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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 9, 2008, at 15:15:02
He did really good. ((((Hubby))))
My T made the analogy that my depression (which is at another peak, still looking for some stability with my meds and trying to do the physical movement stuff when I can - which is not very often) is like someone who is on chemotherapy. He had no idea of the depth of my illness or the pressures that I put on myself to perform, even at home. I'm tortured that my kitchen floor is dirty - he could care less. I pointed out that I've been dressed as a bag lady lately (meaning wearing the same clothes over and over, and unwashed) and haven't been able to get into the shower, feeling like I might be like a chicken who is stupid enough to look up into the rain and drown. He just didn't know, and said he felt bad that he didn't notice.But really, I'm tired of saying how I'm feeling. I guess I thought that wearing the same clothes for 3 days might be a clue... or not having any food in the fridge... but having my T be the messenger made a big difference.
Thank you, pc's T.
He also said that he's OK if I don't get better. That gave me a shock - because I'm totally NOT. My T said that she's never seen anyone work as hard as I am at trying to get better, but really I think because every time I sink into that black bottom place, I think, "I can't go to this place again, I just can't."
And then, there I am again, stuck fast in that black place. So he's OK with it, but I don't what I might do if I thought that I wouldn't eventually feel better again. And that's what pushes me, or pulls me, I don't know right now, forward. It keeps me working towards trying to get out of it, because it feels so horrible to be in this place I am.
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 9, 2008, at 15:16:54
In reply to My DH came to therapy with me today, posted by Partlycloudy on December 9, 2008, at 15:15:02
Posted by muffled on December 9, 2008, at 23:18:35
In reply to My DH came to therapy with me today, posted by Partlycloudy on December 9, 2008, at 15:15:02
Depression so hard.
Ypu gonna come out, you done it B4.
T is good.
You good.
Best wishes.
M
Posted by rskontos on December 9, 2008, at 23:49:57
In reply to My DH came to therapy with me today, posted by Partlycloudy on December 9, 2008, at 15:15:02
PC I had a nice post typed and lost it. I will post more tomorrow my xanax finally kicked in so I am going to bed.
I don' think you need to push yourself. Or feel guilty.
Your dh gave you permission to take all the time you need, and do it the way you need to.
so let it be, and don't sweat how you feel. It is what it is, for now.
rsk
Posted by B2chica on December 10, 2008, at 8:11:00
In reply to My DH came to therapy with me today, posted by Partlycloudy on December 9, 2008, at 15:15:02
(((((((((((((PC)))))))))))
so glad you had a good session with T and hubby.
but sorry you are feeling so bad these days.
do remember what muffled said, you been there before only now you have i think better support from hubby.
take the time you need and be good to yourself.
i know it's difficult, but you are doing good.chin up ok!
b2c.
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 10, 2008, at 9:22:23
In reply to I'm also checking in every day with my T. (nm), posted by Partlycloudy on December 9, 2008, at 15:16:54
I made my morning call to my T, left her a message.
Then I called my pdoc to give him an update. You know, when we stopped the Remeron because the AD properties had stopped, I don't think we had taken into account that it might have been helping with my sleep and anxiety - because both of those have gone right into the toilet. So I left him a message telling him how I'm doing, but I can't really swing an office visit today (I don't think I could drive all that way, my concentration is shot), and my DH is out of town again for a few days. So maybe a phone consult will help me out.
I'm not getting a full night's sleep and I'm waking up with a full blown panic attack - neither of which helps me manage my depression. It's no wonder I can only see the thundercloud that is following me every move that I manage to make. My quality of life is not, er, what I was hoping it would be these days. A disappointment.Today I cleaned a corner of my kitchen.
I really hate being sick.
Posted by Phillipa on December 10, 2008, at 13:28:34
In reply to Re: I'm also checking in every day with my T., posted by Partlycloudy on December 10, 2008, at 9:22:23
Well that's progress. Baby steps. Phillipa
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 10, 2008, at 21:32:21
In reply to My DH came to therapy with me today, posted by Partlycloudy on December 9, 2008, at 15:15:02
hi partly,
I know you're impatient to feel better, but I will echo other smarty posters here and say that you have "permission" from others to take your time. You can think about whether you want to give yourself "permission" too.I heard my formerT make a phone call to a doc to get me an appt. She said that she was working with this (complimentary) young woman, and that she was working "very hard" and bla blah blah...
It felt good that she was able to see my efforts. You have been making really good efforts lately. Panic is terrible, and I hope that your meds stuff sorts itself out quickly. Sounds like a challenge. But I think you do well in challenging situations. Seriously.
okay, now give yourself a pat on the back, and spend LOTs of time in that clean corner on the kitchen floor. You might as well enjoy it? right?
mmmm eating cold pizza off of the corner of the kitchen floor. yumm!
see? yesterday you wouldn't have even considered eating more than a bite or two. now you can finish the whole piece.
:)
-Ll
Posted by Racer on December 13, 2008, at 18:29:10
In reply to My DH came to therapy with me today, posted by Partlycloudy on December 9, 2008, at 15:15:02
Sorry this is so late -- I haven't been reading much lately. (In my own circle of hell, but that's not the point of this post...)
I'm very impressed that your husband went with you, and that he seems to be trying to understand. AND even more impressed that he was sorry he didn't recognize the problem -- trust me, that's super-gigantic-enormous. He's a worthy husband to you, it sounds like.
I had a similar thing with my husband a few years ago -- the "I would have thought you'd notice wearing the same clothes and unshowered for three days" thing. We were talking about that with a counselor -- not our MC, not my T, but someone from That Agency, but this is one of the very few good things I got from that place: the counselor said that really wasn't enough, and had us work out some other sign. We chose moving a decorative object -- we chose one that lives on the television stand, so it would be more likely to be seen. It was a good idea, and I offer it up to you now. Maybe you can benefit from it, too.
And while I know that it's easy to forget the alternate interpretations when you're that depressed, I have to think that he didn't mean it was OK with him for you to stay sick -- I think he meant that he loved you and would stand by you, in sickness. That he didn't want to pressure you to recover, but would be patient while you were in that process.
I'm very sorry that you are in that pit, and wish I could do something to help you. Sending my best wishes to you, and much warmth.
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 13, 2008, at 19:00:22
In reply to Re: My DH came to therapy with me today » Partlycloudy, posted by Racer on December 13, 2008, at 18:29:10
Thanks. This is a difficult time for both of us.
This is the end of the thread.
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