Posted by Partlycloudy on December 9, 2008, at 15:15:02
He did really good. ((((Hubby))))
My T made the analogy that my depression (which is at another peak, still looking for some stability with my meds and trying to do the physical movement stuff when I can - which is not very often) is like someone who is on chemotherapy. He had no idea of the depth of my illness or the pressures that I put on myself to perform, even at home. I'm tortured that my kitchen floor is dirty - he could care less. I pointed out that I've been dressed as a bag lady lately (meaning wearing the same clothes over and over, and unwashed) and haven't been able to get into the shower, feeling like I might be like a chicken who is stupid enough to look up into the rain and drown. He just didn't know, and said he felt bad that he didn't notice.But really, I'm tired of saying how I'm feeling. I guess I thought that wearing the same clothes for 3 days might be a clue... or not having any food in the fridge... but having my T be the messenger made a big difference.
Thank you, pc's T.
He also said that he's OK if I don't get better. That gave me a shock - because I'm totally NOT. My T said that she's never seen anyone work as hard as I am at trying to get better, but really I think because every time I sink into that black bottom place, I think, "I can't go to this place again, I just can't."
And then, there I am again, stuck fast in that black place. So he's OK with it, but I don't what I might do if I thought that I wouldn't eventually feel better again. And that's what pushes me, or pulls me, I don't know right now, forward. It keeps me working towards trying to get out of it, because it feels so horrible to be in this place I am.
poster:Partlycloudy
thread:867746
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/867746.html