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Re: Lott: countertransference, transference,

Posted by deborah anne lott on July 29, 2005, at 12:38:47

In reply to Re: Lott: countertransference, transference,, posted by happyflower on July 29, 2005, at 12:08:48

Ooooh, erotic transference, such a complicated subject. First off, I don't think that there are really two separate categories: 1) erotic transference and 2) "real" attraction. I think every attraction has elements of both, regardless of where it happens. In the therapy room, though, I think there are factors such as the therapist's being forbidden fruit, an authority figure, only seen for a brief time, seen at his best, etc., that may push the relationship more in the direction of transference. And it's impossible when you are the client to discern clearly what would happen if you were to take the relationship out of the room -- you are bound to idealize the outcome and not to see what the relationship would really be like under other conditions. Sure, a therapist and client can be sexually attracted to one another but the question is then what? If they try to take it out of the room and turn it into a relationship, it almost always ends up disastrously. I think every client who's attracted to her therapist believes that if only he weren't her therapist, if only they had met under different circumstances, they would have a terrific relationship. Maybe even the "perfect" relationship. That is usually an illusion. And some therapists also find the forbidden nature of the relationship, and the client's idealization, irresistable. Often these are therapists who have trouble maintaining their real world relationships and prefer the fantasy. And dwelling on the erotic dimensions of the relationship can sometimes be a way of just avoiding what you should be doing in the therapy. If a client feels an erotic attraction to the therapist, she should try to talk about it in the therapy. If the therapist seems to be enjoying being the object of desire too much, consider that he may be behaving in a seductive fashion that's encouraging those feelings.


> You have mentioned that you thought that the subject of transference hasn't been taught very much to CBT therapist. What are you thoughts about erotic countertransferece?
> As a women, we can tell when a man is interested in us whether they are a therapist or a guy we meet or know.
> Can a therapist be truely attracted to a client and can the feeling be mutual without it being transference? What would be the differences and how could you tell?


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poster:deborah anne lott thread:534691
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050725/msgs/535292.html