Shown: posts 12 to 36 of 44. Go back in thread:
Posted by Fallsfall on July 28, 2005, at 21:19:36
In reply to Re: Lott, Obvious question » deborah anne lott, posted by gardenergirl on July 28, 2005, at 21:07:02
Sorry, GG.
That post was from Fallsfall.
I don't post from this computer very often, to I? I wish there was a way to change the poster name on a computer without actually posting someting...
Posted by Dinah on July 28, 2005, at 21:27:37
In reply to Re: Lott: Question, posted by deborah anne lott on July 28, 2005, at 20:59:48
No, you're not telling us more than we want to know. But it is a little scary to think about for us. :)
We do help each other a lot, but we have some guidance because many of us read a *lot*. We wouldn't have been able to help each other as much without the information we gleaned.
Posted by shrinking violet on July 28, 2005, at 21:31:22
In reply to Lott: guest author for a week, posted by Dr. Bob on July 28, 2005, at 8:33:55
Hello Ms. Lott,
Thank you for agreeing to be our guest. :-)
I admit I haven't quite formally prepared this question ahead of time, so forgive me if it's a bit jumbled.
I have read your book, although admittedly it was a while back. I wonder, though, if any and alls feelings the client has for the therapist, and vice versa, are transferential? Must it always be labeled? Can't two people have a special connection and caring for each other without having a term attached to it? I understand that transference is very common, as is projection, etc, and other dynamics in a clinical relationship. But it seems to me that therapists are always so quick to label any feeling from or towards a client, as if they are afraid of the feelings they themselves encourage their clients to express. I spent two years in therapy with a University counselor, and she and I grew to care for each other deeply, and had a very special and warm relationship. I wonder now, was it real and genuine, or was it just a therapeutic tactic on her part? It seems odd to me that everyone jumps to label such interactions just because of how the two people met, just b/c they happen to be client and therapist, but essentially they are two people. I've also read "When Boundaries Betray Us" by Dr. Carter, which touches on this issue.
Again, please forgive any confusions. I'm just curious to hear your opinions on this topic.
Thank you,
sv
Posted by sleepygirl on July 28, 2005, at 21:46:00
In reply to Re: Lott: Question, posted by deborah anne lott on July 28, 2005, at 20:59:48
I'm thinking about writing a book about fear and anxiety disorders -- maybe covering both the physiology and science of fear, following a child through treatment for an anxiety disorder, and interviewing adults who are fearful/were fearful as children. Any reactions?
I think that is a wonderful idea. I spent most of my childhood scared, and I've struggled so much with fear. It would be nice to understand its etiology a bit better.
I am so glad to be able to read your posts. I have not yet read your book, but I plan to. I'm a therapist in training and a therapy patient all too aware of the strong feelings inherent in the psychotherapy relationship. I'm trying to gain an appreciation of what makes an appropriate and effective psychotherapy relationship everyday. This for me will be ongoing for a long time, both in and out of therapy. Thanks for the book and best of luck to you!
-sleepygirl
Posted by sleepygirl on July 28, 2005, at 21:59:54
In reply to Re: Lott: Question, posted by sleepygirl on July 28, 2005, at 21:46:00
Posted by messadivoce on July 28, 2005, at 23:29:05
In reply to Lott: guest author for a week, posted by Dr. Bob on July 28, 2005, at 8:33:55
When I was 16 I went to a therapist who I recognize now was a CBT. She really wasn't very helpful, short term OR long term. I didn't develop any feelings for her, and she didn't encourage them or talk about our relationship. We made lists of the things in my life that were bad and then re-wrote them so they did't seem so bad. The problem was, things were still bad after therapy. She didn't give me any "tools" to deal with my circumstances.
I think with a few well placed questions, she could have discovered a lot and worked with me on deeper issues that my psychodynamic therapist later found. She didn't even communicate to me about my therapy ending. It just kind of ended. I wasn't sad about it because I didn't have any feelings for her either way. She actually expressed annoyance over things I said and did, like when I expressed embarrassment over meeting someone I knew in her waiting room. She could have dug deeper and asked WHY was I embarrassed? What did that mean about people's perceptions of me? And so on.
So I'm not a fan of CBT...but psychodynamic therapy just seems too scary right now since I had such a hard termination with my therapist of that orientation. I'm afraid of getting taken apart and then left with the pieces.
