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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Karolina on July 30, 2006, at 17:33:46
I know other people have written before about when a T leaves for a vacation and how painful that can be. Well my T is about to go on a 2 week vacation...2 weeks!!! But I feel pathetic for freaking out about it.
My problem is that anytime he is away, I start to think really really negatively about the relationship. I begin to face the reality of that I am really only an hour out of his week and that's it. I am nothing else to him in his real life. I also feel threatened while he's away, I'll start to search for new therapists on google as if I'm planning the next time I see him, to tell him to kiss my a$$ and that I'm leaving. And I start to wonder if it really is so healthy for me to care so much about him, sometimes it feels to the point of obsession, when I've been told that the therapists themselves should never become an issue. One of my mother's friends who works in the mental health field once suggested that maybe I suffer from some symptoms of borderline personality disorder, but I don't really know what that even is.
So I guess I'm trying to figure out if these feelings would be important to express, like maybe they can help me when it comes to other relationships in real life. But sometimes I don't get how all that's supposed to really work. I'm starting to act towards him as I did my ex-boyfriend and I don't see anything good coming from it. It sometimes makes me feel even worse...
I really want to keep my relationship with my T, but I guess I am just feeling really frustrated with myself for being so over-emotional about him. I'd be mortified if he knew how much he means to me. I don't really know what I'm saying...but I feel so miserable right now. I miss him already.
-Karolina-
Posted by ElaineM on July 30, 2006, at 23:05:24
In reply to he's going 2 the beach and i'm feeling miserable.., posted by Karolina on July 30, 2006, at 17:33:46
It hurts when you think you care too much. Makes you wonder if it feels as bad as not caring about anyone at all. T relationships can be so intense, and I find vacations magnify that.
Does your T tell you what your diagnosis is? If he hasn't mentioned borderline then I wouldn't worry too much. Or would you ask him to just explain it more when he gets back.
I'm sorry, I've been replying to posts backwards and am running out of steam. When does he go? Maybe he could squeeze in a phone call. It's hard feeling so miserable.
((((K))))
Elaine
Posted by Karolina on August 1, 2006, at 22:19:45
In reply to Re: he's going 2 the beach and i'm feeling miserab, posted by ElaineM on July 30, 2006, at 23:05:24
It really does hurt while he is away. Maybe he'll email me, he's done that before while he's gone and that has always helped me feel better.
He hasn't really mentioned borderline before but I have a definite diagnosis of bulimia and OCD. Maybe symptoms of certain disorders overlap, I read somewhere that bipolar and borderline can sometimes seem similar.
Oh yea and he left today =(
-Karolina-
Posted by Jost on August 2, 2006, at 18:06:10
In reply to Re: he's going 2 the beach and i'm feeling miserab, posted by Karolina on August 1, 2006, at 22:19:45
I'm sorry to hear that it's tough for you when your T is away. You're not the only one-- you can work on it, and it'll get better over time. Even if it take a long time--which it did for me-- I've started to feel better.
Try not to blame yourself. It's not your fault, at all-- and try not to focus on psychiatrict categories, unless it makes you feel better.
If having a diagnosis says to you that there's definite, recognizeable problem, one that can be helped-- fine.
If it makes you feel bad-- if it starts to take on the meaning: "I'm a bad/worthless/useless person, or "person who can't be helped," or "person that no one would want to help"-- then you're using it against yourself. That's not what these categories are good for.
They mostly help people (ie, psychologists) feel more solid, more able to cope with things-- rather than having them seem amorpous, or alien. Sometimes they suggest that certain medications might help--
Missing someone you depend on is hard enough without your turning against yourself, for feelings that you have.
If email helps, and he's okay with that-- why not? I'd go for it.
Jost
Posted by Karolina on August 5, 2006, at 10:20:26
In reply to Re: he's going 2 the beach and i'm feeling miserab » Karolina, posted by Jost on August 2, 2006, at 18:06:10
Thanks Jost for your response, you always have really good things to say/help me look at things from a different perspective. You have a good point: if putting a label on what I have will end up making me feel worse in the long run (like saying "I am a Borderline") then it's probably not a good idea.
