Posted by TherapyGirl on December 22, 2009, at 21:05:56
In reply to The plan -- final 2 weeks **may be Trigger**, posted by TherapyGirl on December 19, 2009, at 19:32:03
We had dinner together tonight. She paid for dinner, I paid for my session. It was okay -- parts of it were enjoyable. I wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought I'd be. We've eaten out together before, but it was during my break, so we haven't eaten out together at the same time that I've been in therapy with her. Although I guess I'm really not anymore.
I think she would prefer to end it this way -- she commented several times on how much she enjoyed having dinner together. But I can't do that next week. I just don't have enough faith in myself to not completely lose it.
She's done the video and she wanted me to check it to make sure it was okay so she could do it over if necessary. (She recorded it on my camera.) But I can't watch it. I watched 2 seconds to make sure the sound was okay because she was worried about it. But otherwise I have to save it for when it's really bad. You know?
It's the little things that trip me up. Like tonight, in general I was fine all during the meal. But when we hugged each other goodbye, I wished her a Merry Christmas and told her I'd see her next week. And there were the tears. I managed to keep it in check, but it was like a knife through my heart as I realized that I will never be able to say that to her face again -- see you next week. Never.
poster:TherapyGirl
thread:929947
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/930422.html