Posted by daisym on July 28, 2005, at 23:55:02
In reply to Re: Lott, Obvious question, posted by deborah anne lott on July 28, 2005, at 20:38:46
I think the idea of transference and boundaries should apply to a lot more professions than therapy, so I sometimes wish the title of your book was a little different. I work with home visitors who work with disabled children 0-3 once per week until they are too old for our program. The attachment parents form is very strong and the loss of your home visitor when your child goes to school is painful. We work a lot with our staff to keep their stuff out of the homes, to minimize personal sharing, but the setting is so very intimate. Maybe we should have you be a guest speaker at a conference! :)
I *think* I have a very good therapist (doesn't everyone think they do?!) -- and we are working on some very hard, very old csa issues. He is psycho-dynamic, almost analytical in his approach. And very open to hearing about my attachment. A friend who is a therapist said that he either 1)understands your issues from personal experience or 2) had a painful therapy himself and has never forgotten it. I asked her why there couldn't be 3) he had a great therapy experience and learned from it...she said hmmmm...hadn't thought of that. I guess therapy isn't a strength based endeavor.
It was also her opinion that therapists sometimes have their natural empathy trained out due to fear and malpractice potential. How sad is that? I know my therapists has said more than once how much he dislikes what managed care does to people. They know they need more therapy, he knows they need it but the insurance company says, "no." It shouldn't be so hard to get help.
Posted by daisym on July 29, 2005, at 0:00:08
In reply to Re: Lott: Question, posted by deborah anne lott on July 28, 2005, at 20:59:48
I would have loved a book like that a few years ago (I'd still buy it). Our son with diagnosed with an anxiety disorder at 11 and we should have figured it out before that. But parents don't talk much about a fearful child to each other, I don't think.
I was our introduction into the chaos of the mental health world and I thought I was a savy parent. I've got stories for you, if and when you are ready!
I'm glad you can hang around with us a little longer. :)
Posted by gardenergirl on July 29, 2005, at 0:06:31
In reply to Re: (Prev. post by Falls, not GG), posted by Fallsfall on July 28, 2005, at 21:19:36
> Sorry, GG.
>
> That post was from Fallsfall.gosh, I was so darned busy all day today, I thought maybe I'd lost it! :)
Hmmm, I don't know how to fix that problem except maybe to clear out all your cookies and then try posting again?
Wish I had more time to enjoy this thread, but I'm glad Ms. Lott might stick around longer.
:)gg
>
> I don't post from this computer very often, to I? I wish there was a way to change the poster name on a computer without actually posting someting...
Posted by deborah anne lott on July 29, 2005, at 10:20:24
In reply to Re: Lott, Obvious question » deborah anne lott, posted by gardenergirl on July 28, 2005, at 21:07:02
Thanks for sharing that experience. I bet it was also instructive for you to see that the same feelings came out regardless of who you were in therapy with. I'm glad you got to somebody who knew how to handle the transference you were feeling. I don't think CBT clinicians get much training in transference -- it's unfortunate because the trend is so strongly towards that kind of treatment. Somebody should do a study of how clients feel about their clinicians in CBT,rather than just measuring very limited measures of "efficacy."
> >I'd be curious to know what kind of therapy those of you who feel the transference has been handled badly were/are in? Was the model cognitive behavioral or more psychodynamic/psychoanalytic?
>
> I spent 8 1/2 years with a CBT therapist. She taught me a lot, but I didn't really get "better". She was concerned with my "dependence" and tried to work on that by forcing me to be more independent by reducing sessions. The last months that I spent with her I was sure that she was mad at me, and that I wasn't doing "the right thing" in therapy. I expended enormous energy trying this and that to try to find out what I should be doing so that she wouldn't be mad at me. She kept talking about reducing sessions. Finally, I became very suicidal and decided that as much as I couldn't live without her, I wouldn't live if I stayed with with her, either.
>
> I switched (with much agony) to a psychodynamic therapist. Within 6 weeks, we were in the same transference situation - I was sure that he was mad and that I was failing therapy. Within a handful of sessions I could understand and believe that he wasn't mad at me.
>
> So, yes, transference happens in CBT. But my CBT therapist was completely unaware of how I was feeling (I know this because I asked her if she knew how much agony I had been in for the previous months and she said no). And unable to help me with it.
>
> CBT is very helpful for some people, and when it is a good match, I think it is a wonderful therapy. But in my case, the transference was handled much more helpfully by my psychodynamic therapist.
