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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on October 8, 2007, at 23:16:38
OK OK I can guess.....
But really, y'know , I am doing mostly OK.
Maybe I am using some poor coping mechanisms.....but, hey I coping, I surviving.
Ya, my kids are clean, they fed, they feel loved ,mostly.
So like, say I go back to T? WTF I gonna say?
I sent her some links to a coupla posts, but who cares bout her anyhow? I mean like I care, but like I don't want her to die or nothing. But I don't NEED her. We doing fine, we taking care our ownselves.
(((Benedryl)))(((additives)))
See we do OK.
I just keep thinking, OK, I goto T office, I sit down.....THEN WHAT??? WTF she gonna say? WTF I gonna say??? There;s nuttin TO say.
Mebbe I mad, cuz connection keeps getting broken.
But I GLAD she take care or she no good to noboddy.
Maybe I don't wanto talk hubby stuff.
Maybe everything will be OK.
Yup, I reckon kid is pissed all right.
Why TF we talk to HER? WHO IS SHE? She a person, noboddy magic, nobboddy gonna make it all better.
Now we know what goes on we can watch for each other so there. T just simple, she DON"T EVEN KNOW BOUT HER "OTHERS". Bet she got 'em. I reckon as how ALL do. They just dunno is all.
F*ck*ng T she can be happy and well adjusted.
I just f*ck*ng 'dose' myself into nothingness.
Cept guess someboddy pissed at T.
Noboddy wanna go back really.
I gonna send a e-mail and tell her, cuz I think she 'back' tomorrow, but not back to work till next tues, but she proly gonna check her mail, so if I give notice then its not so bad if I cancel.
And I guess I freakin cuz mebbe she will call tomorrow and I dunno. Mebbe she forget cuz sometimes she does.
And I got nuttin to say nohow.
Ya, I e-mail her.
Mebbe I stupid. But I goto do whats the right thing.
M
Posted by RealMe on October 8, 2007, at 23:45:54
In reply to So...some thots.., posted by muffled on October 8, 2007, at 23:16:38
Guess what muffled, it sounds like your anger with T is exactly what to talk about, and what that anger is about. She needs to know stuff from you like how it hurts to have her not return calls, or to have her not understand about the others. Talk about husband can wait.
RealMe
Posted by Wittgenstein on October 9, 2007, at 3:50:26
In reply to So...some thots.., posted by muffled on October 8, 2007, at 23:16:38
(((Muffled)))
I agree with RealMe. I read your post and sense you are bursting with things to say - why don't you let yourself express that anger to her? You deserve to be heard. She is only human, true, and maybe she has a long way to go before understanding you for all your parts (and second to that, a long way to go before you know she really understands) but you deserve to be understand and she wants to understand and in time she will understand you bit by bit, piece by piece.
I think you care a great deal - why else such anger?
I hope you can share with her some of the feelings you express in your post.
Take care,
Witti
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on October 9, 2007, at 7:01:41
In reply to Re: So...some thots.. » muffled, posted by Wittgenstein on October 9, 2007, at 3:50:26
muff, you're doing the best job you can. I hate to see one of my friends beating herself up :(
You are a very special person. Maybe you need more pdockery to help you through hard times. There is NOTHING wrong with that. pdockery has saved my life a couple times.
Realme and Witt got lots of good stuff to say. I think you should take them to heart. You're a special person around these parts. ALL of you, however whole or fragmented you feel on any given day.
Llurpsie and her hurting self, her confident actress self, her objective nerdy self, and her terrified self.
Posted by JoniS on October 9, 2007, at 8:55:13
In reply to So...some thots.., posted by muffled on October 8, 2007, at 23:16:38
Muff,
I hope today is a better day for you. I hate to see you hurting. Please listen to the input you've gotten above. It comes from people who care very much about you!
You have invested a lot of heart and time into your relationship with your T and she has done the same with you. Make a committment to yourself to stick with it no matter how hard it gets. Why? because you are taking care of yourself, growing thru the difficult times, becoming stronger for your family and yourself.
Be good to yourself!
((((Muff))))
Joni
Posted by Poet on October 9, 2007, at 9:08:59
In reply to So...some thots.., posted by muffled on October 8, 2007, at 23:16:38
Hi Muffled,
When I don't feel like talking, my T always says "it's your session, what do you want to talk about?" So I think if you do go see your T, talk about what you want to, need to and are comfortable saying.
