how well you are doing, you done good.
And y'know, blubbering and crying even in public is not so weird a thing to do. Lots people do that.
Mebbe you should have last official T session in airport/train lounge area, then people not even blink at you crying...
Crying is OK. You honor T w/your tears.
Tears of honor and caring.
You gots major guts girl.
I'da proly slunk off like the mangy cur I am...
Take care,
Its gonna be OK.
Muffled

 

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