Posted by deborah anne lott on July 29, 2005, at 10:23:02
In reply to Re: Lott: Question » deborah anne lott, posted by Dinah on July 28, 2005, at 21:27:37
Thanks for letting me know that some of this is scary to think about. If there's something that's too scary, let me know and I'll try to be more careful.
Posted by deborah anne lott on July 29, 2005, at 10:27:53
In reply to To Ms. Lott: Is it always transference?, posted by shrinking violet on July 28, 2005, at 21:31:22
Of course, some feelings in therapy are real and the connection and bond are real. I do talk quite a bit about this in the book. There are elements of the past and filtering current events through past experience in every relationship. There's no reason to think that a therapist's feelings for a client aren't real and genuine. It's especially important to look at the elements that are transferential in a therapy relationship when they are also occurring in one's real life and getting in the way of happpiness. Or when the client wants >
more than the therapist can provide. Or when both therapist and client are considering taking the relationship out of the room and becoming "friends" "lovers" etc. In my opinion, that nearly never works and is so often disastrous that it probably should never happen. So, no, I don't think everything the client or therapist feels in therapy is transference.
Hello Ms. Lott,
>
> Thank you for agreeing to be our guest. :-)
>
> I admit I haven't quite formally prepared this question ahead of time, so forgive me if it's a bit jumbled.
>
> I have read your book, although admittedly it was a while back. I wonder, though, if any and alls feelings the client has for the therapist, and vice versa, are transferential? Must it always be labeled? Can't two people have a special connection and caring for each other without having a term attached to it? I understand that transference is very common, as is projection, etc, and other dynamics in a clinical relationship. But it seems to me that therapists are always so quick to label any feeling from or towards a client, as if they are afraid of the feelings they themselves encourage their clients to express. I spent two years in therapy with a University counselor, and she and I grew to care for each other deeply, and had a very special and warm relationship. I wonder now, was it real and genuine, or was it just a therapeutic tactic on her part? It seems odd to me that everyone jumps to label such interactions just because of how the two people met, just b/c they happen to be client and therapist, but essentially they are two people. I've also read "When Boundaries Betray Us" by Dr. Carter, which touches on this issue.
>
> Again, please forgive any confusions. I'm just curious to hear your opinions on this topic.
>
> Thank you,
> sv
>
Posted by Dinah on July 29, 2005, at 11:48:28
In reply to Re: Lott: Question, posted by deborah anne lott on July 29, 2005, at 10:23:02
No, no. I didn't mean that. I'm actually glad to hear the story behind it. :)
Posted by happyflower on July 29, 2005, at 12:08:48
In reply to Lott: guest author for a week, posted by Dr. Bob on July 28, 2005, at 8:33:55
You have mentioned that you thought that the subject of transference hasn't been taught very much to CBT therapist. What are you thoughts about erotic countertransferece?
As a women, we can tell when a man is interested in us whether they are a therapist or a guy we meet or know.
Can a therapist be truely attracted to a client and can the feeling be mutual without it being transference? What would be the differences and how could you tell?
Posted by deborah anne lott on July 29, 2005, at 12:38:47
In reply to Re: Lott: countertransference, transference,, posted by happyflower on July 29, 2005, at 12:08:48
Ooooh, erotic transference, such a complicated subject. First off, I don't think that there are really two separate categories: 1) erotic transference and 2) "real" attraction. I think every attraction has elements of both, regardless of where it happens. In the therapy room, though, I think there are factors such as the therapist's being forbidden fruit, an authority figure, only seen for a brief time, seen at his best, etc., that may push the relationship more in the direction of transference. And it's impossible when you are the client to discern clearly what would happen if you were to take the relationship out of the room -- you are bound to idealize the outcome and not to see what the relationship would really be like under other conditions. Sure, a therapist and client can be sexually attracted to one another but the question is then what? If they try to take it out of the room and turn it into a relationship, it almost always ends up disastrously. I think every client who's attracted to her therapist believes that if only he weren't her therapist, if only they had met under different circumstances, they would have a terrific relationship. Maybe even the "perfect" relationship. That is usually an illusion. And some therapists also find the forbidden nature of the relationship, and the client's idealization, irresistable. Often these are therapists who have trouble maintaining their real world relationships and prefer the fantasy. And dwelling on the erotic dimensions of the relationship can sometimes be a way of just avoiding what you should be doing in the therapy. If a client feels an erotic attraction to the therapist, she should try to talk about it in the therapy. If the therapist seems to be enjoying being the object of desire too much, consider that he may be behaving in a seductive fashion that's encouraging those feelings.
