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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 13, 2012, at 23:34:00
anways i'vve bee seeing this guy for about 2 months now...let me just get to the point ... he says even through me revealing to him that alot of my mind is in grey...and he tends to be vary good with knowing what colors represent...but he als links them to spiritual symbols...i told him all about my methamphetamine induced expieriences with spirit worlds...and I am vary aware of everything I have been doing....the only thing is he sees that I miss the point of the conversation at times and gives that look like someone is an idiot....i try to cover this up but its mental flaws that reveal my errors, no matter how hard I try to make it go away it usally reveals itself during the middle stage process of getting to know someone...usally at the end of the process they consider me easy.
Anyways, let get the point of what I'm posting about....the doc told me that grey is color where your trapped and its linked to bad...dark sides...and that's what is drawing me to become overly intrested of the dark side and lucifer...but really this is the reason I think grey currently...because it numbs the pain of reality of errors that I've created...its like being natrially on xanax and weed together expect with no euphoria...my mind created it because it was seeking something of relief...usally grey is pessimistic too...thinking the worst may be right around the corner...and then makes jokes about it like its nothing new, and im always ready for the worst thing happen.But you know i've really thought about this, this is NOT healthy! I've got to redo my whole stucuture of thought and reason, and get all this black nasty feelings and throw it away. And I do know that if you obesses yourself with the same thought patterns and get into deep routine with thewm it can cause madness...sometimes people believe in god so hard it makes them crazy...or someone who plays chess all the time...their was a report on 60min on tv of this guy something his named was fisher..he went mad playing chess, years of hyperfocus that all his reality was....chess. So I hope someone does read this....but changing your thought patterns and structure into a better process. OCD can happen alot with people who are obessed with thoughts, and it can lead to dereailment from reality due to being hyperfocsued with one thought. High dopamine usally can cause breaks in reality bizarre behavior and thinking.
if you have any input, anything....i would love to hear it. But besies that thank you for reading friend..
rj
Posted by Zyprexa on July 14, 2012, at 0:07:37
In reply to my psychologist. visits the past months, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 13, 2012, at 23:34:00
do you smoke pot? I read that it can help ADHD symptoms.
Posted by Tomatheus on July 14, 2012, at 1:03:21
In reply to my psychologist. visits the past months, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 13, 2012, at 23:34:00
RJ,
When your psychologist said that you "think grey," was he saying that you have a grey aura? I've always wondered what color my aura might be or if it might have changed over time, but from what I've read, there are some individuals who have the ability to see auras around people that differ in terms of color. I think that some of the people that I saw who appeared to have abnormally large eyes (and I mean larger than any person's eyes actually are) during the earliest stage of my psychosis might have been able to see my aura. So, basically what I'm wondering is whether or not your psychologist is someone who says that he can see auras and if he said that what was "grey" about your thinking was your aura. I think that it would be interesting to have a psychologist who can see auras, although it might also be intimidating.
Regardless as to whether or not your psychologist has said that he can see your aura, what does he suggest that you do to change your thinking from being grey to being a healthier color? Changing your thoughts? And I'm just curious, but what colors would your psychologist say are associated with being mentally healthy and balanced?
Tomatheus
Posted by Phillipa on July 14, 2012, at 10:14:35
In reply to Re: my psychologist. visits the past months » rjlockhart04-08, posted by Tomatheus on July 14, 2012, at 1:03:21
I was always under the impression that some see life as white (good) or black (bad) Black & white thinking and that healthy was to see things in shades of Gray (neutral). Interesting now you have me thinking. Maybe the doc wants you to view life in the middle of good and bad in gray being not all good not all bad? I don't know. Phillipa
Posted by Shes_Initforthemoney on July 14, 2012, at 12:24:12
In reply to my psychologist. visits the past months, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 13, 2012, at 23:34:00
> anways i'vve bee seeing this guy for about 2 months now...let me just get to the point ... he says even through me revealing to him that alot of my mind is in grey...and he tends to be vary good with knowing what colors represent...but he als links them to spiritual symbols...i told him all about my methamphetamine induced expieriences with spirit worlds...and I am vary aware of everything I have been doing....the only thing is he sees that I miss the point of the conversation at times and gives that look like someone is an idiot....i try to cover this up but its mental flaws that reveal my errors, no matter how hard I try to make it go away it usally reveals itself during the middle stage process of getting to know someone...usally at the end of the process they consider me easy.
> Anyways, let get the point of what I'm posting about....the doc told me that grey is color where your trapped and its linked to bad...dark sides...and that's what is drawing me to become overly intrested of the dark side and lucifer...but really this is the reason I think grey currently...because it numbs the pain of reality of errors that I've created...its like being natrially on xanax and weed together expect with no euphoria...my mind created it because it was seeking something of relief...usally grey is pessimistic too...thinking the worst may be right around the corner...and then makes jokes about it like its nothing new, and im always ready for the worst thing happen.
