Posted by Karolina on August 6, 2006, at 22:41:58
In reply to Re: he's going 2 the beach and i'm feeling miserab » Karolina, posted by ElaineM on August 5, 2006, at 11:20:28
Hi Elaine - thanks for your response. I am so sorry I haven't been around lately to respond to your posts but I have really been wondering how you were and I really hope that you are feeling better from your dental problems.
You're right, it really does help when they write! but 2 weeks still feels like such a long time...I did write him back, but it probably sounded pathetic, I tried not to sound too miserable in it but it was still kind of hard not to. It just seems like everything is bad right now. I especially hate work right now.
I've been reading some about BPD and you're right, there really is such a terrible stigma attached to it and that seems so unfair to the people who suffer from it. It seems like I may have some symptoms of it, but I agree that it's not a good idea to get too caught up in a label. It's probably best to just focus on fixing whatever problem I'm having that is 'there' right now, no matter what it is psychologically identified or labeled as.
I have a lot of anxiety about the next appointment because of how things had gone last time. There was just so much tension in the room between us. It was seriously as if it were a real, tangible thing I could feel. We had been talking about my feelings towards him and how I sometimes worry about what he thinks of me. At one point I had made the comment 'I know you're older, but I think you're attractive...' He had already complimented my physical appearance earlier on during the appointment but I've never complimented him like that face-to-face. I felt light-headed after I said that. But I am just hoping he didn't take offense to that ?? Like I hope he didn't think I said 'old' instead of 'older'. What I meant is that he is a lot, lot older than me (old enough to be my dad) and that I know I'm 20 - but I still find him attractive. After I had said this was when the tension felt the thickest...Our time was almost up at that point but I was finishing up talking about something and that's when he started staring at me, kind of smiling and it felt like he really wasn't listening to what I was saying. I would even look off to the side occasionally and look back at him and he still was looking at me that intently. It was really strange and the atmosphere just felt really seductive or something. I wish I didn't get so caught up in this....It's sad but I am like counting down the days until he comes back.
-Karolina-
poster:Karolina
thread:672069
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060721/msgs/674418.html