> You have mentioned that you thought that the subject of transference hasn't been taught very much to CBT therapist. What are you thoughts about erotic countertransferece?
> As a women, we can tell when a man is interested in us whether they are a therapist or a guy we meet or know.
> Can a therapist be truely attracted to a client and can the feeling be mutual without it being transference? What would be the differences and how could you tell?
Posted by deborah anne lott on July 29, 2005, at 14:56:46
In reply to Re: Lott: Orientation, posted by messadivoce on July 28, 2005, at 23:29:05
Wow. It's possible that maybe the CBT therapist you had just wasn't very good and that none of us should draw general conclusions about CBT. But then again, the training doesn't really focus on probing deeply into the past or working too much with the current therapist-client relationship. Your story points out one of the ironies of therapy: sometimes if you don't feel anything for the therapist you don't get very far but if you feel too much it can be so painful.
And could it be that a lot of therapists are better at taking us apart than at putting us back together afterwards?? Thanks for sharing your very fascinating experiences.
> When I was 16 I went to a therapist who I recognize now was a CBT. She really wasn't very helpful, short term OR long term. I didn't develop any feelings for her, and she didn't encourage them or talk about our relationship. We made lists of the things in my life that were bad and then re-wrote them so they did't seem so bad. The problem was, things were still bad after therapy. She didn't give me any "tools" to deal with my circumstances.
>
> I think with a few well placed questions, she could have discovered a lot and worked with me on deeper issues that my psychodynamic therapist later found. She didn't even communicate to me about my therapy ending. It just kind of ended. I wasn't sad about it because I didn't have any feelings for her either way. She actually expressed annoyance over things I said and did, like when I expressed embarrassment over meeting someone I knew in her waiting room. She could have dug deeper and asked WHY was I embarrassed? What did that mean about people's perceptions of me? And so on.
>
> So I'm not a fan of CBT...but psychodynamic therapy just seems too scary right now since I had such a hard termination with my therapist of that orientation. I'm afraid of getting taken apart and then left with the pieces.
>
>
Posted by deborah anne lott on July 29, 2005, at 18:48:27
In reply to Anxiety disorder book » deborah anne lott, posted by daisym on July 29, 2005, at 0:00:08
I'd love to hear those stories, actually. If they're not quite suitable for this forum, please e-mail them to me at deborahlott@earthlink.net. I write part-time for the National Center for Child Traumatic Stress and part of our mission is to improve the mental health treatment of children. Although we're specifically dedicated to traumatic stress, we're always interested in hearing the access/quality problems that parents face. We're even trying to put together a board of parents willing to read materials from time to time and comment, so if you think you might be interested, send me an e-mail. That goes for anyone else who is a parent whether or not you've had a child in treatment or not.
> I would have loved a book like that a few years ago (I'd still buy it). Our son with diagnosed with an anxiety disorder at 11 and we should have figured it out before that. But parents don't talk much about a fearful child to each other, I don't think.
>
> I was our introduction into the chaos of the mental health world and I thought I was a savy parent. I've got stories for you, if and when you are ready!
>
> I'm glad you can hang around with us a little longer. :)
Posted by rabidreader on July 30, 2005, at 12:26:45
In reply to Re: Anxiety disorder book, posted by deborah anne lott on July 29, 2005, at 18:48:27
Dear Deborah,
I am having such terrible heartache and loss about my current therapist's leaving. He is going out-of-state to go back to school for his doctorate. We will be terminating in the next two weeks and I don't think I can bear the pain. I just told him about my feelings and he was kind, but it doesn't take away the immense pain. Any advice on how to get through this?
Posted by deborah anne lott on July 30, 2005, at 14:41:13
In reply to Re: Feelings for therapist and terminating, posted by rabidreader on July 30, 2005, at 12:26:45
Terminating therapy involutarily when you feel like you're in the middle and so attached to your therapist constitutes a very profound loss. There's no way around that -- I'm not going to try to offer you any pablum or tell you that the loss is not just as real as if a close friend or parent or sibling were to suddenly move away or to die. I think you have to allow yourself to grieve, and to do some of that grieving in session so that you and your therapist can acknowledge the loss and talk about it together.
It's important for you to do whatever you can to build a support network to get you through this time. If friends and family can't give you what you need, maybe there's a more formal support group -- even a grief group -- that you could attend.