>
> But you know i've really thought about this, this is NOT healthy! I've got to redo my whole stucuture of thought and reason, and get all this black nasty feelings and throw it away. And I do know that if you obesses yourself with the same thought patterns and get into deep routine with thewm it can cause madness...sometimes people believe in god so hard it makes them crazy...or someone who plays chess all the time...their was a report on 60min on tv of this guy something his named was fisher..he went mad playing chess, years of hyperfocus that all his reality was....chess. So I hope someone does read this....but changing your thought patterns and structure into a better process. OCD can happen alot with people who are obessed with thoughts, and it can lead to dereailment from reality due to being hyperfocsued with one thought. High dopamine usally can cause breaks in reality bizarre behavior and thinking.
>
> if you have any input, anything....i would love to hear it. But besies that thank you for reading friend..
>
> rjRj....
As a social worker, I've wanted to write about so many aspects of what you are going through. But, I'll take a quick shot, and please keep your mind in the here-and-now....because the past IS the past, and now it is time to focus on specific short-term goals.
I am sorry, but I don't think there is a place that is going to help you if you keep on going on about your interactions with "Lucifer", because that is not real...it is just an illusion-like by-product of your distrees. I've worked with at least 100's of addicts, and illusions like this are part of a coping mechanism...as in trying to keep your addiction tamed.
You should stick only to today, the here-and-now, to break down what you are feeling. You are all over the place, with disorganized interpersonal skills. I know your history very well on here, so please take the time to understand what I am saying...and what others are saying too. You are not a "bad" person of any sort..just one of like millions who are addicts. Now, please, I mean NO shame or anything against you when I say that. Many clients I've worked with go through a shaming, and this just makes your addiction worse.
I am certainly not 'ashamed' of you, as I see you struggling, and it proves to me you want, and are crying out for some kind of help. Sadly, our North American society suppresses feeling and expression.Can you do a few things? Give NA, or any type of 12 step program, a start. Maybe you have, and where turned off, but this is a focal point in dealing with your addiction. You will get lots of support, and especially, get yourself a sponsor.
I know you are probably going to hate me suggesting that, saying it "doesn't work" for you, etc. But NA is an excellent support system, and you will find many doctors who back this up. I can't emphasize this enough..as this is likely your only chance to break free.Now, about your meds. I am not an expert, but have seen plenty of clients detox *with* meds.
I think you said you are on NuVigil? (sp?) I respond well to Dexedrine, but was once briefly on the NuVigil, and it made me feel horrible. A tricyclic anti-depressant like either Nortriptyline or Imapramine can provide a safe 'boost' without all of the side effects. Once you are in a detox program your doctor might take you a little more seriously. You can go from there.I don't like labeling people "addicts", because there is not a LOT of difference between prescribed meds and some of the street drugs. It is all mostly a matter of safety, because you never know what street-dealers cut their drugs from.
So, if you can pull up the courage, try to find a 28 day Detox program in your area. If you need help, I have social work acquaintances in your neck of the woods. And try very hard to get into a 12 step program like NA, and find a sponsor. And that way, when you are craving the meth, even if it is 3am in the morning, you can call your sponser..even if it takes 5 hours of just talking, or for them to meet you in a coffee shop or wherever. There is not likely going to be any real easy way of going through and working on your addiction. Most importantly, though, keep your focus on working through *today*..nevermind yesterday or tomorrow. And don't blame anything on 'Lucifer' or such...because that encourages psychoses. You can only control *today*..and really rely on your counsellors, and the help of other 12 step group members.
Let me know what you think...what you *really* think!
Jay
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 14, 2012, at 21:52:08
In reply to Re: my psychologist. visits the past months, posted by Zyprexa on July 14, 2012, at 0:07:37
Yea....i should check it out but the last time I smoked pot it caused derealization and all this rush adrenaline came because I felt like I was in a dream and couldnt wake up, yet it was reality. So maybe I think the stuff I smoked was DRO vary potent form of cannabis. Maybe a lighter version would help....still I have no history of having psychosis....usally its more disorganized thoughts that make it difficult to think and have a easy stable conversation. Cannabis is suppost to calm people, it makes me crazy....now when I do methamphetamine....it has a calming effect with the ability to focus....it just largely changes my thougths due to the enourmous amoumunt of dopamine that is released...reality viewed with high dopamine can much change the way you view it...
anyways...thanks!!
rj
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 14, 2012, at 22:03:34
In reply to Re: my psychologist. visits the past months » rjlockhart04-08, posted by Tomatheus on July 14, 2012, at 1:03:21
he didnt say actually an aura...when I was in rehab about 2 years ago...their was a counselor who always told me what color my aura was...it was wierd but she really cool...she usally told me I had a good aura, I surely hope that wasnt just words of flattery...