You wrote: why TF we talk to HER? WHO IS SHE? She a person, noboddy magic, nobboddy gonna make it all better.
Now we know what goes on we can watch for each other so there. T just simple, she DON"T EVEN KNOW BOUT HER "OTHERS". Bet she got 'em. I reckon as how ALL do.I think everyone has "others" too. I'd like to see my T get angry. She sits there so calm and laid back. I'd like to see the real T sometime, but that's probably a boundary. I wonder if when she shuts her door behind me if she starts hitting something? I know she doesn't scream, I'd hear it.
Let your T know you're angry, nothing wrong with a session on anger. Maybe throw a pillow at her. Last week I threatened to throw my shoe at her, but she said pillows only. I'd have better aim with something solid, pillows don't have much impact.
Take care of all of your parts.
Poet
Posted by muffled on October 9, 2007, at 12:51:01
In reply to Re: So...some thots.. » muffled, posted by RealMe on October 8, 2007, at 23:45:54
> Guess what muffled, it sounds like your anger with T is exactly what to talk about, and what that anger is about. She needs to know stuff from you like how it hurts to have her not return calls, or to have her not understand about the others. Talk about husband can wait.
>
> RealMe**manoman, I just not communicating very well these days, here or IRL.
So T did call, but I was busy and couldn't answer. She DID say I could call back "if I wanna talk", I dunno, mebbe she was mad I didn't answer, cuz I knew she would call in A.M. sometime, but I was not able to. I HATE the phone, it weirds me out. I get nervous cuz I can't detect anything but voice, so then its all Toughie and I feel like an utter idiot...
Anyhow t is real good bout retuning calls these days. What she has forgotten in the past is to call when I thot she said she would...but she been good last whiles. So longs she writes it down it her book its all good. Compareds to some of the T stuff I read bout here, my T is very reliable. I think alot is I get oversensitive is all.
I think she trying real hard my T is.
I just being chicken.
Ya, spose my ikid is mad some, but truly, she needs to get over it. My T has done nothing wrong, and in fact has gone above and beyond the call of duty w/me. So I have no excuses. Just kid being a kid. But she needs to get the reality and get over it all.
T is not psychodynamic, she primarily CBT trained, and as I recall,mebbe rogerian? or something?
Gonna have to relook at that.
Anyhow, this is long winded.
I just kinda lost I guess...
thanks for listening.
M
Posted by muffled on October 9, 2007, at 13:10:07
In reply to Re: So...some thots.. » muffled, posted by Wittgenstein on October 9, 2007, at 3:50:26
> (((Muffled)))
:-) Thanks
> She is only human, true, and maybe she has a long way to go before understanding you for all your parts (and second to that, a long way to go before you know she really understands) but you deserve to be understand and she wants to understand and in time she will understand you bit by bit, piece by piece.**Yeah, I guess she wants to understand...I guess i just can't begin to fathom why she makes the effort w/me cuz I GOTO be SO annoying. I just can't beleive she not dumped me. And I don't think she gonna allasudden DO that. But part of me DOESN'T GET IT, not at ALL. Its very strange, but I really really really CANNOT understand?
Therapy sucks.
Its great you guys posting to me :-)
>
> I think you care a great deal - why else such anger?*Yeah, I trying like hell NOT to be attached....
> I hope you can share with her some of the feelings you express in your post.**Ya, I not so good at talking, I lazy too, I been just sending her some of my random posts...
> Take care,
> Witti**:-) Ya, you take care too eh!
M
Posted by muffled on October 9, 2007, at 13:11:05
In reply to Re: So...some thots.., posted by LlurpsieNoodle on October 9, 2007, at 7:01:41
Posted by muffled on October 9, 2007, at 13:15:17
In reply to Re: So...some thots.. » muffled, posted by JoniS on October 9, 2007, at 8:55:13
>You have invested a lot of heart and time into your relationship with your T and she has done the same with you. Make a committment to yourself to stick with it no matter how hard it gets. Why? because you are taking care of yourself, growing thru the difficult times, becoming stronger for your family and yourself.
**aaaggghh YOU JONI!!!
You makin WAY too much sense!
"for my family", arrggghhh, thats what I call "pulling the kid card", reminding me, thats its NOT for me, but I GOTO do this so I don't keep f*ck*ng up, and can be a more stable Mom for my kids.....