I hope that your therapist can give you a referral so that the loss of the particular therapist does not mean a loss of the whole therapy process to which you have probably also grown attached. Ideally you could transition into therapy with this new person even before your therapist leaves. Maybe you could even have one session with both therapists present. That's not to say that you can replace your therapist so easily or that replacing him will erase the pain. Of course, it's the particularity of your therapist, no one should deny that you are attached to HIM and to being with HIM and not just to therapy. But people are often surprised in this situation at how well they can transition into working with another therapist IF the therapist is good and your current therapist briefs him/her well.
Maybe it would help you to know that you could send your therapist a card from time to time and just let him know how you're doing. I don't think you can expect him to write much back -- nor am I sure that would be a good idea -- but maybe it would help to just know that he wants the best for you and that he will be reading what you send.
I can remember being very attached to my sixth grade teacher and not wanting to graduate and leave him, and feeling near-panic at the prospect of not getting to see him every day wearing his Brooks Brothers pinstriped shirt, of not getting to hear him speak in his calm, deliberate voice. He had become probably the most reliable male figure in my life. But, as you can tell from my description, I was able to retain those images of him, and even now I can still hear the sound of his voice. So although the loss of another person is very painful, it's not absolute. You do get to hold onto some of what your therapist has given you inside. It's nowhere near as good as the genuine article, but you will always have something of him as you go forward.
There's no easy answer. You WILL SURVIVE. For myself, I know that denying the emotion or the profundity of a loss always makes the pain worse -- if I can just allow myself to feel it, then I don't feel so much fear that I'm going to drown in it.Anybody else have any suggestions?
Posted by rabidreader on July 31, 2005, at 19:23:06
In reply to Re: Feelings for therapist and terminating, posted by deborah anne lott on July 30, 2005, at 14:41:13
Thank you Deborah for your comments. It is true that it is HIM, the therapist that I will miss, and there's no denying that. I have thought about being able to send him letters or email but I just have the feeling it's a bad idea for me. I know I will probably regret it but I also think I am being wise for myself, and trying hard not to continue the pain. It will be an abrupt ending in some ways, but I don't want the ending to go on forever, either.
I know there is no answer to grief, and you're right, there is so pablum for me to get through this, no easy answers. What you wrote about maybe joining a grief support group makes sense, though. I am also grieving other recent losses, and maybe some support would help. I'm at a place in life where I don't know many people and I don't have any family that understands.
Thank you for lending your thoughts to my situation. I just got your book out of the library again and am going to read it again for strength and wisdom.
Posted by rs on July 31, 2005, at 19:56:17
In reply to Re: Feelings for therapist and terminating, posted by rabidreader on July 31, 2005, at 19:23:06
I do not post often but read often. I have been reading your post and if ok will share somethings with you.
I lost my T about 6 years ago due to him movng out of state. And yes it did hurt very much. He wanted to set me up with another T but totally was against it. I am not sure how I got over it. Took a long time but did it. There was to be no contact what so ever. I could not accept that or understand it. Seeing this person weekly for about 5 years then all of a sudden gone. Like he died. Took a few years before I started therapy again. Which was a mistake by not having old T set me up with someone. By the time I started therapy again it was due to hitting bottom in many ways and being in much pain and confusion from issues dealing with. Once stared T again took a long time to trust but you know this person is better in many ways. I am going to be honest and say at times talk about old T and will cry. I have phoned him and he has called back. He has not forgotten me and thinks of me often. He says I can call him. I think he is ok with with because my now T knows I do and being in T.
I just wanted to share with you that I understand the pain you are in but over time it does get better. And please from experience please let your T set you up with someone. I think you will find it helpful.
Hang in there and folks here are great support.
Posted by rabidreader on August 1, 2005, at 14:07:04
In reply to Re: Feelings for therapist and terminating » rabidreader, posted by rs on July 31, 2005, at 19:56:17
Thank you RS. It is coming up on our termination so quickly and I feel SO not ready. But I am also seeing another T that he set me up with. I am hoping this will help me through this painful time.
I will not have any contact with my T once we are terminated. He will be in a doctoral program in another state. Some days I am in total denial, other days the pain is like monsters tearing into my flesh.
I am glad you are "over" your T or at least feel better about what happened. How did your T terminate with you? Did you go by choice? Did you tell your T about your feelings? Was that the reason he terminated with you? Just curious. Let me know what you feel comfortable with.
Yes, this board has been very, and deeply, helpful to me. I am so glad people are open with their situations, it has given my grief a place to go.