but anways...i told my doctor that places that look gloomy and grey and look like they have no life...to them usally attract my mood to feel what its feeling. It's like middle feeling...you don't really feel pain, its just numbs it out like being nartually on xanax with weed...it was just a way my mind learned to deal with reality because I've failed alot of my expectiations. It's symboled maybe for pale looking, pessimistic...like meeting the undergroud people in gotham city...dark, gloomy, sick, appears they have no lifee radiating from them. Kinda get what I'm saying?...
anways....but you know that really is a good point because I never really thought of auras...but I have read about them in spiritual stuff i was reading about a couple months ago on google but I never really linked it to a personal personality. I can have a vary happy mind...i know it...its got to be a choice to think in good terms again but the reason i think in grey terms is to keep myself from expieriencing trama, or extreme events in the past that caused much pain and distress. That's the reason I choose to think like that....but i know its sick, and I need to change my ways of thinking.
He usally descibed blue as a good color...nuertral, stable...i don't know. The term he uses for healthy spiritality is yellow...and he told me peach color is sign of living in false light...which I had colored parts of the brain and used alot of peach color....anways, i don't really want to totally rely on colors but that's subjet of the current assisgnemnt he has given me to get grey out.
Thanks for posting:)
rj
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 14, 2012, at 22:07:25
In reply to Re: my psychologist. visits the past months, posted by Phillipa on July 14, 2012, at 10:14:35
he uses the term yellow as a good heathly spiritual life....but I'm not motivated right now to find God...im more motivated to find solution to these problems.
Yea you know I would think Grey is healthy but he tells me that it links to dark stuff....like I said kinda like people that live in the fictional world of Gotham City...their pale looking, have no soul in their eyes, they look lifeless.
so yea.....thanks for posting phillipa! love ya!
rj
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 14, 2012, at 22:23:05
In reply to Re: my psychologist. visits the past months » rjlockhart04-08, posted by Shes_Initforthemoney on July 14, 2012, at 12:24:12
Yea jay...im actually in the NA right now...i mean im not in meeting but I go there usaly 4 times a week. The only thing that I have been trying to get through to people is that my own sponser tells me how disorganized my thinking is...like when we talk about things he tells vary much I go in circles....theirs no productivity being made. I've been to many rehabs and usally have to follow along and act like im getting better to get out of them...the last one I went to was 46 days....if I didnt comply and did all the frivilous things they asked me to do...I would have to stay their alot longer..like near 90-120. And of course, I know the saying that I do things my way it just going to slow me down, but the thing is not alot of people know my real problems and tehy usally tell me I have an addiction problem, and then critize me because I can't stably think on the twelve steps...and say im not trying hard enough...when the problem is my mind not absorbing info and doing things an average addict would understand over a period of time. I mean I've gone to many things with NA related people but I have some kind of undiagnosed condition where I can't think clearly and get confused and then anixety and all the rest of these bad things start happening. The worst is the rejection process, and usally that happens with good minded people that get frustated with me. Like this ananolgy...a man gets mad a the grass for not growing in the desert...and then gets mad at his car because its overheated and low on fluids...he puts fluids in and the car doesnt respond to them. He abandons and curses the car....and gives it to someone else and the same thing repeats itself to the next person....its a loose associated analogy but that does descibe my situation.
So yea, really Im just glad you read my posts over the years...i've came to realization too just be 100 percent honest of everything....past post i lied and didnt want to tell people what was going on...thinking I could solve it myself...I seriously want to solve these problems...its just I have no icniative or motivation to move out of my current slow phase in this currently life...its a comfort zone, but its toxic too...
anways, thanks jay...
rj
Posted by Tomatheus on July 14, 2012, at 23:26:08
In reply to Re: T, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 14, 2012, at 22:03:34
RJ,
Thank you for your reply. I certainly understand now that your psychologist wasn't referring to your aura in your discussions about "thinking grey," and I think I have a pretty good idea now of what this greyness is and what it represents. It sounds like you're saying that when your environment seems to be gloomy and lifeless that your mood itself will eventually end up becoming kind of gloomy, dark, and numb to match the environment. And it sounds like your psychologist is basically trying to teach you to avoid engaging in the kinds of thinking patterns that can lead you to feel "grey." So, in other words, since thoughts precede feelings under a cognitive-behavioral therapy model, you need to change your "grey" thinking to the type of thinking that's associated with a healthier color in order to feel less "grey." Does that sound like it's more or less correct? If I'm missing something, feel free to let me know.
Take care, and good luck with your therapy.
Tomatheus
Posted by Zyprexa on July 15, 2012, at 21:37:10
In reply to Re: Z, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 14, 2012, at 21:52:08
maybe find an indica? Supposed to actualy help more with mental dissorders. Sativa makes it worse.
This is the end of the thread.
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