Ack, ya got me Joni!
Don't mess w/the Jonester eh! ;-)
Thanks, hope you doin OK too.
M
Posted by muffled on October 9, 2007, at 13:23:41
In reply to Re: So...some thots.. » muffled, posted by Poet on October 9, 2007, at 9:08:59
> When I don't feel like talking, my T always says "it's your session, what do you want to talk about?" So I think if you do go see your T, talk about what you want to, need to and are comfortable saying.
*ya, my mind freezes up entirely when I get there mostly. Though my t has consciously and successfully tried to engage the 'scientist' part of me, and that helps...
> I think everyone has "others" too. I'd like to see my T get angry. She sits there so calm and laid back. I'd like to see the real T sometime, but that's probably a boundary. I wonder if when she shuts her door behind me if she starts hitting something? I know she doesn't scream, I'd hear it.*LOL!!! Wouldn't it be SOMEthing?!
Being a T must totally suck at times...
I am SOOOOO glad you think that everybody got others too!!! Its a theory I have...
> Let your T know you're angry, nothing wrong with a session on anger. Maybe throw a pillow at her. Last week I threatened to throw my shoe at her, but she said pillows only. I'd have better aim with something solid, pillows don't have much impact.**LOL, there didn't used to be pillows, but a coupla weeks ago pillows appaeared and I THOT OF YOU!!! I kinda try and stay away from anger. The power of my rage within frightens me...when I was younger I would get frustrated moving irrigation pipes, i'd muster up a rage and lift ASTOUNDING amounts of weight and balance them(3" x 40' pipes with lots of water comming out the ends, heavy and awkward...)In retrospect I have NO IDEA how I was physically able to do it? I'm not very big... But now my body is wrecked from doing stuff like that. Guess it was good getting the rage out, but it wrecked me physically...
> Take care of all of your parts.
**:-) Thanks for that Poet.
You take care too.
M
Posted by Dinah on October 9, 2007, at 13:32:05
In reply to So...some thots.., posted by muffled on October 8, 2007, at 23:16:38
Welllll, I don't like that she goes away so often, and I don't blame you for being angry with that.
But otherwise she seems pretty trustworthy and consistent in caring about you. I think I saw a post from you recently on the positive changes you've seen in yourself since you first started seeing her.
I don't know about you, but often I start to distrust my therapist just when I'm feeling particularly trusting and vulnerable. I guess it's too darn scary. It's less scary to keep some reserve.
As for her not knowing much about parts, I'm not sure that's altogether a bad thing. My therapist had done some work with a clinic that specialized in it long ago, yet he managed to come to me with no preconceptions at all, and we figured out things together. I think that *can* be a good thing, even if it is frustrating. Because they don't have any preconceived idea about what's going on, so can really listen and understand you as an individual. If they have a good understanding of therapy principles in general and are open-minded enough to want to learn together.
Or at least that's my take on it.
Posted by B2chica on October 10, 2007, at 8:10:09
In reply to So...some thots.., posted by muffled on October 8, 2007, at 23:16:38
>>Why TF we talk to HER? WHO IS SHE? She a person, noboddy magic, nobboddy gonna make it all better.
Now we know what goes on we can watch for each other so there.wow, muffled, that is almost Exactly what teen thinks of T! and SHE watches over them, SHE protects them she thinks there's NO WAY anyone else could do half as well....cuz they don't know.
i almost hate to encourage the two but teen wanted to talk to you SO bad yesterday but i didn't post cuz i didn't think it was appropriate, but if you don't mind, i'm gonna say anyway.
i was worried about you cancelling with T and didn't want you to and then teen busted in with a smirk and said "NO WAY muffled, here's what you do...she's stupid and thinks she knows it all so it's simple you go, you go to that T and you PROVE to her she don't know SH@t bout you or any of you! Say things to make her speechless!only she may have said that with a few more explicatives.
still a little fuzzy this morning, i'll write a separate post down below.and muffy (little ones) you NOT stupid!!
b2c
Posted by happyflower on October 10, 2007, at 10:21:25
In reply to So...some thots.., posted by muffled on October 8, 2007, at 23:16:38
Muffy,
I just wanted to say you are okay, I like you, and I like who you are.