Posted by rs on August 1, 2005, at 17:03:39
In reply to Re: Feelings for therapist and terminating » rs, posted by rabidreader on August 1, 2005, at 14:07:04
My old T moved out of state. I was seeing him for years once a week. He gave me a months notice. I remember from this day that last session. What I regret is wish he would of just gave me a hug. That T and I learned together on what issues are here.
Yes he knew how I felt and how much hurt and pain it caused. I still at times miss him but nothing like in the past. But I also can phone him which I do like three times a year. I remember the first time I called after him being gone for a few years. He remembered me and said he always will.
I am happy that your seeing a t do deal with the lost. I should of done that but did not.
I love my T seeing in the present. Love as a person love and he is the best. But we worked to get were we are today. Hard work.
I understand how you are feeling and me saying it gets better overtime are not very supportive or you might not be able to imagine that it will. It does really.
By the way a member here Falls supported me during the new T realtionship which I thank her much for.
Good luck and let me know how you do.
Posted by Joslynn on August 3, 2005, at 8:42:05
In reply to Re: Lott: a few questions, posted by deborah anne lott on July 28, 2005, at 21:12:16
Thanks for the "good for you." Because I was summarizing in one post, I compressed the time frame and the events, but in reality, I let it go on way too long. (In fact, I liked it and welcomed it in a way.) And it wasn't like he would just sit there and talk about disagreements with his wife or family problems the whole time, but things came out, a sentence here, a sentence there. Saying he did relate to some upsetting things my ex-boyfriend said because his wife has similar communication problems...then saying, he shouldn't be talking about that. (He knew, I think in his heart he knew he was crossing a line, yet he would still cross it.)
I let it go on almost a year, the little comments...which sometimes came up, often didn't, but came up enough for me to build up this big fantasy that I was the special confidante.
Finally things came to a crisis for me when he said some other things that deflated the fantasy and I realized that I had to speak up. I am glad that I did and he was very apologetic and humble about the whole thing. He didn't try to turn it around on me as my fault. I do want to remember all the good things he said and did too, he wasy very helfpul in many, many ways.
But I would say that the self-disclosure should be used very sparingly, especially when a T knows full well that a client has a history of becoming overly attached to unattainable male figures.
I think professionals stick up for each other regarding the self-disclosure thing, and unless it's something really blatantly outrageous, they downplay it.
It was a learning experience, that is for sure.
Posted by deborah anne lott on August 3, 2005, at 19:20:26
In reply to Re: Lott: a few questions, posted by Joslynn on August 3, 2005, at 8:42:05
Your story is an object lesson for all of us. What do you do when your therapist is telling you something you want to know but you don't really want to know and it would be better for you not to know and yet you want to feel special and like the one confided in and he or she is doing it in a very casual manner and you know that these "tidbits" of information are not at all a casual matter for you. Very tough. Particularly for those of us whose parents may have confided in us in ways that they shouldn't have when we were way too young to know what to do with the information or set a boundary ---
I agree that self-disclosure should be taken waaaaaaaay more seriously than many clinicians appear to take it. Thanks for sharing this story.
> Thanks for the "good for you." Because I was summarizing in one post, I compressed the time frame and the events, but in reality, I let it go on way too long. (In fact, I liked it and welcomed it in a way.) And it wasn't like he would just sit there and talk about disagreements with his wife or family problems the whole time, but things came out, a sentence here, a sentence there. Saying he did relate to some upsetting things my ex-boyfriend said because his wife has similar communication problems...then saying, he shouldn't be talking about that. (He knew, I think in his heart he knew he was crossing a line, yet he would still cross it.)
>
> I let it go on almost a year, the little comments...which sometimes came up, often didn't, but came up enough for me to build up this big fantasy that I was the special confidante.
>
> Finally things came to a crisis for me when he said some other things that deflated the fantasy and I realized that I had to speak up. I am glad that I did and he was very apologetic and humble about the whole thing. He didn't try to turn it around on me as my fault. I do want to remember all the good things he said and did too, he wasy very helfpul in many, many ways.
>
> But I would say that the self-disclosure should be used very sparingly, especially when a T knows full well that a client has a history of becoming overly attached to unattainable male figures.
>
> I think professionals stick up for each other regarding the self-disclosure thing, and unless it's something really blatantly outrageous, they downplay it.
>
> It was a learning experience, that is for sure.
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD, bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.