And he emailed me!! It was short but really kind and it made me feel a lot better =)-Karolina-
Posted by ElaineM on August 5, 2006, at 11:20:28
In reply to Re: he's going 2 the beach and i'm feeling miserab » Jost, posted by Karolina on August 5, 2006, at 10:20:26
Karolina, I'm so glad for you that he wrote! It helps alot doesn't it. I've been wondering how you're holding up. How long is he gone for again? I think you said two weeks -- that seems to be the standard T vacation time. Blah!
About the Borderline label, my lady T, and all the facilitators for the ED groups I did during programs, were extremely hesitant to apply labels. Not that having any psych.problem is bad, but they thought that labeling often did way more harm than good. Alot of ED patients have been called Borderline (some infact were) and I watched many of them wrestle with that label way more than Anorexic or Bulimic.
They also say that all personality disorders are just magnified, "normal" responses. That their reactions are just closer to one end of the spectrum. There is just so much stigma attached to BPD.
Plus, I find that (and this goes with medical diagnosis too), the name of an illness is only relevant if it's needed to suggest a more appropriate course of action. So I'd think that if you'd still be doing the same therapy, or are already doing what would be most appropriate, then you're already on the right path, and what the name of your "problem" is, or is not, isn't relevant. Especially if it will only upset you.
I think the most important diagnosis for you to be aware of, (and you've said that you are), is the Bulimic one. It's a whole other thing entirely if a label includes medical risk. Ignoring that could put your health in jeopardy. But, you and your T both seem to be aware of how you're doing in terms of that, so I don't think it's a major concern at the moment.
Hope you are coping well. Are you going to reply to his email?
hugs, Elaine
Posted by Karolina on August 6, 2006, at 22:41:58
In reply to Re: he's going 2 the beach and i'm feeling miserab » Karolina, posted by ElaineM on August 5, 2006, at 11:20:28
Hi Elaine - thanks for your response. I am so sorry I haven't been around lately to respond to your posts but I have really been wondering how you were and I really hope that you are feeling better from your dental problems.
You're right, it really does help when they write! but 2 weeks still feels like such a long time...I did write him back, but it probably sounded pathetic, I tried not to sound too miserable in it but it was still kind of hard not to. It just seems like everything is bad right now. I especially hate work right now.
I've been reading some about BPD and you're right, there really is such a terrible stigma attached to it and that seems so unfair to the people who suffer from it. It seems like I may have some symptoms of it, but I agree that it's not a good idea to get too caught up in a label. It's probably best to just focus on fixing whatever problem I'm having that is 'there' right now, no matter what it is psychologically identified or labeled as.
I have a lot of anxiety about the next appointment because of how things had gone last time. There was just so much tension in the room between us. It was seriously as if it were a real, tangible thing I could feel. We had been talking about my feelings towards him and how I sometimes worry about what he thinks of me. At one point I had made the comment 'I know you're older, but I think you're attractive...' He had already complimented my physical appearance earlier on during the appointment but I've never complimented him like that face-to-face. I felt light-headed after I said that. But I am just hoping he didn't take offense to that ?? Like I hope he didn't think I said 'old' instead of 'older'. What I meant is that he is a lot, lot older than me (old enough to be my dad) and that I know I'm 20 - but I still find him attractive. After I had said this was when the tension felt the thickest...Our time was almost up at that point but I was finishing up talking about something and that's when he started staring at me, kind of smiling and it felt like he really wasn't listening to what I was saying. I would even look off to the side occasionally and look back at him and he still was looking at me that intently. It was really strange and the atmosphere just felt really seductive or something. I wish I didn't get so caught up in this....It's sad but I am like counting down the days until he comes back.
-Karolina-
This is the end of the thread.
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