Take care of yourself, okay.....((((((muffy)))))))))
Posted by muffled on October 10, 2007, at 11:04:58
In reply to Re: So...some thots.. » muffled, posted by Dinah on October 9, 2007, at 13:32:05
> Welllll, I don't like that she goes away so often, and I don't blame you for being angry with that.
**ya, its does make it hard, but at least she taking care of herself...don't s'pose she thot I'd still be around after all this time. Thats the part thats hard. Lack of continuity makes it hard to keep trust. But then a break now and again i think is good as well. I just think mebbe the timings haven't been so great, but then c'est la vie I suppose.
>
> But otherwise she seems pretty trustworthy and consistent in caring about you. I think I saw a post from you recently on the positive changes you've seen in yourself since you first started seeing her.*yes she is good. And she proly good cuz she takes care of herself and takes breaks! Arrrgghhh!!! ;-)
And yes, I am a long way from where i was a coupla years ago...> I don't know about you, but often I start to distrust my therapist just when I'm feeling particularly trusting and vulnerable. I guess it's too darn scary. It's less scary to keep some reserve.
*yup we get scared, protection sets in, we make fools of ourselves....yup T pretty much sucks all right.
>
> As for her not knowing much about parts, I'm not sure that's altogether a bad thing. My therapist had done some work with a clinic that specialized in it long ago, yet he managed to come to me with no preconceptions at all, and we figured out things together. I think that *can* be a good thing, even if it is frustrating. Because they don't have any preconceived idea about what's going on, so can really listen and understand you as an individual. If they have a good understanding of therapy principles in general and are open-minded enough to want to learn together.**yeah, I agree, its been important to me that nothing is 'put' into my head. That is one thing she is REALLY good at, she is VERY careful not to put words in my mouth, and I like that, I think its very important.
> Or at least that's my take on it.*ya Dinah, you pretty much bang on. My t is good, but she alos human, and sometimes that scares me. Lotsa times I scare myownself.
Funny.....I said on chat last night how I don't feel fear....
Hmmmmm.
Guess I don't fear physical attack from external sources...but other stuff scares me I guess.
LOL, I also thot I wasn't mad at T, but in my post I said 2-3 TIMES that kid was pissed at T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Go figger.
Sigh.
Thanks Dinah, hope you hangin in there OK.
M
Posted by muffled on October 10, 2007, at 11:20:39
In reply to Re: So...some thots.. » muffled, posted by B2chica on October 10, 2007, at 8:10:09
> >>Why TF we talk to HER? WHO IS SHE? She a person, noboddy magic, nobboddy gonna make it all better.
> Now we know what goes on we can watch for each other so there.
>
> wow, muffled, that is almost Exactly what teen thinks of T! and SHE watches over them, SHE protects them she thinks there's NO WAY anyone else could do half as well....cuz they don't know.**ya it IS validating to me too to hear what you have to say, cuz all this stuff is so weird, i keep thinking surely I have somehow just made it up in my head somehow...
> i almost hate to encourage the two but teen wanted to talk to you SO bad yesterday but i didn't post cuz i didn't think it was appropriate, but if you don't mind, i'm gonna say anyway.
** I think its just fine if teen wants to talk, she don't have to say 'this is teen speaking' or anything weird, I'd proly just know! It can be just a normal convo. Just so longs teen don't flip and get ya blocked, but she seems pretty savvy, so i think she can proly take care of herself OK.
> i was worried about you cancelling with T and didn't want you to and then teen busted in with a smirk and said "NO WAY muffled, here's what you do...she's stupid and thinks she knows it all so it's simple you go, you go to that T and you PROVE to her she don't know SH@t bout you or any of you! Say things to make her speechless!
**LOL! BELEIVE me, I HAVE made her speachless!
I once sent her a fax, in giant letters thats said f*ck you....LOL, it goes to a general fax #, I wonder if the other T on her office saw it, and what did he think!!! ROFL!!! There's been other times....sigh. Good thing my T is tough. Ya another time she called me chicken to my face!!! and she PUSHED it, manaoman!!!!THAT close......> only she may have said that with a few more explicatives.
**Just a few eh!
> still a little fuzzy this morning, i'll write a separate post down below.
*OK
>
> and muffy (little ones) you NOT stupid!!
> b2c*awww Thanks b2c
Take care.
M
Posted by muffled on October 11, 2007, at 21:40:59
In reply to Re: So...some thots.., posted by happyflower on October 10, 2007, at 10:21:25
This is the end of the thread.
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